Jokes [nothing you'd want your kid sister to read]
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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised
Jörgen Sigvardsson wrote: "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." :laugh: Men... :rolleyes:
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised
LOL, like the alligator and 50 year old ones. A new holiday : Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town - the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Jörgen Sigvardsson wrote: "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." :laugh: Men... :rolleyes:
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
Megan Forbes wrote: Men... Well in all fairness, woman drive home the Bigger Is Better thought so we have to keep up with the Joneses. All part of survival you know.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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LOL, like the alligator and 50 year old ones. A new holiday : Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town - the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Why the March 20th ? Because it's the beginning of the Spring :~ ? Also why limiting to one day per year :mad:;)
Angels banished from heaven have no choice but to become demons Cowboy Bebop
KaЯl wrote: Also why limiting to one day per year This is the receiving day. Every other day, it's giving and receiving day. :) -- There's a new game we like to play you see. A game with added reality. You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees. We call it master and servant.
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Megan Forbes wrote: Men... Well in all fairness, woman drive home the Bigger Is Better thought so we have to keep up with the Joneses. All part of survival you know.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
Paul Watson wrote: Well in all fairness, woman drive home the Bigger Is Better thought so we have to keep up with the Joneses. All part of survival you know. We do? I've heard women with more experience than me (ok, mine's limited) say just the opposite. I always thought it was something that started with boys in primary school. Yes, I have a brother... :)
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
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KaЯl wrote: Also why limiting to one day per year This is the receiving day. Every other day, it's giving and receiving day. :) -- There's a new game we like to play you see. A game with added reality. You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees. We call it master and servant.
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LOL, like the alligator and 50 year old ones. A new holiday : Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town - the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
Paul Watson wrote: March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." :laugh: Paul Watson wrote: This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. This'll work? :~
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
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Paul Watson wrote: Well in all fairness, woman drive home the Bigger Is Better thought so we have to keep up with the Joneses. All part of survival you know. We do? I've heard women with more experience than me (ok, mine's limited) say just the opposite. I always thought it was something that started with boys in primary school. Yes, I have a brother... :)
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
Megan Forbes wrote: We do? I've heard women with more experience than me (ok, mine's limited) say just the opposite. Yeah, ek weet, I was just goading you into giving all us normal guys a boost and denting the egos of those big swingers who think they are the business because of it. Quality over Quantity, as per usual. :) Megan Forbes wrote: I always thought it was something that started with boys in primary school I never hung out with the jocks who compared packages in the locker rooms after sports. The ruler test just made me uncomfortable, why any guy would do that I do not know.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Paul Watson wrote: March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." :laugh: Paul Watson wrote: This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. This'll work? :~
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
Megan Forbes wrote: This'll work? I doubt it, we are already at our wits end trying so hard on Valentines day anyway. That chap who hijacked your IM probably was using it to send out some secret admirer messages... ;)
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Ah, ok, I get it. For the "giving only" day I would suggest the New Year's Day. Followed by a "Happy New Year" greeting, it's funnier more chic ;)
Angels banished from heaven have no choice but to become demons Cowboy Bebop
KaЯl wrote: more chic KaЯl, you are French, you can't be more chic. ;P Hey, KaЯl, do you have a secret admirer? You are pretty active here on CP but none of us, well I don't, know much about you. Like a secretive French connection.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Megan Forbes wrote: We do? I've heard women with more experience than me (ok, mine's limited) say just the opposite. Yeah, ek weet, I was just goading you into giving all us normal guys a boost and denting the egos of those big swingers who think they are the business because of it. Quality over Quantity, as per usual. :) Megan Forbes wrote: I always thought it was something that started with boys in primary school I never hung out with the jocks who compared packages in the locker rooms after sports. The ruler test just made me uncomfortable, why any guy would do that I do not know.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
Paul Watson wrote: Yeah, ek weet, Lol - you sound like the unemployed Afrikaans guy staying in our lounge right now - he has started picking up UK slang, despite his accent and command of English being so poor that most people here can't understand him :)
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
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LOL, like the alligator and 50 year old ones. A new holiday : Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town - the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
As long as I get to eat some of the steak afterwards I have no problem substituting Valentines day with "Steak & Blowjob Day.". :cool: And the living obscurely rejoice at the news of a death, in the knowledge that it's not us, that we are still in the game. Andrew Greig
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As long as I get to eat some of the steak afterwards I have no problem substituting Valentines day with "Steak & Blowjob Day.". :cool: And the living obscurely rejoice at the news of a death, in the knowledge that it's not us, that we are still in the game. Andrew Greig
Hel wrote: As long as I get to eat some of the steak afterwards I have no problem substituting Valentines day with "Steak & Blowjob Day.". LOL oh boy, a girl who likes steak. Must be South African :-D ;) Nice to see fellow Southies on CP.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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Hel wrote: As long as I get to eat some of the steak afterwards I have no problem substituting Valentines day with "Steak & Blowjob Day.". LOL oh boy, a girl who likes steak. Must be South African :-D ;) Nice to see fellow Southies on CP.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
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KaЯl wrote: more chic KaЯl, you are French, you can't be more chic. ;P Hey, KaЯl, do you have a secret admirer? You are pretty active here on CP but none of us, well I don't, know much about you. Like a secretive French connection.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africalauren wrote: theyre making a movie about me "confessions of a dangerous bitch" (hey! she said it, not me)
Paul Watson wrote: You are pretty active here on CP I'm designing a multimedia simulator, I have often to test, so it gives me some time to try to improve my english :) And because at home I've got an ADSL connection (Yes, Yes, YES!), I'm on CP from 9.00AM to 1.00AM :rolleyes: Paul Watson wrote: none of us, well I don't, know much about you I'm very attentive with the informations I give about myself. Information is Knowledge, and Knowledge is Power[^] :) I manage my public images as interfaces, according to the audience To be clear: The class CKaЯl proposes several interfaces to implement my instance. For example:
HRESULT CLife::SurfOnCP() { LPUNKNOWN lpUnk = m_Myself.GetControlUnknown(); ILoungeCPian *pCPian = NULL; HRESULT hr = lpUnk->QueryInterface(IID_IILoungeCPian, (void**)&pCPian); // surf here; return hr; }First, it avoids to confuse the other perceptions of the object (public, professional, and so on), and next it gives me more freedom when using this interface. I use CP as a therapy: I can express a part of my personality which is painful to keep inside. And it's free! :-D
Angels banished from heaven have no choice but to become demons Cowboy Bebop
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Paul Watson wrote: Must be South African Afrikaans:rolleyes: well hell doesn't want you and heaven is full. Tom Waits
Hel wrote: Afrikaans Cool! :meg runs off to check Hel's bio: [edit]hmm... not enough info there - introduction please? :-D [edit]
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
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Paul Watson wrote: Well in all fairness, woman drive home the Bigger Is Better thought so we have to keep up with the Joneses. All part of survival you know. We do? I've heard women with more experience than me (ok, mine's limited) say just the opposite. I always thought it was something that started with boys in primary school. Yes, I have a brother... :)
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch
From the way I understand it, it isn't the size that is important but the quantity... of orgasams achieved. :cool: Unless they just say that to be kind ;-) Michael The avalanche has started, it's too late for the pebbles to vote.
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Hel wrote: Afrikaans Cool! :meg runs off to check Hel's bio: [edit]hmm... not enough info there - introduction please? :-D [edit]
A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch