Why 1st World Nations Simply Suck

realJSOP

For the right number of shiney rocks and animal teeth, I 'll sell you an American (standard 102-key) keyboard. Later today, you can strip naked and dance around a camp fire (in full view of the tribal females I might add) and tell valiant stories of your mastery over the wild 102-key keyboard. Other males will thump their chests and grunt in agreement, and then everyone will have their way with the local wenches.

Daniel Ferguson

That's something that sucks about being a computer nerd -- no recognition. Putting my name in the about box is fine and dandy, but how does that help me get chicks? I want to live in a world where famous computer programmers get interviewed on tv with crowds of screaming girls trying to get his autograph. You know what the problem is, though? It's these damn clunky beige boxes, they're just not sexy. :-D "das leid schlaft in der maschine" -Einstürzende Neubauten

realJSOP

Well, you have to start out by being a damn good looking stud (like me, Al Franken). After that, you have to be able to demonstrate your ability through conversation with fellow workers while the desired babe (or babe*s*, in my case) flock around hanging on your every word. Of course, it helps if you've gained a rapport with said babe(s) before astounding them with your knowledge of the subject matter while maintaining a casual, witty, charming and sophisticated bantor with your peers. This is then followed by a rousing love-making session in the elevator on your way to lunch because she/they got nipple hard-ons listening to you speak. I never had a girl ask for my autograph, but I did get laid 9-1/2 times in a single day (if you don't count the elevator blowjob at lunch). I therefore submit to you that I am a shining monument to geekdom, reminding all lesser geeks (or those whom have *decided* that they're lesser geeks), the "geek" and "god" start with the same letter. I lead by example, and in turn, inspire greatness.

Chris Maunder

Simple solution Daniel. Go to another country. Any amount of accent is usually enough to make up for a proportional amount of geekness. cheers, Chris Maunder (CodeProject)

David Wulff

:mad: What the HELL are you talking about?!?!?!? :mad: The damned Americans are the one's with the messed up keyboards, not the UK. We (the English) invented English (well, it's named after us anyway) so our keyboard layout is obvioudly the industry standard English keyboard. The Americans just decided they wanted to make a better keyboard than us (same old, same old), but only after admitting defeat with their 42 key keyboard - with two space bars - did they decide to come crawling back to the propper keyboards. But then, to punish them for their insubordination, our then priminister Margret Thatcher sabotaged the printing press at the factory printing the little numbers and letters on the keys, so the second-function labels were all printed incorrectly. After nearly ten years of American computer users pressing the wrong keys, Microsoft paid our government nearly two billion dollars to license the right to create a new, less good, keyboard layout so it's programmers would stop making so many mistakes whilst coding Windows 98 :cool:. Finally they came out with the new American-standard 102 key keyboard layout, and it started to spread through the US populated territories. David Wulff dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com

David Wulff

It's always nice to meet a modest person ;P. But seriously though, 9-1/2 times in one day? That is just plain greedy... David Wulff dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com

Tryhard

Americans and English lol... Americans do not speak English they speak American. I am so tired of Microsoft trying to force me to put a z where an s (capitalise) should be, completely missing out the u (harbour) in many words or switching e and r around (center). (Yes I know about locales) And of course hearing an American say Herb or Alluminium is always a laugh. I have no problem with this it seems kind of appropriate that America has dumbed down english spelling. (keep it simple - spell it as you say it plough - plow, draught - draft, etc... ) ;P Tryhard :-)

Lost User

Old mister one-eye would have been sore for a while after that. How did you get laid the extra 1/2? Michael Martin Pegasystems Pty Ltd Australia martm@pegasystems.com +61 413-004-018 "Don't belong. Never join. Think for yourself. Peace" - Victor Stone

Michael Dunn

And of course hearing an American say Herb or Alluminium is always a laugh. And if you want to make an American ROTFL, say "lieutenant" ;P --Mike-- http://home.inreach.com/mdunn/ Ford: How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelguese? Arthur: I don't know. Why, do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?

Paul Watson

>but I did get laid 9-1/2 times in a single day (if you don't count the elevator blowjob at lunch). First off, I never knew elevators gave blowjobs, must be a new "anti-boredom" feature if the lift gets stuck. :-D Second off, is that 9-1/2 different people or the same person 9-1/2 times? How does one differentiate between one "lay" and the next? Is there a big old score board in the sky with some judges hanging around, stop watches and score cards at the ready? I think studdly here needs to validate his humble statements. ;P > good looking stud (like me, Al Franken). btw, who is Al Franken? regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." - Chretien Malesherbes

Paul Watson

That used to work. Now London is so filled with us South Africans and you Aussies that the "locals" roll their eyes and have a fit over how we take all their jobs (because we work harder). The only accent I have seen working around London town lately is Jamaican and I reckon that is more to do with home grown talent than cultural fascination... ;P p.s. did you notice that this topic went from UK Keyboards to John's sexual "prowess" and sexy accents in the space of one post? freaky! regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." - Chretien Malesherbes

Paul Watson

This here chumbawamban warrior has umm Microsoft Natural Keyboard. Me umm just wondered why me ummm not bring it with. Next time, bring umm proper kb shall I. Did you know: Lions, giraffes and zebra do not in fact roam through South African streets. We also have skyscrapers and IMAX. (but we do still gather around fires, strip naked and thump our chests with bravado. though any computer tale tellers are thrown into the fire) regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." - Chretien Malesherbes

realJSOP

The 1/2 ended with a bj, so that doesn't count as a full lay. :)

realJSOP

> Second off, is that 9-1/2 different people or the same person 9-1/2 times? Same chick. > How does one differentiate between one "lay" and the next? uhhhh > I think studdly here needs to validate his humble statements. I could give you a link to her pic (which should be enough verification), but that might be a little tacky. > btw, who is Al Franken? Reference to funnier episodes of Saturday Night Live.

realJSOP

Wait until it moves to male pregnancy, and a dog's ability to lick it's on asshole.

realJSOP

And I wasn't trying to brag on my prowess, I simply described how I got laid one day. It really did happen that way.

David Wulff

In order for me to understand this correctly, do Americans say "left-en-ant" instead of "loot-en-ant" like it is supposed to be said? David Wulff dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com

Daniel Ferguson

You're speaking from experience here, aren't you? :-D I'm Canadian, eh. Where is the canadian accent considered sexy? "das leid schlaft in der maschine" -Einstürzende Neubauten

Michael Dunn

It's "lootenant" here... I thought Brits said "lifftenant". --Mike-- http://home.inreach.com/mdunn/ Ford: How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelguese? Arthur: I don't know. Why, do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?

David Wulff

Well I'm a Brit, and I say lootenant. I could have sworn it was the Yanks that said leftenant :confused:. Maybe I am just a unique Brition! David Wulff dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com Edit: After further consultation with my dictionary, it seems I've been prounouncing it wrong all this time :o. Never mind, I'll just have to get used to leftenant...