Male to female gift giving for dummies
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In my humble opinion and since this comes up so often here: ----------------------------------------------------------- Most women consider and place far more importance on the message a gift is sending rather than the actual physical gift itsef. Every gift is perceived by a woman as a message whether you intended it or not. Women are all about meaning behind things, rarely about the actual gift itself unless it's so extravagant that they lose all reason and run around showing it to their friends (a message in itself) which is something most of us can't really afford to do that often so you're left deeply in *meaning* territory otherwise. Jewelry is a good gift traditionally because the message behind it is that you approve of her looks and want to adorn her (guild the lilly). Flowers are a good gift because in the society that most women grow up in flowers are a traditional representation of an expression of love in so many sappy movies and books etc that they are socially conditioned to see it that way. The best messages to send are the personal intimate ones that no one else in the world might understand because they will make her feel very special. It could be as simple as a basket of mangos if that had any particular meaning to the two of you and sent the right message. It's not about the gift at all. Things that remind them of a particularly happy time (for them) are ideal candidates for presents. If men take the time to think of the gift as not being the gift at all really but the message it sends then this would all be much easier for them. So a gift is not the gift itself, it's the meaning and emotions that the women will feel when receiving it that are the critical point. At least that's what I've observed, YMMV.
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
I have to agree. Many times it's 'what do you want for your birthday/anniversary/hannukah?' and that is exactly what he gets which is fine and still nice to get gifts. But my favorite gifts are the ones he took time to plan and I had no idea he was getting them. One year he got me a nice armoire for my jewelry. I had never expressed wanting one, but I love it. One time when I was in college he got me some (small) amethyst and diamond earrings because I was working so hard and he expressed how proud of me he was. One time I came home and he and his cousin had cleaned the apartment. One time after a long night of work he kept saying 'why don't you take a bath?' and found he already ran the bath for me, lit candles etc.
_____________________________________________ Flea Market! It's just like...it's just like...A MINI-MALL!
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In my humble opinion and since this comes up so often here: ----------------------------------------------------------- Most women consider and place far more importance on the message a gift is sending rather than the actual physical gift itsef. Every gift is perceived by a woman as a message whether you intended it or not. Women are all about meaning behind things, rarely about the actual gift itself unless it's so extravagant that they lose all reason and run around showing it to their friends (a message in itself) which is something most of us can't really afford to do that often so you're left deeply in *meaning* territory otherwise. Jewelry is a good gift traditionally because the message behind it is that you approve of her looks and want to adorn her (guild the lilly). Flowers are a good gift because in the society that most women grow up in flowers are a traditional representation of an expression of love in so many sappy movies and books etc that they are socially conditioned to see it that way. The best messages to send are the personal intimate ones that no one else in the world might understand because they will make her feel very special. It could be as simple as a basket of mangos if that had any particular meaning to the two of you and sent the right message. It's not about the gift at all. Things that remind them of a particularly happy time (for them) are ideal candidates for presents. If men take the time to think of the gift as not being the gift at all really but the message it sends then this would all be much easier for them. So a gift is not the gift itself, it's the meaning and emotions that the women will feel when receiving it that are the critical point. At least that's what I've observed, YMMV.
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
"Women"... what an interesting concept...
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"Women"... what an interesting concept...
-- • Zeta Producer Desktop CMS Intuitive, completely easy-to-use CMS for Windows. • Zeta Helpdesk Open Source ticket software for Windows and web. • Zeta Uploader Easily send large files by e-mail. Windows and web client. • Desargues Innovative, lean and neat calculator for Windows.
Uwe Keim wrote:
"Women"... what an interesting concept...
you're just putting the p**** on a pedestal ;P
----------------------------------------------------------- Completion Deadline: two days before the day after tomorrow
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I have to agree. Many times it's 'what do you want for your birthday/anniversary/hannukah?' and that is exactly what he gets which is fine and still nice to get gifts. But my favorite gifts are the ones he took time to plan and I had no idea he was getting them. One year he got me a nice armoire for my jewelry. I had never expressed wanting one, but I love it. One time when I was in college he got me some (small) amethyst and diamond earrings because I was working so hard and he expressed how proud of me he was. One time I came home and he and his cousin had cleaned the apartment. One time after a long night of work he kept saying 'why don't you take a bath?' and found he already ran the bath for me, lit candles etc.
_____________________________________________ Flea Market! It's just like...it's just like...A MINI-MALL!
leckey wrote:
One time when I was in college he got me some (small) amethyst and diamond earrings because I was working so hard and he expressed how proud of me he was
Ahh..that's a whole other strategy that I should have mentioned, sometimes it's not the gift but the spin you put on it when you give it that matters (although I'm sure that wasn't spin in this case) ;).
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
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Uwe Keim wrote:
"Women"... what an interesting concept...
you're just putting the p**** on a pedestal ;P
----------------------------------------------------------- Completion Deadline: two days before the day after tomorrow
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In my humble opinion and since this comes up so often here: ----------------------------------------------------------- Most women consider and place far more importance on the message a gift is sending rather than the actual physical gift itsef. Every gift is perceived by a woman as a message whether you intended it or not. Women are all about meaning behind things, rarely about the actual gift itself unless it's so extravagant that they lose all reason and run around showing it to their friends (a message in itself) which is something most of us can't really afford to do that often so you're left deeply in *meaning* territory otherwise. Jewelry is a good gift traditionally because the message behind it is that you approve of her looks and want to adorn her (guild the lilly). Flowers are a good gift because in the society that most women grow up in flowers are a traditional representation of an expression of love in so many sappy movies and books etc that they are socially conditioned to see it that way. The best messages to send are the personal intimate ones that no one else in the world might understand because they will make her feel very special. It could be as simple as a basket of mangos if that had any particular meaning to the two of you and sent the right message. It's not about the gift at all. Things that remind them of a particularly happy time (for them) are ideal candidates for presents. If men take the time to think of the gift as not being the gift at all really but the message it sends then this would all be much easier for them. So a gift is not the gift itself, it's the meaning and emotions that the women will feel when receiving it that are the critical point. At least that's what I've observed, YMMV.
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
Could you write something about giving gifts to men? I never know what to give because they never seem to want anything. When I finish it, the next gift for my husband is going to be a quilted jacket for wearing under chainmaille, medieval style... That's a good one I reckon :D Unfortunately he had to leave the chainmaille he made in Australia and then his parents chucked it away. (The agony just thinking about it going to waste - couldn't they have give it away or something?!!) The first birthday gift he gave me was a Japanese style knife he got made near here, wrapped in a rainbow coloured silk scarf, with a leather sheath he made himself, all in a carved wooden box. Pretty cool, but not on the cheap side. He looked all over for the right parts though, and went out to the knife-makers house on the peninsula a couple of times to do it too. Normally a man will not give his relatively new girlfriend a knife, so it shows that he knows me, which is important and very nice, similar to your "basket of mangoes" example but more expensive and less obscure ;) A special, odd gift also shows that you've got guts in a way, because you are not just going with some standard cliche or anything. You're taking a chance to do something special, and it doesn't just show that you know the woman well, but also that you're secure in yourself and the relationship. Of course, you can't do something special EVERY time, or most people can't, and sometimes you just go with what you can find, but that's ok.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams
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Could you write something about giving gifts to men? I never know what to give because they never seem to want anything. When I finish it, the next gift for my husband is going to be a quilted jacket for wearing under chainmaille, medieval style... That's a good one I reckon :D Unfortunately he had to leave the chainmaille he made in Australia and then his parents chucked it away. (The agony just thinking about it going to waste - couldn't they have give it away or something?!!) The first birthday gift he gave me was a Japanese style knife he got made near here, wrapped in a rainbow coloured silk scarf, with a leather sheath he made himself, all in a carved wooden box. Pretty cool, but not on the cheap side. He looked all over for the right parts though, and went out to the knife-makers house on the peninsula a couple of times to do it too. Normally a man will not give his relatively new girlfriend a knife, so it shows that he knows me, which is important and very nice, similar to your "basket of mangoes" example but more expensive and less obscure ;) A special, odd gift also shows that you've got guts in a way, because you are not just going with some standard cliche or anything. You're taking a chance to do something special, and it doesn't just show that you know the woman well, but also that you're secure in yourself and the relationship. Of course, you can't do something special EVERY time, or most people can't, and sometimes you just go with what you can find, but that's ok.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams
standgale wrote:
Could you write something about giving gifts to men?
:) Not really. It's been covered in later threads, but in general men like anything that makes an interesting noise (as long as that's not all that it does) seems to be a consistent winner. The difference with men is they rarely see or care about the message and meaning bit and care a lot about the cool bit. Trouble is that what's cool to them changes regularly so you need to really start paying attention only a couple of weeks or less before it's time to buy the gift. Some men say they want nothing as a defensive strategy so that the pressure is eased off them when it's time for them to reciprocate with a gift. Actually a *lot* of men do that I think. Remember that no, or very few, men "never want anything". Quite the opposite in fact, men by nature always want something. I've been hinting to my wife for 3 years now that I'd love a sattelite radio system for the car (we only get two stations where I live and both are local and play the same 80's music over and over and over and over) Because she's not caught on I've kind of made a game out of it to see how broad a hint I can make without actually coming out and saying it. I furiously stab away at the radio buttons flicking back and forth while were driving. Make comments at separate and later points about how sattelite radio has "like 500 stations". How much the local stations suck, how they just played that song an hour ago etc. I have made a concerted effort to do this before my birth day and christmas every year for the past 3 years because she always says she never knows what to get me and that she doesn't want to just ask me because that takes the fun out of it. You can draw your own conclusions but in my opinion our gift giving relationship is pretty common. Men don't want to have to come out and say what they want and women never seem to pay any attention to what a man covets (unless it's another woman) because they don't often share that interest. Never mind that they expect the opposite, they don't practice what they preach often enough.
standgale wrote:
Normally a man will not give his relatively new girlfriend a knife, so it shows that he knows me, which is important and very nice, similar to your "basket of mangoes" example but more expensive and less obscure
Actually the mango thing isn't a random
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standgale wrote:
Could you write something about giving gifts to men?
:) Not really. It's been covered in later threads, but in general men like anything that makes an interesting noise (as long as that's not all that it does) seems to be a consistent winner. The difference with men is they rarely see or care about the message and meaning bit and care a lot about the cool bit. Trouble is that what's cool to them changes regularly so you need to really start paying attention only a couple of weeks or less before it's time to buy the gift. Some men say they want nothing as a defensive strategy so that the pressure is eased off them when it's time for them to reciprocate with a gift. Actually a *lot* of men do that I think. Remember that no, or very few, men "never want anything". Quite the opposite in fact, men by nature always want something. I've been hinting to my wife for 3 years now that I'd love a sattelite radio system for the car (we only get two stations where I live and both are local and play the same 80's music over and over and over and over) Because she's not caught on I've kind of made a game out of it to see how broad a hint I can make without actually coming out and saying it. I furiously stab away at the radio buttons flicking back and forth while were driving. Make comments at separate and later points about how sattelite radio has "like 500 stations". How much the local stations suck, how they just played that song an hour ago etc. I have made a concerted effort to do this before my birth day and christmas every year for the past 3 years because she always says she never knows what to get me and that she doesn't want to just ask me because that takes the fun out of it. You can draw your own conclusions but in my opinion our gift giving relationship is pretty common. Men don't want to have to come out and say what they want and women never seem to pay any attention to what a man covets (unless it's another woman) because they don't often share that interest. Never mind that they expect the opposite, they don't practice what they preach often enough.
standgale wrote:
Normally a man will not give his relatively new girlfriend a knife, so it shows that he knows me, which is important and very nice, similar to your "basket of mangoes" example but more expensive and less obscure
Actually the mango thing isn't a random
It sounds like if your wife does actually give you the radio system you'll actually have nothing to do - a time-consuming hobby will be ripped away from you just like that! But maybe after you get one you could start hinting about knives :D I'd like to say my knife IS really cool. One of the other cool things about it is that the blade is a recycled crow bar! How cool is that. I can't remember if I said it was a Japanese knife or not, but it is, with a single peg going through the handle and the tang to hold the blade in. The guy who made it before enjoyed making it too I think because he had never made one like it before, in that style. Although non-standard gift-giving might not ACTUALLY be a sign of guts and security ;), it sort of seems that way to me. It was the best way I could explain the subtle aspect that wasn't the "oh look, he knows me" aspect. :-) re. the SCA, my husband now feels he is too old to do all that wet, cold, muddy lying around in fields after "dying" in a mock-battle kind of stuff. Plus there's computer games to play! But yes, we have a general interest in that direction.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams
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It sounds like if your wife does actually give you the radio system you'll actually have nothing to do - a time-consuming hobby will be ripped away from you just like that! But maybe after you get one you could start hinting about knives :D I'd like to say my knife IS really cool. One of the other cool things about it is that the blade is a recycled crow bar! How cool is that. I can't remember if I said it was a Japanese knife or not, but it is, with a single peg going through the handle and the tang to hold the blade in. The guy who made it before enjoyed making it too I think because he had never made one like it before, in that style. Although non-standard gift-giving might not ACTUALLY be a sign of guts and security ;), it sort of seems that way to me. It was the best way I could explain the subtle aspect that wasn't the "oh look, he knows me" aspect. :-) re. the SCA, my husband now feels he is too old to do all that wet, cold, muddy lying around in fields after "dying" in a mock-battle kind of stuff. Plus there's computer games to play! But yes, we have a general interest in that direction.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams
standgale wrote:
a time-consuming hobby will be ripped away from you just like that!
:laugh:
standgale wrote:
One of the other cool things about it is that the blade is a recycled crow bar!
Very cool. Co-incidentally I was once given a crowbar with a custom sewn bag-like sheeth as a birthday present. My buddy gave it to me because we were always playing Half-Life against each other online and the most basic weapon in Half-Life is a crowbar. I'm super into knives but for probably different reasons: I really like to cook and I'm *very* fussy about the quality of my knives. I sharpen them myself and even customize the store bought ones (the very expensive store bought ones to the horror of my wife the first time she saw me do it) with a grinder to fit my hand better.
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
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John Cardinal wrote:
they are socially conditioned to see it that way.
:laugh: I feel like I'm reading a guide on how to trick women.
John Cardinal wrote:
If men take the time to think of the gift as not being the gift at all really but the message it sends then this would all be much easier for them.
As a relatively newlywed I think this advice will be invaluable in the future, thanks.:)
Think of it this way...using a Stradivarius violin to pound nails should not be considered a sound construction technique
One of the best gifts I've given my wife? A Buddha yard ornament that we had to leave at a house (two houses and 8 years back) because the buyer wanted all yard stuff included in the sale. It was given to my wife by her mother back then - and her mother passed away this year. I went over to the house and told the guy the story and he gave it to me. It really meant a lot to her to have that back. It cost me nothing but I gladly would have paid for it.
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standgale wrote:
a time-consuming hobby will be ripped away from you just like that!
:laugh:
standgale wrote:
One of the other cool things about it is that the blade is a recycled crow bar!
Very cool. Co-incidentally I was once given a crowbar with a custom sewn bag-like sheeth as a birthday present. My buddy gave it to me because we were always playing Half-Life against each other online and the most basic weapon in Half-Life is a crowbar. I'm super into knives but for probably different reasons: I really like to cook and I'm *very* fussy about the quality of my knives. I sharpen them myself and even customize the store bought ones (the very expensive store bought ones to the horror of my wife the first time she saw me do it) with a grinder to fit my hand better.
"I don't want more choice. I just want better things!" - Edina Monsoon
My husband is into his cooking knives, although I do most (all) of the cooking. When we moved into our house, that's what we absolutely had to buy straight away - expensive knives, particularly the type in one piece blade to handle. I was mostly impressed because he got them 25% off. For some reason the sales lady decided that since the boxes for them were broken we should get a discount. Sure... who keeps their kitchen knives in boxes? Man, those knives are good. They make cutting and thus cooking so much easier it is amazing. Trying them after only using stinking normal knives, the experience is just amazing.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams
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My husband is into his cooking knives, although I do most (all) of the cooking. When we moved into our house, that's what we absolutely had to buy straight away - expensive knives, particularly the type in one piece blade to handle. I was mostly impressed because he got them 25% off. For some reason the sales lady decided that since the boxes for them were broken we should get a discount. Sure... who keeps their kitchen knives in boxes? Man, those knives are good. They make cutting and thus cooking so much easier it is amazing. Trying them after only using stinking normal knives, the experience is just amazing.
"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails." - Scott Adams