Fed up, bored and broody

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

That sums up my mood for the last couple of days. On Friday the company laid a bunch of people off (two of our testers among them), which hasn't helped morale here. We've major releases looming and that's the last thing we need. On top of that, I'm just feeling bored with what I do right now...I'm so much more of a people person than I used to be, and in all honesty working in a male-dominated environment really doesn't suit me anymore. No matter how they try, I'm rather alone here. I really can't afford a career or job change though - at the moment it's way too risky. To cap it all, I'm getting broody...in effect grieving for the child I can never carry. It always happens all at once, doesn't it? What a week. X| Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[SimonS]

I feel your pain. I'm sitting at work doing bugger-all and getting mildly frustrated to say the least. Don't get me wrong, CP is great, but, well, I need more. Call me greedy. If I had the balls (hypocrit) I'd sell everything, buy a jeep and move down to the coast tomorrow. Instead I sell my soul to the devil. Gimme time . . . Cheers, Simon "The day I swan around in expensive suits is the day I hope someone puts a bullet in my head.", Chris Carter. animation mechanics in SVG

[ColinDavies]

Just to cheer you up, I ahve finally got a good but brief well paying gig, and everything is going extrely well. Another couple of months and I'll be doing menial work again to feed the family. Life has it's ups and downs, you just gotta ride them out. Regardz Colin J Davies

Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin

I'm guessing the concept of a 2 hour movie showing two guys eating a meal and talking struck them as 'foreign' Rob Manderson wrote:

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

Thanks Simon. It always helps knowing people care. :) Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

Thanks Colin. Considering everything that's happened, I tihnk I'm coping pretty well...it's just that my concentration is fairly shot right now and I really need to be around my peers - the guys can't really help there. On top of that, feeling broody is something I can't ever do anything about. It hits from time to time, and I just have to ride it out when it does. :( Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[Debs 0]

Anna-Jayne Metcalfe wrote: To cap it all, I'm getting broody...in effect grieving for the child I can never carry. But you do have children, yes? Some people can't even do that. It's a bit flip to say count your blessings, I know, so sorry! Debbie

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

Debs wrote: But you do have children, yes? Some people can't even do that. It's a bit flip to say count your blessings, I know, so sorry! Oh believe me I do hun. I may have been forced to leave them but I'll always love them deeply no matter what happens in the future. :rose: All my life I've wanted to carry a child...it's just that I didn't dare admit it even to myself until recently. The problem is that fathering a child isn't the same thing...looking back, it all seems so alien and unreal. I remember feeling jealous of Karen when she was pregnant, and hating myself for it. :( I've talked to others in one of the support groups I'm a member of, and it's very common among us. Once we transition we unlock all the feelings that have been repressed, and this is the one we can't ever do anything about. The only way I can cope with it is to cry my way through it and wait for it to pass. Even when I've done that I know it'll be back sooner or later. :(( Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[Paul Watson]

Anna-Jayne Metcalfe wrote: It always happens all at once, doesn't it? What a week. Anna-Jayne Metcalfe wrote: On top of that, I'm just feeling bored with what I do right now.. Anna-Jayne Metcalfe wrote: To cap it all, I'm getting broody Now who needs a holiday... ;) Go and buy that cottage and start painting.

Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa

Roger Wright wrote: Using a feather is kinky; using the whole chicken is perverted!

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

Paul Watson wrote: Now who needs a holiday... I wish I could. Right now I daren't use more of my leave allowance than I have to as I'm averaging 1-3 days off a month for treatment, legal rubbish etc. :( Paul Watson wrote: Go and buy that cottage and start painting. I couldn't get a mortgage now if I tried. The only thing I can do is ride it out. It will pass....this time. But it will be back. :(( I can't hide how I feel anymore. Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[LittleYellowBird]

Paul, I might be way off line here - so please forgive me if I am, but have you got me muddled up with Anna-Jayne? (If you haven't then just ignore me and assume I've gone mad.... its not unuseaul! :)) Ali

[Paul Watson]

Alison Pentland wrote: Paul, I might be way off line here - so please forgive me if I am, but have you got me muddled up with Anna-Jayne? Woops. You are not mad, I am, I got you mixed up. Two people, of female persuasion, replied to my Simple Life post with "go have a holiday." I thought one was Anna, but I now realise it was you and Meg. Apologies :) Still... she sounds like she needs a holiday.

Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa

Roger Wright wrote: Using a feather is kinky; using the whole chicken is perverted!

[LittleYellowBird]

Anna-Jayne Metcalfe wrote: To cap it all, I'm getting broody...in effect grieving for the child I can never carry. I'm sorry, I sort of know how you feel. Its not the same I know but I get broody too. (I've been pregnant twice, each time its taken ages to conceive then I've had a miscarriage - its very sad.) Sometimes life seems so unfar. There are so many things that can be fixed for us in the modern world, but sadly not everything :(. I always try to remember the good times, and believe they will come around again - I'm sure they will. Thinking of you :rose: Ali

[LittleYellowBird]

Paul Watson wrote: Woops. You are not mad, I am, I got you mixed up. No worries :-D Ali

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

Thanks hun :rose: I know I'm definitely not alone in this...many biological women can't conceive either, and they will feel the same pain I and my sisters do. There's just nothing medicine can do for us in that regard yet. :(( What keeps me going is my friends[^] and the optimism I have for life. I'll get through this, but I know I'll shed a lot of tears on the way. That's just my way of coping - I can't bottle things up anymore. Anna :rose: www.annasplace.me.uk

"Be yourself - not what others think you should be"
- Marcia Graesch

Trouble with resource IDs? Try the Resource ID Organiser Add-In for Visual C++

[benjymous]

Well, it'd be somewhat facetious of me to try and say that I know how you feel, but I guess in a few ways I do. I'm currently sat at home having taken the day off work, as I felt really unwell this morning when I was supposed to be getting out of bed. I'm pretty certain know that there was nothing actually wrong with me, and it's just the stress of work making me feel awful (stuck in a job I used to love but now hate completely) I'm also feeling somewhat down, as I've finally been able to admit my feelings to the one girl I feel I've ever loved (you might remember my post about her will she/won't she visit at new years - well that never did happen in the end, but she finally visited this weekend) As I'm an utter coward in such things emotional, I'd written down exactly how I felt so that I'd be able to give it to her, as I'd figured I'd not be able to find the courage to actually just tell her. The good news is that she's still talking to me (and as I consider her the closest friend I've ever had, losing that is the worst thing I can imagine) but otherwise I feel a bit left in the dark. I think my admission came as quite a shock to her, so I guess I'll have to wait for her to really sort everything out in her head first. I'd offer you a hug, but make sure you've got a pointy stick ready to get rid of me, as I'm likely to not let go -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!

[Anna Jayne Metcalfe]

benjymous wrote: Well, it'd be somewhat facetious of me to try and say that I know how you feel, but I guess in a few ways I do. Thank you. :rose: In reality, none of us can truly understand what each other feels. All we can do is do our best and you have my heartfelt gratitude for that. :) benjymous wrote: I'm currently sat at home having taken the day off work, as I felt really unwell this morning when I was supposed to be getting out of bed. I'm pretty certain know that there was nothing actually wrong with me, and it's just the stress of work making me feel awful (stuck in a job I used to love but now hate completely) Sad to say, I've been there...my last job was slowly killing me through stress and overwork. Two of my co-workers weren't so lucky...one had a nervous breakdown and one committed suicide. :(( At the moment I find working as a developer difficult...although I'm just as creative as ever I now find it really hard to enjoy sitting in front of a screen all day. In all honesty, I'd rather be out and about helping people...but that wouldn't pay my bills, sadly. benjymous wrote: I'm also feeling somewhat down, as I've finally been able to admit my feelings to the one girl I feel I've ever loved (you might remember my post about her will she/won't she visit at new years - well that never did happen in the end, but she finally visited this weekend) As I'm an utter coward in such things emotional, I'd written down exactly how I felt so that I'd be able to give it to her, as I'd figured I'd not be able to find the courage to actually just tell her. The good news is that she's still talking to me (and as I consider her the closest friend I've ever had, losing that is the worst thing I can imagine) but otherwise I feel a bit left in the dark. I think my admission came as quite a shock to her, so I guess I'll have to wait for her to really sort everything out in her head first. Aw hun I do understand. I've been there so many times, believe me! I used to either scare girls off because they couldn't figure me out, or I fell for them and they wanted me as a friend. I've made some monumental cock-ups int he past. Although I'm now healed in many ways, socially I'm a complete novice...and believe me being TS really mucks up your sexuality (I don't even know what I want right now - man, woman or both...). It's very confusing. :confused: benjymous wrote: I'd offer yo

[Megan Forbes]

Wow benjy - sorry to hear that. Good luck - sometimes these things just take time, and with relationships sometimes the more time the take, the better the result in the long run :rose: As for your job - what do you actually do? And how far from London are you? It looks like things might start improving around London somewhat, jobwise.

---

A pack of geeks, pale and skinny, feeling a bit pumped and macho after a morning of strenuous mouse clicking and dragging, arriving en masse at the gym. They carefully reset the machines to the lowest settings, offer to spot for each other on the 5 lb dumbells, and rediscover the art of macrame while attempting to jump rope. -Roger Wright on my colleagues and I going to gym each day at lunch

[benjymous]

Thanks - my biggest fear was that I'd scare her away and make her reluctant to talk to me, but she seems to be ok with it, from what I can tell. (I guess her reactions could be summed up by her basically telling me not to be so silly) In a way I feel like I've betrayed her friendship, as I know I have been the one person she's felt she was able to talk to when anything had upset her, and now, obviously, if she is upset about what I've said to her she must feel a bit stuck as to who to talk it over with :( Well I work for a games company (plenty of clicketies in my profile) but have spent most of my time doing mindnumbingly boring database stuff (which tends to get stressfull as I end up being the intermediatary between the people entering the data, and the people who actually use the data in the application. Of course when something goes wrong with the data, it's my fault for not exporting it properly) It's depressing, as making games has always been my passion, but instead I'm stuck doing database programming, and I can't help feeling that I'd have been better off taking a boring database programming job for some huge city corporation, where at least I'd be well paid. I live in Leamington (about 20 minutes away from Birmingham or Coventry), so it'd be a couple of hours drive to get into London, and I'm not really sure if I'd want to live down there anyway (besides, the further south I go, the further away it takes me from Grimsby, where she lives) -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!