Days that change your life forever...
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Hey Matt, I can't believe you didn't figure out she was pregnant - unless you never met in the last 3 months. Up till 6 months, perhaps even 7, women can hide it, but a fully pregnant woman managing to fool her boyfriend is unbelievable. :omg: Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Matt Newman wrote:
But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby.
That should be the end of the debate right there. Having a child when both parents don't want to (or can't) care for it is horribly unfair to everyone involved, most of all the child. Adoption is the way to go. The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
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Matt Newman wrote:
But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby.
That should be the end of the debate right there. Having a child when both parents don't want to (or can't) care for it is horribly unfair to everyone involved, most of all the child. Adoption is the way to go. The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
Michael Dunn wrote:
The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make.
Unless the GF's mom is prepared to adopt the child. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
Matt Newman wrote:
She is a bigger girl so it wasn't as obvious. But in hindsight.
Okay, and I take it that you guys weren't er sleeping together recently either. Anyway I can feel your shock! Most guys would lose it if they are told their GFs are pregnant, but to hear you are a dad, abruptly must be a total shock! Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
Matt Newman wrote:
But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby.
That should be the end of the debate right there. Having a child when both parents don't want to (or can't) care for it is horribly unfair to everyone involved, most of all the child. Adoption is the way to go. The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
Yeah, its not like we don't want the baby or don't care about it. We both feel that he would be better off in a better situation. Both of us are living paycheck to paycheck, are going to school fulltime, and working to make ends meet as two single people let alone with a baby. Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
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Matt Newman wrote:
She is a bigger girl so it wasn't as obvious. But in hindsight.
Okay, and I take it that you guys weren't er sleeping together recently either. Anyway I can feel your shock! Most guys would lose it if they are told their GFs are pregnant, but to hear you are a dad, abruptly must be a total shock! Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there!Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
Okay, and I take it that you guys weren't er sleeping together recently either. Anyway I can feel your shock! Most guys would lose it if they are told their GFs are pregnant, but to hear you are a dad, abruptly must be a total shock!
It was kind of a one time incident. Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
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Michael Dunn wrote:
The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make.
Unless the GF's mom is prepared to adopt the child. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there!That's not what I meant. The GF's mom can't make the "give it up for adoption or don't give it up" decision. If she wants to adopt him, great. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Matt Newman wrote:
I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. So as of last night I have a son.
:omg: How did she manage to hide it all this time?
Matt Newman wrote:
We are thinking about adoption
Adoption is the sane option. I'm sure there are lots of couples out there ready and willing to give your newborn a proper upbringing. It'll also take a great burden off you guys' shoulders. Regards, Alvaro
... since we've descended to name calling, I'm thinking you're about twenty pounds of troll droppings in a ten pound bag. - Vincent Reynolds
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Matt Newman wrote:
I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. So as of last night I have a son.
:omg: How did she manage to hide it all this time?
Matt Newman wrote:
We are thinking about adoption
Adoption is the sane option. I'm sure there are lots of couples out there ready and willing to give your newborn a proper upbringing. It'll also take a great burden off you guys' shoulders. Regards, Alvaro
... since we've descended to name calling, I'm thinking you're about twenty pounds of troll droppings in a ten pound bag. - Vincent Reynolds
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Wow! Well, there are plenty of families out there who want a kid but can't have one. Adoption is a good choice if you can't keep the kid. Conversely, there have been people that have regreted giving their kids up for adoption. Tough choice man. Frankly, I don't know what I would choose if I was in your spot and couldn't afford to have the kid grow up well. I'm just glad to hear the kid wasn't aborted. Really, she should've told you about it because it's your kid too (I hate when women do that crap). Sorry I don't have too much of real value to add here, but my thoughts are with you. Jeremy Falcon
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006I think you should have a long and serious talk with your girlfriend; and also with your parents; and your girldfriend parents. I hope that you both have a good families, and that they will support you. I also suggest that you get in contact with Social Services ( Community Center, Family Plannig Centers, Hospital,... ) to help you AS SOON AS POSSIBLE deal with a new born baby; it's not like you've have 9 months to prepare; you will need a lot of help.
Maximilien Lincourt Your Head A Splode - Strong Bad
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Well I think it's time to get past the "how she hid it stuff". As a father (starting at 25) and trying school and many other things during that time kids are a massive adjustment and that's if you *wanted* them. I'm now 31, have 3 kids and wouldn't trade it for the entire world. The nugget there is it gets better and better and better and better and better and better and better. But that's only if the mother is someone you love absolutely and will commit your life to (I know many here are divorced parents and it works out okay. I don't think any of you got married wanting to get a divorce later and Matt shouldn't either.) and you wanted to be a father. Those are two huge qualifiers and I don't think (it doesn't sound like) you meet either of them. So what do you do about it? Yeah, that's the crux of your question. What do you do? I won't blow sunshine off your butt and make this warm and fuzzy. If a nervous breakdown is all that happens here you got off easy.
- You decide to tie the knot with "Betty Dishonest" and you make a go at raising your son. The cons are obvious, the pros it's your son and you may never get another one. NEVER is a BIG WORD.
- You decide to offer up your son to a loving family and their are millions. The pros are obvious. The cons it's your son.
- You take a long hard look at life over the next 30 days. Don't make any decisions at all. Just take some time to think. After 30 days you meet with "Betty Dishonest" her mother and perhaps your family and you form a plan of action. This one is the hardest one as it's the most responsible thing to do and responsiblity carries like a mountain at times.
You are not in an easy situation at all but that can happen when Mr. and Mrs. Jone's get wiggly. I'd advise you change your habbits moving forward. There's more to life than sex and going without it until you are committed to a woman you totally love and you are ready to be a father isn't a bad idea. But we are getting a bit soapy here so I'll leave off with that. The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation. Aside from that welcome to being an adult. It's a bitch at times and there's no escape from your own actions. All I can say is take good notes. You are sure to need them later in life. - Rex Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006This same thing happened to my best friend..... twice. The girl is 5 ft Nothing and wears a size 1 maybe 2. Nobody (alledgedly, including the girl in question) knew she was pregnant the first time. The second time, people started to notice that she was wearing bigger t-shirts and not the tight clothes that she usually wears. Apparently she was asked directly if she was pregnant and said no. A couple months later they finally decided to go the doctor but a few days before the appointment, good morning baby number 2. Both of the babies were put up for adoption. Surprisingly enough, but very comforting, to the same family. Her mom offered (read "insisted") to adopt the first child, but everyone else involved talked her out of that. So you're not alone in this situation, but that doesn't make the situation any better for you. :rose: -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006I agree with some of the other posts. If you feel you are not ready for this, it is your (and your girlfried's) responsibility to give this child to a home that is better prepared for this. Keeping the baby for you girlfried's mother selfish desire to have a grandchild would be wrong. You have to think of this child's welfare first. My mom told me once that "while we all don't speak the same language, everyone in the world undestands an asskicking"
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Slow down a little. You just had a baby, without the benefit of 9 months to prepare for it. Catch your breath, do not panic, think about the rest of your life for a while (days, not minutes). Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption. This is a child with your girlfriend of how long? Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage. If you do get married I think giving up your child now will become a regret for the rest of your lives. I assume her mother is offering help. What about your parents? Did you tell them? Do not just take the easy way out and give up your child. You say that the child could be better off with parents that can provide more. Are you capable of working hard and earning a living. Just because you are young (22 is not that young to have a child - how old were your parents when they had their first child?) does not mean that you can not provide for your child. It does mean you will have a lot more responsibility to deal with. In time you will finish school, get a job, and be just as capable as some stranger. So far you have been given advice (here at CP) to go ahead with the adoption. But I suggest you take the other option, unless you are NOT CAPABLE of raising a child. Just because it happened at an inconvenient time (not according to a plan that you may have had) does not mean you are not capable. Congratulations. You are a father. Now it is time to be a man and become a Dad to your son. For me, that is the most meaningful accomplishment in my life. I hope it is for you too. Go talk to your parents, get their opinions. You have a big decision to make. To me it seems like an easy decision, with hard consequences, but the rewards are incredible. Good Luck
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Wow. That's life changing. Whatever choice you make, I'd suggest that you make it carefully, slowly, and with as any family and friends to support you. Yes, it's a private decision, but the only way to move forward, given the sudden shock of this, is with the support of your family and friends. Listen to what people say and consider their advice. People will have all sorts of feelings, and a good counter is "well, if we go that route, we'll need some help, so how can you help us?" kind of question, so that people take ownership of the advice they're so willing to hand out. An unbiased professional counselor might be a good idea to talk to also. Good luck, and if you want another soul to talk to, send me and email and I'll give you my phone number. Marc Pensieve Functional Entanglement vs. Code Entanglement Static Classes Make For Rigid Architectures Some people believe what the bible says. Literally. At least [with Wikipedia] you have the chance to correct the wiki -- Jörgen Sigvardsson
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This same thing happened to my best friend..... twice. The girl is 5 ft Nothing and wears a size 1 maybe 2. Nobody (alledgedly, including the girl in question) knew she was pregnant the first time. The second time, people started to notice that she was wearing bigger t-shirts and not the tight clothes that she usually wears. Apparently she was asked directly if she was pregnant and said no. A couple months later they finally decided to go the doctor but a few days before the appointment, good morning baby number 2. Both of the babies were put up for adoption. Surprisingly enough, but very comforting, to the same family. Her mom offered (read "insisted") to adopt the first child, but everyone else involved talked her out of that. So you're not alone in this situation, but that doesn't make the situation any better for you. :rose: -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
jasontg wrote:
Nobody (alledgedly, including the girl in question) knew she was pregnant
:~ That's one really stupid girl there then! Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
Well I think it's time to get past the "how she hid it stuff". As a father (starting at 25) and trying school and many other things during that time kids are a massive adjustment and that's if you *wanted* them. I'm now 31, have 3 kids and wouldn't trade it for the entire world. The nugget there is it gets better and better and better and better and better and better and better. But that's only if the mother is someone you love absolutely and will commit your life to (I know many here are divorced parents and it works out okay. I don't think any of you got married wanting to get a divorce later and Matt shouldn't either.) and you wanted to be a father. Those are two huge qualifiers and I don't think (it doesn't sound like) you meet either of them. So what do you do about it? Yeah, that's the crux of your question. What do you do? I won't blow sunshine off your butt and make this warm and fuzzy. If a nervous breakdown is all that happens here you got off easy.
- You decide to tie the knot with "Betty Dishonest" and you make a go at raising your son. The cons are obvious, the pros it's your son and you may never get another one. NEVER is a BIG WORD.
- You decide to offer up your son to a loving family and their are millions. The pros are obvious. The cons it's your son.
- You take a long hard look at life over the next 30 days. Don't make any decisions at all. Just take some time to think. After 30 days you meet with "Betty Dishonest" her mother and perhaps your family and you form a plan of action. This one is the hardest one as it's the most responsible thing to do and responsiblity carries like a mountain at times.
You are not in an easy situation at all but that can happen when Mr. and Mrs. Jone's get wiggly. I'd advise you change your habbits moving forward. There's more to life than sex and going without it until you are committed to a woman you totally love and you are ready to be a father isn't a bad idea. But we are getting a bit soapy here so I'll leave off with that. The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation. Aside from that welcome to being an adult. It's a bitch at times and there's no escape from your own actions. All I can say is take good notes. You are sure to need them later in life. - Rex Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
Betty Dishonest
:) Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
code-frog wrote:
Betty Dishonest
:) Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there!Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me. My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me. :suss:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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Well I think it's time to get past the "how she hid it stuff". As a father (starting at 25) and trying school and many other things during that time kids are a massive adjustment and that's if you *wanted* them. I'm now 31, have 3 kids and wouldn't trade it for the entire world. The nugget there is it gets better and better and better and better and better and better and better. But that's only if the mother is someone you love absolutely and will commit your life to (I know many here are divorced parents and it works out okay. I don't think any of you got married wanting to get a divorce later and Matt shouldn't either.) and you wanted to be a father. Those are two huge qualifiers and I don't think (it doesn't sound like) you meet either of them. So what do you do about it? Yeah, that's the crux of your question. What do you do? I won't blow sunshine off your butt and make this warm and fuzzy. If a nervous breakdown is all that happens here you got off easy.
- You decide to tie the knot with "Betty Dishonest" and you make a go at raising your son. The cons are obvious, the pros it's your son and you may never get another one. NEVER is a BIG WORD.
- You decide to offer up your son to a loving family and their are millions. The pros are obvious. The cons it's your son.
- You take a long hard look at life over the next 30 days. Don't make any decisions at all. Just take some time to think. After 30 days you meet with "Betty Dishonest" her mother and perhaps your family and you form a plan of action. This one is the hardest one as it's the most responsible thing to do and responsiblity carries like a mountain at times.
You are not in an easy situation at all but that can happen when Mr. and Mrs. Jone's get wiggly. I'd advise you change your habbits moving forward. There's more to life than sex and going without it until you are committed to a woman you totally love and you are ready to be a father isn't a bad idea. But we are getting a bit soapy here so I'll leave off with that. The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation. Aside from that welcome to being an adult. It's a bitch at times and there's no escape from your own actions. All I can say is take good notes. You are sure to need them later in life. - Rex Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation.
So would pulling out. ;P Jeremy Falcon