Let's start the New Year by Offending Everyone!
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Ok here's one from a duchman Driving along the rhine(= a river) in the netherlands I see someone drinking from the rine using his left hand. As I see that I drive up to him and say: "Hey don't drink from that water is's poisonus!!" he says: "Was sagen Sie" I say: "Mit zwei handen"
Das ist gut, aber findet eine Flasche, damit er das waser heim für seine Familie nehmen kan. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
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Our old friend Lori, Loli10, sent me this today. In the spirit of Diversity, and the intolerance of it, I present the following: Something to Offend Damned Near Everybody 1. What's the Cuban national anthem? ................"Row, Row, Row Your Boat" 2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? ................ A different bar. 3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? ................ They named him "Sum Ting Wong." 4. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? ................ They're hiring. 5. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? ............... Because they're not going to work in the future either. 6. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? ................. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 7. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? ................ A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 8. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? ................ Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! 9. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? ................ A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 10. My, my, how times have changed. Years ago, when 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan. .................. Today they call it the PGA TOUR. 11. Why is there no Disneyland in China? ................ No one's tall enough to go on the good rides Did we miss anyone? Actually, I'm offended - there's no WASP in the list! I propose a challenge, then... We represent the most ethnically diverse group I know of, and I'm sure we've heard every ethnic joke on the planet among us. There are 130+ nationalities in the world, at least 6 major faiths, several shades and hues of skin color, and more political and regional divisions than you can shake a stick at. All and each has a stereotype associated with it, and somewhere among our group someone has heard a joke based on these distinctions. Let's pool our knowledge and finally complete this silly old email joke before next year in time to start it around the world again, missing no one! "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
I notice your wife didn't let you make a joke about women :laugh: :laugh: The tigress is here :-D
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Ok I can't resist. (Qu) Why was Hitler a terrible golfer ? (Answer below.) (Ans) He could never get out of a bunker. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
Or this old stand-by.... (Q) How do German's tie their shoes? (A) In little Nazis.... (bum-da-bum bump) Thank You, Thank You....... :rolleyes: BW "If you enjoy what you do, you'll never work another day in your life." - Confucius
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Das ist gut, aber findet eine Flasche, damit er das waser heim für seine Familie nehmen kan. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
Was bist du aber gemein.. ;) BW "If you enjoy what you do, you'll never work another day in your life." - Confucius
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Or this old stand-by.... (Q) How do German's tie their shoes? (A) In little Nazis.... (bum-da-bum bump) Thank You, Thank You....... :rolleyes: BW "If you enjoy what you do, you'll never work another day in your life." - Confucius
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I notice your wife didn't let you make a joke about women :laugh: :laugh: The tigress is here :-D
Trollslayer wrote: I notice your wife didn't let you make a joke about women I don't have one, but even I have enough sense not to tread that path!:-D "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
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Tie their shoes in knots. knotsies ---> Nazis. Alright, maybe its knot that funny...:~ BW "Gandalf. Yes. That is what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. *I* am Gandalf the White." - Gandalf the White
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peterchen wrote: But so far you happened to only insult an Austrian. I feel insulted that you mix me up with an Austrian. OK, (Qu) Why does Geramny have the highest incidence of Caesarean births in the world ? (Ans) It's really hard to push such big square heads out of round holes. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.
That's what pliers are for! "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
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Was bist du aber gemein.. ;) BW "If you enjoy what you do, you'll never work another day in your life." - Confucius
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Our old friend Lori, Loli10, sent me this today. In the spirit of Diversity, and the intolerance of it, I present the following: Something to Offend Damned Near Everybody 1. What's the Cuban national anthem? ................"Row, Row, Row Your Boat" 2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? ................ A different bar. 3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? ................ They named him "Sum Ting Wong." 4. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? ................ They're hiring. 5. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? ............... Because they're not going to work in the future either. 6. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? ................. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 7. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? ................ A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 8. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? ................ Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! 9. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? ................ A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 10. My, my, how times have changed. Years ago, when 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan. .................. Today they call it the PGA TOUR. 11. Why is there no Disneyland in China? ................ No one's tall enough to go on the good rides Did we miss anyone? Actually, I'm offended - there's no WASP in the list! I propose a challenge, then... We represent the most ethnically diverse group I know of, and I'm sure we've heard every ethnic joke on the planet among us. There are 130+ nationalities in the world, at least 6 major faiths, several shades and hues of skin color, and more political and regional divisions than you can shake a stick at. All and each has a stereotype associated with it, and somewhere among our group someone has heard a joke based on these distinctions. Let's pool our knowledge and finally complete this silly old email joke before next year in time to start it around the world again, missing no one! "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
Well worth a 5! :-D -- Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.
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Owww, bad one, Colin :-D But so far you happened to only insult an Austrian. I feel insulted that you mix me up with an Austrian. Oh.
As James Bond in "die another day", Pierce Brosnan features traits handy in the dawning millenium. He fights without hesitation in a bewildering environment, trusts his high-tech-gadgets, and rather falls for beauty than pondering the political absurdities around him. [sighist]
Well, he claimed that Austria belonged to the greater Germany. So in his own words, he was German. But then again, his words were mostly.. hmm.. screwed up? :) -- Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.
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Tie their shoes in knots. knotsies ---> Nazis. Alright, maybe its knot that funny...:~ BW "Gandalf. Yes. That is what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. *I* am Gandalf the White." - Gandalf the White
Uhmm.. you have to stretch pretty far to get that one. :) -- Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.
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Trollslayer wrote: I notice your wife didn't let you make a joke about women I don't have one, but even I have enough sense not to tread that path!:-D "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Megan Forbes, on Management (12/5/2002)
Roger Wright wrote: I don't have one, but even I have enough sense not to tread that path! *making chicken sounds* :rolleyes: -- Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.
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Uhmm.. you have to stretch pretty far to get that one. :) -- Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.
Jörgen Sigvardsson wrote: you have to stretch pretty far to get that one. Yeah, I guess so... I remember kids telling me that one when I was much younger. Out of any stupid Germen jokes I heard growing up that one stuck with me. Go figure... :~ BW "Gandalf. Yes. That is what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. *I* am Gandalf the White." - Gandalf the White
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Das ist gut, aber findet eine Flasche, damit er das waser heim für seine Familie nehmen kan. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
You are the intrepid one, always willing to leap into the fray! A serious character flaw, I might add, but entertaining. Said by Roger Wright about me.