Dear Bank Manager
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Found this piece quite good. Hope you all like it. I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes: First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require our chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on
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Found this piece quite good. Hope you all like it. I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes: First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require our chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on
Read something similar before but it still fills my heart with warmth as I imagine that I would have the chance to do that. I'll get my solace with my letter to TalkTalk as, I understand, they have now sent the letter I demanded they send so I can recount my tale of woe to them. Just reading the dictionary for adjectives I haven't yet used, and verbs that I would love to instruct them to do but I do still have some standards, low yes, but I do still have some.
I still remember having to write your own code in FORTRAN rather than be a cut and paste merchant being pampered by colour coded Intellisense - ahh proper programming - those were the days :)
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Found this piece quite good. Hope you all like it. I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes: First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require our chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on
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I've seen these before. What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs. So, while their letter is 'witty', it'll get them nothing more than a raised middle finger.
Two words: Overdraft Protection...
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I've seen these before. What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs. So, while their letter is 'witty', it'll get them nothing more than a raised middle finger.
Craster wrote:
What these people fail to realise
isn't it blindingly obvious that this is satire, and not a serious proposal ?
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I've seen these before. What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs. So, while their letter is 'witty', it'll get them nothing more than a raised middle finger.
Craster wrote:
What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs.
And people wonder why banking regulations are so strict, and yet banks STILL find ways to skirt the law and stomp on the little guy. Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed. Basically, they were "shuffling" the transactions when your account balance was low to maximize the number of times they could hit you with an overdraft fee.
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
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Two words: Overdraft Protection...
How would that help?
"A good athlete is the result of a good and worthy opponent." - David Crow
"To have a respect for ourselves guides our morals; to have deference for others governs our manners." - Laurence Sterne
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I've seen these before. What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs. So, while their letter is 'witty', it'll get them nothing more than a raised middle finger.
Craster wrote:
they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs.
And they call it as a
businessright? Shouldn't the rapport be more with a spirit rather than just a hard-skeleton? Till a good convincing renaissance happens, I think, this would serve as another 'Witty'. :)Vasudevan Deepak Kumar Personal Homepage Tech Gossips
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Craster wrote:
What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs.
And people wonder why banking regulations are so strict, and yet banks STILL find ways to skirt the law and stomp on the little guy. Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed. Basically, they were "shuffling" the transactions when your account balance was low to maximize the number of times they could hit you with an overdraft fee.
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
Patrick Sears wrote:
Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed. Basically, they were "shuffling" the transactions when your account balance was low to maximize the number of times they could hit you with an overdraft fee.
That's why it is sometimes better to deal with the smaller banks (at least the few that seem to still be around). Years ago, I had a small bank and actually had a situation similar to what is described in the letter (yes, I know it is satire, but the situation is valid none the less) and the bank actually held off processing the payment since they knew I had a direct deposit of my paycheck coming.
Scott.
—In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. [Forum Guidelines] [Articles] [Blog]
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Found this piece quite good. Hope you all like it. I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes: First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require our chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on
Some years ago before the banking regulation were made so strict a British farmer who wasn't too keen on paying his income tax wrote the Inland Revenue (like IRS) a cheque. Only being a part time engraver of headstones he carved it on a 1 ton lump of granite, being very careful to make sure that all the legal requirements of the time were met, signature done by his own hand and everything. When the baillifs finally turned up to demand he pay he simply pointed them at the cheque sitting in his yard. If you're aware of the arcane process of the UK cheque clearing system you'll understand the phenomenal pain they had to go through to process the cheque. Another farmer decided to go one better and branded his tax cheque on the side of a cow. It took 3 months to get it through the clearing system but the banks got him back by sending him the bill for keeping the cow in the lap of luxury through the whole thing.:laugh:
Nothing is exactly what it seems but everything with seems can be unpicked.
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Craster wrote:
What these people fail to realise is that they agreed to the bank's terms and conditions, the bank did not agree to any of theirs.
And people wonder why banking regulations are so strict, and yet banks STILL find ways to skirt the law and stomp on the little guy. Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed. Basically, they were "shuffling" the transactions when your account balance was low to maximize the number of times they could hit you with an overdraft fee.
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
Patrick Sears wrote:
Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed
I know, my father in law, faced this very problem you speak of with them about 2 years ago and closed his account and has never looked back. Funny though, they still waste money on postage trying to get him back as a customer...at least twice a month for the last 2+ years.
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Some years ago before the banking regulation were made so strict a British farmer who wasn't too keen on paying his income tax wrote the Inland Revenue (like IRS) a cheque. Only being a part time engraver of headstones he carved it on a 1 ton lump of granite, being very careful to make sure that all the legal requirements of the time were met, signature done by his own hand and everything. When the baillifs finally turned up to demand he pay he simply pointed them at the cheque sitting in his yard. If you're aware of the arcane process of the UK cheque clearing system you'll understand the phenomenal pain they had to go through to process the cheque. Another farmer decided to go one better and branded his tax cheque on the side of a cow. It took 3 months to get it through the clearing system but the banks got him back by sending him the bill for keeping the cow in the lap of luxury through the whole thing.:laugh:
Nothing is exactly what it seems but everything with seems can be unpicked.
On the subject of farmers and banks there was the one who plastered the front of his local bank in manure with the aid of his muck spreader - it didn't acheive much as to his complaint I don't think but I imagine that he got a great deal of satisfaction knowing for certain that his bank Manager cound not now fail to 'understand' how ticked off he was.
Apathy Rules - I suppose...
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Some years ago before the banking regulation were made so strict a British farmer who wasn't too keen on paying his income tax wrote the Inland Revenue (like IRS) a cheque. Only being a part time engraver of headstones he carved it on a 1 ton lump of granite, being very careful to make sure that all the legal requirements of the time were met, signature done by his own hand and everything. When the baillifs finally turned up to demand he pay he simply pointed them at the cheque sitting in his yard. If you're aware of the arcane process of the UK cheque clearing system you'll understand the phenomenal pain they had to go through to process the cheque. Another farmer decided to go one better and branded his tax cheque on the side of a cow. It took 3 months to get it through the clearing system but the banks got him back by sending him the bill for keeping the cow in the lap of luxury through the whole thing.:laugh:
Nothing is exactly what it seems but everything with seems can be unpicked.
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Patrick Sears wrote:
Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed. Basically, they were "shuffling" the transactions when your account balance was low to maximize the number of times they could hit you with an overdraft fee.
That's why it is sometimes better to deal with the smaller banks (at least the few that seem to still be around). Years ago, I had a small bank and actually had a situation similar to what is described in the letter (yes, I know it is satire, but the situation is valid none the less) and the bank actually held off processing the payment since they knew I had a direct deposit of my paycheck coming.
Scott.
—In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. [Forum Guidelines] [Articles] [Blog]
Scott Dorman wrote:
That's why it is sometimes better to deal with the smaller banks (at least the few that seem to still be around).
There's a couple in this area. They advertise like the big banks so they seem big but there's only 4 or 5 branches and they refund all ATM fees for using other bank's ATMs. I've thought about opening an account with one of them, I just haven't gotten around to it. My mom has/had an account with a credit union in her area and they were very flexible when it came to her paychecks and loans. I was impressed. You try to get that level of service at larger banks and they pretty much tell you to jump off a cliff, albeit in the most polite and personable way possible. :rolleyes:
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
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URLs?
-- If you view money as inherently evil, I view it as my duty to assist in making you more virtuous.
I find www.rense.com is usually enough to make me cry.:(( I was told these in person by someone who'd been around long enough to know. No one had even heard of a URL at the time.
Nothing is exactly what it seems but everything with seems can be unpicked.
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Patrick Sears wrote:
Couple of years ago Bank of America was successfully sued class action for violating laws regarding the order in which transactions are processed
I know, my father in law, faced this very problem you speak of with them about 2 years ago and closed his account and has never looked back. Funny though, they still waste money on postage trying to get him back as a customer...at least twice a month for the last 2+ years.
S Smerk wrote:
I know, my father in law, faced this very problem you speak of with them about 2 years ago and closed his account and has never looked back.
I did too, and I did the same thing. I even worked for the monstrosity, for awhile. The things I saw that bank do to people.. I undid it whenever I could, but my power was quite limited :(
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
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Scott Dorman wrote:
That's why it is sometimes better to deal with the smaller banks (at least the few that seem to still be around).
There's a couple in this area. They advertise like the big banks so they seem big but there's only 4 or 5 branches and they refund all ATM fees for using other bank's ATMs. I've thought about opening an account with one of them, I just haven't gotten around to it. My mom has/had an account with a credit union in her area and they were very flexible when it came to her paychecks and loans. I was impressed. You try to get that level of service at larger banks and they pretty much tell you to jump off a cliff, albeit in the most polite and personable way possible. :rolleyes:
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
Yes, a lot of the smaller banks are spending more on advertising since people tend to stay away from them because they think "bigger == better". The credit unions are the best, in my opinion, when it comes to customer service.
Scott.
—In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. [Forum Guidelines] [Articles] [Blog]
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How would that help?
"A good athlete is the result of a good and worthy opponent." - David Crow
"To have a respect for ourselves guides our morals; to have deference for others governs our manners." - Laurence Sterne
he wouldn't have to pay the $35 fee for a bounced check since sufficient funds would be withdrawn from his overdraft protection line to cover the check. Yes, there is a fee for using this service, usually about $1.00 per withdrawal, which usually will happen once at the end of the day when the account is processed. Yes, there is interest from the time of withdrawal, but you can pay it off as soon as you have funds. Sometimes, I have paid it off the next day since the timing is sometimes off...
Silence is the voice of complicity. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. -- monty python Might I suggest that the universe was always the size of the cosmos. It is just that at one point the cosmos was the size of a marble. -- Colin Angus Mackay