Days that change your life forever...
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006First off, congratulations Matt. When you find the time, go have a quiet cigar while you reflect on the wonder that is a new life brought safely into this world, with all the promise that such an event brings. Whatever happens, whatever you both decide to do, don't lose sight of that. A mistake is falling backwards onto your toboggan while at the top of a steep slope. Life is what follows. ;) I'm neither wise nor experienced enough to try and give you advice. You know you have your work cut out for you, and that's enough to start with. Good luck and God bless.
Now taking suggestions for the next release of CPhog...
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I really think that it might be a really serious case of denial. To the point that she actually believed that she wasn't pregnant. That's what I hope at least. They are still together now... -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006I wonder how few children would be born if they were all planned. If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any. - Clarence Day
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Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me. My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me. :suss:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me
Similar thoughts went through my mind too. Having a 4 year old son myself, I'd be more inclined to ask myself whether I should keep the girlfriend...
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You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
My wife has talked to other people about this and apparently it is possible for women to have a very light version of that biological process while pregnant (the visible part, not everything else of course.) Another problem is that there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time. (Even the pill, if it is taken constantly.) I'm not condoning her denial. In fact it infuriates me. But they are still together, and I would like to think there is a better excuse. :~ -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
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You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed. Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
Smitha Vijayan wrote:
You should remember the fact that certain biological processes for a girl stop temporarily when she is pregnant. For that to go unnoticed for nine months is too hard to be believed.
That's why he said she was in self denial. Half-crazy I guess. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
There is so much wrong with your post... this may take a while.
Bob Flynn wrote:
Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption.
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage.
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
Bob Flynn wrote:
22 is not that young to have a child
Are you fucking kidding me?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child.
Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because it happened at an inconvenient time does not mean you are not capable.
Again, there is zero logic here. It happened at a time when they are not ready to have children. How you can ignore this is beyond my comprehension. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
Michael Dunn wrote:
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
I can not count the number of people in my own family that live pay-check to paycheck, including my own family while I was growing up. It meant no vacations, discount clothing stores, but I still managed.
Michael Dunn wrote:
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
This is deinitelty a point of concern, but based on Matt's message, he seems to still be in a relationship with her. Should he end it because she was affraid to tell him? More information is needed here. There are some many reasons why this could be the case - perhaps none of them acceptable to you, but neverless more information is needed. Why was she scared? Afraid he might leave her? You just demonstrated that her fear is justified. Again, this is an issue that they will have resolve.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: 22 is not that young to have a child Are you f***ing kidding me?
No, my parents were 22 and 20 when I was born (they were married though). My wife's parents were 18 ( they got married and are still married - they also lived paycheck to paycheck back then and even now). My brothers were 24 when they had their first children (they are also living paycheck to paycheck) Matt will not be the first person to go to school while working and raising a child. In fact, after my father died, my mother went to school, worked and raised children - and got all A's too. What we have here is a very difficult situation, but not an impossible one.
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There is so much wrong with your post... this may take a while.
Bob Flynn wrote:
Living paycheck to paycheck and going to school do not justify giving your child up for adoption.
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Did you want this relationship to continue, grow, possibly become marriage.
I don't see how there could be any relationship after this event. I certainly wouldn't spend a second longer with anyone who withheld such a hugely important piece of information from me.
Bob Flynn wrote:
22 is not that young to have a child
Are you fucking kidding me?
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child.
Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Bob Flynn wrote:
Just because it happened at an inconvenient time does not mean you are not capable.
Again, there is zero logic here. It happened at a time when they are not ready to have children. How you can ignore this is beyond my comprehension. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
I think just about everyone in this thread are making some massive assumptions about how this all panned out. Speaking for myself, I hardly know this guy at all. I *certainly* don't know anything about his relationship with his girlfriend. And neither do you or anyone else, based on the information that Matt presented.
Michael Dunn wrote:
"Living paycheck to paycheck" means they have barely enough money to live as it is. Or do you not realize how expensive it is to have a child?
You're making assumptions about what "Living paycheck to paycheck" means. People in many parts of the world would *kill* to live by what most of us consider "Living paycheck to paycheck" in the US. We have *zero* information on how much money this actually is. Nor do we have any information about his (or her) families financial situation and whether there would be help forthcoming in this situation. Many of us waste money left and right, so it's possible that there is more leeway in his statement than seem at first glance if both combined their incomes and got a serious dose of financial discipline.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: 22 is not that young to have a child Are you f***ing kidding me?
Who are you to judge this (or at least it seems like you're judgin this, if your not my apologies)? They were old enough to have sex, they are old enough to consider children. Unless you don't consider 22 old enough to have sex either.
Michael Dunn wrote:
Bob Flynn wrote: Just because you are young does not mean that you can not provide for your child. Um, yes it does. Unless your family is rich or you just won the lottery, you're making barely any money at 22 years old. See above about "living paycheck to paycheck".
Horsecrap, in the sense that they cannot provide for the child. Unless they are on foodstamps and quite literally living in rags with absolutely *no* financial support from their respective families, then this is just an excuse. I worked in a summer daycamp for 3 summers, in an extremely wealthy community. All of the parents provided for their children, they had the newest toys, clothing styles, and so on. And, from what I could see, almost all of the parents were jackasses whom I couldn't fathom why they ever had children, and I can only imagine the little spoiled mosters most of the kids turned into. The
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006First ... Congratulations. Having children has been the best thing in the world for me. Whatever you decide I am sure will be the best choice. Children are great! Will give your life a complete new prespective to grow yourself as well. Al
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My wife has talked to other people about this and apparently it is possible for women to have a very light version of that biological process while pregnant (the visible part, not everything else of course.) Another problem is that there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time. (Even the pill, if it is taken constantly.) I'm not condoning her denial. In fact it infuriates me. But they are still together, and I would like to think there is a better excuse. :~ -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
jasontg wrote:
My wife has talked to other people about this and apparently it is possible for women to have a very light version of that biological process while pregnant (the visible part, not everything else of course.)
That is a possibilty, yes! Smitha Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. -- Richard Bach
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Wow. Maybe I'm unique, but I knew something was different 4 weeks after my first wife got pregnant. Her areole were suddenly (I mean like almost overnight) twice as large and much darker and her breasts started to swell. Anyway, depending on your age you two may be in for a bit of a tough time ahead of you. Whether you give the baby up for adoption or not. Hope you have a stable life right now, because things are about to get turned upside down (if they have not already). Good luck.
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Dude, That's freaking AWESOME! Congratulations on your new son! I'm glad you both have good heads on your shoulders. If you think it's best for your son that he be adopted-out, then do it. Don't worry too much about what your girlfriend's mother thinks. Ultimately, she has no REAL say in the matter. Of course, you want relations between you all to be good. But she'll get over it and come around. Perhaps you'll think I'm speaking out my butt, and maybe I am. I mean, after all, I don't know you or your situation. Still, do what you both think is best. (Maybe your girlfriend's mother wants to adopt? -- I bet that would silence the objections. -- LOL) God Bless! And good luck! ---sig---
Might I suggest that the universe was always the size of the cosmos. It is just that at one point the cosmos was the size of a marble. -- Colin Angus Mackay -
Before replying, I have read all of the responses posted to date. When someone choosing to enter into a sexual relationship, even if it is only once, there is the possibility that a child will result. You are now a father and your girlfriend is now a mother; that is an awesome responsibility. Regardless of a persons physical size, they are still a person, and, as such, should be treated accordingly. Treat them as you would like to be treated. The question seems to be: give your son up for adoption or raise him. Some personal insight: my father's brother was killed in a trucking accident and left a young wife and two children. His wife tried to raise the boys herself, but came to the conclusion that she was not mentally prepared to do so. She asked my parents to raise them for her, and went to court to have my parents signed over as their legal guardians. From my perspective, even though they are biologically cousins, they are in reality my brothers - their children are my nieces and nephews. Family is who you are born to as well as who you choose. My advice then would be: pray for guidance, let God direct your path, and being willing to accept what He says. In Christ, Tim
I don't know what jack-ass gave you a one. But I just gave you a five, if for no other reason than to balance things out. Are we all that frightened of the word "God"? Even if you're a died-in-the-wool atheist, strip out God from the sentence and replace "pray" with "think a lot", and I don't see how anyone could claim you've offered bad advice. ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006First of all, Congratulations. Secondly, sorry to hear that this has come as a shock to you. [Whoops that didn't come across correctly] I second the motion of counselling for you and your gf. You might both decide to raise the child, or you might consider adoption for it. Either decisions is a brave choice, and clearing your head by talking to a counsellor might help tremendously. Good luck -- modified at 16:48 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006First off, I'm happy to hear that your son is healthy and there were no complications. Your girlfriend's mother's opinion is just that. An opinion. While I'm sure she has some weight in directing your girlfriend's life, it really is not her decision at this point. You both need to step up to the plate and weigh the options honestly and openly between yourselves. Having a child at this point may not be optimal for either of you and I think I read you are both working and/or finishing school. Be honest, though, what about being a parent right now can you not overcome? Do you have friends/family that can help you work out scheduling conflicts? Can you put off a degree for a couple of years? Can you make ends meet financially with one person working part time, maybe? can you work opposite shifts so someone is always home with tyour child? There are a lot of options that should be seriously thought through, with adoption being a last resort. Best of luck in making your decision, Matt. I'm sure you'll make the right one. BW
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright -
I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Congratulations! I am a single dad of a wonderful 3 1/2 year old girl. Her mom and I fought constantly - the end was when her own parents had to get involved in our fights - hence - here I am with the toughest adventure you will EVER have. And love. Please please don't make any hasty decisions. I knew myself - I would have been constantly wondering - Where is she? How is she? Does she laugh? Does she smile? Remember - things happen for a reason. Children are a gift from god. God doesn't make mistakes or accidents. Good Luck. -Joe
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I wonder how few children would be born if they were all planned. If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any. - Clarence Day
I read somewhere that close to 2/3 of all births are not planned. Though I don't know what planned means. Planned at all, or simply planned for a later time. Big difference. BW
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright -
Matt Newman wrote:
But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby.
That should be the end of the debate right there. Having a child when both parents don't want to (or can't) care for it is horribly unfair to everyone involved, most of all the child. Adoption is the way to go. The GF's mom doesn't run your life; it's fine to get her input, but this isn't her decision to make. --Mike-- Visual C++ MVP :cool: LINKS~! Ericahist | NEW!! PimpFish | CP SearchBar v3.0 | C++ Forum FAQ
Michael Dunn wrote:
That should be the end of the debate right there. Having a child when both parents don't want to (or can't) care for it is horribly unfair to everyone involved, most of all the child.
Agree 100% "If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done." - Peter Ustinov
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006 -
I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Well congratulations Matt! You've already gotten a ton of good and bad advice here, so I'll only offer up a couple of things a great friend told me before my daughter came along (and were very, very true for me): Kids break you in slowly. When they're tiny they don't need much - diapers, food, sleep and a lot of cuddling. Over time they need more and more, but if you're there along the way you'll get used to each stage before the next one comes along. Kids don't have to cost nearly as much as many people say. There are a zillion ways of making it inexpensive. Your local public health agency will have a ton of resources you can access for help, GOOD advice and information about local baby-time groups. Taking your kid to baby-time at the local rec. centre is a great way to meet other people, some of whom will be in the same boat as you. Good luck with all of this. I really do feel for you. Hope everything works out, regardless of the decision you make. Cheers, Drew.