Contemplating being a stay at home mom
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
Lilian Chan-Grant wrote: do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? Short answer: yes. Long ranting answer: As long as you keep your skills up, yes. You're a woman. When someone asks you why you haven't worked in X years, you just say "oh, I had kids" and that's the end of that. Feel fortunate. When I took 6 months off between jobs because I was overstressed and needed the time off, lots of people looked at me funny, assuming that because I'm male, I must be working every single day of my life, and if not, then there's something wrong with me. Then some of them made the leap of "logic" and assumed that I was lying about taking vacation, and that I was actually incapable of getting a job because I was either unskilled or a jerk. Well, I became a jerk to those people in the end. ;) --Mike-- Just released - RightClick-Encrypt v1.4 - Adds fast & easy file encryption to Explorer My really out-of-date homepage Sonork-100.19012 Acid_Helm
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
It cracks me up to hear people think that they can work at home with children running around. I have a 3 and a 5 year old, and I stopped even trying, its so much more fun to play with the kids. My wife was a big corprate monkey type, now she stays at home with the kids, and never want to return. 4 years I a long time, stop planning , have fun. Wouldn't be American would you ??? viva AMIGA
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
Congrats! My perspective isn't very politically correct, but I believe that if you're going to have children, one of the parents should dedicate their full days to raising them. Traditionally, that's been the mother, although there's no reason it can't be the father. In the post feminist movement America, there's a curious hypocrocy prevelent in our culture. On the one hand, you can't take a deep breath without hearing someone rambling on about how "the children" should be the highest priority, or how important "family values" are. And yet, women are now raised to believe that it's demeaning for them to have to "just" be a housewife and homemaker. Consequently, they choose to spend their time trying to "have it all", meaning they want to have children and a full career, too. As any parent will attest, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to give full attention to both, and one of the two has to suffer. It usually ends up being the children, raised by day care facilities while the moms go out and enjoy a "less demeaning" life as a career woman. Pick a side, folks. You can't have it both ways. If children truly are the most important thing, then being a housewife and homemaker is not demeaning. It is a position of honor. Any noise to the contrary is pure selfishness, for which the kids pay the price. So, if you're gonna have kids, forget the career. Raise them, and enjoy the experience! There is no amount of money that can equal the benefit your children will receive by having the love and full time attention of their mother. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
Do what makes you happy. If you are in a situation where you can be home with your kids, and it's what you want, then I say go for it. There are many ways you can still keep up with programming even if you aren't going to an office every day. Code at home on your own time, maybe create applications at home you would find useful... Good luck and congratulations!
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It cracks me up to hear people think that they can work at home with children running around. I have a 3 and a 5 year old, and I stopped even trying, its so much more fun to play with the kids. My wife was a big corprate monkey type, now she stays at home with the kids, and never want to return. 4 years I a long time, stop planning , have fun. Wouldn't be American would you ??? viva AMIGA
Good guess on my nationality, David. Telling me not to plan is like telling me not to breathe. Well, Mike, I think that is the first time I've ever heard that being pregnant was favorable in the workplace. Never thought of that double standard. Thanks for the input, y'all. I figured this site will help me stay informed of the newest "new thing".
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
First, Congratulations! Second, the nice thing about programming is, you can actually do it part-time, at weird hours. When it's 2:00am, and you're rocking a baby that won't sleep quietly unless it's in your arms, some small coding problem could provide a welcome diversion. Don't think you have to be doing it 9-5 to stay in practice. Third, don't worry too much about staying current with the Latest and Greatest. In four years time, either .NET will be firmly in place, and we can all ignore COM finally, or .NET will be an ugly, smoking hole in the ground, and we'll all be learning New Visual Assembler.ORG. Either way, you should be able to pick up whatever the latest fad is within a short time. Finally, don't forget to watch for other options - one of my coworkers works part-time from her home in Northern Minnesota, and while we are all sitting in uncomfortable chairs in an ugly meeting room, she's sitting in her pajamas watching wildlife wander through her back yard after seeing her kids off to school.
[Shog9]
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Congrats! My perspective isn't very politically correct, but I believe that if you're going to have children, one of the parents should dedicate their full days to raising them. Traditionally, that's been the mother, although there's no reason it can't be the father. In the post feminist movement America, there's a curious hypocrocy prevelent in our culture. On the one hand, you can't take a deep breath without hearing someone rambling on about how "the children" should be the highest priority, or how important "family values" are. And yet, women are now raised to believe that it's demeaning for them to have to "just" be a housewife and homemaker. Consequently, they choose to spend their time trying to "have it all", meaning they want to have children and a full career, too. As any parent will attest, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to give full attention to both, and one of the two has to suffer. It usually ends up being the children, raised by day care facilities while the moms go out and enjoy a "less demeaning" life as a career woman. Pick a side, folks. You can't have it both ways. If children truly are the most important thing, then being a housewife and homemaker is not demeaning. It is a position of honor. Any noise to the contrary is pure selfishness, for which the kids pay the price. So, if you're gonna have kids, forget the career. Raise them, and enjoy the experience! There is no amount of money that can equal the benefit your children will receive by having the love and full time attention of their mother. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
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Congrats! My perspective isn't very politically correct, but I believe that if you're going to have children, one of the parents should dedicate their full days to raising them. Traditionally, that's been the mother, although there's no reason it can't be the father. In the post feminist movement America, there's a curious hypocrocy prevelent in our culture. On the one hand, you can't take a deep breath without hearing someone rambling on about how "the children" should be the highest priority, or how important "family values" are. And yet, women are now raised to believe that it's demeaning for them to have to "just" be a housewife and homemaker. Consequently, they choose to spend their time trying to "have it all", meaning they want to have children and a full career, too. As any parent will attest, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to give full attention to both, and one of the two has to suffer. It usually ends up being the children, raised by day care facilities while the moms go out and enjoy a "less demeaning" life as a career woman. Pick a side, folks. You can't have it both ways. If children truly are the most important thing, then being a housewife and homemaker is not demeaning. It is a position of honor. Any noise to the contrary is pure selfishness, for which the kids pay the price. So, if you're gonna have kids, forget the career. Raise them, and enjoy the experience! There is no amount of money that can equal the benefit your children will receive by having the love and full time attention of their mother. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
Sounds like something my Pastor might say... Is there something you're not telling us? ;P John
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Good guess on my nationality, David. Telling me not to plan is like telling me not to breathe. Well, Mike, I think that is the first time I've ever heard that being pregnant was favorable in the workplace. Never thought of that double standard. Thanks for the input, y'all. I figured this site will help me stay informed of the newest "new thing".
Lilian Chan-Grant wrote: Well, Mike, I think that is the first time I've ever heard that being pregnant was favorable in the workplace. That's not what I said. --Mike-- Just released - RightClick-Encrypt v1.4 - Adds fast & easy file encryption to Explorer My really out-of-date homepage Sonork-100.19012 Acid_Helm
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Congrats! My perspective isn't very politically correct, but I believe that if you're going to have children, one of the parents should dedicate their full days to raising them. Traditionally, that's been the mother, although there's no reason it can't be the father. In the post feminist movement America, there's a curious hypocrocy prevelent in our culture. On the one hand, you can't take a deep breath without hearing someone rambling on about how "the children" should be the highest priority, or how important "family values" are. And yet, women are now raised to believe that it's demeaning for them to have to "just" be a housewife and homemaker. Consequently, they choose to spend their time trying to "have it all", meaning they want to have children and a full career, too. As any parent will attest, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to give full attention to both, and one of the two has to suffer. It usually ends up being the children, raised by day care facilities while the moms go out and enjoy a "less demeaning" life as a career woman. Pick a side, folks. You can't have it both ways. If children truly are the most important thing, then being a housewife and homemaker is not demeaning. It is a position of honor. Any noise to the contrary is pure selfishness, for which the kids pay the price. So, if you're gonna have kids, forget the career. Raise them, and enjoy the experience! There is no amount of money that can equal the benefit your children will receive by having the love and full time attention of their mother. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
Christopher Duncan wrote: Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... F that noise, you are 100% correct. Saying that people should actually care for and raise their children is not something you should ever be attacked for. --Mike-- Just released - RightClick-Encrypt v1.4 - Adds fast & easy file encryption to Explorer My really out-of-date homepage Sonork-100.19012 Acid_Helm
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
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Sounds like something my Pastor might say... Is there something you're not telling us? ;P John
John Fisher wrote: Sounds like something my Pastor might say... Is there something you're not telling us? I ain't tellin'... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
Congratulations! My wife and I are expecting our 2nd one in mid-January. She worked as a web developer until our 2 year-old was born. She misses developing sometimes, but doesn't miss working at the office very much ;P She'll be the first to tell you that it's 24-7 caring for the first 6 months or so (especially if it's your first), then things settle down... a bit :) I usually have side projects going regardless of whether I'm able to program or not, and I ended up spec'ing out a couple during the first few months our first baby arrived. Later, I got into a mode of planning out the code on scrap paper and then later typing it up after the baby was asleep. Beware!! You'll be showered with all sorts of 'advice' about your baby, but in the end, you'll end up doing what works best for you and the baby... regardless of what the experts say (many of whom don't have their own kids!!) Congratulations again! Chris "Our contest is not only whether we ourselves shall be free, but whether there shall be left to mankind an asylum on earth for civil and religious liberty." --Samuel Adams
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Congrats! My perspective isn't very politically correct, but I believe that if you're going to have children, one of the parents should dedicate their full days to raising them. Traditionally, that's been the mother, although there's no reason it can't be the father. In the post feminist movement America, there's a curious hypocrocy prevelent in our culture. On the one hand, you can't take a deep breath without hearing someone rambling on about how "the children" should be the highest priority, or how important "family values" are. And yet, women are now raised to believe that it's demeaning for them to have to "just" be a housewife and homemaker. Consequently, they choose to spend their time trying to "have it all", meaning they want to have children and a full career, too. As any parent will attest, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to give full attention to both, and one of the two has to suffer. It usually ends up being the children, raised by day care facilities while the moms go out and enjoy a "less demeaning" life as a career woman. Pick a side, folks. You can't have it both ways. If children truly are the most important thing, then being a housewife and homemaker is not demeaning. It is a position of honor. Any noise to the contrary is pure selfishness, for which the kids pay the price. So, if you're gonna have kids, forget the career. Raise them, and enjoy the experience! There is no amount of money that can equal the benefit your children will receive by having the love and full time attention of their mother. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to slip on my asbestos underwear before I'm toasted by the feminists and the politically correct... :-D Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
Isn't it nice when everything is black and white ? I find the real world a little more complex at times. Would you like to meet my teddy bear ?
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Isn't it nice when everything is black and white ? I find the real world a little more complex at times. Would you like to meet my teddy bear ?
Single moms, of course, are exempt from my previous statements. Children are rather fond of eating on a regular basis. Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
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I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
My wife decided to stay home with our first child and she hasn't regretted it. She's not a programmer, but she loved her job just the same (she just happens to love her son more). Just remember, your child is more important than money and all of your personal needs.
Jason Henderson
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"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill -
I just wanted some opinions from people in my field. I will hopefully be giving birth in April of next year. The grand plan is to have two children within 4 years and return to the workforce sometime in 2007. I know this is a long time in SW years, but do you think it's realistic to be welcomed back? I JUST got into somewhat current stuff (my first 4 yrs was spent on Ada on a Unix system, and I now do Visual C++ on 2000 with COM). Any input appreciated, Lilian
Congradulations! We took a different path, and got my wives parents to live with us. After the initial bit of adjustment this has worked like a charm. My wife spent 6 months at home after having each of our kids, then went back to work full time. If you can get either set of parents over to help out, by all means do so. Trust me, you will really want a second set of hands around. As for loosing your skill set, if you don't program for 5 years, then yes you will become quite rusty. I would take consulting jobs as they come along just to keep my hand in. It will take some effort, because small children are a full time job by themselves.