LOTR parody

Roger Allen

The streets of Minas Tirith were today thronged with people protesting government plans to pursue a war against Mordor. Thousands of Gondorian citizens were bolstered by a large contingent of Easterlings, Southrons and swarthy half-men from Bree, as well as isolated representatives from other races. Most protestors agreed that the current White Council policy of sending lone hobbits into Mordor was the correct one under the circumstances and Sauron had as yet given no greater cause to widen any operations against him. "Sauron has given repeated assurances that he has no interest in acquiring Rings of Power" said Ilmiris, daughter of Manador, spokesperson for the marchers. "Ever since his invasion of Eriador was defeated at the end of the second age, Sauron has been a shadow of his former self, howling in the wilderness. It is unthinkable that he should ever grow once again into a threat to the free peoples of the world. This proposed war is one of pure imperialist aggression by Aragorn son of Arathorn. It was his ancestor who started the last war against Mordor, and Aragorn just wants to prove that he can be just as good at warfare as his granddaddy was." Grima Wormtongue, spokesman for White Council chairman Saruman the White, was quick to agree. "Sauron is no threat to the West, none at all. He desires simply to be left alone. The threats to attack Mordor simply reflect the desire of Aragorn to control the rich natural resources of molten lava, volcanic dust and tangled brambles that exist there. All right thinking people should reject this without thinking too deeply. I repeat: do not think too deeply, especially about the people Sauron has killed. You will only upset yourself unnecessarily." On the face of it, the peace protestors have a point. Weapons inspectors dispatched to Mordor by the White Council have found evidence of Ring of Power manufacturing facilities, but they appear not to have been used in some time; perhaps not since the end of the Second Age. However, hawks in the Aragorn administration insist that Sauron remains a threat. Gandalf the Grey, member of the White Council and reputed Maiar from the West, insisted that Sauron desires Rings of Power with all his might, and would not rest until he had cast a second darkness over all the free peoples of Middle Earth. In a passionate speech to the people of Gondor, he repeated his warning that the old alliance between men and elves was in danger of fracturing and leaving all vulnerable. Gandalf went on to list the infractions of White

Debs 0

Hmmm, bit like the film: overlong! :zzz: (Funnily enough I never felt like that about the books, but I was younger and had more time :eek:) Debbie

Megan Forbes

Roger Allen wrote: All right thinking people should reject this without thinking too deeply. I repeat: do not think too deeply, especially about the people Sauron has killed. You will only upset yourself unnecessarily Ok - I couldn't select the whole post, but there's one line I really like. Well written Roger :)

But I am fantastic in bed! And there are gorgeous women in all the houses I pass. And it would be wrong to leave them unsatisfied! So spam is the only way... - Paul Watson

Roger Allen

Megan Forbes wrote: Well written Roger I would like to claim that I am so articulate, bur it was a copy/paste operation. :~ Roger Allen Sonork 100.10016 Were you different as a kid? Did you ever say "Ooohhh, shiny red" even once? - Paul Watson 11-February-2003

Megan Forbes

Roger Allen wrote: I would like to claim that I am so articulate, bur it was a copy/paste operation :) Well, excellent, whoever wrote it :cool:

But I am fantastic in bed! And there are gorgeous women in all the houses I pass. And it would be wrong to leave them unsatisfied! So spam is the only way... - Paul Watson

benjymous

Google groups says John Wade's brother http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&threadm=3e53c5f7%240%2411365%24cc9e4d1f%40news.dial.pipex.com&rnum=1&prev=/groups%3Fq%3D%2522The%2Bstreets%2Bof%2BMinas%2BTirith%2Bwere%2Btoday%2Bthronged%2522%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26selm%3D3e53c5f7%25240%252411365%2524cc9e4d1f%2540news.dial.pipex.com%26rnum%3D1[^] so now you know :~ -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit!