How to shoot yourself in the foot
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
so what happened to C#? :doh:
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
I don't care if this is old or a repost. I laughed my ass off. Very funny. I especially liked the Modula-2 entry. Now that I think of it, all languages make me want to shoot myself in the head. :thumbsup:
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
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so what happened to C#? :doh:
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
It can't be done, even in
unsafeblock. -
so what happened to C#? :doh:
Then you dont need to shoot yourself in the foot, .Net Framework will do it for you, whether you want it or not... :)
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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I don't care if this is old or a repost. I laughed my ass off. Very funny. I especially liked the Modula-2 entry. Now that I think of it, all languages make me want to shoot myself in the head. :thumbsup:
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
That explains the Corporate Wh*re promotion then!
Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."
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so what happened to C#? :doh:
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
Didn't exist back then. Windows95 was the last one mentioned in that list, that old it is. :)
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." (DNA)
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Ger Hayden wrote:
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.Ah, memories... They made us use Modula-3 in college for my first two years... Such a useless language... Of course, then they switched to Java and wasted a semester teaching third-year students how to write for loops, because apparently curly-braces are scary and make kids cry.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Don't tempt me :)
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Now you know, Please dont try... :-D
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
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so what happened to C#? :doh:
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
C# You prepare the gun and the bullet, carefully modeling all of the physics of a bullet traveling through a foot. Just before you're about to pull the trigger, you stumble on
System.Windows.BodyParts.Foot.ShootAt(System.Windows.Firearms.IGun gun)in the extended framework, realize you just wasted the entire afternoon, and shoot yourself in the head.Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
so what happened to C#? :doh:
C#: Your company spends months/years creating a buggy class to shoot yourself in the foot. Then MS releases an update to that adds ShootFoot to the framework. You curse your lost time. Upon showing ShootFoot to management they insist you use the bug filled class the company built anyway because they had to invest so much time in it. ...Not that that's ever happened to anyone I know.... :sigh:
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Now I know why most of the Languages have semicolon; at the end of each statement, so that no one hear your scream... and that's why rest of the Languages suck. ;P Good to know...
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
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so what happened to C#? :doh:
C: Makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++: You blow your whole leg off. C#: The good news is, you're using rubber bullets.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
Now you know, Please dont try... :-D
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
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That explains the Corporate Wh*re promotion then!
Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."
:-D
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
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Ger Hayden wrote:
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.Ah, memories... They made us use Modula-3 in college for my first two years... Such a useless language... Of course, then they switched to Java and wasted a semester teaching third-year students how to write for loops, because apparently curly-braces are scary and make kids cry.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
I was thinking about this joke only last week. I first saw it back in the eighties ( which is why, I suspect, the references to dBase, Clipper etc.) when it was disseminated courtesy of that nice Mr Xerox (and his relatives). Doing so made me also remember another one from about the same time, and similarly distributed, which was a Sequence/Flow chart for the development process of an application. It ended with a cloud bubble containing "And then a miracle happened, and we shipped!". Very funny it was too. Alas, despite several attempts to find a version on-line at various times, I have been unable to share it.
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
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Oi! Ishmael....
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
