My frustrations...
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them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
I can't tell you how many times something like this happens: Other Student: So what's your major? Me: Computer Science Other Student: Cool, maybe you could do something with my computer. You see... Totally sends me over the edge. It's like, "Do you even know what a computer science degree entails? Do you realize that I'm going to college and going through all this work so I don't have to be a little tech support person helping stupid people fix their stupid computer problems?" :mad: David Stone But Clinton wasn't a predictable, boring, aging, lying, eloquent, maintainer-of-the-status-quo. He was a predictable, boring-but-trying-to-look-hip, aging-and-fat-but-seemingly-oblivious-to-it, lying-but-in-sadly-blatant-ways, not-eloquent-but-trying-to-make-up-for-it-by-talking-even-more, bringer-in-of-scary-and-potentially-dangerous-new-policies. And there was also Al Gore. It just wasn't *right*. Shog9
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When I worked for Viewbuild it was worse than that. It was a home design system, and I wrote things like the printing, scanning, and the GUI. I was taken to a trade show and then found I had no idea how to build a house in Viewbuild !!! Nothing I worked on used the core functionality, so I had never used it, ever. Christian Hey, at least Logo had, at it's inception, a mechanical turtle. VB has always lacked even that... - Shog9 04-09-2002 Cats, and most other animals apart from mad cows can write fully functional vb code. - Simon Walton - 6-Aug-2002
Yeah that sounds all to familiar. Half the reason I became a programmer is so I would not have to work with people who did not know the same or more about computers then me. I have generally good people skills, but not when it comes to people who know nothing about computers except how to download MP3’s because the second you try to explain anything to them.. they have this blank stare on their face. I am not knocking tech support at all, it’s just not my bag baby. I think the stupidest thing I have had asked to me is “Can you install Yahoo on my computer?” No joke people I had to sit down when I heard it. What are the top ten stupid comments others have heard?
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
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Yeah that sounds all to familiar. Half the reason I became a programmer is so I would not have to work with people who did not know the same or more about computers then me. I have generally good people skills, but not when it comes to people who know nothing about computers except how to download MP3’s because the second you try to explain anything to them.. they have this blank stare on their face. I am not knocking tech support at all, it’s just not my bag baby. I think the stupidest thing I have had asked to me is “Can you install Yahoo on my computer?” No joke people I had to sit down when I heard it. What are the top ten stupid comments others have heard?
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
You should have told them that it was possible to do once they had downloaded the internet, and then said you were not allowed to do that because it would be a breach of contract. Then tell them that to get help doing that they had to email Microsofts tech support. ;P Cheers The universe is driven by the complex interaction between three ingredients: matter, energy, and enlightened self-interest.
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them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
That sums it up, Why do people expect me to know Excel and Access or Outlook stuff ? Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
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You should have told them that it was possible to do once they had downloaded the internet, and then said you were not allowed to do that because it would be a breach of contract. Then tell them that to get help doing that they had to email Microsofts tech support. ;P Cheers The universe is driven by the complex interaction between three ingredients: matter, energy, and enlightened self-interest.
Always remember to let people know that the Internet has grown and it now can only go on a double sided CD-ROM or to a DVD. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
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That sums it up, Why do people expect me to know Excel and Access or Outlook stuff ? Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
Overheard phone conversation... "You are having trouble with the update?" [pause] "Is the CD in the drive?" [pause] "That'll be the problem then..." Davy www.latedecember.com
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them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
Been there before :) -- Paul "I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!" - Kramer, in "The Chinese Woman" episode of Seinfeld MS Messenger: paul@oobaloo.co.uk Sonork: 100.22446
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them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
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Overheard phone conversation... "You are having trouble with the update?" [pause] "Is the CD in the drive?" [pause] "That'll be the problem then..." Davy www.latedecember.com
My best one.... "What it says your files are missing? OK, go to Start-Programs-Accessories and select command prompt. OK? good, now type "DIR *.*" and then press return." tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap "The computer's saying that it is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file." "OK, now type "DIR *.*" not "D-I-R-S-T-A-R-D-O-T-S-T-A-R"!"
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe Jeremy Davis http://www.astad.org
http://www.jvf.co.uk -
That's all very well but did you fix his kitty or what? :-D "The folly of man is that he dreams of what he can never achieve rather than dream of what he can."
phykell wrote: That's all very well but did you fix his kitty or what? Oh the innuendo! The innuendo! How I want to comment! But alas no, I must respect the B12 enriched Lounge :-D
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa -
them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
Paul Oss wrote: them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty... them: So now that I have you hear fixing my kitty, did you finish that ten page report generator application? me: No, I am supposed to be doing that now, but instead I am fixing your kitty them: Oh, can't you do both? me: Yes, but then the reports will be late them: Don't get snappy with me tech boy, finish those reports on time! me: *sigh* What about the kitty? them: Oh yes... ummm... Why the hell we hire you if you can't whip up a kitty and do reports huh? me: *sighs* Is there any petty cash left? I might need to order some pizza later tonight while I whip up your kitty and finish those reports Excellent stuff Paul :)
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa -
Overheard phone conversation... "You are having trouble with the update?" [pause] "Is the CD in the drive?" [pause] "That'll be the problem then..." Davy www.latedecember.com
I once diagnosed a fault of a PC which was stopping my software working correctly. The symptoms were that it never accepted input from the keyboard. After scratching my head for about 5 minutes I asked whether the CTRL key was stuck down, and it was! :-D Woo hoo. I got major kudo's for that one. As the user was on the end of a phone in Germany, and there was a slight language barrier in the way to! Roger Allen Sonork 100.10016 I think I need a new quote, I am on the prowl, so look out for a soft cute furry looking animal, which is really a Hippo in disguise. Its probably me.
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Yeah that sounds all to familiar. Half the reason I became a programmer is so I would not have to work with people who did not know the same or more about computers then me. I have generally good people skills, but not when it comes to people who know nothing about computers except how to download MP3’s because the second you try to explain anything to them.. they have this blank stare on their face. I am not knocking tech support at all, it’s just not my bag baby. I think the stupidest thing I have had asked to me is “Can you install Yahoo on my computer?” No joke people I had to sit down when I heard it. What are the top ten stupid comments others have heard?
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
Matthew R. Miller wrote: “Can you install Yahoo on my computer?” No joke people I had to sit down when I heard it. Yahoo is nothing compared to what non-technical people know about AOL. I was chatting to an American friend on IRC once (and one would assume people on IRC have at least a clue about computers) and told her about an article I read on some South African website. She wanted to read it but replied with "Where do I click to get to that page?" I said "just cut and paste the URL I sent" and she went "URL? No, where on the AOL screen do I click to get to this South African internet thing?" It took a lot of patient explaining to show her that AOL is part of the world wide web and that AOL is not the whole web. She was amazed to learn there were other websites out there that were not owned/run by AOL. And that is all down to AOL IMO. They actively spread that kind of thinking, locking people in. And as for other comments: - my boss (non-techy) said "I want to show some clients Amazon.com. Can we download it onto a CD and I can show them on the laptop?" - in reply to an email a designer sent us "Are you stalling for time here? The attached file you sent has no extension so I cannot view it", turns out the designer used Mac and we use Windows. I just wish my boss had asked me before replying hehe. - "I could not get hold of you Paul, but I copied that new ASP project you did to the Linux box and it does not work. I have put together a full bug report, can you please fix all of them?" that one I actually nearly strangled the poor guy.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa -
them: What do you do? me: I'm a software engineer. them: A what? me: A programmer. I write programs. them: What's that? me: I write the software that you sell. them: huh? me: I write the software which puts food on your table. them: Great. Can you make my email signature have an animated kitty in it? me: Uh, um, well, that's not really my specialty, but I'm sure that if I read the help files and poke around the interface, I can probably do it. them: Aren't you a computer person? me: Well, er, yes, I work with computers but not in the 'broad' sense. Specifically, I'm a programmer. them: So... that's computer's 'n stuff, right? me: Uh, well, no, I'm not just a computer 'guy', anyone can be a 'computer guy'. I'm not intimately familiar with every application that exists or ever existed. them: So, where are we with that animated kitty? me: I'll look at the help files... you realize that you might be able to browse those as well. them: isn't that a programmers job? me: Well, no, not per se. It doesn't require a veteran software engineer to tune your Outlook interface options. Anyone who can read at a fourth grade level can probably interpret the help files. them: So, are you gonna fix my kitty? me: Oh yes, I'll fix your kitty. Is there anything else you might need- being a 'computer guy', I can probably tilt your monitor for you, as well. Maybe I could turn the computer on and off at the beginning and end of each day for you. Perhaps you may need help opening that cup holder from time to time.
Why not offer to wipe their arse the next time its needed , as you are able to and they are plainly not ! Oh no, you can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!
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I can't tell you how many times something like this happens: Other Student: So what's your major? Me: Computer Science Other Student: Cool, maybe you could do something with my computer. You see... Totally sends me over the edge. It's like, "Do you even know what a computer science degree entails? Do you realize that I'm going to college and going through all this work so I don't have to be a little tech support person helping stupid people fix their stupid computer problems?" :mad: David Stone But Clinton wasn't a predictable, boring, aging, lying, eloquent, maintainer-of-the-status-quo. He was a predictable, boring-but-trying-to-look-hip, aging-and-fat-but-seemingly-oblivious-to-it, lying-but-in-sadly-blatant-ways, not-eloquent-but-trying-to-make-up-for-it-by-talking-even-more, bringer-in-of-scary-and-potentially-dangerous-new-policies. And there was also Al Gore. It just wasn't *right*. Shog9
David Stone wrote: Other Student Depends on how pretty she is... :rolleyes: * While I say that tongue in cheek it is actually so true. If she is good looking just WATCH the tech boys fall over themselves trying to help her with even the most menial of computer problems.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa -
phykell wrote: That's all very well but did you fix his kitty or what? Oh the innuendo! The innuendo! How I want to comment! But alas no, I must respect the B12 enriched Lounge :-D
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaPaul Watson wrote: Oh the innuendo! The innuendo! How I want to comment! But alas no, I must respect the B12 enriched Lounge :-D Damn, I still get a kick out of seeing one of my comments getting kicked around. I notice it is not a direct quote but still in context. Very good, if we're not careful it may be shortened to 'The Vegemite Lounge'. ;P Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002
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Matthew R. Miller wrote: “Can you install Yahoo on my computer?” No joke people I had to sit down when I heard it. Yahoo is nothing compared to what non-technical people know about AOL. I was chatting to an American friend on IRC once (and one would assume people on IRC have at least a clue about computers) and told her about an article I read on some South African website. She wanted to read it but replied with "Where do I click to get to that page?" I said "just cut and paste the URL I sent" and she went "URL? No, where on the AOL screen do I click to get to this South African internet thing?" It took a lot of patient explaining to show her that AOL is part of the world wide web and that AOL is not the whole web. She was amazed to learn there were other websites out there that were not owned/run by AOL. And that is all down to AOL IMO. They actively spread that kind of thinking, locking people in. And as for other comments: - my boss (non-techy) said "I want to show some clients Amazon.com. Can we download it onto a CD and I can show them on the laptop?" - in reply to an email a designer sent us "Are you stalling for time here? The attached file you sent has no extension so I cannot view it", turns out the designer used Mac and we use Windows. I just wish my boss had asked me before replying hehe. - "I could not get hold of you Paul, but I copied that new ASP project you did to the Linux box and it does not work. I have put together a full bug report, can you please fix all of them?" that one I actually nearly strangled the poor guy.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaAHHH yes the dreaded AOL users. I love it when people use AOL a home over a cable or DSL line, or at work on a T1…. Because they think they need it to be on the Internet… either that or they are confused because it doesn’t notify them when the have new mail. (No offense to any AOL users here.)
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
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Always remember to let people know that the Internet has grown and it now can only go on a double sided CD-ROM or to a DVD. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
I would have but I didn't have version 2.0 to copy for them :)
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
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Very cool! My personal favourite is when I get a phone call like this: "You know computers, right?" "Well..." :thinking how do I start explaining what's wrong with this question?: "Cool! Mine's just stopped working. Can you come round and take a look?" Somehow... some compulsion ALWAYS leads me to say "what the hell do you mean by 'not working'?" Why do I do that? Why don't I know the pain that this leads to and say "no, idiot, I can't fix your damn computer, go to a damn computer shop!"? I should have learned by now that the second they say "you know computers, right?" I should say "sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the tone". Paul
“I am having problems with my computer.” What sort of problems are you having? “Windows keeps locking up.” Ok let’s go to your start menu. “My what?” Your start menu, that button that is usually located at the lower left hand screen of your monitor and says "Start". “It’s not there.” Ok lets go to My Computer. “I am at my computer.” OK, well I am going to need you to tell me your Windows version. “7.” Um, there isn’t a Windows 7. “Oh well I have 7, it’s a Mac.” More reasons why NRA will not issue me a gun license :)
Computer Quotes To Confuse Your Co-workers With: "Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression." "The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard." "My software never has bugs, it just develops random features." <><><><><><><><><><
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Paul Watson wrote: Oh the innuendo! The innuendo! How I want to comment! But alas no, I must respect the B12 enriched Lounge :-D Damn, I still get a kick out of seeing one of my comments getting kicked around. I notice it is not a direct quote but still in context. Very good, if we're not careful it may be shortened to 'The Vegemite Lounge'. ;P Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002
Michael Martin wrote: Damn, I still get a kick out of seeing one of my comments getting kicked around Indeed a cool feeling :) Michael Martin wrote: I notice it is not a direct quote but still in context I, humbly, could not remember who actually said it, but I thought it was damned funny. Michael Martin wrote: 'The Vegemite Lounge' You mean made from the dregs of beer? :rolleyes: We aren't that bad! hehe.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South Africa