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YAGMJ [modified]

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c++delphidatabasetoolstutorial
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  • E Offline
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    Ed Poore
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    Yet another GreyMatter Joke: TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shooot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attemps to shoot yourself anyway because, you have no exception-handling capability.<script><!-- D(["mb"," Pascal: The compiler won\'t let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself\n in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can\'t because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. \n CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which \n you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot \n yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds.... FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax\n doesn\'t permit it to explain it to you. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGG

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    • E Ed Poore

      Yet another GreyMatter Joke: TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shooot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attemps to shoot yourself anyway because, you have no exception-handling capability.<script><!-- D(["mb"," Pascal: The compiler won\'t let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself\n in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can\'t because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. \n CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which \n you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot \n yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds.... FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax\n doesn\'t permit it to explain it to you. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGG

      M Offline
      M Offline
      Marc Clifton
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      C# - You shoot yourself in the foot but you have to wait for the garbage collector before you can get medical attention. And that's only because you were too slow to move you foot out of the way while the bullet was being JIT'ed!!! Marc Pensieve Some people believe what the bible says. Literally. At least [with Wikipedia] you have the chance to correct the wiki -- Jörgen Sigvardsson -- modified at 18:23 Thursday 22nd June, 2006

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      • M Marc Clifton

        C# - You shoot yourself in the foot but you have to wait for the garbage collector before you can get medical attention. And that's only because you were too slow to move you foot out of the way while the bullet was being JIT'ed!!! Marc Pensieve Some people believe what the bible says. Literally. At least [with Wikipedia] you have the chance to correct the wiki -- Jörgen Sigvardsson -- modified at 18:23 Thursday 22nd June, 2006

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        Ed Poore
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        You should suggest that to them for next weeks email :)


        The Welsh will always support two teams: The Welsh, and anyone playing England :)

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        • E Ed Poore

          Yet another GreyMatter Joke: TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shooot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attemps to shoot yourself anyway because, you have no exception-handling capability.<script><!-- D(["mb"," Pascal: The compiler won\'t let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself\n in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can\'t because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. \n CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which \n you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot \n yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds.... FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax\n doesn\'t permit it to explain it to you. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGG

          J Offline
          J Offline
          Jorgen Sigvardsson
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          Ed.Poore wrote:

          Pascal: The compiler won**\**'t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

          Chris hasn't ported CP to PHP, has he? That escaping backslash reeks of GPC. :~ ;)

          -- 100% natural. No superstitious additives.

          E 1 Reply Last reply
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          • E Ed Poore

            Yet another GreyMatter Joke: TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shooot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attemps to shoot yourself anyway because, you have no exception-handling capability.<script><!-- D(["mb"," Pascal: The compiler won\'t let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself\n in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can\'t because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. \n CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which \n you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot \n yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds.... FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax\n doesn\'t permit it to explain it to you. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGG

            C Offline
            C Offline
            Chris Losinger
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            ASP: you load the gun and aim at your foot, planning every step carefully. but when you pull the trigger, instead of shooting off your toe, your vision goes blank. it takes 20 minutes of moving the gun just a little bit, reloading, changing the way you look down the barrel before you figure out that you forgot to tell the gun to disable the default No Bullets setting and to give yourself Gun Usage rights. finally you shoot off the wrong toe because you forgot to set the aim back to where you wanted it. then your boss asks if you could make the bullet hole green instead of red, since they've recently changed the official color shceme. Cleek | Image Toolkits | Thumbnail maker

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            • C Chris Losinger

              ASP: you load the gun and aim at your foot, planning every step carefully. but when you pull the trigger, instead of shooting off your toe, your vision goes blank. it takes 20 minutes of moving the gun just a little bit, reloading, changing the way you look down the barrel before you figure out that you forgot to tell the gun to disable the default No Bullets setting and to give yourself Gun Usage rights. finally you shoot off the wrong toe because you forgot to set the aim back to where you wanted it. then your boss asks if you could make the bullet hole green instead of red, since they've recently changed the official color shceme. Cleek | Image Toolkits | Thumbnail maker

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              S Offline
              Shog9 0
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              You too, eh? I feel a bit better about it now...

              ---- Scripts i’ve known... CPhog 1.0.0.0 - make CP better. Forum Bookmark 0.2.5 - bookmark forum posts on Pensieve Print forum 0.1.2 - printer-friendly forums Expand all 1.0 - Expand all messages In-place Delete 1.0 - AJAX-style post delete Syntax 0.1 - Syntax highlighting for code blocks in the forums

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              • C Chris Losinger

                ASP: you load the gun and aim at your foot, planning every step carefully. but when you pull the trigger, instead of shooting off your toe, your vision goes blank. it takes 20 minutes of moving the gun just a little bit, reloading, changing the way you look down the barrel before you figure out that you forgot to tell the gun to disable the default No Bullets setting and to give yourself Gun Usage rights. finally you shoot off the wrong toe because you forgot to set the aim back to where you wanted it. then your boss asks if you could make the bullet hole green instead of red, since they've recently changed the official color shceme. Cleek | Image Toolkits | Thumbnail maker

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                R Offline
                RoswellNX
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                That was a good one :) Roswell :)

                "Angelinos -- excuse me. There will be civility today."
                Antonio VillaRaigosa
                City Mayor, Los Angeles, CA

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                • C Chris Losinger

                  ASP: you load the gun and aim at your foot, planning every step carefully. but when you pull the trigger, instead of shooting off your toe, your vision goes blank. it takes 20 minutes of moving the gun just a little bit, reloading, changing the way you look down the barrel before you figure out that you forgot to tell the gun to disable the default No Bullets setting and to give yourself Gun Usage rights. finally you shoot off the wrong toe because you forgot to set the aim back to where you wanted it. then your boss asks if you could make the bullet hole green instead of red, since they've recently changed the official color shceme. Cleek | Image Toolkits | Thumbnail maker

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                  Anton Afanasyev
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  ahaahhahha lol rara avis in terris

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                  • C Chris Losinger

                    ASP: you load the gun and aim at your foot, planning every step carefully. but when you pull the trigger, instead of shooting off your toe, your vision goes blank. it takes 20 minutes of moving the gun just a little bit, reloading, changing the way you look down the barrel before you figure out that you forgot to tell the gun to disable the default No Bullets setting and to give yourself Gun Usage rights. finally you shoot off the wrong toe because you forgot to set the aim back to where you wanted it. then your boss asks if you could make the bullet hole green instead of red, since they've recently changed the official color shceme. Cleek | Image Toolkits | Thumbnail maker

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                    A Offline
                    Andy Brummer
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    Oh man, I lived that. The other version is that the marketing team got to the gun and replaced all the working components with ads. But you can get redirected to the actual gun if you fill out 15 personal information forms all of which require your mail address.


                    I can imagine the sinking feeling one would have after ordering my book, only to find a laughably ridiculous theory with demented logic once the book arrives - Mark McCutcheon

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                    • J Jorgen Sigvardsson

                      Ed.Poore wrote:

                      Pascal: The compiler won**\**'t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

                      Chris hasn't ported CP to PHP, has he? That escaping backslash reeks of GPC. :~ ;)

                      -- 100% natural. No superstitious additives.

                      E Offline
                      E Offline
                      Ed Poore
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      I don't know what it was, I just copied and pasted it from Gmail where I received the email to here, posted the thread and noticed the formatting was all messed up so modified it, but obviously I didn't check everything.


                      The Welsh will always support two teams: The Welsh, and anyone playing England :)

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • E Ed Poore

                        Yet another GreyMatter Joke: TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shooot yourself in the foot. C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attemps to shoot yourself anyway because, you have no exception-handling capability.<script><!-- D(["mb"," Pascal: The compiler won\'t let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself\n in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can\'t because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. \n CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which \n you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot \n yourself in the appendage which hold the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds.... FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax\n doesn\'t permit it to explain it to you. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGG

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                        L Offline
                        LimeyRedneck
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        OK - it's obviously a specification from the US government.

                        Ed.Poore wrote:

                        The Welsh will always support two teams: The Welsh, and anyone playing Englan

                        The correct statement is "The English will always support two teams - England and everybody against the French" Nothing is impossible, we just don't know the way of it yet.

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