Jokes?
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. (P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. (P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
:) ;) :) Thanks!
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. (P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
:laugh: :laugh:
Now taking suggestionsfor a new sig. please email me all suggestions.
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. (P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
:laugh: , too
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
Ok, heard this last evening... A man's wife is going to clean up the house and decides to flush the trash can. So she goes downstairs, leaves the house and bends down to drop the trash can stuff into the dust bin. Suddenly, she gets a sprain and is unable to get up again :~ and stays in that position. She cries for her husband to help her, as he's just standing at the window to look whats going on. Her Neighbor sees her, yelling at the husband : "Hey, why do you chuck this out, it still looks good ?!?!". :laugh:
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Ok, heard this last evening... A man's wife is going to clean up the house and decides to flush the trash can. So she goes downstairs, leaves the house and bends down to drop the trash can stuff into the dust bin. Suddenly, she gets a sprain and is unable to get up again :~ and stays in that position. She cries for her husband to help her, as he's just standing at the window to look whats going on. Her Neighbor sees her, yelling at the husband : "Hey, why do you chuck this out, it still looks good ?!?!". :laugh:
:) Thanks!
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
Ok - I think this is probably a bit old, but what the heck... ---- An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Montreal, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '10 cents per call'. The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son - it's local call.".
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Ok - I think this is probably a bit old, but what the heck... ---- An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Montreal, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '10 cents per call'. The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son - it's local call.".
:-D
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
I tought youd never ask: "My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast." "I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?" "Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight." Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
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Ok - I think this is probably a bit old, but what the heck... ---- An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Montreal, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '10 cents per call'. The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son - it's local call.".
:| ---- xian "Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots." -despair
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:laugh: :laugh:
Now taking suggestionsfor a new sig. please email me all suggestions.
Brian Delahunty wrote: Now taking suggestionsfor a new sig. please email me all suggestions. "Give man fire and you keep him warm for a day, Set him alight and he's warm for the rest of his life". Solid Johnson Taken from a Terry Pratchett book... Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
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I tought youd never ask: "My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast." "I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?" "Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight." Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
Paresh Solanki wrote: Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise. Oh my goodness it took me a second... J "I am wise enough to therefore not spout my ill informed opinion as if it were remotely related to fact." - Christian Graus
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I'm bored! A good joke anybody?
George Lucas is casting for his next movie: An action adventure revolving around the lives of three great composers. He starts advertising for the lead roles and very quicky casts Al Pacino as Beethoven and Mel Gibson as Motzart, however the third gives him a little trouble No one else wants to take on the part. He searches and searches to no avail. Finally, when it seems that the project is going down the pan, Arnie bursts through the office door and growls: "I'll be Bach!". Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
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Paresh Solanki wrote: Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise. Oh my goodness it took me a second... J "I am wise enough to therefore not spout my ill informed opinion as if it were remotely related to fact." - Christian Graus
:) Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
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Brian Delahunty wrote: Now taking suggestionsfor a new sig. please email me all suggestions. "Give man fire and you keep him warm for a day, Set him alight and he's warm for the rest of his life". Solid Johnson Taken from a Terry Pratchett book... Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
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I find Terry Pratchett a very logical preson. That says something about one of us. ;P Will be visiting Earth soon
Trollslayer wrote: preson Is that like a sub-atomic particle? Paresh Solanki Cole's Law Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.