Days that change your life forever...
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006As Nish hints and Bassam directly asks, do yourself a favor and get a paternity test. Also, do not allow your name on the birth certificate unless a paternity test proves you are the father.
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code-frog wrote:
I think you and I could go back and forth for about 10 minutes with "And so would..." a lot of things might have prevented this but you have to admit...
Yeah, except it was a joke. Well, ok it was about 70% joke. :-D Even pulling out still has its risks.
code-frog wrote:
It's life and it can spring up on you at times.
Yup. I think it's moments like these that help us grow up, so to speak. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy said; "Even pulling out still has its risks" In this day and AIDS age it would be prudent to be wearing a helmet. I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes
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Well I think it's time to get past the "how she hid it stuff". As a father (starting at 25) and trying school and many other things during that time kids are a massive adjustment and that's if you *wanted* them. I'm now 31, have 3 kids and wouldn't trade it for the entire world. The nugget there is it gets better and better and better and better and better and better and better. But that's only if the mother is someone you love absolutely and will commit your life to (I know many here are divorced parents and it works out okay. I don't think any of you got married wanting to get a divorce later and Matt shouldn't either.) and you wanted to be a father. Those are two huge qualifiers and I don't think (it doesn't sound like) you meet either of them. So what do you do about it? Yeah, that's the crux of your question. What do you do? I won't blow sunshine off your butt and make this warm and fuzzy. If a nervous breakdown is all that happens here you got off easy.
- You decide to tie the knot with "Betty Dishonest" and you make a go at raising your son. The cons are obvious, the pros it's your son and you may never get another one. NEVER is a BIG WORD.
- You decide to offer up your son to a loving family and their are millions. The pros are obvious. The cons it's your son.
- You take a long hard look at life over the next 30 days. Don't make any decisions at all. Just take some time to think. After 30 days you meet with "Betty Dishonest" her mother and perhaps your family and you form a plan of action. This one is the hardest one as it's the most responsible thing to do and responsiblity carries like a mountain at times.
You are not in an easy situation at all but that can happen when Mr. and Mrs. Jone's get wiggly. I'd advise you change your habbits moving forward. There's more to life than sex and going without it until you are committed to a woman you totally love and you are ready to be a father isn't a bad idea. But we are getting a bit soapy here so I'll leave off with that. The only reason I mention it at all is that it would have spared you this current situation. Aside from that welcome to being an adult. It's a bitch at times and there's no escape from your own actions. All I can say is take good notes. You are sure to need them later in life. - Rex Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
I missed this thread first time round but read Matt's more recent post, then backtracked to here. While I was backtracking I found myself thinking 'I hope Rex is watching', because of the good level-headed advice you were likely to offer - and I dont think I was wrong in that assessment - I like the opener .... "get past 'how she hid it stuff'" .... spot on in my books - it happened, cant be fixed now, move along ... hope you and 'the tribe' are well, Rex
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I missed this thread first time round but read Matt's more recent post, then backtracked to here. While I was backtracking I found myself thinking 'I hope Rex is watching', because of the good level-headed advice you were likely to offer - and I dont think I was wrong in that assessment - I like the opener .... "get past 'how she hid it stuff'" .... spot on in my books - it happened, cant be fixed now, move along ... hope you and 'the tribe' are well, Rex
:-O Thanks!:rose:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
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My wife has talked to other people about this and apparently it is possible for women to have a very light version of that biological process while pregnant (the visible part, not everything else of course.) Another problem is that there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time. (Even the pill, if it is taken constantly.) I'm not condoning her denial. In fact it infuriates me. But they are still together, and I would like to think there is a better excuse. :~ -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
jasontg said; "there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time" I might be missing something here but if she had been taking birth control there wouldn't have been a big "surprise"! Face it she was covering up. What did she think was happening when the baby started kicking? Hmmmmm, I shouldn't have eaten that habanero pizza last night? If you friend believes for one second that she didn’t know she was pregnant then she isn’t the only one that is in denial. I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes
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jasontg said; "there are forms of birth control that stop those biological processes for months at a time" I might be missing something here but if she had been taking birth control there wouldn't have been a big "surprise"! Face it she was covering up. What did she think was happening when the baby started kicking? Hmmmmm, I shouldn't have eaten that habanero pizza last night? If you friend believes for one second that she didn’t know she was pregnant then she isn’t the only one that is in denial. I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes
JimmyRopes wrote:
I might be missing something here but if she had been taking birth control there wouldn't have been a big "surprise"!
They are not all 100% effective, but , generally, you're right.
JimmyRopes wrote:
What did she think was happening when the baby started kicking? Hmmmmm, I shouldn't have eaten that habanero pizza last night?
She said that is was her "ulcer" acting up.
JimmyRopes wrote:
If you friend believes for one second that she didn’t know she was pregnant then she isn’t the only one that is in denial.
I completely agree with you on this one. He does have the amazing ability to forget anything that he has done that might put him in an unfavorable light. :rolleyes: -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
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JimmyRopes wrote:
I might be missing something here but if she had been taking birth control there wouldn't have been a big "surprise"!
They are not all 100% effective, but , generally, you're right.
JimmyRopes wrote:
What did she think was happening when the baby started kicking? Hmmmmm, I shouldn't have eaten that habanero pizza last night?
She said that is was her "ulcer" acting up.
JimmyRopes wrote:
If you friend believes for one second that she didn’t know she was pregnant then she isn’t the only one that is in denial.
I completely agree with you on this one. He does have the amazing ability to forget anything that he has done that might put him in an unfavorable light. :rolleyes: -J
Think of a computer program. Somewhere, there is one key instruction, and everything else is just functions calling themselves, or brackets billowing out endlessly through an infinite address space. What happens when the brackets collapse? Where's the final 'end if'? Is any of this making sense? -Ford Prefect
She said that is was her "ulcer" acting up. :rolleyes: I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Matt said; "I have a healthy son with no complications" Something to be very happy about! I can speak from personal experience that it is devastating when something goes terribly wrong. Matt said; "neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby" Ready or not there is no going back. Life as you know it has just changed forever. Now you need to consider how you are going to handle your new lifestyle. You will never have the relatively care free life you had before. Don't bemoan this fact because there is nothing you can do about it and start to think for the future. Don't let anyone else think for you because it is your life and you need to take control of it. Think first about what your decisions will mean for your son and then decide how to serve his best interests. Those are personal choices that only you can make. Understandably, you are probably confused as to what this all means. There are more possibilities than you are thinking about right now. Take some time to think about it. My wife and I are surrogate parents and it is one of life’s great joys. I feel sorry for the boy’s parents because they do not get to be there for life’s milestones. Riding a bicycle, climbing a tree, learning to swim, etc. These are experiences that only happen once and it is humbling to witness them. Things you wondered about before just start to make sense. There are many things you will remember when you get old and grey and these moments will be a prominent fixture in your memories. Congratulations and a sincere wish for the best of everything in the future. I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes
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Hey Matt, I can't believe you didn't figure out she was pregnant - unless you never met in the last 3 months. Up till 6 months, perhaps even 7, women can hide it, but a fully pregnant woman managing to fool her boyfriend is unbelievable. :omg: Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there!It is a fairly well known occurence that women themselves have been unaware of their pregnancies. The first they know of it is when their water breaks or they go into contractions. So it is even easier and more common for the man not to know. Just search the news for stories like this, plenty of them out there. regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me. My own opinion only and others are welcome to differ but that's a pretty big thing to sweep under the rug of commitment if you ask me. :suss:
Statement: Signature Project Is Currently On Hold Reason: Dear God! It's a long signature Jim. Indeed but is it to long for Chuck Norris?
code-frog wrote:
Well there is a point I'm making. I'm not sure how I would feel about long-term arrangements with someone willing to hide something like that from me.
I'd say it is a two way problem. She was obviously scared and couldn't communicate with her boyfriend. regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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Matt, I can only imagine your shock. I'm not wise enough to advise you, and I wouldn't dream of trying to impose my moral values on you. I can only tell you that I have lived my entire life wanting children, but have never met the woman with whom I would like to have them. I have loved a fair number of good women, but not one of them has ever loved me in return, so my life is bereft of children, except for those I can borrow from friends who need a break. I am rich from those moments in my life; time spent in the company of children, Allah does not deduct from the hours of a man's life. Even though I have only been a part-time, unofficial Dad for the kids I've known, I can tell you that being a parent is the single most rewarding thing that you will ever experience in your life. I know that you don't feel ready for this; no one ever does. But I've learned in my 50+ years of living that we are really good at adapting to things as they are. If you keep the child things will, no doubt, become difficult for a while. But you'll adapt, change your lifestyle for a time, and in a couple of years you won't notice any hardship. It's hard to believe at your age, but trust me; I don't think you'll ever regret being a Daddy. If you really can't deal with it, I'll adopt your boy without hesitation - a child is a blessing to the world, and deserves a home where he/she will be loved and cared for. But don't worry about being a model parent - kids are remarkably resilient, and they don't care whether you are rich or poor. All they really need is to know that they are welcome and loved; everything else follows naturally. They don't come with manuals, like most software I've purchased, so they can be a challenge. But I consider that challenge well worth taking on... I hope that you will take the challenge, for your own sake, but if you can't, my offer stands. "...a photo album is like Life, but flat and stuck to pages." - Shog9
Well said Roger. It is tragic no woman and would-be mother has recognised you for the wonderful man you are and father you could be. regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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Matt, it is time to run for the hills. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not marry this girl. Do convince her to give the baby up for adoption right away. Here's why. The fact that you only had sex once, and nine months ago at that, does not speak well of your relationship. The fact that she doesn't trust or love you enough to inform you she was pregnant does not bode well for the future of you, her, or the child. The fact that you weren't concerned because she is "a bigger girl" and you just assumed she'd gotten fatter does not reflect well on your feelings for her or your self-respect. The fact that she doesn't think enough of you to keep her weight under control while dating does not portend well. Sorry to be blunt, dude, but you're heading for disaster with the path you're on. Get control of your life now, before it's too late.
Pregnancy doesn't prevent a couple having sex (and I haven't read anywhere from Matt that they weren't having sex.) regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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I am posting this because the people at CodeProject have been my best friends since I was in high school. Yesterday I had a day that changed my life forever, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I also found out she had been too scared to tell me for the last nine months. She is also a bigger girl and it wasn't unreasonble to assume she had just gained more weight. So as of last night I have a son. This should be a joyous occasion, I have a healthy son with no complications. But neither my girlfriend nor myself are ready for a baby. We are thinking about adoption, but my girlfriends mom is dead set against it. I have had no one to confide in since I found out yesterday. I am pretty sure I have a good idea of what a nervous breakdown is like. Thanks for listening Matt Newman
Even the very best tools in the hands of an idiot will produce something of little or no value. - Chris Meech on Idiots
-- modified at 15:03 Wednesday 22nd March, 2006Have any of you gone back to read this thread? I am simply amazed by the variety of responses here. I don't agree with all of them, but the vast, vast majority of them are uplifting, encouraging, and caring. This speaks very highly of the people who frequent this board. And to think most of us are propeller heads....
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Pregnancy doesn't prevent a couple having sex (and I haven't read anywhere from Matt that they weren't having sex.) regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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doPaul Watson wrote:
Pregnancy doesn't prevent a couple having sex (and I haven't read anywhere from Matt that they weren't having sex.)
It was kind of a one time incident.[^]
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Bassam Abdul-Baki wrote:
Good lick!
Interesting typo there, Bassam :-) Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
The Ultimate Grid - The #1 MFC grid out there! -
Paul Watson wrote:
Pregnancy doesn't prevent a couple having sex (and I haven't read anywhere from Matt that they weren't having sex.)
It was kind of a one time incident.[^]
I didn't take that to refer to sex. regards, Paul Watson Ireland Feed Henry! K(arl) wrote: oh, and BTW, CHRISTIAN ISN'T A PARADOX, HE IS A TASMANIAN!
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