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  4. Top 10 sings you are a Fundamentalist Christian

Top 10 sings you are a Fundamentalist Christian

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  • T ToddHileHoffer

    10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9 - You feel insulted and 'dehumanized' when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. 7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the 'atrocities' attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in 'Exodus' and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in 'Joshua' including women, children, and trees! 6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. 4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most 'tolerant' and 'loving.' 3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in 'tongues' may be all the evidence you need to 'prove' Christianity. 2 - You define 0.01% as a 'high success rate' when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

    I didn't get any requirements for the signature

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    R Giskard Reventlov
    wrote on last edited by
    #6

    That's very funny but I guarantee that there are 1 or 2 here that will not get it at all and will want to crucify you for your terrible blasphemy. I say, however, that is their cross to bear.

    me, me, me

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    • T ToddHileHoffer

      It is supposed to be funny.

      I didn't get any requirements for the signature

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      O Offline
      Oakman
      wrote on last edited by
      #7

      ToddHileHoffer wrote:

      It is supposed to be funny

      Perhaps to highschool sophomores, it's a laugh riot, I wouldn't know.

      Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

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      • R Rob Graham

        ToddHileHoffer wrote:

        It is supposed to be funny.

        But it isn't. And you misspelled "signs".

        R Offline
        R Offline
        R Giskard Reventlov
        wrote on last edited by
        #8

        Yes it is.

        me, me, me

        R 1 Reply Last reply
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        • O Oakman

          ToddHileHoffer wrote:

          It is supposed to be funny

          Perhaps to highschool sophomores, it's a laugh riot, I wouldn't know.

          Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

          R Offline
          R Offline
          R Giskard Reventlov
          wrote on last edited by
          #9

          Oh come now: if that had been about muslims you'd have laughed. Everyone should stop taking themselves so seriously: life is too short not to laugh at the stupidity of it all.

          me, me, me

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          • R R Giskard Reventlov

            Yes it is.

            me, me, me

            R Offline
            R Offline
            Rob Graham
            wrote on last edited by
            #10

            digital man wrote:

            Yes it is.

            Only to those atheists who find it humorous to belittle those who don't share their belief.

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            • R R Giskard Reventlov

              That's very funny but I guarantee that there are 1 or 2 here that will not get it at all and will want to crucify you for your terrible blasphemy. I say, however, that is their cross to bear.

              me, me, me

              O Offline
              O Offline
              Oakman
              wrote on last edited by
              #11

              digital man wrote:

              will want to crucify you for your terrible blasphemy. I say, however, that is their cross to bear.

              No, that's funny. btw: there's a midground between calling it blasphemy and finding it hilarious.

              Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

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              • R Rob Graham

                digital man wrote:

                Yes it is.

                Only to those atheists who find it humorous to belittle those who don't share their belief.

                R Offline
                R Offline
                R Giskard Reventlov
                wrote on last edited by
                #12

                You're more than welcome to take the piss out of me and I'll laugh as loud as anyone else. Oh, and don't presume to tell me what I should find amusing or not.

                me, me, me

                R 1 Reply Last reply
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                • R R Giskard Reventlov

                  You're more than welcome to take the piss out of me and I'll laugh as loud as anyone else. Oh, and don't presume to tell me what I should find amusing or not.

                  me, me, me

                  R Offline
                  R Offline
                  Rob Graham
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #13

                  digital man wrote:

                  Oh, and don't presume to tell me what I should find amusing or not.

                  Why not, you certainly felt free to tell me.

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                  • R Rob Graham

                    digital man wrote:

                    Oh, and don't presume to tell me what I should find amusing or not.

                    Why not, you certainly felt free to tell me.

                    R Offline
                    R Offline
                    R Giskard Reventlov
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #14

                    No I didn't: I said I find it funny. Feel free to be a dry, humorless husk of a man. It's fine by me.

                    me, me, me

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                    • R R Giskard Reventlov

                      Oh come now: if that had been about muslims you'd have laughed. Everyone should stop taking themselves so seriously: life is too short not to laugh at the stupidity of it all.

                      me, me, me

                      O Offline
                      O Offline
                      Oakman
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #15

                      digital man wrote:

                      Oh come now: if that had been about muslims you'd have laughed.

                      Could be, I won't claim I am perfect. But my objection to it is the substitution of insults for humor. You can see, by my tongue-lashing thread which isn't hard to find, that it's not a matter of my not finding some Christians and their short-sightedness very funny. In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious - and that includes (but is not limited to) atheists, christians, mormons, muslims, jeffersonians ;) , and hindus.

                      Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

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                      • R R Giskard Reventlov

                        No I didn't: I said I find it funny. Feel free to be a dry, humorless husk of a man. It's fine by me.

                        me, me, me

                        O Offline
                        O Offline
                        Oakman
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #16

                        Can't we all get along? :confused:

                        Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

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                        • R Rob Graham

                          ToddHileHoffer wrote:

                          It is supposed to be funny.

                          But it isn't. And you misspelled "signs".

                          T Offline
                          T Offline
                          ToddHileHoffer
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #17

                          It is not hilarious but it is funny. Fundamentalists of all religions are fools and they are funny and sometimes scary. It is no different if you are a crazy Muslim killing people so you can be with 40 virgins or if you are a crazy Christian convinced everyone else is going to spend eternity in hell for not being exactly like you. I didn't write the list, I just got it in an email.

                          I didn't get any requirements for the signature

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                          • O Oakman

                            Can't we all get along? :confused:

                            Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

                            R Offline
                            R Offline
                            R Giskard Reventlov
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #18

                            Now where would be the fun in that?

                            me, me, me

                            1 Reply Last reply
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                            • O Oakman

                              digital man wrote:

                              Oh come now: if that had been about muslims you'd have laughed.

                              Could be, I won't claim I am perfect. But my objection to it is the substitution of insults for humor. You can see, by my tongue-lashing thread which isn't hard to find, that it's not a matter of my not finding some Christians and their short-sightedness very funny. In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious - and that includes (but is not limited to) atheists, christians, mormons, muslims, jeffersonians ;) , and hindus.

                              Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

                              R Offline
                              R Offline
                              R Giskard Reventlov
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #19

                              Oakman wrote:

                              Could be, I won't claim I am perfect.

                              What?!? :-)

                              Oakman wrote:

                              But my objection to it is the substitution of insults for humor.

                              Isn't much humour predicated on some sort of twisted insult?

                              Oakman wrote:

                              In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious

                              I demand that you retract that insult...

                              me, me, me

                              O 1 Reply Last reply
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                              • O Oakman

                                digital man wrote:

                                Oh come now: if that had been about muslims you'd have laughed.

                                Could be, I won't claim I am perfect. But my objection to it is the substitution of insults for humor. You can see, by my tongue-lashing thread which isn't hard to find, that it's not a matter of my not finding some Christians and their short-sightedness very funny. In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious - and that includes (but is not limited to) atheists, christians, mormons, muslims, jeffersonians ;) , and hindus.

                                Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

                                R Offline
                                R Offline
                                Rob Graham
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #20

                                Oakman wrote:

                                In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious - and that includes (but is not limited to) atheists, christians, mormons, muslims, jeffersonians [Wink] , and hindus.

                                well said. 5.

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                                • T ToddHileHoffer

                                  10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9 - You feel insulted and 'dehumanized' when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. 7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the 'atrocities' attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in 'Exodus' and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in 'Joshua' including women, children, and trees! 6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. 4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most 'tolerant' and 'loving.' 3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in 'tongues' may be all the evidence you need to 'prove' Christianity. 2 - You define 0.01% as a 'high success rate' when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

                                  I didn't get any requirements for the signature

                                  B Offline
                                  B Offline
                                  Brady Kelly
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #21

                                  Let me be the first to shriek, "Atheist trolling!" :~

                                  T 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • R R Giskard Reventlov

                                    Oakman wrote:

                                    Could be, I won't claim I am perfect.

                                    What?!? :-)

                                    Oakman wrote:

                                    But my objection to it is the substitution of insults for humor.

                                    Isn't much humour predicated on some sort of twisted insult?

                                    Oakman wrote:

                                    In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious

                                    I demand that you retract that insult...

                                    me, me, me

                                    O Offline
                                    O Offline
                                    Oakman
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #22

                                    My idea of humor (true): A t-shirt on a biker at the HOG (Harley Owners Group) convention in Sydney (no - the other one, in Canada) read: If you can read this, the bitch fell off.

                                    Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

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                                    • O Oakman

                                      digital man wrote:

                                      will want to crucify you for your terrible blasphemy. I say, however, that is their cross to bear.

                                      No, that's funny. btw: there's a midground between calling it blasphemy and finding it hilarious.

                                      Jon Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

                                      T Offline
                                      T Offline
                                      ToddHileHoffer
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #23

                                      It is not hilarious, I admit that. But it funny because it points out the absurdity of being a fundamentalist or taking your religion too seriously. Most people, especially programmers who are good at logical thinking, know that God (if she exists) granted us the ability to reason but didn't give us the tools to know the answers to the big questions. We'll never know exactly how we got here or why were here. You can search your whole life but you'll never find the answer. That is what being human is all about. If someone really believed 100% that they were going to spend eternity in heaven then all this bullshit would go away and they would just be sitting around smoking dope all day praying to die so that they could be in heaven...

                                      I didn't get any requirements for the signature

                                      O 1 Reply Last reply
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                                      • R Rob Graham

                                        Oakman wrote:

                                        In the long run, I find most true believers hilarious - and that includes (but is not limited to) atheists, christians, mormons, muslims, jeffersonians [Wink] , and hindus.

                                        well said. 5.

                                        R Offline
                                        R Offline
                                        R Giskard Reventlov
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #24

                                        THIS is the way and the truth: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster[^] Everything else is patently nonsense.

                                        me, me, me

                                        R O A 3 Replies Last reply
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                                        • B Brady Kelly

                                          Let me be the first to shriek, "Atheist trolling!" :~

                                          T Offline
                                          T Offline
                                          ToddHileHoffer
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #25

                                          Nope. I got the list in an email and I just posted it. I'm not atheist or christian or anything else. I don't know, I won't know, and I leave it at that.

                                          I didn't get any requirements for the signature

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