20 things it took me 30 years to learn (from a set of jokes that a friend sent me)
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Well put. Everything. 5.
Thomas George wrote:
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Do you mean this?[^] :~ (Not recommended for the light-hearted.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on :-D)
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thomas George wrote:
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
:laugh::laugh:
-
Well put. Everything. 5.
Thomas George wrote:
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Do you mean this?[^] :~ (Not recommended for the light-hearted.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on :-D)
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
brahmma wrote:
Do you mean this?[^] (Almost work safe when volume is reduced.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on )
That can't be real :suss:
WM. What about weapons of mass-construction? "What? Its an Apple MacBook Pro. They are sexy!" - Paul Watson
-
brahmma wrote:
Do you mean this?[^] (Almost work safe when volume is reduced.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on )
That can't be real :suss:
WM. What about weapons of mass-construction? "What? Its an Apple MacBook Pro. They are sexy!" - Paul Watson
Of course, it is not. :)
-------- Micrologic Networks, India
-
brahmma wrote:
Do you mean this?[^] (Almost work safe when volume is reduced.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on )
That can't be real :suss:
WM. What about weapons of mass-construction? "What? Its an Apple MacBook Pro. They are sexy!" - Paul Watson
WillemM wrote:
That can't be real
Yes. It is just :baaaa!: air, after all. :-D
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
-
WillemM wrote:
That can't be real
Yes. It is just :baaaa!: air, after all. :-D
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
#18 is very very true ands also applies to people who are rude to other workers e.g. cleaners, maintenance etc in an office.
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
-
#18 is very very true ands also applies to people who are rude to other workers e.g. cleaners, maintenance etc in an office.
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
I second that. I have seen many such people. They don't spare anyone below their level.
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
#20 the best :-D;P Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
-
Well put. Everything. 5.
Thomas George wrote:
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Do you mean this?[^] :~ (Not recommended for the light-hearted.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on :-D)
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero ப்ரம்மா
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
-
#18 is very very true ands also applies to people who are rude to other workers e.g. cleaners, maintenance etc in an office.
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
5 - I am about to err... vivsect someone over this [evil-grin]
-
#18 is very very true ands also applies to people who are rude to other workers e.g. cleaners, maintenance etc in an office.
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thomas George wrote:
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Microsoft, the C++ committee, and most of the OSS movement would be wise to take that one to heart!! :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! Techno Silliness
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
The Twenty Thumb Rules
Vasudevan Deepak Kumar Personal Homepage Tech Gossips
-
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. If anybody cares how you dance, feel sorry for them. They need to get a life and learn how to have fun. And notice that people, who dance and cut loose once in a while, usually live longer. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 19. Don't think that because a person is having fun, they are drinking to excess. Some people have fun naturally given the moment and you need to find out how they do it. 20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thomas George wrote:
we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers
but some of us are.... ;P:laugh:
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
-
brahmma wrote:
Do you mean this?[^] (Almost work safe when volume is reduced.. please turn on your speakers or you won't get a clue of what is going on )
That can't be real :suss:
WM. What about weapons of mass-construction? "What? Its an Apple MacBook Pro. They are sexy!" - Paul Watson
WillemM wrote:
That can't be real
they are just adding sound effects at key moments, the speeches are real, but they are not in reference to passing gas sounds.
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)