Bread and Cheese survey
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
This went on for over 40 minutes
:omg::wtf: "Larry" didn't get it, did he? :laugh:
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001In the words of Frank Carson, it's a cracker :D
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
This went on for over 40 minutes
:omg::wtf: "Larry" didn't get it, did he? :laugh:
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
This went on for over 40 minutes
:omg::wtf: "Larry" didn't get it, did he? :laugh:
The clue train passed his station without stopping.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
"Larry" didn't care.
Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine. - P.J. O'Rourke
I could hear him pause between answers, so I think he was wondering how to record my answers... :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
The clue train passed his station without stopping.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
-----
"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
The clue train passed his station without stopping.
:laugh::laugh::laugh: Or he was standing on the wrong side of the station :rolleyes:
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001:laugh::laugh::laugh: Ah, to have your gift for extemporaneous gab... I usually have to think a bit before I completely flummox an idiot.
"A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent
If so, I am pretty sure he's not located in India. Pretty much all call center people in India are trained to have fake American accents - and while they probably end up with a mixed accent, I don't think someone with a heavy Indian accent would get a job in India. The only Indians who speak with a pronounced Indian English accent are those on H1Bs and Green Cards and live in the States :-) So the guy who called you probably lives in the States.
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
You had your fun, and he got to bill his 40 minutes - win-win situation there :-)
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
I could hear him pause between answers, so I think he was wondering how to record my answers... :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
I think he was wondering how to record my answers...
Maybe how not to bust his guts laughing like I did with the original post :laugh:
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I could hear him pause between answers, so I think he was wondering how to record my answers... :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001So maybe he was as entertained as you.
Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine. - P.J. O'Rourke
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
-----
"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001This was one of those jobs I hated when going through school, and was actually happy they let me go. It really isn't the job you want to think about, and certainly not a job you say to yourself, "gee, I love this job, I am glad I am here today." Although the personalities of people were interesting, I got a few crack responses like that during a soda pop survey, I wish I could remember it. I was haveing to pause constantly to write it down (because you have to), and keep from laughing at the same time. You are never to laugh at a person giving you answers, even if you think it is a joke, because you can never be sure. Anyhow, I survived it, they survived with out me too. :) I much preferred gardening, the apartment personalities can be just as entertaining, and gardening had other benefits with people too. :)
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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I recently had a "discussion" in the Soapbox about the reliability of public opinion polls. :rolleyes:
"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." - Thomas Jefferson
My rules: A) Never answer a survey B) If you do, lie
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I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001I'd give you a '6' but without that tape-recording as evidence...
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John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent
If so, I am pretty sure he's not located in India. Pretty much all call center people in India are trained to have fake American accents - and while they probably end up with a mixed accent, I don't think someone with a heavy Indian accent would get a job in India. The only Indians who speak with a pronounced Indian English accent are those on H1Bs and Green Cards and live in the States :-) So the guy who called you probably lives in the States.
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
You had your fun, and he got to bill his 40 minutes - win-win situation there :-)
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com linkI've NEVER talked to an Customer Service Indian that didn't sound like an Indian. They may be trained to reduce it, but the accent cannot be eliminated.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
-----
"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
My rules: A) Never answer a survey B) If you do, lie
-
I wish I had recorded this... The phone rang yesterday and my wife picked it up. After saying hello a couple of times, she handed the phone to me. The person on the other end of the line spoke with a decidedly heavy Indian accent and was conducting a survey regarding our consumption of bread and cheese. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I agreed to participate. At every question, I strove to come up with an answer that was probably not on his list of expected/acceptable responses. For instance, one of the questions was why we pick the bread that we do. I answered that it wasn't really something other people look for, but I want to make sure we get bread with fuzzy green and black splotches on them indicating that the bread is almost too ripe to pick off the tree. When asked for the brand, I replied thatwe don't really know, but it has a big red X followed by the word "PIRED" in all capitol letters. He dutifully wrote down "XPIRED". He asked how we used the bread, and I told him we boiled it, coated it with sugar, and then put it in an underground vault for precisely 3 hours and 34 minutes, explaining along the way that it was a hassle making sandwiches because of the 3-1/2 hour wait. (I could hear him writing all this down.) Next we moved onto the cheese. Again he asked what kind we used, and I offered "butt cheese". He then asked for the brand, and I replied "Uranus Corporation". Then he said (and I kid you not), "So you eat butt cheese from Uranus?" "RIGHT!", I replied. Him: "Why do you use Uranus butt cheese?" Me: "Because of the way it looks when I squeeze it out." Him: "So you buy it for it's appearance?" Me: "Yeah. It's the only cheese I've ever seen that's brown and soft and is easily squeezed out." Him: "Do you use Uranus butt cheese on XPIRED bread?" Me: "Of course" This went on for over 40 minutes. Finally, he was done with the survey, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Larry".
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001I am posting this in the hope of getting a 5 vote as all the posts in this thread have got 5.
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I've NEVER talked to an Customer Service Indian that didn't sound like an Indian. They may be trained to reduce it, but the accent cannot be eliminated.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
I've NEVER talked to an Customer Service Indian that didn't sound like an Indian. They may be trained to reduce it, but the accent cannot be eliminated.
Yeah, but you said "decidedly heavy Indian accent" :-)
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
I've NEVER talked to an Customer Service Indian that didn't sound like an Indian. They may be trained to reduce it, but the accent cannot be eliminated.
Yeah, but you said "decidedly heavy Indian accent" :-)
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link
