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JOTD

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

    1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

    M Offline
    M Offline
    Marc Clifton
    wrote on last edited by
    #2

    Did you get these off the backside of some fortune cookies? Marc

    Thyme In The Country
    Interacx
    My Blog

    M Mike HankeyM 2 Replies Last reply
    0
    • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

      1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

      Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

      B Offline
      B Offline
      blackjack2150
      wrote on last edited by
      #3

      I find some of them really good.

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

        1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

        Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

        _ Offline
        _ Offline
        _Damian S_
        wrote on last edited by
        #4

        What's the difference between a row of panty-less Can-Can Dancers and an Evil Knievel show? The Evil Knievel show is a cunning line up of stunts!

        ------------------------------------------- Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Just bugger off and leave me alone!!

        Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

          1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

          Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

          M Offline
          M Offline
          Mike_V
          wrote on last edited by
          #5

          Corny, but good. I actually haven't heard these yet. Mike

          1 Reply Last reply
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          • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

            1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

            Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

            S Offline
            S Offline
            Sam_c
            wrote on last edited by
            #6

            some are really bad the others are pretty funny :laugh: 4, 5, 11, 13 and 19 not sure if it was my expectation of the preceding joke which made those seem funny. but not bad.. im not in a laughing mood at the moment but those helped :-D

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • M Marc Clifton

              Did you get these off the backside of some fortune cookies? Marc

              Thyme In The Country
              Interacx
              My Blog

              M Offline
              M Offline
              martin_hughes
              wrote on last edited by
              #7

              Nah, he's in training as a Christmas Cracker joke writer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker[^] I can't believe you don't have these in the US... I should start an import business selling them. I'd make a killing.

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • M Marc Clifton

                Did you get these off the backside of some fortune cookies? Marc

                Thyme In The Country
                Interacx
                My Blog

                Mike HankeyM Offline
                Mike HankeyM Offline
                Mike Hankey
                wrote on last edited by
                #8

                Nope got em off Bazooka bubble gum wrappers. :-D Mike

                Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

                M 1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • _ _Damian S_

                  What's the difference between a row of panty-less Can-Can Dancers and an Evil Knievel show? The Evil Knievel show is a cunning line up of stunts!

                  ------------------------------------------- Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Just bugger off and leave me alone!!

                  Mike HankeyM Offline
                  Mike HankeyM Offline
                  Mike Hankey
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #9

                  Old one but good! Mike

                  Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                    Nope got em off Bazooka bubble gum wrappers. :-D Mike

                    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

                    M Offline
                    M Offline
                    Marc Clifton
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #10

                    Mike Hankey wrote:

                    Nope got em off Bazooka bubble gum wrappers.

                    Ahhhh. I was thinking Cracker Jack boxes (do they put jokes in those?) didn't think of bubble gum. :) Marc

                    Thyme In The Country
                    Interacx
                    My Blog

                    Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • M Marc Clifton

                      Mike Hankey wrote:

                      Nope got em off Bazooka bubble gum wrappers.

                      Ahhhh. I was thinking Cracker Jack boxes (do they put jokes in those?) didn't think of bubble gum. :) Marc

                      Thyme In The Country
                      Interacx
                      My Blog

                      Mike HankeyM Offline
                      Mike HankeyM Offline
                      Mike Hankey
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #11

                      No Cracker Jacks has the prizes. Used the prize to trade for bubble gum and Baseball cards. If I had all the cards I threw away when I was a kid...whew lord! Mike

                      Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                        1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sink o. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Mike

                        Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

                        S Offline
                        S Offline
                        standgale
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #12

                        ha ha, some of them are quite funny. :-D

                        "Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams

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