My Soul Mate, her Boy Friend, and Me!?!?
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Okay so I meet my soul mate 15 years ago, I had some problems in my lofe that caused her problemes in her life we sepreated, I come back into her life and find out, well, well, we have loved each other all this time. She made a bad choice getting into a relationship with her current boy friend, he is a psyco, much like I use to be. But I'm a great guy now and we are in love with each other, she doesn't like the other guy, but he has her in a nasty web. How the hell do you get on with you life in such a case? How can she get rid of him with out getting the whole thing screwed up? He is a jack ass, I was just a psyco, he invades her privacy, tries to controll her. Damn it makes her miserable. I just want to get on with our lives... Any ideas fellows? :~
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
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Okay so I meet my soul mate 15 years ago, I had some problems in my lofe that caused her problemes in her life we sepreated, I come back into her life and find out, well, well, we have loved each other all this time. She made a bad choice getting into a relationship with her current boy friend, he is a psyco, much like I use to be. But I'm a great guy now and we are in love with each other, she doesn't like the other guy, but he has her in a nasty web. How the hell do you get on with you life in such a case? How can she get rid of him with out getting the whole thing screwed up? He is a jack ass, I was just a psyco, he invades her privacy, tries to controll her. Damn it makes her miserable. I just want to get on with our lives... Any ideas fellows? :~
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
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Okay so I meet my soul mate 15 years ago, I had some problems in my lofe that caused her problemes in her life we sepreated, I come back into her life and find out, well, well, we have loved each other all this time. She made a bad choice getting into a relationship with her current boy friend, he is a psyco, much like I use to be. But I'm a great guy now and we are in love with each other, she doesn't like the other guy, but he has her in a nasty web. How the hell do you get on with you life in such a case? How can she get rid of him with out getting the whole thing screwed up? He is a jack ass, I was just a psyco, he invades her privacy, tries to controll her. Damn it makes her miserable. I just want to get on with our lives... Any ideas fellows? :~
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
I don't believe there's such a thing as a soul mate. No matter who else I met, I'd never leave my wife, but if she died, I have no doubt I could be just as happy again with someone else. If what he's doing constitutes stalking or harrasment, involve the police. If it doesn't, then just tell him to go away. I'd agree with Josh, the girl sounds a bit nuts, I'd take it slow before getting in too deep with her.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
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I don't believe there's such a thing as a soul mate. No matter who else I met, I'd never leave my wife, but if she died, I have no doubt I could be just as happy again with someone else. If what he's doing constitutes stalking or harrasment, involve the police. If it doesn't, then just tell him to go away. I'd agree with Josh, the girl sounds a bit nuts, I'd take it slow before getting in too deep with her.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
Christian Graus wrote:
the girl sounds a bit nuts, I'd take it slow before getting in too deep with her.
Hmm, well we are both a little crazy... But I feel like we were made from the same mold. I can't bring myself to love anyone else. She means everything to me.
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
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Christian Graus wrote:
the girl sounds a bit nuts, I'd take it slow before getting in too deep with her.
Hmm, well we are both a little crazy... But I feel like we were made from the same mold. I can't bring myself to love anyone else. She means everything to me.
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
Well, that's just your hormones talking. But, that's cool. Like I said, if she's being treated in an illegal manner, involve the cops. If not, then you just need to front up to him and tell him to back down and then go from there.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
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Well, that's just your hormones talking. But, that's cool. Like I said, if she's being treated in an illegal manner, involve the cops. If not, then you just need to front up to him and tell him to back down and then go from there.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
Yeah well it appears that I'm so sick in the head and don't want to loose her so bad that I do things to hurt her like make her feel like she is not beautiful. She could have anyone she wants, and admits it. That hurts my feelings like hell. I think I have lost her. I told her that she is no work of art, when she is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. I told her that maybe because she told me that she could have who ever she wanted and since we seprated that has been her aditude. I am killing myself over this, we were seperated for 15 years, get back together find we never stopped loving one another, no I'm pulling bullshit like this to sacrifice our relationship. I must be crazy!
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
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Yeah well it appears that I'm so sick in the head and don't want to loose her so bad that I do things to hurt her like make her feel like she is not beautiful. She could have anyone she wants, and admits it. That hurts my feelings like hell. I think I have lost her. I told her that she is no work of art, when she is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. I told her that maybe because she told me that she could have who ever she wanted and since we seprated that has been her aditude. I am killing myself over this, we were seperated for 15 years, get back together find we never stopped loving one another, no I'm pulling bullshit like this to sacrifice our relationship. I must be crazy!
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
that I do things to hurt her like make her feel like she is not beautiful.
So maybe she really does have a pattern of dating abusive men ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I told her that she is no work of art, when she is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with
Well, seriously, what if she wasn't ? Are you in love with her, or her face and ass ? Either way, that sounds like you have some issues. I can't imagine giving my wife an appraisal of how I think she looks on some sort of external beauty scale. I tell her she's beautiful because she is to me, not because I expect other guys to think so. Either way, I can't imagine that being hurtful to her about her appearance is ever a sign of having her best interests at heart.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
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TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
that I do things to hurt her like make her feel like she is not beautiful.
So maybe she really does have a pattern of dating abusive men ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I told her that she is no work of art, when she is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with
Well, seriously, what if she wasn't ? Are you in love with her, or her face and ass ? Either way, that sounds like you have some issues. I can't imagine giving my wife an appraisal of how I think she looks on some sort of external beauty scale. I tell her she's beautiful because she is to me, not because I expect other guys to think so. Either way, I can't imagine that being hurtful to her about her appearance is ever a sign of having her best interests at heart.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
Christian Graus wrote:
So maybe she really does have a pattern of dating abusive men ?
Yeah, I tried to help her with that along time ago.
Christian Graus wrote:
Well, seriously, what if she wasn't ? Are you in love with her, or her face and ass ? Either way, that sounds like you have some issues. I can't imagine giving my wife an appraisal of how I think she looks on some sort of external beauty scale. I tell her she's beautiful because she is to me, not because I expect other guys to think so. Either way, I can't imagine that being hurtful to her about her appearance is ever a sign of having her best interests at heart.
I have told her the most extrodinary things about how beautiful she is. I was jsut afraid that she would leave me becauase she can have any one. The comment that really hurt her was when her I took her little sister to get a tattoo and told the artist that her bosy was a work of art and not to fuck it up with his ink. It hurt her feelings because I had just told her that she was 'no work of art' I ment it in the literal sence, then went on to say that the camera loves her and her pictures are beautiful. She took that to mean I only thought the pictures were beautiful and not her. When I told the artist that her little sister's body is a work of art and not to fuck it up, I felt hurt that I had said that right after telling her a few nights before that she was no work of art. My intention at the time was to make suer the tatto artist did not fuck her body up with a bad tattoo. I felt really guilty about saying that and told my soul mate what I had said to the tattoo artist, and she got mad. I knew she would get mad but I had to get the 'guilty secret' out. I think I told her she was no work of art because I don't want her to think she can just leave me and have any guy she wants. She told me over and over again how much she loves me and everything, I shouldn't have anything to fear, but there are too many unknows. And after how I treated her in the past I can understand how she would never trust me again. Anyway I think it's over now, I don't think she wants anything to do with me anymore. I'm hurt, confused and feeling like I have lost the most important person in my life twice now. Last time it happened, it tore my life appart and I spent 15 years trying to remove the image and love I felt for her from my mind, but never could. I don't think I will ev
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Christian Graus wrote:
So maybe she really does have a pattern of dating abusive men ?
Yeah, I tried to help her with that along time ago.
Christian Graus wrote:
Well, seriously, what if she wasn't ? Are you in love with her, or her face and ass ? Either way, that sounds like you have some issues. I can't imagine giving my wife an appraisal of how I think she looks on some sort of external beauty scale. I tell her she's beautiful because she is to me, not because I expect other guys to think so. Either way, I can't imagine that being hurtful to her about her appearance is ever a sign of having her best interests at heart.
I have told her the most extrodinary things about how beautiful she is. I was jsut afraid that she would leave me becauase she can have any one. The comment that really hurt her was when her I took her little sister to get a tattoo and told the artist that her bosy was a work of art and not to fuck it up with his ink. It hurt her feelings because I had just told her that she was 'no work of art' I ment it in the literal sence, then went on to say that the camera loves her and her pictures are beautiful. She took that to mean I only thought the pictures were beautiful and not her. When I told the artist that her little sister's body is a work of art and not to fuck it up, I felt hurt that I had said that right after telling her a few nights before that she was no work of art. My intention at the time was to make suer the tatto artist did not fuck her body up with a bad tattoo. I felt really guilty about saying that and told my soul mate what I had said to the tattoo artist, and she got mad. I knew she would get mad but I had to get the 'guilty secret' out. I think I told her she was no work of art because I don't want her to think she can just leave me and have any guy she wants. She told me over and over again how much she loves me and everything, I shouldn't have anything to fear, but there are too many unknows. And after how I treated her in the past I can understand how she would never trust me again. Anyway I think it's over now, I don't think she wants anything to do with me anymore. I'm hurt, confused and feeling like I have lost the most important person in my life twice now. Last time it happened, it tore my life appart and I spent 15 years trying to remove the image and love I felt for her from my mind, but never could. I don't think I will ev
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
. I was jsut afraid that she would leave me becauase she can have any one.
Well, that's retarded. If the only way you can 'keep' her, is to make her feel bad, then what does that tell you ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I took her little sister to get a tattoo
OK, this is not getting any better
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
and told my soul mate what I had said to the tattoo artist, and she got mad.
Well, that's dumb, too. If you say something that can be misinterpreted, let the women be the ones to make a big deal about it, don't go and do it for them.
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I have not been able to share love like that with any one else nor do I think I ever will.
Well, like I said, I don't believe that, but, if she's so important to you, why did you treat her this way ? More to the point, if she's so important to you, why are you talking to me about it and not her ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
she just doesn't understand what my intentions are when I say something
Well, that's just you and every other guy on the planet. I wonder if gay guys misunderstand each other the way that women do to us ? It sounds to me like you're getting yourself pretty wound up. Dude, I promise you, the soul mate thing is a myth. There's plenty of girls in this world you can have a happy relationship with, if this does not work out. But if you want her so bad, go and tell her. Be honest about your mistakes, and then if she accepts that, try to not make the same mistakes again.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
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Christian Graus wrote:
So maybe she really does have a pattern of dating abusive men ?
Yeah, I tried to help her with that along time ago.
Christian Graus wrote:
Well, seriously, what if she wasn't ? Are you in love with her, or her face and ass ? Either way, that sounds like you have some issues. I can't imagine giving my wife an appraisal of how I think she looks on some sort of external beauty scale. I tell her she's beautiful because she is to me, not because I expect other guys to think so. Either way, I can't imagine that being hurtful to her about her appearance is ever a sign of having her best interests at heart.
I have told her the most extrodinary things about how beautiful she is. I was jsut afraid that she would leave me becauase she can have any one. The comment that really hurt her was when her I took her little sister to get a tattoo and told the artist that her bosy was a work of art and not to fuck it up with his ink. It hurt her feelings because I had just told her that she was 'no work of art' I ment it in the literal sence, then went on to say that the camera loves her and her pictures are beautiful. She took that to mean I only thought the pictures were beautiful and not her. When I told the artist that her little sister's body is a work of art and not to fuck it up, I felt hurt that I had said that right after telling her a few nights before that she was no work of art. My intention at the time was to make suer the tatto artist did not fuck her body up with a bad tattoo. I felt really guilty about saying that and told my soul mate what I had said to the tattoo artist, and she got mad. I knew she would get mad but I had to get the 'guilty secret' out. I think I told her she was no work of art because I don't want her to think she can just leave me and have any guy she wants. She told me over and over again how much she loves me and everything, I shouldn't have anything to fear, but there are too many unknows. And after how I treated her in the past I can understand how she would never trust me again. Anyway I think it's over now, I don't think she wants anything to do with me anymore. I'm hurt, confused and feeling like I have lost the most important person in my life twice now. Last time it happened, it tore my life appart and I spent 15 years trying to remove the image and love I felt for her from my mind, but never could. I don't think I will ev
I have to go along with CG on this. I have the best relationship with my wife. I love her, and she loves me. She is more than I deserve. When we talk, we both assume the other is saying good, not bad. But she is a person, and she has problems, like I do. When I married my ex, I was sure she was the person I wanted to stay with for the rest of my life. She is a person, and she has problems, too. I was able to learn enough from her to help make my wife and my marriage the loving success it is. If my wife dies before me, and my children are out of the house, I will look for another women to be my best friend and lover. I will have high standard, because I will have the example of my wife, and how good marriage can be. ----- You may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Is she still the wonderful woman you knew then? The one who made the mistake of getting involved with you and then dumped you? She may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Look at what the problems were before. Is the relationship different? See if you think you are a white knight coming in to save her. If you are, it will get you a lot of physical love, for a while. Then the reality will arrive. You can't white knight through life. I've had a couple friends get back with their first true loves. It never turned out well. If you really believe she 'deserves better then you', you should seek help, you have issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and in retrospect, have since I was 8. I went through the same thing. :sigh: Believing that if she had to tell me what she wanted, I didn't know and so was f'ed up. Disbelief in my personal worth to other people. You have to get over it, and that is not something you can force. You need solid professional help to figure out your foibles and help you on the right track. Better living through chemistry is not just a DuPont ad. I have had a better life because of good medical care and SSRIs, DSRIs, Lithium and a small boat load of supplements. :) I hope you are able to find help :rose: If you have decided to leave it alone, don't put her on a pedestal and fawn over her. Dump your memories of her, as they will get in the way of any other relationship you may enter. :rose: Good decisions are ahead of you. Just make them well.
Opacity, the new Transparency.
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TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
. I was jsut afraid that she would leave me becauase she can have any one.
Well, that's retarded. If the only way you can 'keep' her, is to make her feel bad, then what does that tell you ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I took her little sister to get a tattoo
OK, this is not getting any better
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
and told my soul mate what I had said to the tattoo artist, and she got mad.
Well, that's dumb, too. If you say something that can be misinterpreted, let the women be the ones to make a big deal about it, don't go and do it for them.
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I have not been able to share love like that with any one else nor do I think I ever will.
Well, like I said, I don't believe that, but, if she's so important to you, why did you treat her this way ? More to the point, if she's so important to you, why are you talking to me about it and not her ?
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
she just doesn't understand what my intentions are when I say something
Well, that's just you and every other guy on the planet. I wonder if gay guys misunderstand each other the way that women do to us ? It sounds to me like you're getting yourself pretty wound up. Dude, I promise you, the soul mate thing is a myth. There's plenty of girls in this world you can have a happy relationship with, if this does not work out. But if you want her so bad, go and tell her. Be honest about your mistakes, and then if she accepts that, try to not make the same mistakes again.
Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista. Read my blog to find out how I've worked around bugs in Microsoft tools and frameworks.
Yes everything you said is correct, I told her. Yes I was wound up! I'm talking to you and others to help me get the biger picture. I need support! We talked last night, she was very hurt, I never ment to hurt her, it was a subconcious fear that just came out. I identified the issue. Seems we are moving on. She forgives me but is insecure when it comes to me, most likely because of the way I treated her in the past. I learn from my mistakes, I'm not going to make this one again with her. I do love her enough to do that! Thanks for all your input! :thumbsup:
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein "It didn't matter to us whether people believed in us. We believed in ourselves. We had the courage to follow our own path." ~~Nvidia's Jen-Hsun Huang
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I have to go along with CG on this. I have the best relationship with my wife. I love her, and she loves me. She is more than I deserve. When we talk, we both assume the other is saying good, not bad. But she is a person, and she has problems, like I do. When I married my ex, I was sure she was the person I wanted to stay with for the rest of my life. She is a person, and she has problems, too. I was able to learn enough from her to help make my wife and my marriage the loving success it is. If my wife dies before me, and my children are out of the house, I will look for another women to be my best friend and lover. I will have high standard, because I will have the example of my wife, and how good marriage can be. ----- You may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Is she still the wonderful woman you knew then? The one who made the mistake of getting involved with you and then dumped you? She may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Look at what the problems were before. Is the relationship different? See if you think you are a white knight coming in to save her. If you are, it will get you a lot of physical love, for a while. Then the reality will arrive. You can't white knight through life. I've had a couple friends get back with their first true loves. It never turned out well. If you really believe she 'deserves better then you', you should seek help, you have issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and in retrospect, have since I was 8. I went through the same thing. :sigh: Believing that if she had to tell me what she wanted, I didn't know and so was f'ed up. Disbelief in my personal worth to other people. You have to get over it, and that is not something you can force. You need solid professional help to figure out your foibles and help you on the right track. Better living through chemistry is not just a DuPont ad. I have had a better life because of good medical care and SSRIs, DSRIs, Lithium and a small boat load of supplements. :) I hope you are able to find help :rose: If you have decided to leave it alone, don't put her on a pedestal and fawn over her. Dump your memories of her, as they will get in the way of any other relationship you may enter. :rose: Good decisions are ahead of you. Just make them well.
Opacity, the new Transparency.
RichardM1 wrote:
I have the best relationship with my wife. I love her, and she loves me. She is more than I deserve. When we talk, we both assume the other is saying good, not bad. But she is a person, and she has problems, like I do. When I married my ex, I was sure she was the person I wanted to stay with for the rest of my life. She is a person, and she has problems, too. I was able to learn enough from her to help make my wife and my marriage the loving success it is.
Yes, this is the point we are trying to get to in our relationship! :)
RichardM1 wrote:
If my wife dies before me, and my children are out of the house, I will look for another women to be my best friend and lover. I will have high standard, because I will have the example of my wife, and how good marriage can be
I honestly don't think if that happened I would be able to get over her, I would be content in knowing I was in love with the 'best woman' of my life. I would just continue to cherish her even in death.:rose:
RichardM1 wrote:
You may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Is she still the wonderful woman you knew then? The one who made the mistake of getting involved with you and then dumped you? She may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Look at what the problems were before. Is the relationship different? See if you think you are a white knight coming in to save her. If you are, it will get you a lot of physical love, for a while. Then the reality will arrive. You can't white knight through life
We have both made incredible strides, and had setbacks. But we have learned from these mistakes and made many changes. :omg:
RichardM1 wrote:
I've had a couple friends get back with their first true loves. It never turned out well. If you really believe she 'deserves better then you', you should seek help, you have issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and in retrospect, have since I was 8. I went through the same thing.
Yeah, maybe she deserves better, she is my first true love! I plan on keeping it that way at all cost. We are able to talk about our problems. I also have mental issues, I am seeing a therapist she is guiding me through this process.:rose:
RichardM1 wrote:
B
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RichardM1 wrote:
I have the best relationship with my wife. I love her, and she loves me. She is more than I deserve. When we talk, we both assume the other is saying good, not bad. But she is a person, and she has problems, like I do. When I married my ex, I was sure she was the person I wanted to stay with for the rest of my life. She is a person, and she has problems, too. I was able to learn enough from her to help make my wife and my marriage the loving success it is.
Yes, this is the point we are trying to get to in our relationship! :)
RichardM1 wrote:
If my wife dies before me, and my children are out of the house, I will look for another women to be my best friend and lover. I will have high standard, because I will have the example of my wife, and how good marriage can be
I honestly don't think if that happened I would be able to get over her, I would be content in knowing I was in love with the 'best woman' of my life. I would just continue to cherish her even in death.:rose:
RichardM1 wrote:
You may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Is she still the wonderful woman you knew then? The one who made the mistake of getting involved with you and then dumped you? She may have learned stuff in the last 15 years, and maybe not. Look at what the problems were before. Is the relationship different? See if you think you are a white knight coming in to save her. If you are, it will get you a lot of physical love, for a while. Then the reality will arrive. You can't white knight through life
We have both made incredible strides, and had setbacks. But we have learned from these mistakes and made many changes. :omg:
RichardM1 wrote:
I've had a couple friends get back with their first true loves. It never turned out well. If you really believe she 'deserves better then you', you should seek help, you have issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and in retrospect, have since I was 8. I went through the same thing.
Yeah, maybe she deserves better, she is my first true love! I plan on keeping it that way at all cost. We are able to talk about our problems. I also have mental issues, I am seeing a therapist she is guiding me through this process.:rose:
RichardM1 wrote:
B
TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I honestly don't think if that happened I would be able to get over her, I would be content in knowing I was in love with the 'best woman' of my life. I would just continue to cherish her even in death
That is not the sign of a well grounded relationship. Spouses in well founded and loving relationships generally move on in their lives after the death of a partner. The worse the relationship, the harder it is to get over. This is from studies, not from me. I will never 'get over' my wife and will cherish our memories and children for the rest of my life, if not longer. But I could still fall in love with someone else. There have been a couple of women I have met, since we have been married, that I have consciously decided not spend any time with. I have liked them, and they me. I could see it going further, if steps were not taken to ensure it did not. So I took the needed steps. Nobody ever found the bodies (<- JOKE!). One of the reasons we are so close is that we decide to be close to each other, and not let ourselves get too close to others.
Opacity, the new Transparency.
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TheArchitectmc∞ wrote:
I honestly don't think if that happened I would be able to get over her, I would be content in knowing I was in love with the 'best woman' of my life. I would just continue to cherish her even in death
That is not the sign of a well grounded relationship. Spouses in well founded and loving relationships generally move on in their lives after the death of a partner. The worse the relationship, the harder it is to get over. This is from studies, not from me. I will never 'get over' my wife and will cherish our memories and children for the rest of my life, if not longer. But I could still fall in love with someone else. There have been a couple of women I have met, since we have been married, that I have consciously decided not spend any time with. I have liked them, and they me. I could see it going further, if steps were not taken to ensure it did not. So I took the needed steps. Nobody ever found the bodies (<- JOKE!). One of the reasons we are so close is that we decide to be close to each other, and not let ourselves get too close to others.
Opacity, the new Transparency.
RichardM1 wrote:
That is not the sign of a well grounded relationship.
Yeah, you are probably right on this, it is just how I feel. I know the 15 years we were apart, I had other relationships with women but could never get past inf actuation and intimacy and lead the relationship to stronger forms of love such as devotion. Mostly because my heart was still/is devoted to her. Perhaps if she passed away and I had some therapy about it, I might be able to move on, but if I was an old man by then and she didn't die of a freak accident or illness I think I would be content with living the rest of my life with loving memories of a long and wonderful relationship. I know I could never replace her, if she did die of a freak accident, I would have to go all the way through the grieving process before I could even remotely think about giving my love and affections to another woman. But that would also be hard, because I would always know at the same time that I loved her more and that no one could compair to how much love I felt/feel for her. So it would cause conflict in any new relationship. That is just what my logic says, I don't know; and have never had any experience with this. I don't know anyone who has suffered such a loss. Closest thing is my Mother and Fathers divorce, and I know my mother loved my Father so much she could not share her heart like that with anyone else. Perhaps her new husband she can, but it took many years for her to get to a position in her mind and heart where she realized my Father hurt her and she must move on. To be honest, they hurt each other, my Father would say the same thing, in fact he recently told me that no woman has ever even come close to comparing with the love he felt with my Mother. :(( As far as it being a well grounded relationship, it isn't yet. We are making plans to improve this and make this a well grounded relationship. There are a lot of factors on both sides of our families, resentment mostly and fear that we will hurt each other again, and that I will flip out like I did last time. I'm not going to flip out again, I have had 15 years of improving my tool set so that I know how to see my own problems when I am having one. I immediately confront the issue, resolve the feelings (on both sides), and learn from the mistake and change my life so I don't keep making the same mistake or repeating a negative behavior. I think this is very healthy, many relationships don't have these lines of c