Sex and Photography
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The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldn't get it up, so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!" Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?" "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can
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The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldn't get it up, so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!" Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?" "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can
Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action LMAO! Were is John if he is not commenting on this? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in. :laugh: Damn that won't interest John at all, were's the goats? *just following the rules of good debating as shown below* ;P Good joke PJ regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge "In other words, the developer is dealing with an elephant, the accountant is dealing with a bunny rabbit." by Stan Shannon - 16/10/2001
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Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action LMAO! Were is John if he is not commenting on this? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in. :laugh: Damn that won't interest John at all, were's the goats? *just following the rules of good debating as shown below* ;P Good joke PJ regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge "In other words, the developer is dealing with an elephant, the accountant is dealing with a bunny rabbit." by Stan Shannon - 16/10/2001
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Some of us (me included don't have to brag - especially when our "equipment precedes us into a room by almost 20 minutes. :) To hell with those thin-skinned pillow-biters. - Me, 10/03/2001
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I was under the impression that you just left your attachments... oops, equipment in the room:omg: --- Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused :laugh:
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Actually I invented the LAS for folks like David, who have no visibly identifiable equipment. :) :) :) To hell with those thin-skinned pillow-biters. - Me, 10/03/2001
Then how did you fit into the LAS in that photo you put up? hmmmmm? ;P :laugh: regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge "In other words, the developer is dealing with an elephant, the accountant is dealing with a bunny rabbit." by Stan Shannon - 16/10/2001
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Then how did you fit into the LAS in that photo you put up? hmmmmm? ;P :laugh: regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge "In other words, the developer is dealing with an elephant, the accountant is dealing with a bunny rabbit." by Stan Shannon - 16/10/2001
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Some of us (me included don't have to brag - especially when our "equipment precedes us into a room by almost 20 minutes. :) To hell with those thin-skinned pillow-biters. - Me, 10/03/2001
Yeah, for all of us that are just too damned old to move very fast.;P "But, daddy, that was back in the hippie ages..." My twleve year old son - winning the argument. "Stan, you are an intelligent guy who responds in meaningful ways" Paul Watson 16/10/01
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Actually I invented the LAS for folks like David, who have no visibly identifiable equipment. :) :) :) To hell with those thin-skinned pillow-biters. - Me, 10/03/2001
Bah, I hope you don't mean me. When I phoned you up with my order you said you couldn't supply LASes in my size...
:cool: -=:suss:=-
Dr David Wulff, Phd Aqkuoerian Sciences dwulff@battleaxesoftware.nospam.com Founder of The BLA iF yuo find speeling mistkaes, don;t blaem me, blaem my keybord.
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Bah, I hope you don't mean me. When I phoned you up with my order you said you couldn't supply LASes in my size...
:cool: -=:suss:=-
Dr David Wulff, Phd Aqkuoerian Sciences dwulff@battleaxesoftware.nospam.com Founder of The BLA iF yuo find speeling mistkaes, don;t blaem me, blaem my keybord.
We don't have a size that conforms with your deformity. (How would you make a size "0" for someone and still be able to convince them that they got their money's worth?) :) "...the staggering layers of obcenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001
