Is this normal teenage behavior?
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Depends on how you define normal. In my home... no that would not be normal. Not that I plan on being mega-strict. I don't at all. I plan on discussing things with my kids to the point they understand them fully. If my kids choose to drink and be sexually active there's not much I can do by that time so I won't go off and become mega-strict to stop it. But my definition of those behaviors is that no it isn't normal. The drinking age is 21 in Idaho drinking at that point in time (if you feel the need to) is normal behavior. I've never drank in my life and after watching alcoholism destroy one family and kill a few friends on the road I've concluded that alcohol is the worst thing to ever happen to the U.S. and the fact it's legal (while killing so many people every year) baffles me. So... nope! Not normal. Irresponsible, immature and worthy of a nice long and friendly chat. I don't believe that when your kids are teenagers you should use intimidation or an over-bearing method to try and sway them. You have to inform them concisely and trust them to make a *good* choice and that definition of *good* will vary for certain. I had the time of my life as a teenager. I did it soberly and without sex and I remember all of it and have stories my peers now wish they had. We hiked, raced mountain bikes, swept soccer tournaments and had one amazing experience after the next. That's the stuff that seems normal to me but then again most have never considered me normal so take my comments with a grain of salt. I'm probably stuffy and old school by most standards...:rose:
My dad was the mega strict intimidation type. It tought me to be super sly and careful. When I wanted to do something my dad wouldn't approve of I would fully review the situation I'm about to take part in and try to determine every outcome possible for every action I would take and try to "formulate" the safest actions that would be easy to cover up and keep secrete. This skill is a must if you plan on creating a successful lie also. You can try to limit your child's behaviors but if you go overboard you will either make your child miserable or very cunning. -- modified at 21:20 Wednesday 7th March, 2007
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Steve Hazel wrote:
For my daughter, it all hit RIGHT at 13.
You're lucky, since my oldest girl was born, she wanted to be eighteen. Fortunately, our youngest, also a girl, now eleven, is pretty much the opposite. On the flip side, my almost nineteen-year-old not only just got her hair cutting license, but announced she's going to start college in the fall studying accounting. (Yes, we almost rushed her to Area 51 to make sure she wasn't an alien who had taken over her body:)) Now if only her fifteen year old brother would grow up....
Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine. - P.J. O'Rourke
Joe Woodbury wrote:
if only her fifteen year old brother would grow up....
Boys should be nailed into barrels at age 10 and shipped off to a storage facility until they are 25. Girls just might be okay. Of course, I might be just a wee bit biased, since I have the world's Most Perfect Daughter ;).
Software Zen:
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I'm in no way wanting to start a soapy war at all. Your comments just made me want to add this for other readers. Many of them may be doctors, lawyers, MBAs, professors and engineers but how many of them also struggle with alcohol addiction? That's the one thing you don't have to put on a job application or resume. Again, I don't add that to be argumentive just to point out that there's a flawed assumption in your statement that overlooks a very important detail of alcohol abuse and that detail would be addiction.
code-frog wrote:
Many of them may be doctors, lawyers, MBAs, professors and engineers but how many of them also struggle with alcohol addiction?
I have used a variety of chemical substances including the EXTREMELY ADDICTIVE amphetamines. Alcohol is one of the chemicals I have used. I think alcoholism is a serious problem as I have witnessed a family member SEVERELY abuse alcohol with Xanax to an extent that made my jaw drop. Using alcohol will not get you addicted unless you severely abuse it on a frequent basis for a very long period of time. I have drank plenty of times and I do enjoy it but I avoid it because it prevents me from thinking clearly. I prefer caffeine.
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My dad was the mega strict intimidation type. It tought me to be super sly and careful. When I wanted to do something my dad wouldn't approve of I would fully review the situation I'm about to take part in and try to determine every outcome possible for every action I would take and try to "formulate" the safest actions that would be easy to cover up and keep secrete. This skill is a must if you plan on creating a successful lie also. You can try to limit your child's behaviors but if you go overboard you will either make your child miserable or very cunning. -- modified at 21:20 Wednesday 7th March, 2007
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Yeah and as soon as they move out they're going to do it all anyways. So you can put them in a steel box if you want but it's not going to matter one bit. Soon as they move out they're going to do all the stuff you never let them do and most of it because you never let them do it and not really because they want to. You put that much of a wall around your kids and they will look forward to the day where than can rub it in your face. I had as much freedom as I wanted and I just took it slow and easy. Ate a lot of bean burritos and had a good time.:cool:
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code-frog wrote:
Many of them may be doctors, lawyers, MBAs, professors and engineers but how many of them also struggle with alcohol addiction?
I have used a variety of chemical substances including the EXTREMELY ADDICTIVE amphetamines. Alcohol is one of the chemicals I have used. I think alcoholism is a serious problem as I have witnessed a family member SEVERELY abuse alcohol with Xanax to an extent that made my jaw drop. Using alcohol will not get you addicted unless you severely abuse it on a frequent basis for a very long period of time. I have drank plenty of times and I do enjoy it but I avoid it because it prevents me from thinking clearly. I prefer caffeine.
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MMMMM! Caffeine.:-D I haven't slept since Monday night. Tell me about caffeine...:sigh:
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Warren Stevens wrote:
Many of them are doctors, lawyers, MBAs, professors, engineers (etc)
True, but some are jail, and others did not live long enough to graduate from high school. Chances are the successful ones would still have been successful without the alcohol and drugs, but there is a far better chance that the dead ones or the ones in jail would have turned out better without it.
You may be right
I may be crazy
-- Billy Joel --Within you lies the power for good, use it!!!
Yah Mon!:rose:
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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Yeah and as soon as they move out they're going to do it all anyways. So you can put them in a steel box if you want but it's not going to matter one bit. Soon as they move out they're going to do all the stuff you never let them do and most of it because you never let them do it and not really because they want to. You put that much of a wall around your kids and they will look forward to the day where than can rub it in your face. I had as much freedom as I wanted and I just took it slow and easy. Ate a lot of bean burritos and had a good time.:cool:
code-frog wrote:
Yeah and as soon as they move out they're going to do it all anyways. So you can put them in a steel box if you want but it's not going to matter one bit. Soon as they move out they're going to do all the stuff you never let them do and most of it because you never let them do it and not really because they want to. You put that much of a wall around your kids and they will look forward to the day where than can rub it in your face.
Yeah, the best thing to do is teach them right from wrong and make sure they know the reasons why they shouldn't do certain things. You should not be totally passive though, discipline is a must and you need to start early and as long as you don't go overboard your kids will be happy and respectful (at least I would).
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MMMMM! Caffeine.:-D I haven't slept since Monday night. Tell me about caffeine...:sigh:
code-frog wrote:
MMMMM! Caffeine. I haven't slept since Monday night. Tell me about caffeine...
Wow, you seriously haven't slept since Monday? I learned the value of sleep after being an insomniac. You need to sleep before it causes serious problems.
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Joe Woodbury wrote:
do recall several of the ring leaders doing condom checks and designated driver checks on Friday nights after track practice.
Thats pretty responsible. My High School (early 80's) certainly was not that progressive / responsible and we were just on the cusp (as I recall) of the start of the Drinking Driving Counterattack programs and the whole Aids scare. The alcohol use doesnt terribly concern me but that Ecstacy sh#t, I admit, really scares the bejesus out of me (in concern for my daughters) as it is apparently cheap, extremely addicting, and damaging. But my parents certainly had their own things to worry about. David
Orcrist wrote:
hat Ecstacy sh#t, I admit, really scares the bejesus out of me (in concern for my daughters) as it is apparently cheap, extremely addicting, and damaging.
Ecstasy should be avoided at all costs, I would never use it. I would end up in a situation that I would regret later or end up emotionally attached to some object such as my computer.:laugh:
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code-frog wrote:
Yeah and as soon as they move out they're going to do it all anyways. So you can put them in a steel box if you want but it's not going to matter one bit. Soon as they move out they're going to do all the stuff you never let them do and most of it because you never let them do it and not really because they want to. You put that much of a wall around your kids and they will look forward to the day where than can rub it in your face.
Yeah, the best thing to do is teach them right from wrong and make sure they know the reasons why they shouldn't do certain things. You should not be totally passive though, discipline is a must and you need to start early and as long as you don't go overboard your kids will be happy and respectful (at least I would).
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I'm anything but passive on discipline you just have to do it early, consistently and teach them. Then slowly pull away and let them try flying on their own and see how they do. My parents did give me freedom they made me fight for every inch and so then after I got it I respected it. I think it was a good approach. My father was a drill sargeant in the USMC if that gives you any ideas about discipline...:-D
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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code-frog wrote:
MMMMM! Caffeine. I haven't slept since Monday night. Tell me about caffeine...
Wow, you seriously haven't slept since Monday? I learned the value of sleep after being an insomniac. You need to sleep before it causes serious problems.
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Well we got to the E.R. around 12:30AM and we had to stay their until Katie's vitals stabilized. Then I had to go get some meds at the 24 hour pharmacy and then I got her home. But she was anything but stable so I stayed up with her to keep an eye on things. But I have clients who want things and so I worked in the morning and my wife watched her during the day but last night was no twinkie filled evening either so I was up with her again because we had been given the wrong dosage on some of her medicines and she had gotten too light a dosage during the day so it really didn't profit us much. Tonight I'm hoping to sleep but I'll tow the line if I need to with her. I've been doing it for 5 years and so far 4 days is my record for no sleep... I don't really ever want to go there again and shouldn't ever have to. Those days are gone...:rose:
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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Well we got to the E.R. around 12:30AM and we had to stay their until Katie's vitals stabilized. Then I had to go get some meds at the 24 hour pharmacy and then I got her home. But she was anything but stable so I stayed up with her to keep an eye on things. But I have clients who want things and so I worked in the morning and my wife watched her during the day but last night was no twinkie filled evening either so I was up with her again because we had been given the wrong dosage on some of her medicines and she had gotten too light a dosage during the day so it really didn't profit us much. Tonight I'm hoping to sleep but I'll tow the line if I need to with her. I've been doing it for 5 years and so far 4 days is my record for no sleep... I don't really ever want to go there again and shouldn't ever have to. Those days are gone...:rose:
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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Do you play the flute? :~
Ðavid Wulff What kind of music should programmers listen to?
Join the Code Project Last.fm group | dwulff
I'm so gangsta I eat cereal without the milk -
code-frog wrote:
Well we got to the E.R. around 12:30AM and we had to stay their until Katie's vitals stabilized.
What happened to her?
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My middle child has a chronic health condition and has since birth. It's a really long story but you can read this if you want. It only tells about half the story and I haven't decided if it tells the easier half or the harder half. I used to think it was the harder but time is proving me wrong... http://www.pediatricparents.com/Katie.htm[^]
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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My middle child has a chronic health condition and has since birth. It's a really long story but you can read this if you want. It only tells about half the story and I haven't decided if it tells the easier half or the harder half. I used to think it was the harder but time is proving me wrong... http://www.pediatricparents.com/Katie.htm[^]
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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Thats terrible. That must be extremely stressful. I wouldn't sleep at night either, even if I did have the time.
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Well... once upon a time I lost my job because of her condition, which meant we lost our home because of her condition (we had actually just sold my home 1 day prior to being laid off and we were building a new home with a more medically friendly room, but once I was laid-off we didn't qualify for the loan so we had to move in with wife's parents) and that meant we lived through a lot of hell back in the day. Now things are better, I'm self-employed by necessity our income is good and she's the only thing to worry about but she's come so far that we don't have to worry so much as we just have to do the work. She's going to be fine now but we just have to do all the maintenance. Up until she was about 3 maybe 3.5 years old she could have checked out at any time. She didn't, is past that point and doing better. Still has a feeding tube and still has other complications but the fear of death is passed (hopefully).
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered process, husband to a murdered thread. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. - Gladiator I work to live. I do not live to work. My clients do not seem capable of grasping this fact.
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Let's see. Monday a kid in 10th grade was caught drinking in the bathroom and suspended for a week. Last week, two kids skipped P.E. and were suspended for a day (seems a bit harsh there). Last year's senior class trip to Italy (yeah, wow, I know) had several incidences of drinking. Last year, most of the senior class was caught drinking around a bonfire (without permission for that) on school grounds (by the lake) at 11:30 PM. It seems I've picked a Waldorf school that is apparently known for its highschool drinking issues. Anyways, what's your experience with your kid(s) in highschool and their peers? Is this typical? Especially, is it typical for a private school? Granted, parents often choose Waldorf as the last option/hope for their already screwed up kid (I place the responsibility of all of this behavior squarely on the shoulders of the parents, BTW, not the school). Marc
People are just notoriously impossible. --DavidCrow
There's NO excuse for not commenting your code. -- John Simmons / outlaw programmer
People who say that they will refactor their code later to make it "good" don't understand refactoring, nor the art and craft of programming. -- Josh Smith -
Let's see. Monday a kid in 10th grade was caught drinking in the bathroom and suspended for a week. Last week, two kids skipped P.E. and were suspended for a day (seems a bit harsh there). Last year's senior class trip to Italy (yeah, wow, I know) had several incidences of drinking. Last year, most of the senior class was caught drinking around a bonfire (without permission for that) on school grounds (by the lake) at 11:30 PM. It seems I've picked a Waldorf school that is apparently known for its highschool drinking issues. Anyways, what's your experience with your kid(s) in highschool and their peers? Is this typical? Especially, is it typical for a private school? Granted, parents often choose Waldorf as the last option/hope for their already screwed up kid (I place the responsibility of all of this behavior squarely on the shoulders of the parents, BTW, not the school). Marc
People are just notoriously impossible. --DavidCrow
There's NO excuse for not commenting your code. -- John Simmons / outlaw programmer
People who say that they will refactor their code later to make it "good" don't understand refactoring, nor the art and craft of programming. -- Josh SmithIf 10th graders are 15-16 year old (as stated by another post in this thread) I wouldn't find that particularly shocking. I started pubbing at 17 (the legal age here is 18), and it hasn't done me any harm. With a bit of guidance from my parents (they introduced me to alcohol in the family home myuch earlier) I was able to find my own equilibrium (for want of a better word) and learn when drinking was appropriate and when to stop. In the 6th Form (17-19) we used to take our teachers out for drinks in one of the local pubs at lunchtime on occasion. They were a pretty good bunch (excluding the Head, who was a complete twat and was kept in the dark). :beer: The key bit is how much social interaction they get with adults, I suspect. If they don't get much guidance/mentoring in their home environment, they won't handle it well, and the results are well documented long term issues.
Anna :rose: Linting the day away :cool: Anna's Place | Tears and Laughter "If mushy peas are the food of the devil, the stotty cake is the frisbee of God"
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Joe Woodbury wrote:
if only her fifteen year old brother would grow up....
Boys should be nailed into barrels at age 10 and shipped off to a storage facility until they are 25. Girls just might be okay. Of course, I might be just a wee bit biased, since I have the world's Most Perfect Daughter ;).
Software Zen:
delete this;Gary R. Wheeler wrote:
Girls just might be okay
hahaha We had 4 of them and all of them went from sweet, cute, little girls to raving lunatics overnight.
Why is common sense not common? Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level where they are an expert. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to be lazy
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Let's see. Monday a kid in 10th grade was caught drinking in the bathroom and suspended for a week. Last week, two kids skipped P.E. and were suspended for a day (seems a bit harsh there). Last year's senior class trip to Italy (yeah, wow, I know) had several incidences of drinking. Last year, most of the senior class was caught drinking around a bonfire (without permission for that) on school grounds (by the lake) at 11:30 PM. It seems I've picked a Waldorf school that is apparently known for its highschool drinking issues. Anyways, what's your experience with your kid(s) in highschool and their peers? Is this typical? Especially, is it typical for a private school? Granted, parents often choose Waldorf as the last option/hope for their already screwed up kid (I place the responsibility of all of this behavior squarely on the shoulders of the parents, BTW, not the school). Marc
People are just notoriously impossible. --DavidCrow
There's NO excuse for not commenting your code. -- John Simmons / outlaw programmer
People who say that they will refactor their code later to make it "good" don't understand refactoring, nor the art and craft of programming. -- Josh SmithMarc Clifton wrote:
Is this typical?
I would have to say that it's mild in comparison to some other situations.
Marc Clifton wrote:
shoulders of the parents
Not neccessarily. Once they get to a certain age, there is not much you can do. All you can do is hope they make the right choice. Our youngest (14) would be more than happy to regale you with how she is horribly abused (if you make her get off the couch and she misses 30 seconds of TV, that is abuse), and has absolutely no problem at all calling child protective services to make false reports of abuse and neglect. I have not been able to figure out where all that comes from. We don't drink, do drugs or any of that other stuff. I think that we are pretty much a typical middle class couple. So for her to be acting this way is a mystery to me.
Why is common sense not common? Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level where they are an expert. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to be lazy