If any of my family reads this, I am dead !!!
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But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
I think that your sister in law should hear asap somes trues ... IMHO if I was you I would talk to her , even if this wouldn't make any difference, at least you would feel much better. I have a slight tendency to be extremely honest when I don't like what I see. Now people could be offended with too much sincerity, but this kind of attitude helped me to have a lot of great and TRUE friends. Your sister in law must be called in attention , she is a mother, she have responsabilities with her childs. Geez, there are certain people that never, never should had been parents in the first place :mad: , kids don't have the fault of being brought to the world. Christian Graus wrote: admit having some personal stake in this - I spent most of my childhood wanting to die because my family never showed me any affection, my dad was always working and my mother made no secret that I was an unwanted accident and she had wanted a daughter ( who she still spoils rotten ). You had really a sad childhood ,and it's good to see your loving and care for your 2 sons, It's a sign that you are mentally strong learned at your own costs and don't want to repeat yours parents errors. So you are having without a doubt the right attitude , so go for it :) Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9
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I think that your sister in law should hear asap somes trues ... IMHO if I was you I would talk to her , even if this wouldn't make any difference, at least you would feel much better. I have a slight tendency to be extremely honest when I don't like what I see. Now people could be offended with too much sincerity, but this kind of attitude helped me to have a lot of great and TRUE friends. Your sister in law must be called in attention , she is a mother, she have responsabilities with her childs. Geez, there are certain people that never, never should had been parents in the first place :mad: , kids don't have the fault of being brought to the world. Christian Graus wrote: admit having some personal stake in this - I spent most of my childhood wanting to die because my family never showed me any affection, my dad was always working and my mother made no secret that I was an unwanted accident and she had wanted a daughter ( who she still spoils rotten ). You had really a sad childhood ,and it's good to see your loving and care for your 2 sons, It's a sign that you are mentally strong learned at your own costs and don't want to repeat yours parents errors. So you are having without a doubt the right attitude , so go for it :) Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9
Joao Vaz wrote: IMHO if I was you I would talk to her , even if this wouldn't make any difference, at least you would feel much better. I agree - I have to balance that against my wife not talking to me for a year if I go too far. And I WILL go too far. Joao Vaz wrote: and it's good to see your loving and care for your 2 sons, *grin* Thank you, I'll tell Hannah and Calvin that you said so. You're doing better than me though, I can't remember who has kids at all, let alone what they are. Joao Vaz wrote: don't want to repeat yours parents errors. I don't get why people who abuse children use their own background of abuse as an excuse - surely that just means you know how it feels, and want all the more to do better ? That's how I feel. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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David Wulff wrote: Hitler may have been a physcopath but this heart was certainly on the right track. I'd never heard that before, but i guess that's ok... ...providing his guts were on the right rails, his brains on the right embankment, his blood on the right gravel...
Shog9 ------
No one's immune now, from a world of problems No one's exempt now, from a world of pain That's the way that it goes when you're down here with the rest of us...
Someone call me a doctor, I can't breathe because I'm laughing too hard :laugh:
James Sig code stolen from David Wulff
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But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
That is insane treatment of kids, but unfortunately seems all too common. On the up side, your daughter (whom I'm sure is your main concern here) will have the benefit of you and your wife loving her, and I'm sure will come out of this confusing time realising she is not only loved, but lucky. Hopefully she will be able to pass some meaning of self-worth on to her cousin.
We don't need a thinker! We need a do-er! Someone who will act first, without considering the consequences. - Homer J Simpson
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I think that your sister in law should hear asap somes trues ... IMHO if I was you I would talk to her , even if this wouldn't make any difference, at least you would feel much better. I have a slight tendency to be extremely honest when I don't like what I see. Now people could be offended with too much sincerity, but this kind of attitude helped me to have a lot of great and TRUE friends. Your sister in law must be called in attention , she is a mother, she have responsabilities with her childs. Geez, there are certain people that never, never should had been parents in the first place :mad: , kids don't have the fault of being brought to the world. Christian Graus wrote: admit having some personal stake in this - I spent most of my childhood wanting to die because my family never showed me any affection, my dad was always working and my mother made no secret that I was an unwanted accident and she had wanted a daughter ( who she still spoils rotten ). You had really a sad childhood ,and it's good to see your loving and care for your 2 sons, It's a sign that you are mentally strong learned at your own costs and don't want to repeat yours parents errors. So you are having without a doubt the right attitude , so go for it :) Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9
Unfortunately you have to wonder about the sense of reality someone like this has. She may not actually understand what she is doing due to selfishness / other reasons we don't understand. There seems little point in Christian sacrificing a good marraige and happy family for his kids trying to point these things out to this woman. Fortunately as uncle and aunt they can hopefully show these kids some love and make their lives better, especially as it sounds like they live quite close to them.
We don't need a thinker! We need a do-er! Someone who will act first, without considering the consequences. - Homer J Simpson
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That is insane treatment of kids, but unfortunately seems all too common. On the up side, your daughter (whom I'm sure is your main concern here) will have the benefit of you and your wife loving her, and I'm sure will come out of this confusing time realising she is not only loved, but lucky. Hopefully she will be able to pass some meaning of self-worth on to her cousin.
We don't need a thinker! We need a do-er! Someone who will act first, without considering the consequences. - Homer J Simpson
Megan Forbes wrote: whom I'm sure is your main concern here Yes, that is the thing. On the one hand I want to be there for Alex, but NOTHING comes before my own kids. And in the end I think she will appreciate her own environment more, at least I hope so. I've certainly sought to never wrap her in cotton wool, but to give her the wherewithall to deal with the things she experiences, and to see them in the context of how much she is loved. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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Joao Vaz wrote: IMHO if I was you I would talk to her , even if this wouldn't make any difference, at least you would feel much better. I agree - I have to balance that against my wife not talking to me for a year if I go too far. And I WILL go too far. Joao Vaz wrote: and it's good to see your loving and care for your 2 sons, *grin* Thank you, I'll tell Hannah and Calvin that you said so. You're doing better than me though, I can't remember who has kids at all, let alone what they are. Joao Vaz wrote: don't want to repeat yours parents errors. I don't get why people who abuse children use their own background of abuse as an excuse - surely that just means you know how it feels, and want all the more to do better ? That's how I feel. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
Christian Graus wrote: I don't get why people who abuse children use their own background of abuse as an excuse - surely that just means you know how it feels, and want all the more to do better ? That's how I feel. The people that abuse children are cowards , I don't have any friender way of saying this, and should pay the price to the society. Christian Graus wrote: I have to balance that against my wife not talking to me for a year if I go too far. Your wife should understand your point of view, many times when I do not agree with my father/mother/wife/brother ,I talk to them about it, the same with them, people should communicate , in a total honest and sincere way. It's even more important to do it in a familiar environment, since IMHO it's our obligation to strengthen up our familiar values and relations, and clearly honesty and frontality play a very important role IMHO, at leat is the "Family" picture that I like to paint. Christian Graus wrote: You're doing better than me though, I can't remember who has kids at all You have, unfortunately not me. As I already said here on CP I was a catholic and gave catechism classes during 4 years to lovely children from 5 - 11 , that was definitely a great happy period on my life, I gave to 20+ children, it was hard, but nothing beats a child's smile or pure, uncorruptable honesty , in that time from 18 to 21 , I quite learned a few lessons in life and watched some childrens mis-educated by their parents, but I was able to do my fair chance in their education, and boy that was enlightening and a very rich and profound experience :-D Now unfortunately I could only be father in 3 years time, but at that time I expect to be a happy daddy as you :-) Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9
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Unfortunately you have to wonder about the sense of reality someone like this has. She may not actually understand what she is doing due to selfishness / other reasons we don't understand. There seems little point in Christian sacrificing a good marraige and happy family for his kids trying to point these things out to this woman. Fortunately as uncle and aunt they can hopefully show these kids some love and make their lives better, especially as it sounds like they live quite close to them.
We don't need a thinker! We need a do-er! Someone who will act first, without considering the consequences. - Homer J Simpson
Megan Forbes wrote: There seems little point in Christian sacrificing a good marraige and happy family for his kids trying to point these things out to this woman. Nobody have to sacrifice. I think that Christian's wife should understand the reasons , and in 1st place should warn her sister of her mis-activities/attitudes, for Christ sake,the wife's sister should listen to her , at least is what I do when my brother and I have arguments.As I said I'm extremely radical concerning familiar issues, and a 100% approach always worked for me , even when I had some more "violent" discussions with my fathers, and honesty and frontality always showed the correct way. Just my $0,02 :) Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9
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David Wulff wrote: Hitler may have been a physcopath but this heart was certainly on the right track. I'd never heard that before, but i guess that's ok... ...providing his guts were on the right rails, his brains on the right embankment, his blood on the right gravel...
Shog9 ------
No one's immune now, from a world of problems No one's exempt now, from a world of pain That's the way that it goes when you're down here with the rest of us...
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But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
Make sure that Alex knows that he can go to his 'good' uncle and aunt for help. Give him your contact information and tell him how to get in touch. When times are really bad he'll know where to go. Drinking In The Sun Forgot Password?
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Chris Austin wrote: Except with each new man she get at least one new child. Um.. does she live in a trailer park ? Chris Austin wrote: It is most likely the reason that my wife and I haven't had children yet. And it has caused many arguments between the wife and I when I want to help the kids with money and my wife (and rightly so)want to save the money for our planned children. It's hard, because on the one hand, you want to help ANY child, and on the other you need to think of your own children and life. I am home now, and we have my sister in laws daughter overnight. I presumed this meant she was going to talk to her son, but no, he has been farmed off to the grandparents, she was probably pushing for me to take Ebony so she could spend the night banging her boyfriend. Not that I mind having her, I just wish it was a sign that she was trying to do something constructive. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
Christian Graus wrote: Um.. does she live in a trailer park ? LOL Surprisingly enough she dosent :) Even more suprising is she has a hoity toity colleage degree in Accounting and at one time passed her CPA exams. But she can't keep a job. Christian Graus wrote: It's hard, because on the one hand, you want to help ANY child, and on the other you need to think of your own children and life. I couldn't agree more. I feel so bad for those kids....It just makes me angry because there is only so much you can do. And...she is half the reason I opted to move away from Beautiful Arizona to this friggin concreate jungle Dallas.....ahhh! Now I'm startint to rant. chris
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David Stone wrote: Does the boyfriend hit them? I am not strong, or violent, in fact I don't think I've won a fist fight in my life. However, if he was *hurting* the kids, I would be over there in a second and I would not hesitate to do something about it. He has grabbed Tracey by the throat, but again, Donna has gone out there because she called that he just left and she was scared of him, when Donna leaves in the morning, she passes him on the highway, Tracey has called him to come out. David Stone wrote: I'm just wondering if you could get CPS - or the Australian equivalent - to come in and get the kids out... I think the problem in general is that everyone else is close enough to Tracey that they will make excuses, and so long as no-one physically *hurts* the kids, the mental abuse is harder to quantify and lay blame for. However, I am certainly going to keep pursuing this, and if I can't encourage my wife or her mother to speak up, I will do it. I'm not going to stand by while this happens. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
Christian Graus wrote: David Stone wrote: Does the boyfriend hit them? I am not strong, or violent, in fact I don't think I've won a fist fight in my life. However, if he was *hurting* the kids, I would be over there in a second and I would not hesitate to do something about it. At the risk of sounding cliche, I have to say use extream caution in this situation. I had a confritation with my sisters current "husband" a few years ago. While, I easily got the better of him, the kids caught the tail end of the fight. It is pretty embarising / shamefull. And, I know that kids will never foget seeing that.. I may have hurt more than I helped. chris
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But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
Your child is being affected (indirectly through Alex) by your sister-in-law's actions. Being Alex's uncle, you have every right to tell Tracy she's in the wrong. Being a father whose child is affected, you MUST tell Tracy she's in the wrong. You need to try and stay level headed but if things start going bad (yelling, scratching, hitting, etc.) you'll need to step aside and let your wife take over. She needs to be behind you 110% since your child and nephew are being affected. If none of this works, call the proper child welfare authorities.
Jason Henderson
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"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill -
Make sure that Alex knows that he can go to his 'good' uncle and aunt for help. Give him your contact information and tell him how to get in touch. When times are really bad he'll know where to go. Drinking In The Sun Forgot Password?
That's sound advice - I will definately do that. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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Your child is being affected (indirectly through Alex) by your sister-in-law's actions. Being Alex's uncle, you have every right to tell Tracy she's in the wrong. Being a father whose child is affected, you MUST tell Tracy she's in the wrong. You need to try and stay level headed but if things start going bad (yelling, scratching, hitting, etc.) you'll need to step aside and let your wife take over. She needs to be behind you 110% since your child and nephew are being affected. If none of this works, call the proper child welfare authorities.
Jason Henderson
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"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston ChurchillYou are right, of course. I am going to tell my wife what I think needs to happen, give it a week or so, and then step in myself if nothing is being done. Level-headed is not my middle name when my children are being hurt, but I will absolutely protect my children, no matter what. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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Christian Graus wrote: Um.. does she live in a trailer park ? LOL Surprisingly enough she dosent :) Even more suprising is she has a hoity toity colleage degree in Accounting and at one time passed her CPA exams. But she can't keep a job. Christian Graus wrote: It's hard, because on the one hand, you want to help ANY child, and on the other you need to think of your own children and life. I couldn't agree more. I feel so bad for those kids....It just makes me angry because there is only so much you can do. And...she is half the reason I opted to move away from Beautiful Arizona to this friggin concreate jungle Dallas.....ahhh! Now I'm startint to rant. chris
Chris Austin wrote: Even more suprising is she has a hoity toity colleage degree in Accounting and at one time passed her CPA exams. But she can't keep a job. Sounds like my sister, except for the kids. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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Christian Graus wrote: David Stone wrote: Does the boyfriend hit them? I am not strong, or violent, in fact I don't think I've won a fist fight in my life. However, if he was *hurting* the kids, I would be over there in a second and I would not hesitate to do something about it. At the risk of sounding cliche, I have to say use extream caution in this situation. I had a confritation with my sisters current "husband" a few years ago. While, I easily got the better of him, the kids caught the tail end of the fight. It is pretty embarising / shamefull. And, I know that kids will never foget seeing that.. I may have hurt more than I helped. chris
At least part of the problem I think is the kids have seen the current boyfriend get physical with Tracey ( probably sexually as well as hitting her ). If I do anything, it will be on a night that their father has them. I am very aware of how things like that affect the kids. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 During last 10 years, with invention of VB and similar programming environments, every ill-educated moron became able to develop software. - Alex E. - 12-Sept-2002
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But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
OK it's very late, I'm very tired and not in the right frame of mind to answer this correctly. I would like to do so via email at a later time so if your interested send the first one. As you know my childhood was fucked up somewhat differently to yours but like you it makes me think of the kids and how it affects them first. Having said that I explode at my son quite often when he is stupid and I expect he should know better (I mean that he has shown previously he does know better not just me expecting the ridiculous). Anyway as to what you should do -
- Get Tracey.
- Punch in the face 17 times. (I just like the number 17)
- Slam head into wall 17 times. (Told you I like 17)
- Explain that Matt wouldn't do this but then again he isn't here.
- Pull out fingernails.
- Taunt her like a 7 year old would.
- Scoop out her frontal lobes.
- Sew up her cunt.
Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002
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Christian Graus wrote: Um.. does she live in a trailer park ? LOL Surprisingly enough she dosent :) Even more suprising is she has a hoity toity colleage degree in Accounting and at one time passed her CPA exams. But she can't keep a job. Christian Graus wrote: It's hard, because on the one hand, you want to help ANY child, and on the other you need to think of your own children and life. I couldn't agree more. I feel so bad for those kids....It just makes me angry because there is only so much you can do. And...she is half the reason I opted to move away from Beautiful Arizona to this friggin concreate jungle Dallas.....ahhh! Now I'm startint to rant. chris
Chris Austin wrote: Even more suprising is she has a hoity toity colleage degree in Accounting and at one time passed her CPA exams. But she can't keep a job. More proof that exams and bits of paper mean zip in the real world. Chris Austin wrote: Christian Graus wrote: It's hard, because on the one hand, you want to help ANY child, and on the other you need to think of your own children and life. I couldn't agree more But it is like that with all matters of this kind of choice. Do I help my sister or friend or boss but at my "expense." Do it too often and it is just as harmful, do it too little and you become selfish. So much balance in life to achieve.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa -
But I need to vent, and I have no friends in the real world, OK ? :-) My sister in law married a guy in IT, she brought a different guy to my wedding, and then dumped him, met someone else and married him within 6 months. She mysteriously fell 'accidentally' pregnant twice. The guy therefore had no say, and no pressing plans for fatherhood. He has always been a crap father and a self centered git ( best example, when someone in the family asked me for computer help, he said 'sorry but there's only room for one computer genius in the family, and it's me'. The guy is a TRAINER, and I write CODE, for goodness sakes. Besides, anyone who talks like that is a moron, no matter WHAT they know ), but as far as parenting is concerned, it is also true that he did not ask for it, she did. After years of her complaining about him, he left her for the receptionist at his work ( I worked there too at the time, joy ). Tracey complains loudly about the morality of it all from her kids perspective, but when she met someone, her kids met him when they came to get into her bed one morning. The guy in question has a foul temper, accuses her of lying and cheating all the time, has ripped into the kids when they have come into the bedroom because they can't sleep, because he was trying to score, and generally is about as good a role model as the guy before, without any sort of natural affection to help control his apathy toward them. My ex brother in law, no matter how bad he is at being a parent, does try, and I think he and his girlfriend provide a more stable environment than my sister in law does in any case. Tracey in particular has really involved the kids in the divorce. The kids have learned that she will reward them if they make a fuss when he comes and say they would rather be with her, although it's obvious when they are with him that they are happy to be there. Cut to yesterday. My daughter has been acting quite strangely, as if she is disoriented, or confused. She has certainly been insecure recently. It turns out that Alex ( the son of Tracey ) has been telling the kids he wants to die, because he has no family and does not belong anywhere. He is 7. How does my sister in law deal with this ? She sits him down and gets him to 'analyse' the way his father treats him. She asks 'when your father is supposed to come and see you does he always come ?' 'No'. 'So does he love you ? ' 'No'. 'That's right, but Derek and I love you, right ?' 'Yes'. ARGH !!!! I want to KILL her. I have been aware for a
Christian Graus wrote: Personally, I think they all need help, and part of me just wants to get them away from my family because of the affect it has on my daughter. The trouble is, we've always been the most stable influence in his life, we need to get more involved, not less. I doubt anyone else is going to do it. Glad you got it off your chest a bit :) Now I am not sure if this is going to help but here goes... Apart from the sister in law and boyfriends and what not your daughter is your best chance of helping Alex. My best friend (back from when I was 6 through to about 16) had abusive and alcoholic parents. The mother died from kidney failure when we were 12 and his dad when we were 16. They lived in a shit hole and any money the parents ever got (both did not work, couldn't work) went into more booze. Food was a luxury etc. etc. you know the story. In stark contrast I had amazing parents, a great childhood. Very safe, warm, loving and all the good things you expect of a good family. My parents knew about my friend and even tried helping directly a few times, but child welfare was up to shit in those days and my friends parents thought it was funny that someone cared about their unwanted son. All ego and shit aside probably the only thing that kept him going and kept him going the same way was our friendship. I think he saw in me that life could be good, that parents could be loving and that he had a place to come to when he needed to. My parents were careful in ensuring that I was always helping him out and not being pulled into his world. I reckon if they saw that happening they would have done everything to seperate us, to save me. i.e. Me first then my friend. But they always gave me advice and "dropped" subtle hints as what to do and how to help Graeme (my friend.) Anyway so if anything your daughter is a good way to help Alex. I personally would not try and, being an adult, help Alex directly because I myself would react badly to that kind of thing i.e. Your daughter is at Alex's level and the trust between them is probably stronger (I guess I am not the kind to take to mentors or helpful uncles, but then Alex may be that type so who knows.) But at the end of the day I would stop my daughter being pulled into that kind of world if I saw it even starting to happen. Even if she did not quite understand she would come first, then Alex. And god knows confronting adults in their domain (e.g. your step-sister in HER family affairs) is difficu