need advice, please.. [modified]
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
Give it time. You made a mistake. If she is truely a friend, in time she will understand.
Michael CP Blog [^] Development Blog [^]
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
Leave her alone. Chasing her when she's mad gives her all the power and makes you look needy. Let her get over her anger, and then you can take off from where you left off. If you chase her while she's mad, it only makes her madder. And, don't kid yourself, you typed in her name because you'd like it to go further. She's probably mad because she's been waiting for you to ask her out. Why else would she get mad over something so trivial ?
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
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thanks jonathan!!
Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
Just give her a week or two and see if she will talk to you then
i am ready to give even a month time. but last time it took me over 7 months to make the situation better. i am afraid that it will take even longer this time.
Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
next time don't mention the past.....
yes, i have already promised her that i will not mention about that issue again.. and i mean what i said to her..
vijay.
It could take a few days, weeks or months.... The thing is you must give her as much time as necessary else she will just resent the pressure from you and that would make things worse. I would just try and act normal and if you see her, be friendly but keep a little distance for a while until you know she is ok with that. If I was you I would try to relax a little and not worry about it too much, you don't want to be stressed either, she will pick up on that and it will not make things easier.
Darka [Xanya] "I am not a slave to a god that doesn't exist."
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Give it time. You made a mistake. If she is truely a friend, in time she will understand.
Michael CP Blog [^] Development Blog [^]
hi michael, thanks!!
Michael P Butler wrote:
Give it time
sure i will. i dont have the other option. but i am not sure of how long it will take. and i dont want to wait for long. i am a little desperate to have my friend back.
Michael P Butler wrote:
You made a mistake
yes, that too for the second time, totally unintentional though. but i am really feeling sad that i hurt my friend again :(
vijay.
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Leave her alone. Chasing her when she's mad gives her all the power and makes you look needy. Let her get over her anger, and then you can take off from where you left off. If you chase her while she's mad, it only makes her madder. And, don't kid yourself, you typed in her name because you'd like it to go further. She's probably mad because she's been waiting for you to ask her out. Why else would she get mad over something so trivial ?
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
Christian Graus wrote:
If you chase her while she's mad, it only makes her madder.
yes, this is what happend last time and i think thats the reason it took long for me to solve the issue
vijay.
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
Vijay Give her some space - don't crowd her. If you are such good friends, why did the incident last year freak her out so much? I would try to get to the bottom of that one. Is she worried that you are only friends with her because you would like to take things further? Is she in a relationship with somebody else? Does she think that you have trivialised things with her, and that she is the butt of a joke? I'm sure that you're not her only friend, and that you know her other friends. Try and find out from the others what went wrong the last time, but be tactful. And most importantly - don't bring it up with her again. Ever.
Arthur Dent - "That would explain it. All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world." Slartibartfast - "No. That's perfectly normal paranoia. Everybody in the universe gets that." Deja View - the feeling that you've seen this post before.
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It could take a few days, weeks or months.... The thing is you must give her as much time as necessary else she will just resent the pressure from you and that would make things worse. I would just try and act normal and if you see her, be friendly but keep a little distance for a while until you know she is ok with that. If I was you I would try to relax a little and not worry about it too much, you don't want to be stressed either, she will pick up on that and it will not make things easier.
Darka [Xanya] "I am not a slave to a god that doesn't exist."
Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
The thing is you must give her as much time as necessary else she will just resent the pressure from you and that would make things worse.
i surely dont want that to happen.
Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
I would just try and act normal and if you see her, be friendly but keep a little distance for a while until you know she is ok with that.
i think it will be hard for me to stay away from her or avoid her. avoiding my best friend isn't easy for me. i wish i had a Girl friend. that would have helped me in avoiding my friend.
vijay.
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
vijay7173 wrote:
what should i do???
I've learned the hard way that you can like/love somebody but can't make them like/love you. I know it sounds clichéd but it's true: you can take a horse to the stream but cannot* make it drink. * Unless you are Chuck Norris, of course. ;P
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
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Vijay Give her some space - don't crowd her. If you are such good friends, why did the incident last year freak her out so much? I would try to get to the bottom of that one. Is she worried that you are only friends with her because you would like to take things further? Is she in a relationship with somebody else? Does she think that you have trivialised things with her, and that she is the butt of a joke? I'm sure that you're not her only friend, and that you know her other friends. Try and find out from the others what went wrong the last time, but be tactful. And most importantly - don't bring it up with her again. Ever.
Arthur Dent - "That would explain it. All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world." Slartibartfast - "No. That's perfectly normal paranoia. Everybody in the universe gets that." Deja View - the feeling that you've seen this post before.
well, my friend had a lot of belief in me. honestly, i had a crush with her when i first saw her. it was only a co-incidence that she became my best friend ever. as i came to know more about her after meeting her, i came to know that she was intrested in only friendship and nothing else. but last year she felt that i have betrayed her. she feels that i wanted to have the relationship other than friendship with her. She feels that i have hurt her feelings the most.:(
vijay.
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vijay7173 wrote:
what should i do???
I've learned the hard way that you can like/love somebody but can't make them like/love you. I know it sounds clichéd but it's true: you can take a horse to the stream but cannot* make it drink. * Unless you are Chuck Norris, of course. ;P
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
but i am still confident that i will get her back to normal. :) i did that once and can do it again. but i am only bothered that it may take even longer to make the situation better :(
vijay.
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Leave her alone. Chasing her when she's mad gives her all the power and makes you look needy. Let her get over her anger, and then you can take off from where you left off. If you chase her while she's mad, it only makes her madder. And, don't kid yourself, you typed in her name because you'd like it to go further. She's probably mad because she's been waiting for you to ask her out. Why else would she get mad over something so trivial ?
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
Christian Graus wrote:
And, don't kid yourself, you typed in her name because you'd like it to go further.
Exactly what I thought. :)
Christian Graus wrote:
She's probably mad because she's been waiting for you to ask her out. Why else would she get mad over something so trivial ?
Because 1. She has no such intentions and is pissed because i. she found out he does ii. worse, everybody knows now OR 2. She has feelings too, but doesn't want everybody to know. Either way, he's dug himself a hole and put one foot in as well. :doh:
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
Sorry mate but I'm missing the point :
vijay7173 wrote:
My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. ...... she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months
This CANNOT be the reason for a furious argument...so it must be one of the following: 1) You're not telling the full truth 2) She is not telling YOU the full truth Case 1: If you want some help please let us understand the situation so that our effort will be more accurate. Case 2: You have to find out the reason ... besides ... do you actually have a crush on her ? is that the real problem ? Because you sound more like someone who is involved more emotionally than a friendship...and remember that fiends don't get mad "furiously" at each other on such futile reasons.....but lovers sometimes do. So if I were in your shoes: CASE A: you want MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP from her I'd ask her out. point. Non more waiting, no more ambiguity. Take a big breath and do it. It will be better regardless her answer CASE B: you want FRIENDSHIP from her Treat her like a friend: confront her and tell her eye to eye that she's not behaving like a true friend, that she is getting mad on something so futile that she's either not telling you the truth or not really your friend. Waiting.......giving her time ????? Why ? Just my 0.2 € Ciao Marco
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Christian Graus wrote:
And, don't kid yourself, you typed in her name because you'd like it to go further.
Exactly what I thought. :)
Christian Graus wrote:
She's probably mad because she's been waiting for you to ask her out. Why else would she get mad over something so trivial ?
Because 1. She has no such intentions and is pissed because i. she found out he does ii. worse, everybody knows now OR 2. She has feelings too, but doesn't want everybody to know. Either way, he's dug himself a hole and put one foot in as well. :doh:
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote:
1. She has no such intentions and is pissed because i. she found out he does ii. worse, everybody knows now
i think its the first one.
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote:
2. She has feelings too, but doesn't want everybody to know.
nah.. this is impossible for sure.
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote:
Either way, he's dug himself a hole and put one foot in as well.
ya, for the second time and even deeper this time. :sigh:
vijay.
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Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
The thing is you must give her as much time as necessary else she will just resent the pressure from you and that would make things worse.
i surely dont want that to happen.
Jonathan [Darka] wrote:
I would just try and act normal and if you see her, be friendly but keep a little distance for a while until you know she is ok with that.
i think it will be hard for me to stay away from her or avoid her. avoiding my best friend isn't easy for me. i wish i had a Girl friend. that would have helped me in avoiding my friend.
vijay.
vijay7173 wrote:
i wish i had a Girl friend. that would have helped me in avoiding my friend.
Don't delude yourself. Why did you type in her name if you don't want to go further with her? ;)
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
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hello CPians. i got a lot of help from u all regarding programming. your suggestions has helped me to over come many of my problems regarding programming. but i now have a personal problem. can anyone give any suggestions to me in this. i am quite sure that i will get some sensible advice from u all. i have a friend who is very close to me than anyone else among my friends. in fact, she is my Best Friend ever.we are friends since 4 years. we were such good friends that others would envy us looking at our friendship. But last year, on 29th december, i received a mail called as "crush calculator" from one of my other friend. it asked me to enter the name with whom i had a crush with. i just had a try on it giving my friend's name. but the mail was such that whatever name we typed in the crush calculator, it will be sent to the sender of the mail. My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. on 4th december last year, we had an argument with each other. that argument made the issue even a bigger one. soon, she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months. But later, after me putting a lot of effort, we again gradually became friends . our friendship was getting back to normal but i made a mess of my relationship with her again. two days back , i just reminded her of that incident again that took place exactly an year ago. i said her that it will be exactly one year that we were involved in an argument. and since i reminded her about that issue which had hurt her the most, she is again unhappy with me. she said that i have irritated her and hurt her again by reminding about the past incident. since its the second time that i have made a mistake, she is even more furious this time. she has again stopped talking to me. she is not receiving my call on the phone either. she is not replying to my mails or messages :sigh:.what should i do??? i feel like kicking myself for what i have done. most of my other friends tell me to give her some time. but i am not the one who waits for things to happen. i feel that things are not going to be better unless we talked on the issue. i have already apologised her for what i have done. but no response from my friend yet.i need an advice on what to do in order to get back my friend who is not even ready for talks. i have been in this situation earlier. but i dont want to wait for months to have this situation get better. i am looking out of sorts and dont know what to do. can anyone advice me on what to do??? please??? -- modi
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Sorry mate but I'm missing the point :
vijay7173 wrote:
My friend came to know that i used her name in crush calculator. ...... she was so furious that she didnt even talk to me for months
This CANNOT be the reason for a furious argument...so it must be one of the following: 1) You're not telling the full truth 2) She is not telling YOU the full truth Case 1: If you want some help please let us understand the situation so that our effort will be more accurate. Case 2: You have to find out the reason ... besides ... do you actually have a crush on her ? is that the real problem ? Because you sound more like someone who is involved more emotionally than a friendship...and remember that fiends don't get mad "furiously" at each other on such futile reasons.....but lovers sometimes do. So if I were in your shoes: CASE A: you want MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP from her I'd ask her out. point. Non more waiting, no more ambiguity. Take a big breath and do it. It will be better regardless her answer CASE B: you want FRIENDSHIP from her Treat her like a friend: confront her and tell her eye to eye that she's not behaving like a true friend, that she is getting mad on something so futile that she's either not telling you the truth or not really your friend. Waiting.......giving her time ????? Why ? Just my 0.2 € Ciao Marco
Marco [Stinger] wrote:
do you actually have a crush on her ?
i actually had a crush on her when we first met. but i had to give up those feelings as i came to know her better.
Marco [Stinger] wrote:
you sound more like someone who is involved more emotionally than a friendship
well, this was true 3 years ago. not sure if this is still true. i just cant give up her or stay away from her.
Marco [Stinger] wrote:
you want MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP from her
i cannot wish that. i already know what her answer would be if i expect that from her. and more over, i dont want to lose her forever.
Marco [Stinger] wrote:
you want FRIENDSHIP from her
yes, as long as i live. :)
vijay.
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:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
Ciao
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but i am still confident that i will get her back to normal. :) i did that once and can do it again. but i am only bothered that it may take even longer to make the situation better :(
vijay.
For my experience. It is impossible to have a frienship just hoping on something else occurs one day. She will sense it and things like that will occur. Personnaly, I would leave her came to me. She's acting exagerately if what you are telling is truth and she is wrong to react so hard. So let her came back to you. If she sees that you go to her anyway you are screwed because you will show you are week. It is not kindness, it is weeckness. So, if I were you, I'll wait. And if she doesn't come, then you were not so good friends. It is better to see the truth than hiding it to yourself. And I have been in some situations like this, so I know it's hard to do and easy to say. Good luck!
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Phil Harding wrote:
My advice, get married, then all your troubles will be over
well, i am only 21yrs old and so i think i am too young for marriage. :)
vijay.
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vijay7173 wrote:
i wish i had a Girl friend. that would have helped me in avoiding my friend.
Don't delude yourself. Why did you type in her name if you don't want to go further with her? ;)
Cheers, Vikram.
"Life isn't fair, and the world is full of unscrupulous characters. There are things worth fighting for, killing for and dying for, but it's a really small list. Chalk it up to experience, let it go, and move on to the next positive experience in your life." - Christopher Duncan.
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote:
Why did you type in her name if you don't want to go further with her?
sometimes we expect a lot, dont we??
vijay.