Opinions?
-
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
benjymous wrote: Opinions Honest ones? I would say give her a little space. Perhaps she's getting flack for meeting someone via the internet from her "real life" friends. While it seems perfectly normal to us, a lot of people don't even own pc's yet. If she comes round you will have gained a good friend, if she doesn't, she doesn't deserve our Benjy! ;)
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages Religion without Science is blind, Science without Religion is lame -Albert Einstein
-
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
Maybe she has got a better offer (or maybe has some personal problems that she feel able to discuss) but didn't want to hurt your feelings. The cash flow thing is an often used excuse for avoiding doing something. By offering to give her a lift you've backed her into a bit of a corner as she'd need to find another reason not to visit. Don't push it. Ask her in a week, if she still fancies visiting. If she says she is still skint then tell her the offer of a lift is still there if she wants it. Michael Fat bottomed girls You make the rockin' world go round -- Queen
-
benjymous wrote: Opinions Honest ones? I would say give her a little space. Perhaps she's getting flack for meeting someone via the internet from her "real life" friends. While it seems perfectly normal to us, a lot of people don't even own pc's yet. If she comes round you will have gained a good friend, if she doesn't, she doesn't deserve our Benjy! ;)
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages Religion without Science is blind, Science without Religion is lame -Albert Einstein
Well, considering a good chunk of her real life friends are people she met though the internet in the first place, I don't think that's too much of a problem Though I do get the impression that her parents are a bit wary of her meeting practical strangers (she still lives at home as she can't afford to get her own place), so I think it's possible that she's getting too much flak from them :( -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
benjymous wrote: Opinions Honest ones? I would say give her a little space. Perhaps she's getting flack for meeting someone via the internet from her "real life" friends. While it seems perfectly normal to us, a lot of people don't even own pc's yet. If she comes round you will have gained a good friend, if she doesn't, she doesn't deserve our Benjy! ;)
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages Religion without Science is blind, Science without Religion is lame -Albert Einstein
Megan Forbes wrote: she doesn't deserve our Benjy look out benjy - Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you - we'll have to try and contact this Brendon chappie of hers and see if he can put her in the club in order to distarct her for the next few years
Technically speaking the dictionary would define Visual Basic users as programmers.
But here again, a very generalized, liberal definition is being employed and it's wrong
- just plain wrong - Tom Archer 5/12/02 -
Megan Forbes wrote: she doesn't deserve our Benjy look out benjy - Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you - we'll have to try and contact this Brendon chappie of hers and see if he can put her in the club in order to distarct her for the next few years
Technically speaking the dictionary would define Visual Basic users as programmers.
But here again, a very generalized, liberal definition is being employed and it's wrong
- just plain wrong - Tom Archer 5/12/02Shaun Wilde wrote: Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you - we'll have to try and contact this Brendon chappie of hers and see if he can put her in the club in order to distarct her for the next few years :laugh: There's nothing he would like more - I don't want to have kids for another 3 years though. A couple of reasons for this - I would like to finish a masters in comp science first, I would like to feel I have enough experience of different systems to contract from home and spends lots of time with the little one, and also so that we have at least started paying off a home and gathered some savings so that the financial strain won't force me back into an office.
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages Religion without Science is blind, Science without Religion is lame -Albert Einstein
-
Megan Forbes wrote: she doesn't deserve our Benjy look out benjy - Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you - we'll have to try and contact this Brendon chappie of hers and see if he can put her in the club in order to distarct her for the next few years
Technically speaking the dictionary would define Visual Basic users as programmers.
But here again, a very generalized, liberal definition is being employed and it's wrong
- just plain wrong - Tom Archer 5/12/02Shaun Wilde wrote: look out benjy - Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you Actually, tbh, I'm reaching the stage where that wouldn't seem like a bad idea. I've pretty much exhausted all the "standard" ways of meeting someone (I'm not attracted to underage alcholic smokers, so pubs/bars are out of the window, and the office is 99% male, so socialsing with collegues doesn't offer much chance either). -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
Shaun Wilde wrote: look out benjy - Megan is getting maternal - she'll start matchmaking you Actually, tbh, I'm reaching the stage where that wouldn't seem like a bad idea. I've pretty much exhausted all the "standard" ways of meeting someone (I'm not attracted to underage alcholic smokers, so pubs/bars are out of the window, and the office is 99% male, so socialsing with collegues doesn't offer much chance either). -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
benjymous wrote: Actually, tbh, I'm reaching the stage where that wouldn't seem like a bad idea Hear that Megan - that sounds like an open invitation :) benjymous wrote: I'm not attracted to underage alcholic smokers aye but they can be pretty to look at as long as they take the fire stick out of the gob
Technically speaking the dictionary would define Visual Basic users as programmers.
But here again, a very generalized, liberal definition is being employed and it's wrong
- just plain wrong - Tom Archer 5/12/02 -
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
At first I thought she was having second thoughts because the first time you meet someone from online is hair raising, especially if it involves commitment of big distances. But then you mentioned most of her "real" friends she met online anyway, so that can't be the case. Maybe as Michael hints she feels a bit pressured by your offer (even though you meant it in the best way possible.) If I was you, and I have done this in this kind of situation, I would phone her up and ask her bluntly what the story is. She would not appreciate you vacilating on her, so you should not appreciate it either. Confront it, whatever the story you will at least have reached a decision and neither then have to worry. She may just not know how to tell you she has changed her mind or there is someone else she wants to spend NEw Years with. Just get an answer either way IMO. I could tell you a scary story of long distance online friendship involving me travelling miles and miles to be turned back at her door. But that would not help and was one bad situation out of many good ones that I have experienced. Just one tip: Don't think just pitching up at her door without confirmation is a good idea. It is not!
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
-
At first I thought she was having second thoughts because the first time you meet someone from online is hair raising, especially if it involves commitment of big distances. But then you mentioned most of her "real" friends she met online anyway, so that can't be the case. Maybe as Michael hints she feels a bit pressured by your offer (even though you meant it in the best way possible.) If I was you, and I have done this in this kind of situation, I would phone her up and ask her bluntly what the story is. She would not appreciate you vacilating on her, so you should not appreciate it either. Confront it, whatever the story you will at least have reached a decision and neither then have to worry. She may just not know how to tell you she has changed her mind or there is someone else she wants to spend NEw Years with. Just get an answer either way IMO. I could tell you a scary story of long distance online friendship involving me travelling miles and miles to be turned back at her door. But that would not help and was one bad situation out of many good ones that I have experienced. Just one tip: Don't think just pitching up at her door without confirmation is a good idea. It is not!
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
I already have phoned her (Part of her financial worries stem from the fact that she tends to oversleep, miss the bus to work, and end up having to get a taxi, so I've been using up the free minutes on my phone to wake her up in the mornings. She just said that she'd had a bad evening, and I didn't really feel like pushing for more info) I've also already told her that I really won't mind if there is a reason that she just can't come, so hopefully if she decides she can tell me, then she will :| -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. See? I told you asking computer geeks for help on your love life is pointless. ------- signature starts "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 Please review the Legal Disclaimer in my bio. ------- signature ends
-
Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. See? I told you asking computer geeks for help on your love life is pointless. ------- signature starts "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 Please review the Legal Disclaimer in my bio. ------- signature ends
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. That's where the use of guns meet the one of women or tequila. :| John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: See? I told you asking computer geeks for help on your love life is pointless Can't be some geeks schizophrenic and live also a social life ? :)
I hurt so bad inside I wish you could see the world through my eyes It stays the same I just wanna laugh again
-
Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. See? I told you asking computer geeks for help on your love life is pointless. ------- signature starts "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 Please review the Legal Disclaimer in my bio. ------- signature ends
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. If only it were that easy. I could probably get a pellet gun, and give myself a nasty headache -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
Go out, buy a gun, and shoot yourself in the head. See? I told you asking computer geeks for help on your love life is pointless. ------- signature starts "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 Please review the Legal Disclaimer in my bio. ------- signature ends
ROFLMAO. I was just waiting for John to say this. I've missed this on a few other similiar posts. Michael Fat bottomed girls You make the rockin' world go round -- Queen
-
ROFLMAO. I was just waiting for John to say this. I've missed this on a few other similiar posts. Michael Fat bottomed girls You make the rockin' world go round -- Queen
There are so few things you can rely on in this world any more... :) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
I already have phoned her (Part of her financial worries stem from the fact that she tends to oversleep, miss the bus to work, and end up having to get a taxi, so I've been using up the free minutes on my phone to wake her up in the mornings. She just said that she'd had a bad evening, and I didn't really feel like pushing for more info) I've also already told her that I really won't mind if there is a reason that she just can't come, so hopefully if she decides she can tell me, then she will :| -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
benjymous wrote: She just said that she'd had a bad evening, and I didn't really feel like pushing for more info Sorry to be harsh benjy but that phone call obviously resolved nothing. I have realised after years of being a push over with girls that you have to think about yourself as well. She would not appreciate you treating her like this, so you have every right to get a straight answer out of her. I adore women but they are human to and you have to sometimes be quite firm with them. Maybe I am wrong but by the fact that you posted this problem for all of us to see indicates that you have above average feelings for her. This is obviously worrying you and needs to be resolved. Only way to resolve it is to confront her. No point in agonising over it and trying to analyse every word she said for hidden meaning. We can speculate and gather around and provide support, but that is all we can do. Ahh, chicks. They drive us mad, but damnit it is worth it :-D
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
-
There are so few things you can rely on in this world any more... :) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
benjymous wrote: There are so few things you can rely on in this world any more... And the things you least want to rely on are becoming the most reliable. Like spam. And my opinions...
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
-
benjymous wrote: She just said that she'd had a bad evening, and I didn't really feel like pushing for more info Sorry to be harsh benjy but that phone call obviously resolved nothing. I have realised after years of being a push over with girls that you have to think about yourself as well. She would not appreciate you treating her like this, so you have every right to get a straight answer out of her. I adore women but they are human to and you have to sometimes be quite firm with them. Maybe I am wrong but by the fact that you posted this problem for all of us to see indicates that you have above average feelings for her. This is obviously worrying you and needs to be resolved. Only way to resolve it is to confront her. No point in agonising over it and trying to analyse every word she said for hidden meaning. We can speculate and gather around and provide support, but that is all we can do. Ahh, chicks. They drive us mad, but damnit it is worth it :-D
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
Paul Watson wrote: Ahh, chicks. They drive us mad, but damnit it is worth it I have only one thing to say to that... "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done" :rolleyes: :cool:
I knew it would end badly when I first met Chris in a Canberra alleyway and he said 'try some - it won't hurt you'..... - Christian Graus on Code Project outages Damned nice for remote servers where using Enterprise Manager is like wadding through treacle while covered in velcro, upside down -Paul Watson on SQL Server Query Analyser
-
benjymous wrote: There are so few things you can rely on in this world any more... And the things you least want to rely on are becoming the most reliable. Like spam. And my opinions...
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChristopher Duncan wrote: Which explains why when Santa asked, "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" I said, "A life." (Accesories sold separately)
and how bad vending machine coffee always is -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
-
I have a friend who I've been chatting to online for some time now, who I invited to come visit for New Year's. At first she was (quite rightly) somewhat wary about travelling half way across the country [4 hour coach trip] to visit people she doesn't really know (she's talked to my housemate too), so suggested that I meet her first, (on her own turf, as it were) We did this last weekend, and everything went well (as far as I can tell), and I'm pretty certain now that she's convinced I'm not some kind of looney serial killer. Anyway, talking to her the other night, she suddenly started mentioning that she was a bit worried about her cash flow situation (especially around christmas), so probably wouldn't be able to make it for New Year's after all. (But did say she'd probably be able to visit at the end of january instead) I told her that I was perfectly happy to come get her (as the journey by car works out faster and cheaper than a coach journey) but that just made her quieter and more withdrawn, which worries me that there may be more to it, but I'm too paranoid now to want to approach the subject any more, out of fear of making things worse. I guess there could be some other reason for her to not be able to come, but it worries me that she feels unable to tell me if there is. She seemed fine this morning, but I didn't really dwell on the subject bar a "are you sure you're ok" query. So really, what I want to know, is do you think she was just having a bad day and didn't feel like talking, or should I be more worried (and am I better off just leaving the topic alone, or should I try and find out what is wrong?) Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!
benjymous wrote: Oh, and by the way, I just consider her a good friend, and (currently) have no intentions of taking it any further (if you get what I mean) - she's fully aware of this, and feels the same way (even though we're both sad, lonely and single) I hear wedding bells in the distance. You know what women are like. Ask her if she has her rags on, and if she says no, then ask her what her problem is. Take this advice at your own peril. Christian No offense, but I don't really want to encourage the creation of another VB developer. - Larry Antram 22 Oct 2002 C# will attract all comers, where VB is for IT Journalists and managers - Michael P Butler 05-12-2002 Again, you can screw up a C/C++ program just as easily as a VB program. OK, maybe not as easily, but it's certainly doable. - Jamie Nordmeyer - 15-Nov-2002
