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10 ways to suck at programming

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  • H Offline
    H Offline
    Henry Minute
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

    Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

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    • H Henry Minute

      I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

      Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

      A Offline
      A Offline
      AspDotNetDev
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      Lawl! Never removing functionality, documenting nothing, and duplicating functionality are things in the massive codebase I work with that I'd rather not have to deal with.

      [Forum Guidelines]

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      • A AspDotNetDev

        Lawl! Never removing functionality, documenting nothing, and duplicating functionality are things in the massive codebase I work with that I'd rather not have to deal with.

        [Forum Guidelines]

        H Offline
        H Offline
        Henry Minute
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        I know, for I was that contractor! Bwaaaahahahahahah. :-D

        Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

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        • H Henry Minute

          I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

          Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

          R Offline
          R Offline
          Ravi Bhavnani
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          A great read!:thumbsup:  My only complaint is the author's misspelling of "rein". /ravi

          My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

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          • H Henry Minute

            I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

            Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

            J Offline
            J Offline
            J Dunlap
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            I've dealt with a lot of those in inherited codebases. Some other ones:

            • Store the customer's entire selections and orders in the Session object, against numerous, sometimes arcanely-named keys. This way, the customer gets the surprise gift of having their whole order disappear shortly before they are ready to submit it.
            • You have direct access to the database, but why would you want to make it that simple? To properly express your genius, translate all of the data into an XML hierarchy that looks very little like the original data, and then make your code use that.
            • When accessing XML like the above, avoid using element names or XPath, and instead access XML nodes based on their indexes. That way every slight change that is made to the XML breaks the app horribly. Bonus points if you access the root node using XmlDocument.FirstChild so that it breaks inexplicably when an XML declaration is added.
            • Make as much use of tables as possible, and generate each individual table node manually using new TableRow() and new TableCell() and using a variable for each.
            • Generate as much Javascript in the codebehind as possible, including unrolling all of your loops when you could just enumerate a dataset.
            • To further make use of the CPU on your database server, create your data schema in such a way that even some of the smallest operations require stored procedures with expensive joins, cursor loops, lookups, and temporary tables. Then use more of these than necessary.
            B E 2 Replies Last reply
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            • H Henry Minute

              I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

              Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

              S Offline
              S Offline
              Software_Developer
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              :laugh: Oh really? Great article.

              1 Reply Last reply
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              • R Ravi Bhavnani

                A great read!:thumbsup:  My only complaint is the author's misspelling of "rein". /ravi

                My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

                A Offline
                A Offline
                Abhinav S
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                Ravi Bhavnani wrote:

                author's misspelling of "rein"

                Nope. Could not find this wrong spelling. Maybe the author read your comment and fixed it. :)

                R 1 Reply Last reply
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                • J J Dunlap

                  I've dealt with a lot of those in inherited codebases. Some other ones:

                  • Store the customer's entire selections and orders in the Session object, against numerous, sometimes arcanely-named keys. This way, the customer gets the surprise gift of having their whole order disappear shortly before they are ready to submit it.
                  • You have direct access to the database, but why would you want to make it that simple? To properly express your genius, translate all of the data into an XML hierarchy that looks very little like the original data, and then make your code use that.
                  • When accessing XML like the above, avoid using element names or XPath, and instead access XML nodes based on their indexes. That way every slight change that is made to the XML breaks the app horribly. Bonus points if you access the root node using XmlDocument.FirstChild so that it breaks inexplicably when an XML declaration is added.
                  • Make as much use of tables as possible, and generate each individual table node manually using new TableRow() and new TableCell() and using a variable for each.
                  • Generate as much Javascript in the codebehind as possible, including unrolling all of your loops when you could just enumerate a dataset.
                  • To further make use of the CPU on your database server, create your data schema in such a way that even some of the smallest operations require stored procedures with expensive joins, cursor loops, lookups, and temporary tables. Then use more of these than necessary.
                  B Offline
                  B Offline
                  Brady Kelly
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  J. Dunlap wrote:

                  Generate as much Javascript in the codebehind as possible, including unrolling all of your loops when you could just enumerate a dataset.

                  From my current inherited, registered in code nearly all forms, is OMGSCript[^] I think I'm still recovering, weeks after removing all traces of that from the codebase.

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                  • A Abhinav S

                    Ravi Bhavnani wrote:

                    author's misspelling of "rein"

                    Nope. Could not find this wrong spelling. Maybe the author read your comment and fixed it. :)

                    R Offline
                    R Offline
                    Ravi Bhavnani
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    No he didn't.  The author misspelled "rein" as "reign". /ravi

                    My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

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                    • R Ravi Bhavnani

                      No he didn't.  The author misspelled "rein" as "reign". /ravi

                      My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

                      R Offline
                      R Offline
                      Roger Wright
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      A lot of people make that mistake, Ravi - even here. A lot of very bright people are complete morons when it comes to communicating in their native languages, too - including here. I try to overlook those little flaws and read the message hidden inside the misstatements. :-D Recipe for a happy life: Approach every article and conversation as you would a fortune cookie. Though the English will surely be bad, there just might be something in there you need to hear.

                      "A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"

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                      • R Ravi Bhavnani

                        No he didn't.  The author misspelled "rein" as "reign". /ravi

                        My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

                        M Offline
                        M Offline
                        Mark_Wallace
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        What's one little spelling mistake between coders? Anyway, I can't stop to chat; I have to decide whether to update the variable "NumberOfMillions" or "NumberOfBillions".

                        I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                        R S 2 Replies Last reply
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                        • B Brady Kelly

                          J. Dunlap wrote:

                          Generate as much Javascript in the codebehind as possible, including unrolling all of your loops when you could just enumerate a dataset.

                          From my current inherited, registered in code nearly all forms, is OMGSCript[^] I think I'm still recovering, weeks after removing all traces of that from the codebase.

                          J Offline
                          J Offline
                          J Dunlap
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          My eyes! :eek:

                          1 Reply Last reply
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                          • M Mark_Wallace

                            What's one little spelling mistake between coders? Anyway, I can't stop to chat; I have to decide whether to update the variable "NumberOfMillions" or "NumberOfBillions".

                            I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                            R Offline
                            R Offline
                            Ravi Bhavnani
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            It's no big deal - I was just pointing out the error, not judging the content of the blog post.  Btw, I agree with the author's sentiments, which is why I :thumbsup:'d Henry's original post. /ravi

                            My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

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                            • R Roger Wright

                              A lot of people make that mistake, Ravi - even here. A lot of very bright people are complete morons when it comes to communicating in their native languages, too - including here. I try to overlook those little flaws and read the message hidden inside the misstatements. :-D Recipe for a happy life: Approach every article and conversation as you would a fortune cookie. Though the English will surely be bad, there just might be something in there you need to hear.

                              "A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"

                              R Offline
                              R Offline
                              Ravi Bhavnani
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #14

                              Roger Wright wrote:

                              Though the English will surely be bad, there just might be something in there you need to hear.

                              Absolutely!  Which is why I :thumbsup:'d Henry's original post.  :) /ravi

                              My new year resolution: 2048 x 1536 Home | Articles | My .NET bits | Freeware ravib(at)ravib(dot)com

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                              • H Henry Minute

                                I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                D Offline
                                D Offline
                                duwkes
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #15

                                I believe we've successfully slashdotted his server. We are now a force (of clickers) to be reckoned with! (his page finally returned after 2 minutes).

                                1 Reply Last reply
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                                • H Henry Minute

                                  I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                  Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                  C Offline
                                  C Offline
                                  Chris Mankowski
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #16

                                  I get page not found, so here is the cache http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:uU9oWSy88q4J:www.finalint.com/2010/05/04/10-ways-to-suck-at-programming/+10-ways-to-suck-at-programming&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us[^]

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                                  • H Henry Minute

                                    I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                    Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                    T Offline
                                    T Offline
                                    turnkey commerce
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #17

                                    You can view the cached copy here: Cached Copy at Google

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • H Henry Minute

                                      I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                      Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                      E Offline
                                      E Offline
                                      El Corazon
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #18

                                      Every now and then the Daily News drags me back here... :-D (obviously not kicking and screaming - I didn't even scare the hamsters) I groaned, I laughed, I hung my head in pain.... oh the memories of 30 years of programming with other people's code (I debugged the high school's grading program because the business teacher said he knew more than me about programming, and he couldn't find out why GPA's were all zero (I was grounded before my Mother saw the actual grades -- luckily retracted)... I couldn't walk away from a challenge, even then... oh the current existence... I am working on the "I write self-documenting code, so I don't ever need to comment anything" guy... outside of taking forever to say his name that way, he's returned to 2-5 year old code and had to come to me for help understanding it. That has helped the very old argument in my favor, unfortunately it is still a pain... and I may be taking over some of his code-base soon X| I think #8 and #2 are the only two I don't have to deal with on a daily basis.... And that is because #2, almost no one in the group is checking for errors. :omg: Maybe I can eventually get that fixed.... :sigh:

                                      _________________________ John Andrew Holmes "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." Shhhhh.... I am not really here. I am a figment of your imagination.... I am still in my cave so this must be an illusion....

                                      H 1 Reply Last reply
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                                      • H Henry Minute

                                        I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                        Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                        S Offline
                                        S Offline
                                        soyka
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #19

                                        Well, inheriting such an app is bad. What's worse is when the culprit was you a few years ago. (I'm just rewriting my own intranet web app which I rolled out 2 years ago. When I look at the code I could throw up).

                                        H 1 Reply Last reply
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                                        • H Henry Minute

                                          I just found this[^]. A bitter, bitter man. With justification.

                                          Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

                                          S Offline
                                          S Offline
                                          starmerak
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #20

                                          I miss the one about the not so lousy programmer who actually DO comment... sortof..

                                          int i = 1; // sets i to 1

                                          Nothing exists, everything is opinions..

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