How to shoot yourself in the foot
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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Python You try to use
import foot; foot.shoot()only to realize that's only available in 3.0, to which you can't yet upgrade from 2.7 because of all those extension libs lacking support.but one question remain is: how to do it on Windows 98,xp,vista and 7? and how Skynet do it? send a terminator from the future to shoot it? XD
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Shooting yourself in the foot using delegates. You really need to shoot yourself in the foot but you hate firearms (you don't want any dependency on the specifics of shooting) so you delegate it to somebody else. You don't care how it is done as long is shooting your foot. You can do it asynchronously in case you know you may faint so you are called back/slapped in the face by your shooter/friend (or background worker) when everything is done. Cheers.
giuchici
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Hmm. This list needs some updates. I'll give it a crack. This is all original material: Apple OS/X and iOS Once a year, Steve Jobs returns from sick leave to tell millions of unwavering fans how they will be able to shoot themselves in the foot differently this year. They retweet and blog about it ad nauseam, and wait in line to be the first to experience "shoot different". Windows ME Usually fails, even at shooting you in the foot. Yo dawg, I heard you like shooting yourself in the foot. So I put a gun in your gun, so you can shoot yourself in the foot while you shoot yourself in the foot. (Okay, I'm not especially proud of this joke.) Windows 2000 Now you really do have to log in, before you are allowed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows XP You thought you learned your lesson: Don't use Windows ME. Then, along came this new creature, built on top of Windows NT! So you spend the next couple days installing antivirus software, patches and service packs, just so you can get that driver to install, and then proceed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows Vista Newer! Glossier! Shootier! Windows 7 The bullets come out a lot smoother. Active Directory Each bullet now has an attached Bullet Identifier, and can be uniquely identified. Policies can be applied to dictate fragmentation, and the gun will occasionally have a confusing delay after the trigger has been pulled. Solaris Shoots best when used on SPARC hardware, but still runs the trigger GUI under Java. After weeks of learning the appropriate STOP command to prevent the trigger from automatically being pressed on boot, you think you've got it under control. Then the one time you ever use dtrace, it hits a bug that fires the gun. MySQL The feature that allows you to shoot yourself in the foot has been in development for about 6 years, and they are adding it into the next version, which is coming out REAL SOON NOW, promise! But you can always check it out of source control and try it yourself (just not in any environment where data integrity is important because it will probably explode.) PostgreSQL Allows you to have a smug look on your face while you shoot yourself in the foot, because those MySQL guys STILL don't have that feature. NoSQL Barrel? Who needs a barrel? Just put the bullet on your foot, and strike it with a hammer. See? It's so much simpler and more efficient that way. You can even strike multiple bullets in one swing if you swing with a good enough arc, because
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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thrakazog wrote:
Try pimping that on a resume
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Poor soul. I had to take a class in Ada while at TRW, because DoD required all applications to be written in the language, and compiled using a "qualified" compiler. There were no "qualified" compilers in existence at the time, but management was sure that one would come along one of these days... As I had recently been in the same spot at a previous company, required to deliver all embedded software in JOVIAL (for which no "qualified" compiler existed at the time, either) I happily attended classes, got paid for it, and never had to type a single line of Ada. But I've still got the textbooks, if you'd like them. :-D
Will Rogers never met me.
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Then you dont need to shoot yourself in the foot, .Net Framework will do it for you, whether you want it or not... :)
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
AWESOME :) LOL-ed while reading it, best was dBase
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Thanks for letting me read a VMS exception statement again...been many years!
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That's by design. I mean, you wouldn't want just ANY program shooting you in the foot, right? That's what C++ is for.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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Hmm. This list needs some updates. I'll give it a crack. This is all original material: Apple OS/X and iOS Once a year, Steve Jobs returns from sick leave to tell millions of unwavering fans how they will be able to shoot themselves in the foot differently this year. They retweet and blog about it ad nauseam, and wait in line to be the first to experience "shoot different". Windows ME Usually fails, even at shooting you in the foot. Yo dawg, I heard you like shooting yourself in the foot. So I put a gun in your gun, so you can shoot yourself in the foot while you shoot yourself in the foot. (Okay, I'm not especially proud of this joke.) Windows 2000 Now you really do have to log in, before you are allowed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows XP You thought you learned your lesson: Don't use Windows ME. Then, along came this new creature, built on top of Windows NT! So you spend the next couple days installing antivirus software, patches and service packs, just so you can get that driver to install, and then proceed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows Vista Newer! Glossier! Shootier! Windows 7 The bullets come out a lot smoother. Active Directory Each bullet now has an attached Bullet Identifier, and can be uniquely identified. Policies can be applied to dictate fragmentation, and the gun will occasionally have a confusing delay after the trigger has been pulled. Solaris Shoots best when used on SPARC hardware, but still runs the trigger GUI under Java. After weeks of learning the appropriate STOP command to prevent the trigger from automatically being pressed on boot, you think you've got it under control. Then the one time you ever use dtrace, it hits a bug that fires the gun. MySQL The feature that allows you to shoot yourself in the foot has been in development for about 6 years, and they are adding it into the next version, which is coming out REAL SOON NOW, promise! But you can always check it out of source control and try it yourself (just not in any environment where data integrity is important because it will probably explode.) PostgreSQL Allows you to have a smug look on your face while you shoot yourself in the foot, because those MySQL guys STILL don't have that feature. NoSQL Barrel? Who needs a barrel? Just put the bullet on your foot, and strike it with a hammer. See? It's so much simpler and more efficient that way. You can even strike multiple bullets in one swing if you swing with a good enough arc, because
and how to do it with firefox and IE? and windows 98 dont have this option? T_T
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and how to do it with firefox and IE? and windows 98 dont have this option? T_T
Oh, you got me there. Okay! Firefox Lets you shoot yourself in as many feet as you'd like, while using multiple great addons! IE A moving target in terms of standard ammunition size and doesn't always work properly with non-Microsoft ammunition, so sometimes you shoot something other than your foot. However, it's the corporate world's standard foot-shooting apparatus. Hackers seem to enjoy rigging websites up to trigger cascading foot-shooting failures. Windows 98 About the same as Windows 95 in terms of overall bullet capacity and triggering mechanisms. Includes updated DirectShot API. A new version was released later on to support USB guns, Windows 98 SE.
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
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C#: Your company spends months/years creating a buggy class to shoot yourself in the foot. Then MS releases an update to that adds ShootFoot to the framework. You curse your lost time. Upon showing ShootFoot to management they insist you use the bug filled class the company built anyway because they had to invest so much time in it. ...Not that that's ever happened to anyone I know.... :sigh:
Ah yeah, but that's because ShootFoot from Ms is for right handed users only and your software is targeted at left hand users so, while ShootFirst at first looks like it does what you want, it doesn't really allow you to do it the the way you wanted to do it.
Pete
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
APL: Its (mostly) all greek to me. Lisp: Place ((gun in ((hand sight (foot then shoot))))) (Lots of Insipid Stupid Parentheses)
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
WPF: You get your baseball glove and a ball and you head out to your backyard, where you throw balls to your pitchback. Then your unkempt-haired-cargo-shorts-and-sandals-with-white-socks-wearing neighbor uses XAML to sculpt your arm into a gun, the ball into a bullet and the pitchback into your foot. By now, however, only the neighbor can get it to work and he's only around from 6:30 PM - 3:30 AM. LOGO: You very carefully lay out the trajectory of the bullet. Then you start the gun, which fires very slowly. You walk precisely to the point where the bullet will travel and wait, but just before it gets to you, your class time is up and one of the other kids has already used the system to hack into Sony's PS3 network. Flash: Someone has designed a beautiful-looking gun that anyone can shoot their feet with for free. It weighs six hundred pounds. All kinds of people are shooting themselves in the feet, and sending the link to everyone else so that they can too. That is, except for the criminals, who are all stealing iOS devices that the gun won't work with.
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Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
I never get tired of this either. "BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher." That always makes me laugh. :)