Cows
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BonshatS wrote:
The users want oxen.
But don't tell you until you've almost finished building the cows.
Simon
No, the users don't know what they want, only that they don't want what you have supplied, (To their specifications!).
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
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And they want the oxen with 3 horns, 6 legs (preferably replaceable) and 36.32 eyes.
It is a crappy thing, but it's life -^ Carlo Pallini
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_MICROSOFT COWS You have 2 goats but are told that cows are on their way, but are not told when nor their price. Eventually you upgrade your goats to to cows only to find that they are too big for your field and the milk is sour. You decide that goats are better but are told that the goats are no longer supported, so it is cows or nothing. One of the cows dies and is replaced by a cow with a patch. _ACCOUNTANCY COWS You have two cows, but declare one as an ongoing concern, the other is kept on balance sheet as a future asset, offset for tax. Depreciation of the first cow is tempered by it's output and thus is used to hide the secret chickens. You claim Relief at source for the second cow and sell the asset to yourself for a profit off book. Load all debts onto first cow and allow it to go Bankrupt. Walk away with no debts, lots of money and a cow. _HIPPY COWS "Hey man, look, a cow, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
_COW WITH DISEASE_ Mad cow - jumping up and down giving milk the shakes Swine flu - Moo, oink oink squeal oink oink Mooooo Avian flu - wish I could fly ..... :laugh:
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22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_NEWCASTLE_UNITED_COWS You used to have a herd of cows that were amongst the best in the land then your owners thought 'hold on, we can float this farm on the stock exchange and make loads of money'. So they brought in a dour Scot who had a reputation as one of the best Farm Managers in the land. Unfortunatley, no matter how many times this manager went to market he always seemed to buy donkeys not the cows you really needed. Eventually your top-milker went lame and it was all downhill from there. A kindly old gentleman did run the farm for a while whilst the owners were living the high life in Spain, but depite some sterling milk-yields the owners sacked him and replaced him with Managers who were even more useless than the Scot. Now despite having a very large, modern milking parlour all you have is a large herd of donkeys, that cost a lot to keep, customers who are very unhappy and no milk worth buying.....
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No, the users don't know what they want, only that they don't want what you have supplied, (To their specifications!).
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
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No, the users don't know what they want, only that they don't want what you have supplied, (To their specifications!).
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
I'm waiting for Cow 2.0 SP2.
"WPF has many lovers. It's a veritable porn star!" - Josh Smith
As Braveheart once said, "You can take our freedom but you'll never take our Hobnobs!" - Martin Hughes.
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22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_MICROSOFT COWS__ You have two cows. But you only have a license to use them on one farm at a time, and once transported to that farm, cannot be used on any other farm. The 2nd cow is a virtual cow, and can only run on a virtual farm. Cows are updated occasionally, but your existing cows must typically be replaced in their entirety to avoid problems. You are disallowed from selling your cows or even giving them away. At times the cows stop for no apparent reason, and booting them is your only recourse. Sometimes, the cows won't run when they're in the same pen. No matter what you feed your cows, they still generate the same basic output. New cows often come with "enhancements", but tell me - what good is a 5th leg when it's growing from the side of the cow's head and doesn't even reach the ground? And what cow really wants an extra horn where Microsoft decided to put it? It looks REAL uncomfortable. When the cow dies (and it will - repeatedly), you almost always need to get a new one.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_HILLBILLY COWS_ You have two c... - hey Bill Joe Jim Bob! Lookee here! There's one for each of us!
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_HARDWARE COW_ You buy a new cow - its costs loads of money but for a while it gives the best milk for miles around, and is super quick too. Gradually its performance drops, you get less milk, it takes longer to milk, it starts making strange noises and sometimes it wont even start! You buy another 'better' new cow at great expense and use the old one as a door stop.... Repeat until you have so many door stops, that you can no longer enter room! :-D
Ali
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_HARDWARE COW_ You buy a new cow - its costs loads of money but for a while it gives the best milk for miles around, and is super quick too. Gradually its performance drops, you get less milk, it takes longer to milk, it starts making strange noises and sometimes it wont even start! You buy another 'better' new cow at great expense and use the old one as a door stop.... Repeat until you have so many door stops, that you can no longer enter room! :-D
Ali
Alison Pentland wrote:
Repeat until you have so many door stops, that you can no longer enter room!
Buy a bigger house!
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
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_HILLBILLY COWS_ You have two c... - hey Bill Joe Jim Bob! Lookee here! There's one for each of us!
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001Jeez Jonboy, yous real smart countin ta two an all!
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.
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22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_BRAZILIAN CORPORATION_ You have 2 cows. The first one is kidnapped and the gangsters ask you a ransom of 4 cows. You complain to the police. The police takes the 2nd cow for investigation and never gives it back.
Of all forms of sexual aberration, the most unnatural is abstinence.
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22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
We missed meeting you, while we were up in Northumberland, you'll have visit us now! ;D Nethertheless we found a nice bakery in Newbiggin-By-Sea selling fermented white Stotties on our way back.
Having a bad bug day? Find answers this way... --- Elle A Du Shell -- For regular Riverblade Product (Visual Lint) updates follow me on Twitter
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We missed meeting you, while we were up in Northumberland, you'll have visit us now! ;D Nethertheless we found a nice bakery in Newbiggin-By-Sea selling fermented white Stotties on our way back.
Having a bad bug day? Find answers this way... --- Elle A Du Shell -- For regular Riverblade Product (Visual Lint) updates follow me on Twitter
There is going to have to be a gathering you know. You and Anna are from the South, there is Pete from t'Grim North, I am from The Home Counties, there are lots of others from all over, perhaps converge somewhere in the midlands for a Curry and Beer Fest?
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
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There is going to have to be a gathering you know. You and Anna are from the South, there is Pete from t'Grim North, I am from The Home Counties, there are lots of others from all over, perhaps converge somewhere in the midlands for a Curry and Beer Fest?
------------------------------------ "When Belly Full, Chin Hit Chest" Confucius 502BC
That's a great idea, a meetup in Brum anyone? :thumbsup:
Having a bad bug day? Find answers this way... --- Elle A Du Shell -- For regular Riverblade Product (Visual Lint) updates follow me on Twitter
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No, no, no. _SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS_ You have 2 alligators. The users want cows. You gamely try to milk the alligators.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
_MICROSOFT COWS__ You have two cows. But you only have a license to use them on one farm at a time, and once transported to that farm, cannot be used on any other farm. The 2nd cow is a virtual cow, and can only run on a virtual farm. Cows are updated occasionally, but your existing cows must typically be replaced in their entirety to avoid problems. You are disallowed from selling your cows or even giving them away. At times the cows stop for no apparent reason, and booting them is your only recourse. Sometimes, the cows won't run when they're in the same pen. No matter what you feed your cows, they still generate the same basic output. New cows often come with "enhancements", but tell me - what good is a 5th leg when it's growing from the side of the cow's head and doesn't even reach the ground? And what cow really wants an extra horn where Microsoft decided to put it? It looks REAL uncomfortable. When the cow dies (and it will - repeatedly), you almost always need to get a new one.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001Redefines BSOD: Bull Sh!t Of Death.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
We missed meeting you, while we were up in Northumberland, you'll have visit us now! ;D Nethertheless we found a nice bakery in Newbiggin-By-Sea selling fermented white Stotties on our way back.
Having a bad bug day? Find answers this way... --- Elle A Du Shell -- For regular Riverblade Product (Visual Lint) updates follow me on Twitter
I know - I did drop an email at Riverblade with contact details, but I guess it didn't get to you in time. It's a shame because I was looking forward to it.
"WPF has many lovers. It's a veritable porn star!" - Josh Smith
As Braveheart once said, "You can take our freedom but you'll never take our Hobnobs!" - Martin Hughes.
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22 Economic Models Explained _SOCIALISM_ You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. _COMMUNISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. _FASCISM _ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. _NAZISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. _BUREAUCRATISM_ You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. _TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. _SURREALISM_ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. _AN AMERICAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. _ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM_ You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of Credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.. _A FRENCH CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. _A JAPANESE CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and Produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. _A GERMAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. _AN ITALIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. _A RUSSIAN CORPORATION_ You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vo
_REPUBLICAN PARTY_ You have two cows. What! that is against nature.
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And they want the oxen with 3 horns, 6 legs (preferably replaceable) and 36.32 eyes.
It is a crappy thing, but it's life -^ Carlo Pallini