Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News ..
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This could be a repost, but these cracked me up this afternoon. ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsma
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This could be a repost, but these cracked me up this afternoon. ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsma
Chris Meech wrote: Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. I think I worked for him once... Will Build Nuclear Missile For Food - No Target Too Small
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Chris Meech wrote: Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. I think I worked for him once... Will Build Nuclear Missile For Food - No Target Too Small
Who? The doctor or the stool? ;P Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsman, you can end up with some amazing stuff, but without the skills to use it right you end up with Homer Simpson's attempt at building a barbeque or his attempt at a Spice rack. Michael P. Butler
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Who? The doctor or the stool? ;P Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsman, you can end up with some amazing stuff, but without the skills to use it right you end up with Homer Simpson's attempt at building a barbeque or his attempt at a Spice rack. Michael P. Butler
Possibly both; I've worked for all kinds.:sigh: Will Build Nuclear Missile For Food - No Target Too Small
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This could be a repost, but these cracked me up this afternoon. ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsma
"I got a bad case of loving you" - but who by ? The tigress is here :-D
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Possibly both; I've worked for all kinds.:sigh: Will Build Nuclear Missile For Food - No Target Too Small
For some reason I'm reminded of what we used to say back in Australia when about to take a crap. 'Excuse me, I'm about to give birth to a manager'. :) *ducks* Rob Manderson Colin Davies wrote: I'm sure Americans could use more of it, and thus reduce the world supply faster. This of course would be good, because the faster we run out globally, the less chance of pollution there will be. (Talking about the price of petrol) The Soapbox, March 5 2004
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"I got a bad case of loving you" - but who by ? The tigress is here :-D
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Why... Robert Palmer, duh! :-D p.s. I got that song stuck in my head now, Elaine! Thanks alot :sigh: ~Nitron.
ññòòïðïðB A
startThanks for the encouragement :rose: The tigress is here :-D
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For some reason I'm reminded of what we used to say back in Australia when about to take a crap. 'Excuse me, I'm about to give birth to a manager'. :) *ducks* Rob Manderson Colin Davies wrote: I'm sure Americans could use more of it, and thus reduce the world supply faster. This of course would be good, because the faster we run out globally, the less chance of pollution there will be. (Talking about the price of petrol) The Soapbox, March 5 2004
How very subtle :laugh: Paul ;) Homepage: pvdw.ath.cx
Sonork: 100.33943 -
How very subtle :laugh: Paul ;) Homepage: pvdw.ath.cx
Sonork: 100.33943Australians are noted worldwide for their inherent subtlety.:rolleyes: Will Build Nuclear Missile For Food - No Target Too Small
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This could be a repost, but these cracked me up this afternoon. ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities Chris Meech We're more like a hobbiest in a Home Depot drooling at all the shiny power tools, rather than a craftsman that makes the chair to an exacting level of comfort by measuring the customer's butt. Marc Clifton VB is like a toolbox, in the hands of a craftsma
Chris Meech wrote: 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Does that not describe all healthy English programmers along the lines of David Wulff?:laugh: Chris Meech wrote: 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. I found this to be quite funny, but humour in some of the rest were rather forced. Good ones, Chris.;)
I come in peace. Please take me to your vodka bottle. Amit Dey
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Chris Meech wrote: 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Does that not describe all healthy English programmers along the lines of David Wulff?:laugh: Chris Meech wrote: 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. I found this to be quite funny, but humour in some of the rest were rather forced. Good ones, Chris.;)
I come in peace. Please take me to your vodka bottle. Amit Dey
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For some reason I'm reminded of what we used to say back in Australia when about to take a crap. 'Excuse me, I'm about to give birth to a manager'. :) *ducks* Rob Manderson Colin Davies wrote: I'm sure Americans could use more of it, and thus reduce the world supply faster. This of course would be good, because the faster we run out globally, the less chance of pollution there will be. (Talking about the price of petrol) The Soapbox, March 5 2004
Rob Manderson wrote: 'Excuse me, I'm about to give birth to a manager' ROTFLMAO. Hey Rob, since you say A manager, I wonder what do you do on days when you have loose motion?(apart from a lot of tissue paper,i.e);)
I come in peace. Please take me to your vodka bottle. Amit Dey