Lawyers...
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
Steven J. Ackerman wrote: What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton :laugh::laugh::laugh: Poor Chelsea.
he he he. I like it in the kitchen! - Marc Clifton (on taking the heat when being flamed) Awasu v0.4a[^]: A free RSS reader with support for Code Project.
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Steven J. Ackerman wrote: What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton :laugh::laugh::laugh: Poor Chelsea.
he he he. I like it in the kitchen! - Marc Clifton (on taking the heat when being flamed) Awasu v0.4a[^]: A free RSS reader with support for Code Project.
After reading that list, I guess I change my mind about wishing I'd become a lawyer! :laugh: Marc Help! I'm an AI running around in someone's f*cked up universe simulator.
sensitivity and ethnic diversity means celebrating difference, not hiding from it. - Christian Graus -
After reading that list, I guess I change my mind about wishing I'd become a lawyer! :laugh: Marc Help! I'm an AI running around in someone's f*cked up universe simulator.
sensitivity and ethnic diversity means celebrating difference, not hiding from it. - Christian Graus4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. So which three of those were jokes? I'll add mine: Q: How you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Take your foot off his head.
he he he. I like it in the kitchen! - Marc Clifton (on taking the heat when being flamed) Awasu v0.4a[^]: A free RSS reader with support for Code Project.
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
Steven J. Ackerman wrote: 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. ROFL. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Regards,Rohit Sinha
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road, and a dead skunk? There are skid marks in front of the skunk. Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
Here's my submission: What do you call 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
"If by 'rough it' you mean a room without a minibar and free hookers, then, uh, we have a problem." -Duckman
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
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Methinks this has been posted before... but it bears repeating: 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories. 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company. 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips. 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice. And finally -- 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net
What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. :-D I prefer to wear gloves when using it, but that's merely a matter of personal hygiene [Roger Wright on VB] Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. [Rich Cook]