JOTD #2
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An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will. The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?" She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank." "Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral." The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?" The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me." "This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you." That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished." The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow! She's going to let the County bury her! Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL
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An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will. The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?" She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank." "Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral." The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?" The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me." "This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you." That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished." The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow! She's going to let the County bury her! Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL
A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
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A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
Daniel Ferguson wrote: Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? I gotta agree, A friend of mine who is a defrocked Priest has told me he found it difficult giving Marriage advice as a young priest, for similar reasons to you have mentioned. Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
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A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
Daniel Ferguson wrote: I realize sex isn't everything Tell that to Freud... ;P Jeremy L. Falcon "The One Who Said, 'The One Who Said...'" Homepage: imputek.com
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A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
I am not the Pope (nor a Catholic, for that matter), but your remark just makes no sense. What sex has to do with anyone's life experiences? Sex takes half an hour of a day (if you are a teenager) or of a week (if you are middle-aged), and that's it. How does it make anyone smarter or more knowledgable? Even animals have sex, so what? Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? I vote pro drink :beer:
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I am not the Pope (nor a Catholic, for that matter), but your remark just makes no sense. What sex has to do with anyone's life experiences? Sex takes half an hour of a day (if you are a teenager) or of a week (if you are middle-aged), and that's it. How does it make anyone smarter or more knowledgable? Even animals have sex, so what? Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? I vote pro drink :beer:
Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: I am not the Pope I did realise you were not the Pope, Ok. :-) Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? It's not so much about sex but about relationships, your average parishoner doesn't ask a priest, whether copulating doggy style or in the Missionary position is correct. But they enquire about how they interact with there partners and the relationships they form. Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
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Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: I am not the Pope I did realise you were not the Pope, Ok. :-) Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? It's not so much about sex but about relationships, your average parishoner doesn't ask a priest, whether copulating doggy style or in the Missionary position is correct. But they enquire about how they interact with there partners and the relationships they form. Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
****Colin Davies wrote: I did realise you were not the Pope, Ok How did you realise that? ;P I vote pro drink :beer:
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Daniel Ferguson wrote: I realize sex isn't everything Tell that to Freud... ;P Jeremy L. Falcon "The One Who Said, 'The One Who Said...'" Homepage: imputek.com
Jeremy Falcon wrote: Tell that to Freud... LOL, yeah. I think Freud, himself needed a shrink. "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
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I am not the Pope (nor a Catholic, for that matter), but your remark just makes no sense. What sex has to do with anyone's life experiences? Sex takes half an hour of a day (if you are a teenager) or of a week (if you are middle-aged), and that's it. How does it make anyone smarter or more knowledgable? Even animals have sex, so what? Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? I vote pro drink :beer:
I don't think that just because a priest does not know about sex, that they do not know about life, but what I'm saying is: if they don't know about something as important as sex (and relationships as Colin mentioned), then how knowledgeable are they really? :| Advertisers understand the importance of sex -- otherwise so many ads would not feature beautiful women. :-D And finally, if you're only thinking about sex for half an hour per day, that's your problem, not mine! ;P ;P ;P ;P "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
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Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: I am not the Pope I did realise you were not the Pope, Ok. :-) Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? It's not so much about sex but about relationships, your average parishoner doesn't ask a priest, whether copulating doggy style or in the Missionary position is correct. But they enquire about how they interact with there partners and the relationships they form. Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
Priests are more like psychologists, or just sounding boards than "Experts" on life's problems. Most psychiatrists don't have obsessive-compulsive disorders, or ADT, but that doesn't prevent them from being able to help folks with those afflictions. If you ask a good friend for advice with a personal matter, you're only going to get something from his limited experience. If you ask a priest, hopefully he can draw from his interactions with his entire parish to provide advice. Certainly for a young priest this may be difficult. Most relationship problems can be dealt with using common sense, but if your in the middle of the problem, it's sometimes difficult to use common sense. On another note the bouncing CP dude is cute but annoying. Jim
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I am not the Pope (nor a Catholic, for that matter), but your remark just makes no sense. What sex has to do with anyone's life experiences? Sex takes half an hour of a day (if you are a teenager) or of a week (if you are middle-aged), and that's it. How does it make anyone smarter or more knowledgable? Even animals have sex, so what? Would you still listen to an animal than to a man who has never had sex? I vote pro drink :beer:
I fully agree, thanks Nemanja, now I don't have to write an entire paragraph, that's exactly what I would have said. :) Nick Parker
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****Colin Davies wrote: I did realise you were not the Pope, Ok How did you realise that? ;P I vote pro drink :beer:
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I don't think that just because a priest does not know about sex, that they do not know about life, but what I'm saying is: if they don't know about something as important as sex (and relationships as Colin mentioned), then how knowledgeable are they really? :| Advertisers understand the importance of sex -- otherwise so many ads would not feature beautiful women. :-D And finally, if you're only thinking about sex for half an hour per day, that's your problem, not mine! ;P ;P ;P ;P "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
Daniel Ferguson wrote: And finally, if you're only thinking about sex for half an hour per day, that's your problem, not mine! I don't see this as a problem. If I don't think about sex, I can think about C++ which is more useful IMHO. ;P I vote pro drink :beer:
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Daniel Ferguson wrote: And finally, if you're only thinking about sex for half an hour per day, that's your problem, not mine! I don't see this as a problem. If I don't think about sex, I can think about C++ which is more useful IMHO. ;P I vote pro drink :beer:
LOL, no worries. My point about priests and the pope was not about how often you have sex, but about not having sex at all -- ever. That's what I think is weird. "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
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Priests are more like psychologists, or just sounding boards than "Experts" on life's problems. Most psychiatrists don't have obsessive-compulsive disorders, or ADT, but that doesn't prevent them from being able to help folks with those afflictions. If you ask a good friend for advice with a personal matter, you're only going to get something from his limited experience. If you ask a priest, hopefully he can draw from his interactions with his entire parish to provide advice. Certainly for a young priest this may be difficult. Most relationship problems can be dealt with using common sense, but if your in the middle of the problem, it's sometimes difficult to use common sense. On another note the bouncing CP dude is cute but annoying. Jim
quaternion wrote: If you ask a priest, hopefully he can draw from his interactions with his entire parish to provide advice. Certainly for a young priest this may be difficult. Agreement ! In reality priests and the church should deal with spiritual matters to deal with, however we mortals have far more material and relative problems that we expect the clergy to solve. Part of this comes from when the only person in a village who could read was a priest or minister, I guess. On another note, Celibacy is only a recent requirement for Catholic priests. quaternion wrote: On another note the bouncing CP dude is cute but annoying. Yes he might be annoying but he is here to stay for a while, I have altered my sig to much recently. Please try to find him entertaining. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
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A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
Nt being like everybody gives you a clearer view onthe being of everybody. Although I wouldn't say *that* about the pope, your deaf theatre critic could tell a lot about the actor's mimic capabilities.
The cops still stand around and eat koeksisters - Paul Watson, The Lounge, 2002
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quaternion wrote: If you ask a priest, hopefully he can draw from his interactions with his entire parish to provide advice. Certainly for a young priest this may be difficult. Agreement ! In reality priests and the church should deal with spiritual matters to deal with, however we mortals have far more material and relative problems that we expect the clergy to solve. Part of this comes from when the only person in a village who could read was a priest or minister, I guess. On another note, Celibacy is only a recent requirement for Catholic priests. quaternion wrote: On another note the bouncing CP dude is cute but annoying. Yes he might be annoying but he is here to stay for a while, I have altered my sig to much recently. Please try to find him entertaining. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:
****Colin Davies wrote: he is here to stay for a while I still think a rifle scope attempting to track him would look great! And a good splash effect on a mouseclick that just happens to be timed for the right amount of lead.
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A bit of a tangent: I realize sex isn't everything, but as this joke points out it is quite important. Well, what I'd like to know is why do people listen to the pope? Here is a man who has (allegedly) never taken part in one of the most important acts of life -- and he's making decisions and dispensing advice about life to huge numbers of people. Would you read reviews from a deaf theatre critic? :confused: "I've read the Bible through a couple of times and it is a nice collection of morality stories and adventure fiction. Sort of like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer except without the laughs." -- Michael P Butler 14 Mar '02
Daniel Ferguson wrote: I realize sex isn't everything Yes it is. :| Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002