Joke of the Day
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A developer and his wife wake up one morning bed, and he has a huge hangover. His eyes are bleary; his hair is a mess; and his head is pounding. He says to his wife: "What happened at the office party last night"? She answers: "You got plastered, took off all your clothes, went up to your boss, threw a drink in his face, and told him a monkey could do a better job managing the place. "So he fired you on the spot." The developer rolls over and says: "Ah... screw him." The wife says: "I already did... you go back to work Monday." I heard this one from Mary Tyler Moore of all people on David Lettermen last night. Heard any good ones? Lori
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A developer and his wife wake up one morning bed, and he has a huge hangover. His eyes are bleary; his hair is a mess; and his head is pounding. He says to his wife: "What happened at the office party last night"? She answers: "You got plastered, took off all your clothes, went up to your boss, threw a drink in his face, and told him a monkey could do a better job managing the place. "So he fired you on the spot." The developer rolls over and says: "Ah... screw him." The wife says: "I already did... you go back to work Monday." I heard this one from Mary Tyler Moore of all people on David Lettermen last night. Heard any good ones? Lori
Here's one I got from a friend: How to Impress a Woman Compliment her Cuddle her Kiss her Caress her Love her Stroke her Tease her Comfort her Protect her Hug her Hold her Dine her Listen to her Care for her Stand by her Support her Go to the ends of the earth for her How to Impress a Man Show up naked Bring beer
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A developer and his wife wake up one morning bed, and he has a huge hangover. His eyes are bleary; his hair is a mess; and his head is pounding. He says to his wife: "What happened at the office party last night"? She answers: "You got plastered, took off all your clothes, went up to your boss, threw a drink in his face, and told him a monkey could do a better job managing the place. "So he fired you on the spot." The developer rolls over and says: "Ah... screw him." The wife says: "I already did... you go back to work Monday." I heard this one from Mary Tyler Moore of all people on David Lettermen last night. Heard any good ones? Lori
Here's another one... ------------------------ What My Parents taught me... My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My father taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My father taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." My father taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til alll that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" My father taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" I'd give proper attribution but I don't know who wrote it. Lor