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  3. Shoot me, pleasssssse !!

Shoot me, pleasssssse !!

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • S Steven J Jowett

    I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

    Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriff
    wrote on last edited by
    #2

    Do not upset auditors. They can do very unpleasant things to companies. So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly, and don't disturb them. And preferably, not on works time.

    Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

    "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
    "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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    • S Steven J Jowett

      I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

      Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

      D Offline
      D Offline
      Dalek Dave
      wrote on last edited by
      #3

      Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

      ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

      OriginalGriffO P S G 4 Replies Last reply
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      • D Dalek Dave

        Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

        OriginalGriffO Offline
        OriginalGriffO Offline
        OriginalGriff
        wrote on last edited by
        #4

        Dalek Dave wrote:

        you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset

        He is a developer - we are never classified as "assets".

        Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

        "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
        "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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        • D Dalek Dave

          Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

          ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

          P Offline
          P Offline
          Pete OHanlon
          wrote on last edited by
          #5

          And, for an accountant to describe it as boring is like a train spotter calling a bus spotter sad.

          Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

          My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

          D 1 Reply Last reply
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          • D Dalek Dave

            Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

            ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

            S Offline
            S Offline
            Steven J Jowett
            wrote on last edited by
            #6

            Dalek Dave wrote:

            Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing?

            Errmm, Nope. Can't say I have.

            Dalek Dave wrote:

            It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder.

            Well I have no desire to climb any ladder in accountancy, neither can I class my self as young anymore :sigh:

            Dalek Dave wrote:

            I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far.

            How did you survive?

            Dalek Dave wrote:

            Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

            Would make a change to being an overhead :-D

            Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

              Dalek Dave wrote:

              you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset

              He is a developer - we are never classified as "assets".

              Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

              P Offline
              P Offline
              Pete OHanlon
              wrote on last edited by
              #7

              OriginalGriff wrote:

              we are never classified as "assets".

              Nope. You are a resource, slightly less valuable than a paperclip. That seems to be the thinking that drives so many companies to have "Human Resources" departments.

              Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

              My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

              1 Reply Last reply
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              • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                Do not upset auditors. They can do very unpleasant things to companies. So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly, and don't disturb them. And preferably, not on works time.

                Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                P Offline
                P Offline
                Peter Mulholland
                wrote on last edited by
                #8

                OriginalGriff wrote:

                So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

                You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

                Pete

                D OriginalGriffO 2 Replies Last reply
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                • P Pete OHanlon

                  And, for an accountant to describe it as boring is like a train spotter calling a bus spotter sad.

                  Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

                  My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

                  D Offline
                  D Offline
                  Dalek Dave
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #9

                  Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                  ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                  L P 2 Replies Last reply
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                  • P Peter Mulholland

                    OriginalGriff wrote:

                    So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

                    You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

                    Pete

                    D Offline
                    D Offline
                    Dalek Dave
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #10

                    <Officious Little Jobsworth Voice> "You may not use that rope as a noose, it is untested at that strain and may cause injury when attempting suicide." </Officious Little Jobsworth Voice>

                    ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                    1 Reply Last reply
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                    • P Peter Mulholland

                      OriginalGriff wrote:

                      So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

                      You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

                      Pete

                      OriginalGriffO Offline
                      OriginalGriffO Offline
                      OriginalGriff
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #11

                      Auditors don't care about health or safety, as long as you don't damage a company asset (i.e. the rope) during the activity. Liabilities like developers are neither here nor there.

                      Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                      "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                      "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                      D 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • D Dalek Dave

                        Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                        L Offline
                        L Offline
                        Lost User
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #12

                        My dad became an internal auditor with Customs & Excise towards the end of his career. Auditing systems and processes and stuff like that, not accounts. However it instantly turned him into one of the most boring men in the world, something he has been unable to shake off since he retired.

                        Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                        D 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                          Auditors don't care about health or safety, as long as you don't damage a company asset (i.e. the rope) during the activity. Liabilities like developers are neither here nor there.

                          Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                          D Offline
                          D Offline
                          Dalek Dave
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #13

                          It would be possible to claim a tax relief on a capital investment programme, ie buying a new rope, although recycling rules would have to be enforced on the disposal of the old rope in accordance to EU directives on Rope Untwiddling and Strand Tapering.

                          ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                          OriginalGriffO 1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • D Dalek Dave

                            Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                            ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                            P Offline
                            P Offline
                            Pete OHanlon
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #14

                            Dalek Dave wrote:

                            auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                            Ah, I see you've met the team who audit my accounts.

                            Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

                            My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • D Dalek Dave

                              It would be possible to claim a tax relief on a capital investment programme, ie buying a new rope, although recycling rules would have to be enforced on the disposal of the old rope in accordance to EU directives on Rope Untwiddling and Strand Tapering.

                              ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                              OriginalGriffO Offline
                              OriginalGriffO Offline
                              OriginalGriff
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #15

                              Surely you would have to prove that the old rope had been fully depreciated first?

                              Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                              "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                              "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                              D 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • D Dalek Dave

                                Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

                                ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                G Offline
                                G Offline
                                Gary Wheeler
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #16

                                Dalek Dave wrote:

                                the ideal job for young thrusting people

                                Isn't it amazing how one letter makes it sounds like a job in the porn industry.

                                Software Zen: delete this;

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • L Lost User

                                  My dad became an internal auditor with Customs & Excise towards the end of his career. Auditing systems and processes and stuff like that, not accounts. However it instantly turned him into one of the most boring men in the world, something he has been unable to shake off since he retired.

                                  Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                                  D Offline
                                  D Offline
                                  Dalek Dave
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #17

                                  That is always a danger. Alcohol, Tattoos, Piercing and Loud Music usually shake that out of you though.

                                  ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                                    Surely you would have to prove that the old rope had been fully depreciated first?

                                    Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                                    D Offline
                                    D Offline
                                    Dalek Dave
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #18

                                    Of course, you could show them the full depreciation figures, and then the cash received. This is noted in the accounts as "Money for old rope".

                                    ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                    OriginalGriffO P 2 Replies Last reply
                                    0
                                    • S Steven J Jowett

                                      I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                      Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                      S Offline
                                      S Offline
                                      StM0n
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #19

                                      Shooting or hanging... make up your mind ;P

                                      (yes|no|maybe)*

                                      S 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • S Steven J Jowett

                                        I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                        Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                        L Offline
                                        L Offline
                                        Lost User
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #20

                                        They are so anal, its almost ridiculous.

                                        ============================== Nothing to say.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • S Steven J Jowett

                                          I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                          Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                          K Offline
                                          K Offline
                                          Keith Barrow
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #21

                                          Meanwhile, on www.auditingbob.com:

                                          J Random Auditor wrote:

                                          I am one of four auditors and we have moved into an office full of programmer/geeks for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself X|

                                          Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
                                          -Or-
                                          A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

                                          D S 2 Replies Last reply
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