Days that change your life forever...
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code-frog wrote:
I think you and I could go back and forth for about 10 minutes with "And so would..." a lot of things might have prevented this but you have to admit...
Yeah, except it was a joke. Well, ok it was about 70% joke. :-D Even pulling out still has its risks.
code-frog wrote:
It's life and it can spring up on you at times.
Yup. I think it's moments like these that help us grow up, so to speak. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
Yup. I think it's moments like these that help us grow up, so to speak.
Oh man! A truer thing I've never heard.:rose:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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Wow. That's life changing. Whatever choice you make, I'd suggest that you make it carefully, slowly, and with as any family and friends to support you. Yes, it's a private decision, but the only way to move forward, given the sudden shock of this, is with the support of your family and friends. Listen to what people say and consider their advice. People will have all sorts of feelings, and a good counter is "well, if we go that route, we'll need some help, so how can you help us?" kind of question, so that people take ownership of the advice they're so willing to hand out. An unbiased professional counselor might be a good idea to talk to also. Good luck, and if you want another soul to talk to, send me and email and I'll give you my phone number. Marc Pensieve Functional Entanglement vs. Code Entanglement Static Classes Make For Rigid Architectures Some people believe what the bible says. Literally. At least [with Wikipedia] you have the chance to correct the wiki -- Jörgen Sigvardsson
The fact that she isn't responsible enough to tell you she's pregnant is probably a good indication that she's not stable enough to raise a baby. Marc's advise is the best given, I'd listen to what he's said. For what it's worth, I've known several people who were adopted, all of whom turned out as happy, well adjusted people, including my uncle, who actually developed a great relationship with his real mom when he got older. [Edit] Whoops, I replied to the wrong comment. [/Edit] "My dog worries about the economy. Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost seven dollars in dog money" - Wacky humour found in a business magazine -- modified at 15:40 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Normally, I'd be saying congratulations, but a lot of 'being scared of the unknown' has come through in your post. Hopefully there are some counselling services available through the hospital or from some community service agencies. These would be the best for exploring all options available to you, your girlfriend and your son. Good Luck. Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] When I want privacy, I'll close the bathroom door. [Stan Shannon] BAD DAY FOR: Friendly competition, as Ford Motor Co. declared the employee parking lot at its truck plant in Dearborn, Mich., off limits to vehicles built by rival companies. Workers have to drive a Ford to work, or park across the street. [CNNMoney.com] Nice sig! [Tim Deveaux on Matt Newman's sig with a quote from me]
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Well I think it's time to get past the "how she hid it stuff". As a father (starting at 25) and trying school and many other things during that time kids are a massive adjustment and that's if you *wanted* them. I'm now 31, have 3 kids and wouldn't trade it for the entire world. The nugget there is it gets better and better and better and better and better and better and better. But that's only if the mother is someone you love absolutely and will commit your life to (I know many here are divorced parents and it works out okay. I don't think any of you got married wanting to get a divorce later and Matt shouldn't either.) and you wanted to be a father. Those are two huge qualifiers and I don't think (it doesn't sound like) you meet either of them. So what do you do about it? Yeah, that's the crux of your question. What do you do? I won't blow sunshine off your butt and make this warm and fuzzy. If a nervous breakdown is all that happens here you got off easy.
- You decide to tie the knot with "Betty Dishonest" and you make a go at raising your son. The cons are obvious, the pros it's your son and you may never get another one. NEVER is a BIG WORD.
- You decide to offer up your son to a loving family and their are millions. The pros are obvious. The cons it's your son.
- You take a long hard look at life over the next 30 days. Don't make any decisions at all. Just take some time to think. After 30 days you meet with "Betty Dishonest" her mother and perhaps your family and you form a plan of action. This one is the hardest one as it's the most responsible thing to do and responsiblity carries like a mountain at times.
You are not in an easy situation at all but that can happen when Mr. and Mrs. Jone's get wiggly. I'd advise you change your habbits moving forward. There's more to life than sex and going without it until you are committed to a woman you totally love and you are ready to be a father isn't a bad idea. But we are getting a bit soapy here so I'll leave off with that. The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation. Aside from that welcome to being an adult. It's a bitch at times and there's no escape from your own actions. All I can say is take good notes. You are sure to need them later in life. - Rex Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
CF - I was in the middle of writing up a response and read yours ... couldn't have said it any better myself. I became an "instant Dad" (girl friend's Son from previous marriage) at the age of 22. I was in college full-time, and my then girl-friend and I lived paycheck to paycheck. She worked nights, I worked days, and it sucked. But we did it. We survived and so did her son (and he's still happy with us, so we did something right ... although I'm not sure what). I'm much older now, and somewhat wiser, I married that girl-friend of mine, and have three children now. How do I feel about my kids, well: I'd get two jobs, go to school full-time, and swim all the oceans and seas of the world for my children and give my last breath to protect them from harm; but then, that's what being a parent is about. Matt: yes, having a child changes your life. Having one when you don't even expect it is even more difficult; but don't kid yourself for a second and think you can't raise the child (even if you're not married). Yes it will be hard. Yes there will be times when you want to curl up in a little ball and suck on your thumb ... life's a bitch ... learn to get over it. Both of you have made a seriously bad mistake; and your GF a terrible decision in keeping the truth from you; what's done is done, and now you must move forward. Now it's time that you take a step back, honestly, seriously think and evaluate the entire situation, search your heart and your soul, so you don't make another mistake that you cannot undo. Don't let others answer this question for you Matt; this must be a decision you make on your own. There are plenty of us that will gladly dish out child rearing advise ... but this initial choice ... that's one you must make for yourself. From what I've said here, you know what I would do ... sometimes, it takes a child to make a person see what they really are made of and want out of life.
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |Development Blogging|Viksoe.dk's Site -
I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Before replying, I have read all of the responses posted to date. When someone choosing to enter into a sexual relationship, even if it is only once, there is the possibility that a child will result. You are now a father and your girlfriend is now a mother; that is an awesome responsibility. Regardless of a persons physical size, they are still a person, and, as such, should be treated accordingly. Treat them as you would like to be treated. The question seems to be: give your son up for adoption or raise him. Some personal insight: my father's brother was killed in a trucking accident and left a young wife and two children. His wife tried to raise the boys herself, but came to the conclusion that she was not mentally prepared to do so. She asked my parents to raise them for her, and went to court to have my parents signed over as their legal guardians. From my perspective, even though they are biologically cousins, they are in reality my brothers - their children are my nieces and nephews. Family is who you are born to as well as who you choose. My advice then would be: pray for guidance, let God direct your path, and being willing to accept what He says. In Christ, Tim
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Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me. My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me. :suss:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me.
Amen to that! Jeremy Falcon
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006I agree with the comments by both Marc and Chris Meech on this. Professional help would be a great idea but don't seek it to escape your own family. You also *MUST* talk to your family about this and you just have to trust me on this. It's not just your son it's your fathers grand-son and that's a big deal. I think Bob Flynn is also on to something to. Just remember he's your son but he's a grandson, nephew, uncle, etc... to your entire family. Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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Slow down a little. You just had a baby, without the benefit of 9 months to prepare for it. Catch your breath, do not panic, think about the rest of your life for a while (days, not minutes). Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption. This is a child with your girlfriend of how long? Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage. If you do get married I think giving up your child now will become a regret for the rest of your lives. I assume her mother is offering help. What about your parents? Did you tell them? Do not just take the easy way out and give up your child. You say that the child could be better off with parents that can provide more. Are you capable of working hard and earning a living. Just because you are young (22 is not that young to have a child - how old were your parents when they had their first child?) does not mean that you can not provide for your child. It does mean you will have a lot more responsibility to deal with. In time you will finish school, get a job, and be just as capable as some stranger. So far you have been given advice (here at CP) to go ahead with the adoption. But I suggest you take the other option, unless you are NOT CAPABLE of raising a child. Just because it happened at an inconvenient time (not according to a plan that you may have had) does not mean you are not capable. Congratulations. You are a father. Now it is time to be a man and become a Dad to your son. For me, that is the most meaningful accomplishment in my life. I hope it is for you too. Go talk to your parents, get their opinions. You have a big decision to make. To me it seems like an easy decision, with hard consequences, but the rewards are incredible. Good Luck
Thanks for posting this. This is almost exactly what I wanted to post, and I've been thinking and debating how to best write this. Both you and code-frog beat me to it. ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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CF - I was in the middle of writing up a response and read yours ... couldn't have said it any better myself. I became an "instant Dad" (girl friend's Son from previous marriage) at the age of 22. I was in college full-time, and my then girl-friend and I lived paycheck to paycheck. She worked nights, I worked days, and it sucked. But we did it. We survived and so did her son (and he's still happy with us, so we did something right ... although I'm not sure what). I'm much older now, and somewhat wiser, I married that girl-friend of mine, and have three children now. How do I feel about my kids, well: I'd get two jobs, go to school full-time, and swim all the oceans and seas of the world for my children and give my last breath to protect them from harm; but then, that's what being a parent is about. Matt: yes, having a child changes your life. Having one when you don't even expect it is even more difficult; but don't kid yourself for a second and think you can't raise the child (even if you're not married). Yes it will be hard. Yes there will be times when you want to curl up in a little ball and suck on your thumb ... life's a bitch ... learn to get over it. Both of you have made a seriously bad mistake; and your GF a terrible decision in keeping the truth from you; what's done is done, and now you must move forward. Now it's time that you take a step back, honestly, seriously think and evaluate the entire situation, search your heart and your soul, so you don't make another mistake that you cannot undo. Don't let others answer this question for you Matt; this must be a decision you make on your own. There are plenty of us that will gladly dish out child rearing advise ... but this initial choice ... that's one you must make for yourself. From what I've said here, you know what I would do ... sometimes, it takes a child to make a person see what they really are made of and want out of life.
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |Development Blogging|Viksoe.dk's SiteYup! Yup! Yup! And Amen!:rose: Matt, what Doug said is the right thing. I have a son. Only one. God gave me 2 girls after him. You may not ever get another one. So temper this decision with a lot of deep reflection and patience.
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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Slow down a little. You just had a baby, without the benefit of 9 months to prepare for it. Catch your breath, do not panic, think about the rest of your life for a while (days, not minutes). Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption. This is a child with your girlfriend of how long? Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage. If you do get married I think giving up your child now will become a regret for the rest of your lives. I assume her mother is offering help. What about your parents? Did you tell them? Do not just take the easy way out and give up your child. You say that the child could be better off with parents that can provide more. Are you capable of working hard and earning a living. Just because you are young (22 is not that young to have a child - how old were your parents when they had their first child?) does not mean that you can not provide for your child. It does mean you will have a lot more responsibility to deal with. In time you will finish school, get a job, and be just as capable as some stranger. So far you have been given advice (here at CP) to go ahead with the adoption. But I suggest you take the other option, unless you are NOT CAPABLE of raising a child. Just because it happened at an inconvenient time (not according to a plan that you may have had) does not mean you are not capable. Congratulations. You are a father. Now it is time to be a man and become a Dad to your son. For me, that is the most meaningful accomplishment in my life. I hope it is for you too. Go talk to your parents, get their opinions. You have a big decision to make. To me it seems like an easy decision, with hard consequences, but the rewards are incredible. Good Luck
Yup sometimes when you "See the Elephant" you've just got to bare down and get the work done. If you don't you'll always wonder if you could have done it. That's a prison I'd never want to put my mind into.:rose:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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Slow down a little. You just had a baby, without the benefit of 9 months to prepare for it. Catch your breath, do not panic, think about the rest of your life for a while (days, not minutes). Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption. This is a child with your girlfriend of how long? Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage. If you do get married I think giving up your child now will become a regret for the rest of your lives. I assume her mother is offering help. What about your parents? Did you tell them? Do not just take the easy way out and give up your child. You say that the child could be better off with parents that can provide more. Are you capable of working hard and earning a living. Just because you are young (22 is not that young to have a child - how old were your parents when they had their first child?) does not mean that you can not provide for your child. It does mean you will have a lot more responsibility to deal with. In time you will finish school, get a job, and be just as capable as some stranger. So far you have been given advice (here at CP) to go ahead with the adoption. But I suggest you take the other option, unless you are NOT CAPABLE of raising a child. Just because it happened at an inconvenient time (not according to a plan that you may have had) does not mean you are not capable. Congratulations. You are a father. Now it is time to be a man and become a Dad to your son. For me, that is the most meaningful accomplishment in my life. I hope it is for you too. Go talk to your parents, get their opinions. You have a big decision to make. To me it seems like an easy decision, with hard consequences, but the rewards are incredible. Good Luck
There is so much wrong with your post... this may take a while.
Bob Flynn wrote:
Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption.
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage.
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
Bob Flynn wrote:
22 is not that young to have a child
Are you fucking kidding me?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child.
Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because it happened at an inconvenient time does not mean you are not capable.
Again, there is zero logic here. It happened at a time when they are not ready to have children. How you can ignore this is beyond my comprehension. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
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Hey Matt, I can't believe you didn't figure out she was pregnant - unless you never met in the last 3 months. Up till 6 months, perhaps even 7, women can hide it, but a fully pregnant woman managing to fool her boyfriend is unbelievable. :omg: Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there!Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
but a fully pregnant woman managing to fool her boyfriend is unbelievable
Not at all - some women barely show even at 9 months, while others are as wide as they are tall at three. Huge difference in people. :)
Now taking suggestions for the next release of CPhog...
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006First off, congratulations Matt. When you find the time, go have a quiet cigar while you reflect on the wonder that is a new life brought safely into this world, with all the promise that such an event brings. Whatever happens, whatever you both decide to do, don't lose sight of that. A mistake is falling backwards onto your toboggan while at the top of a steep slope. Life is what follows. ;) I'm neither wise nor experienced enough to try and give you advice. You know you have your work cut out for you, and that's enough to start with. Good luck and God bless.
Now taking suggestions for the next release of CPhog...
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I really think that it might be a really serious case of denial. To the point that she actually believed that she wasn't pregnant. That's what I hope at least. They are still together now... -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006I wonder how few children would be born if they were all planned. If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any. - Clarence Day
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Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me. My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me. :suss:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me
Similar thoughts went through my mind too. Having a 4 year old son myself, I'd be more inclined to ask myself whether I should keep the girlfriend...
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You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
My wife has talked to other people about this and apparently it is possible for women to have a very light version of that biological process while pregnant (the visible part, not everything else of course.) Another problem is that there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time. (Even the pill, if it is taken constantly.) I'm not condoning her denial. In fact it infuriates me. But they are still together, and I would like to think there is a better excuse. :~ -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
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You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
Smitha Vijayan wrote:
You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed.
That's why he said she was in self denial. Half-crazy I guess. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
There is so much wrong with your post... this may take a while.
Bob Flynn wrote:
Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption.
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage.
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
Bob Flynn wrote:
22 is not that young to have a child
Are you fucking kidding me?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child.
Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because it happened at an inconvenient time does not mean you are not capable.
Again, there is zero logic here. It happened at a time when they are not ready to have children. How you can ignore this is beyond my comprehension. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
Michael Dunn wrote:
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
I can not count the number of people in my own family that live pay-check to paycheck, including my own family while I was growing up. It meant no vacations, discount clothing stores, but I still managed.
Michael Dunn wrote:
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
This is deinitelty a point of concern, but based on Matt's message, he seems to still be in a relationship with her. Should he end it because she was affraid to tell him? More information is needed here. There are some many reasons why this could be the case - perhaps none of them acceptable to you, but neverless more information is needed. Why was she scared? Afraid he might leave her? You just demonstrated that her fear is justified. Again, this is an issue that they will have resolve.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: 22 is not that young to have a child Are you f***ing kidding me?
No, my parents were 22 and 20 when I was born (they were married though). My wife's parents were 18 ( they got married and are still married - they also lived paycheck to paycheck back then and even now). My brothers were 24 when they had their first children (they are also living paycheck to paycheck) Matt will not be the first person to go to school while working and raising a child. In fact, after my father died, my mother went to school, worked and raised children - and got all A's too. What we have here is a very difficult situation, but not an impossible one.
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There is so much wrong with your post... this may take a while.
Bob Flynn wrote:
Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption.
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage.
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
Bob Flynn wrote:
22 is not that young to have a child
Are you fucking kidding me?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child.
Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because it happened at an inconvenient time does not mean you are not capable.
Again, there is zero logic here. It happened at a time when they are not ready to have children. How you can ignore this is beyond my comprehension. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
I think just about everyone in this thread are making some massive assumptions about how this all panned out. Speaking for myself, I hardly know this guy at all. I *certainly* don't know anything about his relationship with his girlfriend. And neither do you or anyone else, based on the information that Matt presented.
Michael Dunn wrote:
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
You're making assumptions about what "Living paycheck to paycheck" means. People in many parts of the world would *kill* to live by what most of us consider "Living paycheck to paycheck" in the US. We have *zero* information on how much money this actually is. Nor do we have any information about his (or her) families financial situation and whether there would be help forthcoming in this situation. Many of us waste money left and right, so it's possible that there is more leeway in his statement than seem at first glance if both combined their incomes and got a serious dose of financial discipline.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: 22 is not that young to have a child Are you f***ing kidding me?
Who are you to judge this (or at least it seems like you're judgin this, if your not my apologies)? They were old enough to have sex, they are old enough to consider children. Unless you don't consider 22 old enough to have sex either.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child. Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Horsecrap, in the sense that they cannot provide for the child. Unless they are on foodstamps and quite literally living in rags with absolutely *no* financial support from their respective families, then this is just an excuse. I worked in a summer daycamp for 3 summers, in an extremely wealthy community. All of the parents provided for their children, they had the newest toys, clothing styles, and so on. And, from what I could see, almost all of the parents were jackasses whom I couldn't fathom why they ever had children, and I can only imagine the little spoiled mosters most of the kids turned into. The