The other Captain...
-
A captain was transferred to a new desert post during the war and immediately asked his subaltern to give him a tour of the new posting. Eventually they came to the camel compound and the captain observed that there were only fully grown camels. "Where are all the little camels?" he asked. "We buy them fully grown from the local market" answered the subaltern. "Really? How do you stop them breeding?" "Well sir, we flip the males over and, with a brick in each hand, crush their testicles" "Oh dear god!" the captain exclaimed, "Doesn't that hurt?" "Oh no sir, only if you get your thumbs caught in the middle..."
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
-
A captain was transferred to a new desert post during the war and immediately asked his subaltern to give him a tour of the new posting. Eventually they came to the camel compound and the captain observed that there were only fully grown camels. "Where are all the little camels?" he asked. "We buy them fully grown from the local market" answered the subaltern. "Really? How do you stop them breeding?" "Well sir, we flip the males over and, with a brick in each hand, crush their testicles" "Oh dear god!" the captain exclaimed, "Doesn't that hurt?" "Oh no sir, only if you get your thumbs caught in the middle..."
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
Reminds me of an OLD joke. [edit for content and length] Guy goes into a massage parlor and the madam ask if he wants a wax job with his massage so he says sure. When the madam gets done with massage she gets 2 bricks and slams them together on his testicles and the wax shoots out of his ears. [/edit]
-
Reminds me of an OLD joke. [edit for content and length] Guy goes into a massage parlor and the madam ask if he wants a wax job with his massage so he says sure. When the madam gets done with massage she gets 2 bricks and slams them together on his testicles and the wax shoots out of his ears. [/edit]
Guy goes on a holiday in Tokyo. After he checked in the hotel, feeling all stinky and feeling woozy from the jetlag he wants to take a shower as quickly as possible. He undresses, steps into the bathroom and finds out that the shower doesn't have any handles or a crane. Instead he's staring at a touchscreen display with five buttons: 'INC','DEC','WW','HA','ATR' Carefully he presses 'INC' and while the shower is immersed in rings of red LED light, the display shows 29°C. Then he tries 'DEC' and it goes to 28°C, with blue light. He tries 'WW' and Warm Water starts pouring down gently like rain and a little program opens up that allows you to set the shower in different modes. Being impressed by this high-tech miracle, he steps in the shower and starts playing around with the controls. Ten minutes later, feeling refreshed, he's curious to see what the other buttons on the main menu do. He tries 'HA' and suddenly Hot Air starts to blow him dry from all directions. "Wow, those Japanese really know hot to make a shower don't they?" Excited as a small child he presses 'ATR'. Next day, a tiny article on the fifth page of a local newspaper says: "White male tourist hospitalized after using Automatic Tampon Replacer".
Giraffes are not real.
-
Guy goes on a holiday in Tokyo. After he checked in the hotel, feeling all stinky and feeling woozy from the jetlag he wants to take a shower as quickly as possible. He undresses, steps into the bathroom and finds out that the shower doesn't have any handles or a crane. Instead he's staring at a touchscreen display with five buttons: 'INC','DEC','WW','HA','ATR' Carefully he presses 'INC' and while the shower is immersed in rings of red LED light, the display shows 29°C. Then he tries 'DEC' and it goes to 28°C, with blue light. He tries 'WW' and Warm Water starts pouring down gently like rain and a little program opens up that allows you to set the shower in different modes. Being impressed by this high-tech miracle, he steps in the shower and starts playing around with the controls. Ten minutes later, feeling refreshed, he's curious to see what the other buttons on the main menu do. He tries 'HA' and suddenly Hot Air starts to blow him dry from all directions. "Wow, those Japanese really know hot to make a shower don't they?" Excited as a small child he presses 'ATR'. Next day, a tiny article on the fifth page of a local newspaper says: "White male tourist hospitalized after using Automatic Tampon Replacer".
Giraffes are not real.
Pretty good never heard that one, 5 for originality. :thumbsup:
-
Reminds me of an OLD joke. [edit for content and length] Guy goes into a massage parlor and the madam ask if he wants a wax job with his massage so he says sure. When the madam gets done with massage she gets 2 bricks and slams them together on his testicles and the wax shoots out of his ears. [/edit]
A man is wandering through a forest and gets lost. When it's getting dark he finds a house. He knocks on the door and an old Chinese opens. That Chinese offers him to stay at the house during the night and show him the way out of the forest next morning. But he warns him: "Keep your hands off of my daughter or else you will have to take three Chinese bravery tests!" The man sees the daughter during supper and she is so beautiful that later he sneaks to her room to spend the night with her. When he wakes up in the morning, he finds a large stone om his chest. Attached to it there is a note: First Chinese test of bravery. Stone on chest. He laughs and thinks 'What an easy test", then throws the stone out of the window. At the last moment he sees a second note on the other side of the stone: Second Chinese test of bravery. Stone bound to left testicle. He quickly reacts and jumps out of the window to prevent the worst. Just having passed the window he sees another note attached to the wall: Third Chinese test of bravery. Right testicle bound to bed.
-
A man is wandering through a forest and gets lost. When it's getting dark he finds a house. He knocks on the door and an old Chinese opens. That Chinese offers him to stay at the house during the night and show him the way out of the forest next morning. But he warns him: "Keep your hands off of my daughter or else you will have to take three Chinese bravery tests!" The man sees the daughter during supper and she is so beautiful that later he sneaks to her room to spend the night with her. When he wakes up in the morning, he finds a large stone om his chest. Attached to it there is a note: First Chinese test of bravery. Stone on chest. He laughs and thinks 'What an easy test", then throws the stone out of the window. At the last moment he sees a second note on the other side of the stone: Second Chinese test of bravery. Stone bound to left testicle. He quickly reacts and jumps out of the window to prevent the worst. Just having passed the window he sees another note attached to the wall: Third Chinese test of bravery. Right testicle bound to bed.
OK I give y'all out testicled me. :) 5 for bravery
