These are for everyone-else-I-forgot-to-dedicate-a-joke-to-but-didn't-intend-to-forget-them-but-what-the-heck-give-a-lazy-guy-a-break-o

Rohit Sinha

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place .... Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ==== Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ==== Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ==== Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ==== Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ==== Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. === Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ==== Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ==== Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? ==== Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ==== Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ==== Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ==== Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ==== Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? - One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish What do you need when you have a car half full of cement and a lawyer in it? - More

Roger Wright

LOL!! Some good ones there... What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk. "Please don't put cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light" - Sign in a Bullhead City, AZ Restroom

Paul Watson

Roger Wright wrote: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. And reverse marks by the lawyer.

Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa

Macbeth muttered: I am in blood / Stepped in so far, that should I wade no more, / Returning were as tedious as go o'er DavidW wrote: You are totally mad. Nice.