Dumber and Dumberer

Colin Angus Mackay

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. RULES FOR BANK ROBBERS: According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. For instance it is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76% of bank robbers use no disguise, 86% never study the bank before robbing it, and 95% make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, this advice is offered to would-be bank robbers: Consider another line of work. A man walked into a Circle-K in Louisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. Question: if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed? AVweb, a weekly aviation news letter, reported that a bungling burglar broke into a Mooney aircraft at the Knox County, Ohio airport and removed its avionics system, including the Emergency Locating Transmitter or ELT. This device sends homing signals if the aircraft crashes. You can guess what happened next. The ham-handed crook jarred the ELT enough to activate it, and authorities had no trouble tracking the perpetrator to his lair. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two counterfeit $16 bills. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still wouldn't give him the money, so the robber called the police -- and was arrested. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking" stole a steamroller and led police on a 5mph chase, until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop. A guy wearing pantyhose on his face tried to rob a store in a mall. When the secur

Mike Hankey

Colin Angus Mackay wrote:

plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake

They are all good but I particularly like the gas thief. :laugh::laugh::laugh: Thanks for the laugh Mike

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

Mustafa Ismail Mustafa

:laugh::laugh::laugh: thanks Mike, the day has been so slow and work has been a pain. I needed that :D

There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't... ______________________ "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rick Cook

Josh Smith

Colin Angus Mackay wrote:

in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76% of bank robbers use no disguise, 86% never study the bank before robbing it, and 95% make no long-range plans for concealing the loot.

That's pathetic. I wonder if those stats are similar in other countries, or if the quality of American criminals is just another reflection of our dismal public education system.

:josh: My WPF Blog[^] Without a strive for perfection I would be terribly bored.

soap brain

As emasculating as it is to admit it, it made me giggle. So much for the virile, macho façade I've been putting on for so many years. :-O

Sometimes the loser kids are the coolest to hang around with. But ONLY sometimes. *sigh* Is it just me, or are the girls prettier this year?

RaviBee

Along the same lines: clickety[^] :) /ravi

This is your brain on Celcius Home | Music | Articles | Freeware | Trips ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

Colin Angus Mackay

(17 September 2000, Queensland, Australia) Six young men and women with no sailing experience were rescued from an stolen luxury yacht after drifting into a pier only 400 metres from its mooring. They had intended to sail around the world, and had packed all the essentials; 60 cans of baked beans, 1000 condoms, some liquor and cola and a library book on navigating by the stars. Lucky for them they were caught, as police report that "they had no fresh water and no food other than baked beans." The would-be sailors have been charged with unlawful use of a vessel. We can all be glad that at least with 1000 condoms, they weren't planning to breed.

Upcoming FREE developer events: * Glasgow: db4o: An Embeddable Database Engine for Object-Oriented Environments, Mock Objects, SQL Server CLR Integration, Reporting Services ... My website

Mike Hankey

I wonder if they were going to use the beans to propel the vessel and were just waiting for things to ferment so to speak? Mike

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "George Carlin"

JimmyRopes

Colin Angus Mackay wrote:

We can all be glad that at least with 1000 condoms, they weren't planning to breed.

Given their demonstrated lack of competence they probably would have gotten that wrong as well. :rolleyes:

Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
Think inside the box! ProActive Secure Systems
I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes

Josh Smith

Colin Angus Mackay wrote:

Lucky for them they were caught, as police report that "they had no fresh water and no food other than baked beans."

That's too bad, they would have made excellent contestants for the Darwin Award.

:josh: My WPF Blog[^] Without a strive for perfection I would be terribly bored.

Lost User

Did you find that in your junk email folder?

RoswellNX

Josh Smith wrote:

That's pathetic. I wonder if those stats are similar in other countries, or if the quality of American criminals is just another reflection of our dismal public education system.

Good observation:sigh: Roswell

"Angelinos -- excuse me. There will be civility today."
Antonio VillaRaigosa
City Mayor, Los Angeles, CA

leppie

They should have let it played out :p

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Super Lloyd

Ho... this one is... what to say really? ======= None too smart in this department NEW LONDON, Conn. - Robert Jordan is a little too smart for his own good. He took an exam to become a New London police officer but wasn't called back for an interview because he scored too high. He filed a federal lawsuit last week alleging discrimination based on intelligence. "I know I would be a good cop, but I had the misfortune of selecting too many correct answers," said Jordan, 46. "What kind of a message does this send to children? Study hard, but not too hard?" Deputy Police Chief William C. Gavitt and the city's attorney, Ralph J. Monaco, said candidates who scored too high could get bored with police work and leave not long after undergoing academy training that costs $25,000. "We are looking for bright people," Monaco said, "but we're not looking for people that are so bright to an extent that they're not going to be challenged by the job." The test company, Wonderlic Personnel Test Inc., said New London is not alone in screening out potential employees deemed too smart. The test is given to 3 million persons annually. (AP) Boston Globe, Fri 6 Jun 1997 =======

Richard Jones

My personal favorite is the Caught on Camera crew that stole a contractor's pickup (with signs on the side and ladders). They returned the next day to sell the truck to the contractor. Did they think he wouldn't recognize it? Police are shown minutes later in the video.:rolleyes::laugh:

"Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit..." "There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain..."

El Corazon

Josh Smith wrote:

or if the quality of American criminals is just another reflection of our dismal public education system.

Not exactly. But it does play its part. The primary reason is US attitude. We just don't care about anyone else, or anything else in most cases. The robber doesn't wear a disguise and doesn't worry about such other things because nothing matters but himself. Narcissism does have the disadvantage, when you forget that the world doesn't revolve around you, you forget all kinds of useful things about your own environment. But it is true, thinking is out of style today.

_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)

Mark_Wallace

Look, I know I've made mistakes; there's no need to rub it in!

Colin Angus Mackay

What is interesting is that my Dad joined the police, they recognised he was quite bright and sponsored him through university where he got a law degree specialising in criminology and on his return was put on a fast track scheme.

Upcoming FREE developer events: * Glasgow: db4o: An Embeddable Database Engine for Object-Oriented Environments, Mock Objects, SQL Server CLR Integration, Reporting Services ... My website

Super Lloyd

maybe it's a fake?! :laugh: I though it might be...

Shujaat Ullah Khan

I think Microsoft would be working on to develop some tool to help these guys. Lets Call it Microsoft Burglar Studio BETA

Shujaat