Indulgence
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Today my little cousin said to me, "Do you wanna hear something sad?" It turns out that a boy at his school, in the year below him and not somebody he knew, had been killed in a car crash some time over the weekend. It was a horrific collision, and I think most of the other people involved have been seriously or critically injured. Given that it is also close to the first anniversary of a girl I knew being killed in a similar manner, I feel like posting this video: 1000 Oceans - Tori Amos[^] Feel free to disregard this.
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Today my little cousin said to me, "Do you wanna hear something sad?" It turns out that a boy at his school, in the year below him and not somebody he knew, had been killed in a car crash some time over the weekend. It was a horrific collision, and I think most of the other people involved have been seriously or critically injured. Given that it is also close to the first anniversary of a girl I knew being killed in a similar manner, I feel like posting this video: 1000 Oceans - Tori Amos[^] Feel free to disregard this.
Happy to disregard Tori Amos, but on a serious note, is this his first experience of death within his social sphere? It can be rather traumatic for someone young, (you didn't say his age), so he may be feeling a little tender or susceptible at the moment.
--------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live
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Happy to disregard Tori Amos, but on a serious note, is this his first experience of death within his social sphere? It can be rather traumatic for someone young, (you didn't say his age), so he may be feeling a little tender or susceptible at the moment.
--------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live
He's eleven, and I actually have no idea how he's feeling about it. He sort of seems to have an uncommon preoccupation with death - it gets him down a lot.
Dalek Dave wrote:
is this his first experience of death within his social sphere?
No, there have been a few family friends that have died. One close friend of his mother killed herself.
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He's eleven, and I actually have no idea how he's feeling about it. He sort of seems to have an uncommon preoccupation with death - it gets him down a lot.
Dalek Dave wrote:
is this his first experience of death within his social sphere?
No, there have been a few family friends that have died. One close friend of his mother killed herself.
Preoccupation with death is very common in the 9 yr old through to 12 or 13. So probably nothingtonworry about there. This is also the time when many will start asking if they are adopted, and start demanding more privacy. Few will mention Tori Amos.
MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')
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He's eleven, and I actually have no idea how he's feeling about it. He sort of seems to have an uncommon preoccupation with death - it gets him down a lot.
Dalek Dave wrote:
is this his first experience of death within his social sphere?
No, there have been a few family friends that have died. One close friend of his mother killed herself.
That is terrible, and for one so young. No wonder he has a preoccupation as you say. There is a developmental psychology term, thanatological compulsion, which can manifest itself when one is exposed to a lot of death at a young age, and 11 is one of those danger points. It is when one's id is forming, and one's love map starts to get cemented, consequently when one loses people one loves between 10-14 years it can leave a psychosis within the mind of the victim. He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
--------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live
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Preoccupation with death is very common in the 9 yr old through to 12 or 13. So probably nothingtonworry about there. This is also the time when many will start asking if they are adopted, and start demanding more privacy. Few will mention Tori Amos.
MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')
_Maxxx_ wrote:
Preoccupation with death is very common in the 9 yr old through to 12 or 13. So probably nothingtonworry about there.
OK. Good.
_Maxxx_ wrote:
Few will mention Tori Amos.
:) I know. But I'd prefer to be on the path of the righteous with no company, rather than the other way around. ;P
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That is terrible, and for one so young. No wonder he has a preoccupation as you say. There is a developmental psychology term, thanatological compulsion, which can manifest itself when one is exposed to a lot of death at a young age, and 11 is one of those danger points. It is when one's id is forming, and one's love map starts to get cemented, consequently when one loses people one loves between 10-14 years it can leave a psychosis within the mind of the victim. He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
--------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live
Dalek Dave wrote:
He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
Well, I don't think it's THAT bad. :omg:
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That is terrible, and for one so young. No wonder he has a preoccupation as you say. There is a developmental psychology term, thanatological compulsion, which can manifest itself when one is exposed to a lot of death at a young age, and 11 is one of those danger points. It is when one's id is forming, and one's love map starts to get cemented, consequently when one loses people one loves between 10-14 years it can leave a psychosis within the mind of the victim. He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
--------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live
Dalek Dave wrote:
He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
My father died when I was ten, and I coped perfectly without counselling (at least, the voices tell me I'm doing fine ;) ). It has been shown that PTSD is greater for people who repeatedly go over and over the traumatic event afterwards, so counselling may not be the best thing for him.
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Dalek Dave wrote:
He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
My father died when I was ten, and I coped perfectly without counselling (at least, the voices tell me I'm doing fine ;) ). It has been shown that PTSD is greater for people who repeatedly go over and over the traumatic event afterwards, so counselling may not be the best thing for him.
You make a very good point! Sometimes just being there to listen is the best support someone can get - I think of Robert Redford's 'Horse Whisperer' character, who simply turns off the radio and listens when the girl is ready to talk, is a goal to aim for in terms of receptivity...
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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Dalek Dave wrote:
He may well need counselling as he is at the vulnerable age.
My father died when I was ten, and I coped perfectly without counselling (at least, the voices tell me I'm doing fine ;) ). It has been shown that PTSD is greater for people who repeatedly go over and over the traumatic event afterwards, so counselling may not be the best thing for him.
You've got it backwards. PTSD is a memory that's formed so strongly that any sort of trigger will result in reliving it. PTSD treatment consists of going over the same events repeatedly in a way that disrupts the strength of the memory. (Reading memory is a destructive process, the reason you can remember something more than once is that it's written back again afterwards.)
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason? Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful? --Zachris Topelius Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies. -- Sarah Hoyt
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You've got it backwards. PTSD is a memory that's formed so strongly that any sort of trigger will result in reliving it. PTSD treatment consists of going over the same events repeatedly in a way that disrupts the strength of the memory. (Reading memory is a destructive process, the reason you can remember something more than once is that it's written back again afterwards.)
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason? Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful? --Zachris Topelius Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies. -- Sarah Hoyt
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It was discovered in the 80's that the people who survived hostage situations who were interviewed and given lots of counseling did far worse than those who were given very light support... There is a school/movement of psychology which sees what is called 'rumination'(going over the same thoughts again and again) relating to painful memories as causing more trauma than what basically amounts to supportive, kind, receptive care...
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
-
It was discovered in the 80's that the people who survived hostage situations who were interviewed and given lots of counseling did far worse than those who were given very light support... There is a school/movement of psychology which sees what is called 'rumination'(going over the same thoughts again and again) relating to painful memories as causing more trauma than what basically amounts to supportive, kind, receptive care...
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
The human mind is very good at sorting itself out left to its own devices. I am sure that, as you say, given a supportive environment where the decision whether to talk about their experience is left to the person who endured it, will give their brain space to deal with it and move on.
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_Maxxx_ wrote:
Preoccupation with death is very common in the 9 yr old through to 12 or 13. So probably nothingtonworry about there.
OK. Good.
_Maxxx_ wrote:
Few will mention Tori Amos.
:) I know. But I'd prefer to be on the path of the righteous with no company, rather than the other way around. ;P
Ravel H. Joyce wrote:
But I'd prefer to be on the path of the righteous with no company, rather than the other way around. ;-P
:laugh:
MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')