Silly jokes [Long]
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
Brian Delahunty wrote: "I have five penises. ... Like a glove." ROTFLMAO.:-D:-D:-D My teenage daughters will love this one. Chris Meech
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
+5 Funny. Nice, made my day. Been in the need of a good laugh today. Michael Life’s not a song. Life isn’t bliss. Life is just this. It’s living. -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once more, with feeling
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
Ah, the corny ones are always the funniest. A simple play on words is often funnier than a hugely complex punchline. And easier to get, of course. :-D
Simon Walton
Sonork: 10024P
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
Brian Delahunty wrote: I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle. reminds me of an album from REO Speedwagon. "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish" :) Brian Delahunty wrote: A sandwich walks into a bar Nevermind the ending, thats just funny as it is.:laugh: BW "I'm coming with you! I got you fired, it's the least I can do. Well, the least I could do is absolutely nothing, but I'll go you one better and come along!" - Homer J. Simpson
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
Thanks for the good laugh. Another one I read on CP (so a big chance you read it 2): A VB programmer walks into a bar. Thud. ----------------------- New and improved: kwakkelflap.com My first CP article: Pseudoregisters[^] "When I hear of Schrödinger's cat, I reach for my gun." - Stephen Hawking
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Thanks for the good laugh. Another one I read on CP (so a big chance you read it 2): A VB programmer walks into a bar. Thud. ----------------------- New and improved: kwakkelflap.com My first CP article: Pseudoregisters[^] "When I hear of Schrödinger's cat, I reach for my gun." - Stephen Hawking
Kwakkie wrote: A VB programmer walks into a bar. Thud. lol. Regards, Brian Dela :-)
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Brian Delahunty wrote: I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle. reminds me of an album from REO Speedwagon. "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish" :) Brian Delahunty wrote: A sandwich walks into a bar Nevermind the ending, thats just funny as it is.:laugh: BW "I'm coming with you! I got you fired, it's the least I can do. Well, the least I could do is absolutely nothing, but I'll go you one better and come along!" - Homer J. Simpson
brianwelsch wrote: "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish" ROTFLMAO!!! :laugh: :laugh: Regards, Brian Dela :-)
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
Brian Delahunty wrote: Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." Old jokes, like old friends, are the best :cool:
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted --------------------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't servefood in here." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Dyslexic man walks into a bra. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and e
:doubles over in laughter, while people around give :wtf: looks: Thanks.... just what I needed after that 2 hour meeting. Brian Delahunty wrote: Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. :laugh: Brian Delahunty wrote: Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. :laugh::laugh: That's why I ramble so much. If you're short and quotable, there's a much greater danger of ending up in a sig. [Christopher Duncan on how to prevent yourself from ending up in a sig]