Worm court: The is the farce that doesn't end... [modified]
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Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
There's another 9 "witnesses"
:omg: :wtf: :mad: I hope they are all as 'Expert' as the last one! Seems like the Judge is getting tired of the saga as well so he might give you a swift judgement - Here's hoping!
I don't speak Idiot - please talk slowly and clearly
Andy_L_J wrote:
:omg: :wtf: :mad: I hope they are all as 'Expert' as the last one!
Now you know my frustration :sigh:
Andy_L_J wrote:
Seems like the Judge is getting tired of the saga as well so he might give you a swift judgement - Here's hoping!
I wish! :fingers crossed:
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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Garth J Lancaster wrote:
I countered the uni-voter with a 5 ..
Cheers! I'll be posting as things happen. Honestly, when they first sued me I was anxious to know what sort of high priced lawyer or ammo they have that they actually think they can get a buck out of me. I did fret for a while, but after a few hearings, I'm just pissed off at the wasted time. Really pissed off. I'm waiting for the other case (the one where I'm suing them) to ripen and God Almighty I will make them regret they ever sued me.
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
Once this case is over, you should have enough for a mini-book on your worm experience :-) The wormy memoirs of Mustafa Mustafa (drop the middle name so we get the double word thing in the title).
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
Once this case is over, you should have enough for a mini-book on your worm experience :-) The wormy memoirs of Mustafa Mustafa (drop the middle name so we get the double word thing in the title).
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com linkNishant Sivakumar wrote:
The wormy memoirs of Mustafa Mustafa
An alternative title, "Of worms and men" :)
Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
drop the middle name so we get the double word thing in the title
2 things:
- the only reason I add Ismail into the mix is so that people would stop asking me if my first name and last name are the same. It gets annoying after the 1,000,000,000th time :sigh:
- what double word thing? :~
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
The wormy memoirs of Mustafa Mustafa
An alternative title, "Of worms and men" :)
Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
drop the middle name so we get the double word thing in the title
2 things:
- the only reason I add Ismail into the mix is so that people would stop asking me if my first name and last name are the same. It gets annoying after the 1,000,000,000th time :sigh:
- what double word thing? :~
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
what double word thing?
Sorry - should have been more clear. By double word I meant the two contiguous "Mustafa" occurences.
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
the only reason I add Ismail into the mix is so that people would stop asking me if my first name and last name are the same. It gets annoying after the 1,000,000,000th time
Well, they still could. When filling up a form that asks for first, middle, and last names, how do you normally enter your names into them?
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
An alternative title, "Of worms and men"
Yeah, that'd work too.
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
what double word thing?
Sorry - should have been more clear. By double word I meant the two contiguous "Mustafa" occurences.
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
the only reason I add Ismail into the mix is so that people would stop asking me if my first name and last name are the same. It gets annoying after the 1,000,000,000th time
Well, they still could. When filling up a form that asks for first, middle, and last names, how do you normally enter your names into them?
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
An alternative title, "Of worms and men"
Yeah, that'd work too.
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com linkNishant Sivakumar wrote:
When filling up a form that asks for first, middle, and last names, how do you normally enter your names into them?
I'm a nice guy see, so usually I just write it out completely as "Mustafa Ismail Mustafa", but sometimes I like to wreak havoc in the system, so I switch my last and first names. To this day I haven't been found out ;)
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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Finally, after an incredibly long delay, we have a session where they brought a witness (at the court's order no less, order being a reprimand that if they don't get a witness they (the prosecution) will be considered incapable of providing evidence). Guess, what? It was a farce all over again. First they show up, the witness is introduced, his name is stated and when asked for picture ID (the courts only accept government approved IDs such as National IDs, Passports, Driver's License etc.) he offered his ATM card and his health insurance card. The judge went "ballistic" is to put it mildly. Ape-poop is more descriptive of the situation. Railing at the lawyer he threatened him of placing him In Contempt of the court for actions that are demeaning to the court. Apparently, this other idiot (the witness is the restaurant's floor manager) was traveling the same day and his passport (he's Lebanese by the way and so he has no local ID) and his passport was at the travel agency (for some insane reason that I'm unaware of). Court is adjourned for an hour when the witness was supposed to return with his passport. He returns, court resumes. You can feel the judge's seething anger at the prosecution throughout the whole hearing. Especially once the witness made it quite evident that he bore no witness to any of the events that occurred and was indeed told everything by a previous witness (the regional manager). This guy came with absolutely no new information, he just parroted everything that guy told him. One thing though in their favor was that he said the regional manager came over to my work place and offered me a big bunch of flowers a basket of fruits and goodies from the restaurant and an open invitation for two as a way of apologizing for what happened. It took my lawyer 5 minutes to decimate the "witness" and his so called testimony. The judge actually spent 20 minutes asking him questions to clarify the records in the court. You can see the conviction in the Judge's eyes that he firmly believes that there was a big fat worm in the salad and that they're suing me out of frustration and spite. Till the 22nd when the farce resumes. [edit] Yay! A univoter! :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numb
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
[edit] Yay! A univoter! :-D
Looks like the prosecution stalks you even on CodeProject.
So the creationist says: Everything must have a designer. God designed everything. I say: Why is God the only exception? Why not make the "designs" (like man) exceptions and make God a creation of man?
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Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
[edit] Yay! A univoter! :-D
Looks like the prosecution stalks you even on CodeProject.
So the creationist says: Everything must have a designer. God designed everything. I say: Why is God the only exception? Why not make the "designs" (like man) exceptions and make God a creation of man?
:laugh: That actually made me LOL :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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Finally, after an incredibly long delay, we have a session where they brought a witness (at the court's order no less, order being a reprimand that if they don't get a witness they (the prosecution) will be considered incapable of providing evidence). Guess, what? It was a farce all over again. First they show up, the witness is introduced, his name is stated and when asked for picture ID (the courts only accept government approved IDs such as National IDs, Passports, Driver's License etc.) he offered his ATM card and his health insurance card. The judge went "ballistic" is to put it mildly. Ape-poop is more descriptive of the situation. Railing at the lawyer he threatened him of placing him In Contempt of the court for actions that are demeaning to the court. Apparently, this other idiot (the witness is the restaurant's floor manager) was traveling the same day and his passport (he's Lebanese by the way and so he has no local ID) and his passport was at the travel agency (for some insane reason that I'm unaware of). Court is adjourned for an hour when the witness was supposed to return with his passport. He returns, court resumes. You can feel the judge's seething anger at the prosecution throughout the whole hearing. Especially once the witness made it quite evident that he bore no witness to any of the events that occurred and was indeed told everything by a previous witness (the regional manager). This guy came with absolutely no new information, he just parroted everything that guy told him. One thing though in their favor was that he said the regional manager came over to my work place and offered me a big bunch of flowers a basket of fruits and goodies from the restaurant and an open invitation for two as a way of apologizing for what happened. It took my lawyer 5 minutes to decimate the "witness" and his so called testimony. The judge actually spent 20 minutes asking him questions to clarify the records in the court. You can see the conviction in the Judge's eyes that he firmly believes that there was a big fat worm in the salad and that they're suing me out of frustration and spite. Till the 22nd when the farce resumes. [edit] Yay! A univoter! :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numb
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I'm sure with the counterclaim for damages you can buy every :bob:ian a drink!
Visit http://www.notreadytogiveup.com/[^] and do something special today.
:beer: here's hoping!
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
-
Finally, after an incredibly long delay, we have a session where they brought a witness (at the court's order no less, order being a reprimand that if they don't get a witness they (the prosecution) will be considered incapable of providing evidence). Guess, what? It was a farce all over again. First they show up, the witness is introduced, his name is stated and when asked for picture ID (the courts only accept government approved IDs such as National IDs, Passports, Driver's License etc.) he offered his ATM card and his health insurance card. The judge went "ballistic" is to put it mildly. Ape-poop is more descriptive of the situation. Railing at the lawyer he threatened him of placing him In Contempt of the court for actions that are demeaning to the court. Apparently, this other idiot (the witness is the restaurant's floor manager) was traveling the same day and his passport (he's Lebanese by the way and so he has no local ID) and his passport was at the travel agency (for some insane reason that I'm unaware of). Court is adjourned for an hour when the witness was supposed to return with his passport. He returns, court resumes. You can feel the judge's seething anger at the prosecution throughout the whole hearing. Especially once the witness made it quite evident that he bore no witness to any of the events that occurred and was indeed told everything by a previous witness (the regional manager). This guy came with absolutely no new information, he just parroted everything that guy told him. One thing though in their favor was that he said the regional manager came over to my work place and offered me a big bunch of flowers a basket of fruits and goodies from the restaurant and an open invitation for two as a way of apologizing for what happened. It took my lawyer 5 minutes to decimate the "witness" and his so called testimony. The judge actually spent 20 minutes asking him questions to clarify the records in the court. You can see the conviction in the Judge's eyes that he firmly believes that there was a big fat worm in the salad and that they're suing me out of frustration and spite. Till the 22nd when the farce resumes. [edit] Yay! A univoter! :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numb
"Wrom" court eh? Well I have no idea what a wrom is, but good luck with that one :)
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Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
When filling up a form that asks for first, middle, and last names, how do you normally enter your names into them?
I'm a nice guy see, so usually I just write it out completely as "Mustafa Ismail Mustafa", but sometimes I like to wreak havoc in the system, so I switch my last and first names. To this day I haven't been found out ;)
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
:laugh:
"I'm not altogether all together."
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"Wrom" court eh? Well I have no idea what a wrom is, but good luck with that one :)
martin_hughes wrote:
"Wrom" court eh? Well I have no idea what a wrom is, but good luck with that one
I suppose it's Mustafa slang for a worm in your salad.
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
"Wrom" court eh? Well I have no idea what a wrom is, but good luck with that one :)
Oops! :-O How did that slip by?! There, amended :cool:
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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Oops! :-O How did that slip by?! There, amended :cool:
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
There, amended
Yeah great! Now the dozen replies you have already will have the wrong subject!
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com link -
Finally, after an incredibly long delay, we have a session where they brought a witness (at the court's order no less, order being a reprimand that if they don't get a witness they (the prosecution) will be considered incapable of providing evidence). Guess, what? It was a farce all over again. First they show up, the witness is introduced, his name is stated and when asked for picture ID (the courts only accept government approved IDs such as National IDs, Passports, Driver's License etc.) he offered his ATM card and his health insurance card. The judge went "ballistic" is to put it mildly. Ape-poop is more descriptive of the situation. Railing at the lawyer he threatened him of placing him In Contempt of the court for actions that are demeaning to the court. Apparently, this other idiot (the witness is the restaurant's floor manager) was traveling the same day and his passport (he's Lebanese by the way and so he has no local ID) and his passport was at the travel agency (for some insane reason that I'm unaware of). Court is adjourned for an hour when the witness was supposed to return with his passport. He returns, court resumes. You can feel the judge's seething anger at the prosecution throughout the whole hearing. Especially once the witness made it quite evident that he bore no witness to any of the events that occurred and was indeed told everything by a previous witness (the regional manager). This guy came with absolutely no new information, he just parroted everything that guy told him. One thing though in their favor was that he said the regional manager came over to my work place and offered me a big bunch of flowers a basket of fruits and goodies from the restaurant and an open invitation for two as a way of apologizing for what happened. It took my lawyer 5 minutes to decimate the "witness" and his so called testimony. The judge actually spent 20 minutes asking him questions to clarify the records in the court. You can see the conviction in the Judge's eyes that he firmly believes that there was a big fat worm in the salad and that they're suing me out of frustration and spite. Till the 22nd when the farce resumes. [edit] Yay! A univoter! :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numb
I've been very disconnected from CP lately, so I've missed the beginning of the story. Do you care to write a short summary for those of us who didn't know what happened? :) It seems everything is going on our favor, so you'll win that easily. The only bad thing, as others have said, is the lost time.
Luis Alonso Ramos Intelectix Chihuahua, Mexico My Blog!
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Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
There, amended
Yeah great! Now the dozen replies you have already will have the wrong subject!
Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
My latest book : C++/CLI in Action / Amazon.com linkAcceptable losses my dear friend.
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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I've been very disconnected from CP lately, so I've missed the beginning of the story. Do you care to write a short summary for those of us who didn't know what happened? :) It seems everything is going on our favor, so you'll win that easily. The only bad thing, as others have said, is the lost time.
Luis Alonso Ramos Intelectix Chihuahua, Mexico My Blog!
Whoa! That's going a while back compadre! Here is a cache of the very first link: Clickety[^] I can't seem to find other links, but the gist of it was that last June I ordered a salad from this restaurant, found a worm in it, they apologized then sued me. I'm counter suing but their case is turning out to be a complete farce.
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
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I've been very disconnected from CP lately, so I've missed the beginning of the story. Do you care to write a short summary for those of us who didn't know what happened? :) It seems everything is going on our favor, so you'll win that easily. The only bad thing, as others have said, is the lost time.
Luis Alonso Ramos Intelectix Chihuahua, Mexico My Blog!
Aha! Found a summary I gave to Dario Solara of Screwturn fame. Enjoy :) http://www.codeproject.com/Lounge.aspx?msg=2443336#xx2443336xx[^]
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon
-
Finally, after an incredibly long delay, we have a session where they brought a witness (at the court's order no less, order being a reprimand that if they don't get a witness they (the prosecution) will be considered incapable of providing evidence). Guess, what? It was a farce all over again. First they show up, the witness is introduced, his name is stated and when asked for picture ID (the courts only accept government approved IDs such as National IDs, Passports, Driver's License etc.) he offered his ATM card and his health insurance card. The judge went "ballistic" is to put it mildly. Ape-poop is more descriptive of the situation. Railing at the lawyer he threatened him of placing him In Contempt of the court for actions that are demeaning to the court. Apparently, this other idiot (the witness is the restaurant's floor manager) was traveling the same day and his passport (he's Lebanese by the way and so he has no local ID) and his passport was at the travel agency (for some insane reason that I'm unaware of). Court is adjourned for an hour when the witness was supposed to return with his passport. He returns, court resumes. You can feel the judge's seething anger at the prosecution throughout the whole hearing. Especially once the witness made it quite evident that he bore no witness to any of the events that occurred and was indeed told everything by a previous witness (the regional manager). This guy came with absolutely no new information, he just parroted everything that guy told him. One thing though in their favor was that he said the regional manager came over to my work place and offered me a big bunch of flowers a basket of fruits and goodies from the restaurant and an open invitation for two as a way of apologizing for what happened. It took my lawyer 5 minutes to decimate the "witness" and his so called testimony. The judge actually spent 20 minutes asking him questions to clarify the records in the court. You can see the conviction in the Judge's eyes that he firmly believes that there was a big fat worm in the salad and that they're suing me out of frustration and spite. Till the 22nd when the farce resumes. [edit] Yay! A univoter! :D
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numb
Law and Order (Jordanian style). The case continues... Prosecutor: Your honour. I'd like to bring forward a witness for the prosecution. Defence: Objection your honour. The defence team weren't notified of any additional witnesses. Prosecutor: Your honour, this witness has only come forward in the last day and we haven't had time to inform the defense before the hearing. His testimony is vital, and goes to the very heart of the defenses case. Judge: Very well - I'll allow it, but I warn you - I'll declare a mistrial if I think you're playing me. Prosecutor: Thank you your honour. The prosecution calls "The worm". (Gasps round the courtroom as the worm is lead to the witness box). Bailiff: Would you raise your right....? OK - no hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Worm: I do. Prosecutor: In your own words Mr Worm, could you please tell us what happened on the day in question? Worm: I was on my way to work, when this guy comes up to me and asks me for a favour. I don't know him, so I ignore him. Next thing I know, Bam. He's scooped me up and dropped me in a pocket - turns out that him and some friends of his are off for a meal and they're gonna play a little joke on the manager of the restaurant. I'm stuck in his pocket for half a stinkin hour and next thing I know, he scoops me out and drops me on a plate of salad. Folks are screaming and he's shouting at the manager. Me - I don't know from nothing. (Turmoil in the court - one jury member faints). Judge: Order in court. Order. MIM: Ooh - I'll have a pepperoni Pizza. Judge: Would you silence your client please, or I'll hold him in contempt. Prosecutor: Thank you Mr Worm. No further questions. Defence: Mr Worm. In your testimony, you state that you were on your way to work. What is it that you do exactly? Worm: (mumbles) Defence: Pardon. I didn't quite catch that. Worm: I'm an actor. Defence: Really? What parts do you play? Worm: I'm a body double. Defence: Really? A body double. Who for? Worm: (mumbles) Defence: Could you speak up - I couldn't quite hear that. For a second, I thought you said the worm in the salad. Worm: That's right. So what if I did? This guy (indicates the prosecutor who's hastily shovelling a large amount of unmarked bills into a briefcase), this guy comes up to me last night and asks if I want to stand in for the worm. Only, I have to tell the story the way he wants cos if I don't he's gonna throw me in the slammer on drugs ch
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Law and Order (Jordanian style). The case continues... Prosecutor: Your honour. I'd like to bring forward a witness for the prosecution. Defence: Objection your honour. The defence team weren't notified of any additional witnesses. Prosecutor: Your honour, this witness has only come forward in the last day and we haven't had time to inform the defense before the hearing. His testimony is vital, and goes to the very heart of the defenses case. Judge: Very well - I'll allow it, but I warn you - I'll declare a mistrial if I think you're playing me. Prosecutor: Thank you your honour. The prosecution calls "The worm". (Gasps round the courtroom as the worm is lead to the witness box). Bailiff: Would you raise your right....? OK - no hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Worm: I do. Prosecutor: In your own words Mr Worm, could you please tell us what happened on the day in question? Worm: I was on my way to work, when this guy comes up to me and asks me for a favour. I don't know him, so I ignore him. Next thing I know, Bam. He's scooped me up and dropped me in a pocket - turns out that him and some friends of his are off for a meal and they're gonna play a little joke on the manager of the restaurant. I'm stuck in his pocket for half a stinkin hour and next thing I know, he scoops me out and drops me on a plate of salad. Folks are screaming and he's shouting at the manager. Me - I don't know from nothing. (Turmoil in the court - one jury member faints). Judge: Order in court. Order. MIM: Ooh - I'll have a pepperoni Pizza. Judge: Would you silence your client please, or I'll hold him in contempt. Prosecutor: Thank you Mr Worm. No further questions. Defence: Mr Worm. In your testimony, you state that you were on your way to work. What is it that you do exactly? Worm: (mumbles) Defence: Pardon. I didn't quite catch that. Worm: I'm an actor. Defence: Really? What parts do you play? Worm: I'm a body double. Defence: Really? A body double. Who for? Worm: (mumbles) Defence: Could you speak up - I couldn't quite hear that. For a second, I thought you said the worm in the salad. Worm: That's right. So what if I did? This guy (indicates the prosecutor who's hastily shovelling a large amount of unmarked bills into a briefcase), this guy comes up to me last night and asks if I want to stand in for the worm. Only, I have to tell the story the way he wants cos if I don't he's gonna throw me in the slammer on drugs ch
If I could give you two 5s for the post I would :D :laugh: A masterly piece, surely Monty Python worthy! :D
Pete O'Hanlon wrote:
MIM: Ooh - I'll have a pepperoni Pizza.
Totally :laugh:
"Every time Lotus Notes starts up, somewhere a puppy, a kitten, a lamb, and a baby seal are killed. Lotus Notes is a conspiracy by the forces of Satan to drive us over the brink into madness. The CRC-32 for each file in the installation includes the numbers 666." Gary Wheeler "You're an idiot." John Simmons, THE Outlaw programmer "I realised that all of my best anecdotes started with "So there we were, pissed". Pete O'Hanlon