Random "I am lost" post.
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It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
It sounds like you need the personal contact available through real people in the real world. Like in the thread farther down, maybe you should try going out into the big room.
Software Zen:
delete this;
Fold With Us![^] -
It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
I know what you mean, but put it in perspective: with the size of the internet and with so many people using it to provide an ego boost for their insecurities you will always have those who can't contribute anything valuable be the ones to mock others who can. Or worse, they contribute and then have to mock everyone else to make their contributions feel more valuable to themselves. Even so, remember that you don't have to contribute or post to be part of a community. The Facebook and Twitter generation thrive on typed diarrhea and a complete lack of self-censoring or empathy when it comes to what to post and what not to post. Sometimes there simply isn't a need to post.
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
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It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
Best thing to do is to get off the web completely (or apart from essentials) for a couple of weeks. You'll feel much better, find new things to do, and discover that your online relationships aren't the be-all and end-all of life. I've been there myself, and getting away from it for a while is very good therapy. Good luck. :)
I hope you realise that hamsters are very creative when it comes to revenge. - Elaine
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It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
Raybarg wrote:
Blah blah blah...
Yawn
Raybarg wrote:
Hate has started to eat me from inside.
Uh-oh. I don't think you have anything to worry about until it hits a vein or major organ.
Raybarg wrote:
Why would I post?
I was thinking that very thing...
Raybarg wrote:
People would only mock me
DING! DING! DING! Johnny Pardo! Tell him what he's won!
Raybarg wrote:
its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me.
See, that's where you're going all wrong. Never admit to having any fear on the internet. It will chew you up and spit you out like the ineffectual almost-life form that you appear to be.
Raybarg wrote:
Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me.
Driver: "Hey, what's that?" Me: "Dunno - looks like an ineffectual almost-life form that's just standing still." Driver: "Want me to run over it?" Me: "Nah. He's dead already."
Raybarg wrote:
All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where
Hint - not here. If there's one thing I cannot stomach, it's an IEALF (ineffectual almost-life form) whining about his lot in life. At least whine about programming so we can criticize your poor choice of programming languages... This post brought to you by Heartless Internet Bastards, LLC. Our motto - You think you got it bad? You should see the sore on my &^%F^%$@!#@%$ ----- CARRIER LOST
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
Raybarg wrote:
Blah blah blah...
Yawn
Raybarg wrote:
Hate has started to eat me from inside.
Uh-oh. I don't think you have anything to worry about until it hits a vein or major organ.
Raybarg wrote:
Why would I post?
I was thinking that very thing...
Raybarg wrote:
People would only mock me
DING! DING! DING! Johnny Pardo! Tell him what he's won!
Raybarg wrote:
its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me.
See, that's where you're going all wrong. Never admit to having any fear on the internet. It will chew you up and spit you out like the ineffectual almost-life form that you appear to be.
Raybarg wrote:
Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me.
Driver: "Hey, what's that?" Me: "Dunno - looks like an ineffectual almost-life form that's just standing still." Driver: "Want me to run over it?" Me: "Nah. He's dead already."
Raybarg wrote:
All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where
Hint - not here. If there's one thing I cannot stomach, it's an IEALF (ineffectual almost-life form) whining about his lot in life. At least whine about programming so we can criticize your poor choice of programming languages... This post brought to you by Heartless Internet Bastards, LLC. Our motto - You think you got it bad? You should see the sore on my &^%F^%$@!#@%$ ----- CARRIER LOST
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
At least put up some sort of fight.
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
-----
"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
I think it is the same for many here in the Lounge also; posting a lot for some years and then taking a break for months or years. For long discussions you only need to find a group of like-minded people and here at cp we sometimes have VERY long discussions. :)
jhaga
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It has become hard to count the years since I started to be part of a "virtual community". Back in the days I didnt even know internet existed, hardly anyone knew. Computers were slowly starting to fill my everyday life more and more, programming taking more and more of my time. Launching my own BBS, contacting local telephone company for support (free phonelines) and becoming a REAL sysop of a BBS which was running for 7 long years... slowly fading away as the tide of internet took their place. I never noticed that the grip I held to ANY community never really existed in a way I thought. I allways thought being "part of" but instead I allways ended up "being responsible of". Just like instead of being valued community member in already existing BBS I started my own. Same happened in internet, whatever community I embraced, I started to build and extend. Until past few years. I dont want to build anymore. And that leaves me all alone feeling I belong nowhere. Now few months I have spent hardly reading nor posting in any forums, yet my past has been filled with those activities. Hate has started to eat me from inside. Why would I post? People would only mock me for what they didnt understand in my posting or tell me I am wrong or simply knowing better. This isnt true, its only my fear showing itself in another form to "protect" me. Still. It feels like I have stopped besides a road where whole world is racing past me. All I want is to have long discussions but in internet I dont know where.
Hi Raybarg, Well, I have to reveal to you, you might say it's my painful, elder brotherly, duty to reveal to you, that "we" are all "lost" here. Yes, we are, no matter how tough our "exterior facade," just people, with prejudices, with vulnerabilities, with hopes, with fears, with dreams, with loneliness, with periods of temporary fullness in the act and art of living which, while they abide with us lift us to transient heavens, and when they pass, feel like a departure of "grace," a rupture of the soul : we are left for a while, empty. We are all suffering, and we are all joyous; we are all swept along on tides of social and cultural change in which, as actors, we are relatively powerless. And yet, oh glorious paradox, we have the illusion of choice ! Only in relationships do we find our humanity reflected and reflecting, nurturing love and affection. So you have come to a ship with no compass to ask directions : all we know is which way the wind is blowing now, and that it will constantly shift. You have climbed to the top floor of a building to find you are in the basement, people you talk to deny there is any floor above where you are now. You are on a bus where the bus remains stationary, but the world outside the bus rotates and moves : it does not take you home. You ask the driver where you are : he tells you that you are home. So, you may ask, once you stop asking why you are lost, how is it that some people here act as if they feel connected, happy, as if they seem downright enthusiastic to be sharing code and weird and wonderful things, or "having at" each other with glee as medieval Knights of Olde did joust ? Is it all an "illusion," a trick of light and objects placed between the light and a screen (as Omar Khayyam so mythopoeically describes) ? You have met the Dark Lord JSOP already, and his terrble jaws have snacked on your ego, yet you do not fall for his tricks, and give him the howls he longs to hear : a good sign. Whimpers starve him. Now you have met me, who is a nobody, a phantom with vocabulary. And now it is time for you to meet yourself. Meet yourself coming, or meet yourself going ? No difference. Everything you need you have. I guarantee it. best, Bill p.s. Lao Tse said "it is best to know and not know that you know, but to pretend you know, and not know, is ... a disease." Using that light you can examine the screen for clues.
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analyti
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Hi Raybarg, Well, I have to reveal to you, you might say it's my painful, elder brotherly, duty to reveal to you, that "we" are all "lost" here. Yes, we are, no matter how tough our "exterior facade," just people, with prejudices, with vulnerabilities, with hopes, with fears, with dreams, with loneliness, with periods of temporary fullness in the act and art of living which, while they abide with us lift us to transient heavens, and when they pass, feel like a departure of "grace," a rupture of the soul : we are left for a while, empty. We are all suffering, and we are all joyous; we are all swept along on tides of social and cultural change in which, as actors, we are relatively powerless. And yet, oh glorious paradox, we have the illusion of choice ! Only in relationships do we find our humanity reflected and reflecting, nurturing love and affection. So you have come to a ship with no compass to ask directions : all we know is which way the wind is blowing now, and that it will constantly shift. You have climbed to the top floor of a building to find you are in the basement, people you talk to deny there is any floor above where you are now. You are on a bus where the bus remains stationary, but the world outside the bus rotates and moves : it does not take you home. You ask the driver where you are : he tells you that you are home. So, you may ask, once you stop asking why you are lost, how is it that some people here act as if they feel connected, happy, as if they seem downright enthusiastic to be sharing code and weird and wonderful things, or "having at" each other with glee as medieval Knights of Olde did joust ? Is it all an "illusion," a trick of light and objects placed between the light and a screen (as Omar Khayyam so mythopoeically describes) ? You have met the Dark Lord JSOP already, and his terrble jaws have snacked on your ego, yet you do not fall for his tricks, and give him the howls he longs to hear : a good sign. Whimpers starve him. Now you have met me, who is a nobody, a phantom with vocabulary. And now it is time for you to meet yourself. Meet yourself coming, or meet yourself going ? No difference. Everything you need you have. I guarantee it. best, Bill p.s. Lao Tse said "it is best to know and not know that you know, but to pretend you know, and not know, is ... a disease." Using that light you can examine the screen for clues.
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analyti
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A common mistake with John's humour is to look for the subtleties. There aren't any but he does have some good points.
Visit http://www.notreadytogiveup.com/[^] and do something special today.
Hey! I have subtleties! :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
Hey! I have subtleties! :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
-----
"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
I just heard this[^] in the background.
Visit http://www.notreadytogiveup.com/[^] and do something special today.
Very cool, Oh Slayer of Trolls, I was sixteen in 1959, and watching the Twilight Zone was one of the early "messages from outside" that made it past the "monitors" into my pod in the matrix of post-Korean War America where I and my peers, raised with relative permissiveness by parents who read Dr. Spock, went through our larval phases surrounded by all-electric kitchens, and watched "what to do in case of nuclear attack" films in (all lily-white folks only) high school. best, Bill
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analytical Engine] is to give results in numerical notation, its processes must consequently be arithmetical, numerical, rather than algebraical and analytical. This is an error. The engine can arrange and combine numerical quantities as if they were letters or any other general symbols; and it fact it might bring out its results in algebraical notation, were provisions made accordingly." Ada, Countess Lovelace, 1844
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Hey! I have subtleties! :)
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
Hey! I have subtleties!
Hi John, I agree : you got. You are a tree whose bark is poisonous, and whose leaves are razor blades. The morning dew forming on your leaves is acid before it hits the ground. No other tree or plant can grow within a kilometer of you because your roots are ruthless :) But that is not anyone's fault, nor do I condemn it : you, like of all of us, evolved with the defenses necessary for your survival. I see no difference, qualitatively, between my use of shape-shifting in language, and your use of your subtleties. Often what we manifest externally, to defend the vulnerable center, is there for very good reasons. Those who would consume us, destroy us, must be distracted lest they notice our one terrible weakness. In my own psychic herpetarium, you are one of the most prized exhibits, and I never lose sight of the fact you are fully human :) best, Bill
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analytical Engine] is to give results in numerical notation, its processes must consequently be arithmetical, numerical, rather than algebraical and analytical. This is an error. The engine can arrange and combine numerical quantities as if they were letters or any other general symbols; and it fact it might bring out its results in algebraical notation, were provisions made accordingly." Ada, Countess Lovelace, 1844
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Hi Raybarg, Well, I have to reveal to you, you might say it's my painful, elder brotherly, duty to reveal to you, that "we" are all "lost" here. Yes, we are, no matter how tough our "exterior facade," just people, with prejudices, with vulnerabilities, with hopes, with fears, with dreams, with loneliness, with periods of temporary fullness in the act and art of living which, while they abide with us lift us to transient heavens, and when they pass, feel like a departure of "grace," a rupture of the soul : we are left for a while, empty. We are all suffering, and we are all joyous; we are all swept along on tides of social and cultural change in which, as actors, we are relatively powerless. And yet, oh glorious paradox, we have the illusion of choice ! Only in relationships do we find our humanity reflected and reflecting, nurturing love and affection. So you have come to a ship with no compass to ask directions : all we know is which way the wind is blowing now, and that it will constantly shift. You have climbed to the top floor of a building to find you are in the basement, people you talk to deny there is any floor above where you are now. You are on a bus where the bus remains stationary, but the world outside the bus rotates and moves : it does not take you home. You ask the driver where you are : he tells you that you are home. So, you may ask, once you stop asking why you are lost, how is it that some people here act as if they feel connected, happy, as if they seem downright enthusiastic to be sharing code and weird and wonderful things, or "having at" each other with glee as medieval Knights of Olde did joust ? Is it all an "illusion," a trick of light and objects placed between the light and a screen (as Omar Khayyam so mythopoeically describes) ? You have met the Dark Lord JSOP already, and his terrble jaws have snacked on your ego, yet you do not fall for his tricks, and give him the howls he longs to hear : a good sign. Whimpers starve him. Now you have met me, who is a nobody, a phantom with vocabulary. And now it is time for you to meet yourself. Meet yourself coming, or meet yourself going ? No difference. Everything you need you have. I guarantee it. best, Bill p.s. Lao Tse said "it is best to know and not know that you know, but to pretend you know, and not know, is ... a disease." Using that light you can examine the screen for clues.
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analyti
Amazing, almost like what you just wrote there made me realize hypothetically this; "I have been a prisoner, spent my time in a cell. Its been so obvious I never even touched the cell door. It has never been locked, never was I a prisoner but my own." Quoting you, opening the door and asking someone outside "Why am I here?" I am told "Its your home." I remember a discussion once about locked doors and the truth they more often lock the one inside in not the outside out. Now knowing this, why would I fear of not being accepted because only I need to accept for myself. Most of you who replied to me, you speak of wisdom! Advices to connect just as is and take distance from the obvious, its all in there between the lines! Even JSOP's reply says the same thing. I HAVE found where.
