Useless corporate instructions...
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Isn't there a website that lists these silly OHNS? I once read one that says "Sneezing near door can cause serious injury". Well duh.
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine." - Thomas Jefferson "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." - Benjamin Franklin Edbert Sydney, Australia
Edbert P wrote:
Isn't there a website that lists these silly OHNS?
I duno is there? Maybe this is where they are getting all this crap from!! :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Somehow reminds me of this thread from TDWTF http://thedailywtf.com/articles/an-office-safety-psa.aspx[^] This cracks me up: To try to prevent injury to people walking into the first aid box we have placed a plant next to it, yes that means that if you are not watching where you are going you are going to have to deal with the plant before you have to deal with the big metal box on the wall.
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Yeah, I've seen some pretty wacky notices. For one, all the employees at my company were invited to a meeting to learn about our "Workfree Place of Harrassment", which I was happy to attend until I learned that was actually a typo. And I saw a sheet posted that explained safety procedures, one of them being, "Paying attntion to detail saves on medical bills"*. *I couldn't remember exactly what it said, but you get the idea.
Visual Studio is an excellent GUIIDE.
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Yeah, I've seen some pretty wacky notices. For one, all the employees at my company were invited to a meeting to learn about our "Workfree Place of Harrassment", which I was happy to attend until I learned that was actually a typo. And I saw a sheet posted that explained safety procedures, one of them being, "Paying attntion to detail saves on medical bills"*. *I couldn't remember exactly what it said, but you get the idea.
Visual Studio is an excellent GUIIDE.
I've had a few, but one I loved was: "In case of fire, do not leave the lift."
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. This message is made of fully recyclable Zeros and Ones
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Thankfully they have never repealed the death penalty for stupidity. I would put up a safety notice that simply said "If you are too stupid to operate stairs and doors correctly, what the hell are you doing here, you're fired!"
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
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Thankfully they have never repealed the death penalty for stupidity. I would put up a safety notice that simply said "If you are too stupid to operate stairs and doors correctly, what the hell are you doing here, you're fired!"
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
Would that be a Sir Alan Sugar "You're fired!"? If so, then I'm well for it. In fact, I'm for it whether or not Sir Alan Sugar is involved or not. :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Just post this somewhere:
Notice To Managers
Please save paper
by giving your
employees iPhones
to read documents
with.Thank You,
The Executive TeamVisual Studio is an excellent GUIIDE.
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just in case we forget how to wash our hands a notice above the sinks reminds us:- - Wet - Soap - Wash - Rinse - Dry It also includes pictures of how to do all of these for those that can't read or just can't remember what soap is.
Oh. My. God. I can't believe that. Soon they'll be telling us how to use a keyboard. Ohh, hang on - they do that already :doh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Freaky, I was going to post something like this at about about an hour ago, but I hadn't seen your thread. For what it's worth we have: 1. A no food at desk policy. Somehow this is justified as health and safety. Obviously it's better in the middle of a pandemic to cram everyone into a small, humid canteen. 2. Posters showing us how to wear our photo-id security passes. Helpfully, they provide pictures incase we can't understand the instructions. Just in case you don't know: a) Back to front, showing magnetic strip instead of mugshot: WRONG b) Mugshot upside-down: WRONG c) Mugshot facing forward and correct way up: CORRECT I work in the finance sector, and every stupid and/or illogical policy has been applied under either the banner of "Health & Safety" or "Security".:mad::mad:
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Better then our way to save paper - we have been told that we should print documents and then scan them in so we have digital copies. We are then to shred the original, therefore making us paperless :doh:
ummm...PDF printer?
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
* Print on both sides of paper
Does that mean that I will have to return my copy of '1066 And All That'? It clearly states in Test Paper V that I should, under no circumstances, attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”
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Freaky, I was going to post something like this at about about an hour ago, but I hadn't seen your thread. For what it's worth we have: 1. A no food at desk policy. Somehow this is justified as health and safety. Obviously it's better in the middle of a pandemic to cram everyone into a small, humid canteen. 2. Posters showing us how to wear our photo-id security passes. Helpfully, they provide pictures incase we can't understand the instructions. Just in case you don't know: a) Back to front, showing magnetic strip instead of mugshot: WRONG b) Mugshot upside-down: WRONG c) Mugshot facing forward and correct way up: CORRECT I work in the finance sector, and every stupid and/or illogical policy has been applied under either the banner of "Health & Safety" or "Security".:mad::mad:
We have the no food at desk policy as well, along with the instructions for how to sneeze correctly and wash hands correctly posted at many points throughout the building. We are fortunate, too, that our company cares enough that they went through the office and removed all coat racks due to the protruding posts that the coats hang on. These are a clear and present danger to everyone and could potentially poke your eye out.
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Somehow reminds me of this thread from TDWTF http://thedailywtf.com/articles/an-office-safety-psa.aspx[^] This cracks me up: To try to prevent injury to people walking into the first aid box we have placed a plant next to it, yes that means that if you are not watching where you are going you are going to have to deal with the plant before you have to deal with the big metal box on the wall.
Was it a rubber plant??
"The activity of 'debugging', or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed." - "Datamation", January 15, 1984
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Yea the UK is much worse. Once while working as a contractor there, I had to watch a 30 minute saftey video and sign a waiver saying I wouldn't sue if I got carpal tunnel. I highly doubt I would get it in 5 days!!! Although, I should have sued for the crappy television.
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We have a disclaimer that is tacked onto every e-mail stating that you are forbidden to read the message if it was not intended for you. Of course you only get to that part after reading the whole message… :wtf:
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
A while back there was a case of MRSA[^] and for about 2 months my workplace was plastered with CDC posters captioned "Sharing Isn't Always Caring" and reminding us not to share razors, towels, etc. X| I've wondered since if the suites at the CDC and my company both were aware that the sharing is caring line came from a risque song by Tom Lehrer[^] or if some junior minion pulled a fast one on everyone. :cool:
The latest nation. Procrastination.
