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MJOTD

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • M Offline
    M Offline
    Mike Hankey
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

    Sects Therapy

    G M R W L 6 Replies Last reply
    0
    • M Mike Hankey

      How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

      Sects Therapy

      G Offline
      G Offline
      gavindon
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

      Programming is a race between programmers trying to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots, so far... the universe is winning. Be careful which toes you step on today, they might be connected to the foot that kicks your butt tomorrow. You can't scare me, I have children.

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • M Mike Hankey

        How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

        Sects Therapy

        M Offline
        M Offline
        Mycroft Holmes
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        10. Prepare antiseptic bandages for when the cat next finds you snoozing in the chair. Defibrulator may be required for older pet owners.

        Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH

        M 1 Reply Last reply
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        • M Mycroft Holmes

          10. Prepare antiseptic bandages for when the cat next finds you snoozing in the chair. Defibrulator may be required for older pet owners.

          Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH

          M Offline
          M Offline
          Mike Hankey
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          The last thing the cat thinks before getting to the door...hmm wonder if I can figure out how to work that Taser?, he's going to pay for this.

          Sects Therapy

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • M Mike Hankey

            How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

            Sects Therapy

            R Offline
            R Offline
            Roger Wright
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            I much prefer to use the Laundromat. It only takes a couple of quarters, and the dryer makes them really fluffy. Of course, if you don't use one of those fancy dryer sheets, you could get electrocuted taking the beast out of the dryer; they pick up a helluva charge in twenty minutes.

            Will Rogers never met me.

            M 1 Reply Last reply
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            • R Roger Wright

              I much prefer to use the Laundromat. It only takes a couple of quarters, and the dryer makes them really fluffy. Of course, if you don't use one of those fancy dryer sheets, you could get electrocuted taking the beast out of the dryer; they pick up a helluva charge in twenty minutes.

              Will Rogers never met me.

              M Offline
              M Offline
              Mike Hankey
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              Roger Wright wrote:

              they pick up a helluva charge in twenty minutes.

              :laugh: I bet they do.

              Sects Therapy

              G 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • M Mike Hankey

                How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

                Sects Therapy

                W Offline
                W Offline
                walterhevedeich
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                10. Hope and pray that the cat doesn't get mad.[^] :)

                Signature construction in progress. Sorry for the inconvenience.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • M Mike Hankey

                  How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

                  Sects Therapy

                  L Offline
                  L Offline
                  Lost User
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  You should have had a look at the open source CATOS. CM_DROWNING is sent as soon as a single drop of water touches the cat:

                  virtual CATRESULT CatProc(HCAT hCat, UINT message, WPARAM wParam, LPARAM lParam)
                  {
                  HOWNER hOwner;

                  switch (message) 
                  {
                      case (CM\_DROWNING):
                          Panic(hCat);
                          hOwner = GetOwner(hCat);
                          if(hOwner != NULL)
                          {
                              DestroyOwner(hCat);
                          }
                          else
                          {
                              SetPersistantValue(hCat, OWNER\_STYLE\_EVIL);
                              Forgive(hCat, FALSE);
                              PostMessage(hCat, CM\_FLEE, (WPARAM)0, (LPARAM)0);
                          }
                          return 1;
                          break;
                  
                      case (CM\_SLEEP):
                          // omitted
                          break;
                  
                      case (CM\_EAT):
                          // omitted
                          break;
                  
                      // many more
                  }
                  return DefCatProc(hCat, message, wParam, lParam);
                  

                  }

                  "Dark the dark side is. Very dark..." - Yoda ---
                  "Shut up, Yoda, and just make yourself another toast." - Obi Wan Kenobi

                  T 1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • L Lost User

                    You should have had a look at the open source CATOS. CM_DROWNING is sent as soon as a single drop of water touches the cat:

                    virtual CATRESULT CatProc(HCAT hCat, UINT message, WPARAM wParam, LPARAM lParam)
                    {
                    HOWNER hOwner;

                    switch (message) 
                    {
                        case (CM\_DROWNING):
                            Panic(hCat);
                            hOwner = GetOwner(hCat);
                            if(hOwner != NULL)
                            {
                                DestroyOwner(hCat);
                            }
                            else
                            {
                                SetPersistantValue(hCat, OWNER\_STYLE\_EVIL);
                                Forgive(hCat, FALSE);
                                PostMessage(hCat, CM\_FLEE, (WPARAM)0, (LPARAM)0);
                            }
                            return 1;
                            break;
                    
                        case (CM\_SLEEP):
                            // omitted
                            break;
                    
                        case (CM\_EAT):
                            // omitted
                            break;
                    
                        // many more
                    }
                    return DefCatProc(hCat, message, wParam, lParam);
                    

                    }

                    "Dark the dark side is. Very dark..." - Yoda ---
                    "Shut up, Yoda, and just make yourself another toast." - Obi Wan Kenobi

                    T Offline
                    T Offline
                    TheGreatAndPowerfulOz
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    No programming in the Lounge! ;P ;P

                    If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
                    You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering” - Wernher von Braun

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • M Mike Hankey

                      Roger Wright wrote:

                      they pick up a helluva charge in twenty minutes.

                      :laugh: I bet they do.

                      Sects Therapy

                      G Offline
                      G Offline
                      Ger Hayden
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      The OP is so good I'm giving you a second 5!

                      Ger

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • M Mike Hankey

                        How to wash a cat. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this! 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'. 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

                        Sects Therapy

                        T Offline
                        T Offline
                        Tech Code Freak
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        :laugh: Great one! My 5up!

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