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  3. Customer Service Platitudes

Customer Service Platitudes

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  • A AspDotNetDev

    I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

    Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

    L Offline
    L Offline
    Lost User
    wrote on last edited by
    #6

    At least they don't produce endless streams of irrelevance like politicians, (some) bosses and marketing drones do.

    At least artificial intelligence already is superior to natural stupidity

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    • A AspDotNetDev

      I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

      Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

      H Offline
      H Offline
      Henry Minute
      wrote on last edited by
      #7

      You think that's bad? I went to my local Chinese Restaurant a couple of weeks ago and when the bill arrived I complained to the waiter about the price of the Aromatic Duck which was different from that on the menu. The waiter said "Solly (must not use stereotypes) Sorry about that but the menu is wrong." Obviously a duck-billed platitude.

      Henry Minute Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is. Cogito ergo thumb - Sucking my thumb helps me to think.

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      • H Henry Minute

        You think that's bad? I went to my local Chinese Restaurant a couple of weeks ago and when the bill arrived I complained to the waiter about the price of the Aromatic Duck which was different from that on the menu. The waiter said "Solly (must not use stereotypes) Sorry about that but the menu is wrong." Obviously a duck-billed platitude.

        Henry Minute Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is. Cogito ergo thumb - Sucking my thumb helps me to think.

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        L Offline
        Lost User
        wrote on last edited by
        #8

        And how is an 'ellol' in the menu your problem?

        At least artificial intelligence already is superior to natural stupidity

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        • A AspDotNetDev

          I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

          Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

          C Offline
          C Offline
          Chris Maunder
          wrote on last edited by
          #9

          As long as they said "amazing" in a breathless, longing way you should be happy.

          cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP

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          • A AspDotNetDev

            I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

            Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

            M Offline
            M Offline
            Mark_Wallace
            wrote on last edited by
            #10

            Their autoresponse software was hard-edited in a recent upgrade. The full Wolfram Alpha sentence was: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you, because you're such a jerk we thought we'd never be able to satisfy your idiotic request!" That's what I got last week.

            I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

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            • A AspDotNetDev

              I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

              Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

              C Offline
              C Offline
              charlieg
              wrote on last edited by
              #11

              Yeah, Dell does that sort of thing as well: me: "Hi, I wore out my keyboard. Please send me another..." Dell: "We are so sorryyyyyy you are having problems." (sobs in the background) I mean, they lay it on thick. "What can we dooooooooo?" me: "Just send me a new keyboard." Dell: "Okay, let's see about fixing this problem. Could I have your phone number for our records please?" me: "You mean the same one I've had for 20 years, and the same one I keep giving you for the last ten?" (yes, I've stuck with Dell...) Dell: "Yes, that one please." (I've always wondered about this). Keyboard request is dispatched... call has already taken way to elephanting long, and I'm irritable. Dell: "So, is there anything else we can help you with today??" me: dispatching evil thought... "No, I'm good, thank you." Dell: "Would you mind if I forward you to my supervisor? He would like to talk to you about my performance today." Me: "Yes, I'm busy, I have to type this note to codeproject!"

              Charlie Gilley You're going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to beat you to death in your own house. "Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783 “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759

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              • S Steve Mayfield

                Maybe you're one of the few people they have talked to that didn't yell or use lots of four letter words :~

                Steve _________________ I C(++) therefore I am

                S Offline
                S Offline
                Stefan_Lang
                wrote on last edited by
                #12

                Or maybe his four letter words were more inventive? ;P

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                • C charlieg

                  Yeah, Dell does that sort of thing as well: me: "Hi, I wore out my keyboard. Please send me another..." Dell: "We are so sorryyyyyy you are having problems." (sobs in the background) I mean, they lay it on thick. "What can we dooooooooo?" me: "Just send me a new keyboard." Dell: "Okay, let's see about fixing this problem. Could I have your phone number for our records please?" me: "You mean the same one I've had for 20 years, and the same one I keep giving you for the last ten?" (yes, I've stuck with Dell...) Dell: "Yes, that one please." (I've always wondered about this). Keyboard request is dispatched... call has already taken way to elephanting long, and I'm irritable. Dell: "So, is there anything else we can help you with today??" me: dispatching evil thought... "No, I'm good, thank you." Dell: "Would you mind if I forward you to my supervisor? He would like to talk to you about my performance today." Me: "Yes, I'm busy, I have to type this note to codeproject!"

                  Charlie Gilley You're going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to beat you to death in your own house. "Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783 “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759

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                  S Offline
                  Stefan_Lang
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #13

                  And you never thought to asking them back for their private phone number? I mean, it would only be fair. And home address, while you're at it... ;)

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                  • A AspDotNetDev

                    I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

                    Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

                    G Offline
                    G Offline
                    grralph1
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #14

                    If it is a person then they have been brain washed. (If it is a machine then it has been programmed.) With a lot of support, even phone support, it is a terse and false machine like interface that you have to deal with. About 4 years ago, when on phone support to Symantec, the support chick person talked freely with me about the weather in New Deli and Australia. About how long to go on the shift before she got to knock off. I do appreciate that weather talk is mundane, but it was refreshing to talk to someone real. After the support call I felt a little special and real myself. I then worried that I had coached her into being a real person and that her supervisors may have come down heavy on her for her variance of protocol, and sacked her. Then again other customers have probably waited longer in the que due to her realness. Mind you, interaction and realness doesn't work at all, without a resolution. With a resolution it is a complete service. Yeah It has been awesome and amazing to respond to your Customer Servive Platitude Post.

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                    • R Roger Wright

                      It sounds as if someone there has taken a Tony Robbins class, and programmed a function key to reply appropriately...

                      Will Rogers never met me.

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                      dave dolan
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #15

                      True. And I always relish the opportunity to find someone who considers me personally interesting or sufficiently savvy to drop the script. But it's a rare thing because to the guy on the other end of the line, you're a customer and he's just working. Think about it. But it is disconcerting when you think you're getting respect and you're really just getting well branded customer service. The fact that the OP was disappointed to find out he hadn't broken through and been two steps away from hanging out with the CSR during the next football game speaks to the credit of the company that had the acumen to hire him in the first place to take calls.

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                      • L Lost User

                        Remember I was telling you about the hot chicks that worked in support at TomTom? Well a lot of them, when they hung up the phone from a successful call, would light a cigarette, lean back and close their eyes for a few minuets as the pleasure of making a happy customer radiated throughout their nubile young bodies. I think that's what they're talking about.

                        R Offline
                        R Offline
                        rnbergren
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #16

                        LOL funniest thing I have heard in a long time.

                        To err is human to really mess up you need a computer

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                        • S Stefan_Lang

                          And you never thought to asking them back for their private phone number? I mean, it would only be fair. And home address, while you're at it... ;)

                          C Offline
                          C Offline
                          charlieg
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #17

                          oh oh oh. thank you! I will have to try it! :)

                          Charlie Gilley You're going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to beat you to death in your own house. "Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783 “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759

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                          • A AspDotNetDev

                            I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

                            Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

                            F Offline
                            F Offline
                            Fabio Franco
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #18

                            AspDotNetDev wrote:

                            Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

                            Don't most of people have something like "Best Regards" in their e-mail signatures? I figure this would be the same thing.

                            To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems - Homer Simpson ---- Our heads are round so our thoughts can change direction - Francis Picabia

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                            • G grralph1

                              If it is a person then they have been brain washed. (If it is a machine then it has been programmed.) With a lot of support, even phone support, it is a terse and false machine like interface that you have to deal with. About 4 years ago, when on phone support to Symantec, the support chick person talked freely with me about the weather in New Deli and Australia. About how long to go on the shift before she got to knock off. I do appreciate that weather talk is mundane, but it was refreshing to talk to someone real. After the support call I felt a little special and real myself. I then worried that I had coached her into being a real person and that her supervisors may have come down heavy on her for her variance of protocol, and sacked her. Then again other customers have probably waited longer in the que due to her realness. Mind you, interaction and realness doesn't work at all, without a resolution. With a resolution it is a complete service. Yeah It has been awesome and amazing to respond to your Customer Servive Platitude Post.

                              L Offline
                              L Offline
                              Lilith C
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #19

                              Thank gawd I've never had to work call center. But my roommate has and he tells me they have to average no more than a certain amount of time per call. But they also give them extra tasks to perform such as up-selling and mentioning the customer's name at least three times in order to make him/her feel better despite the fact that the person they're talking to is probably feeling kind of depressed. Then, when he gave good service and came in under his required minutes they accused him of somehow punting the problem to someone else. So you have your customer feeling better about themselves on one end and happy sounding basket case on the other end of the line.

                              I'm not a programmer but I play one at the office

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                              • A AspDotNetDev

                                I recently posted about my TomTom GPS woes, but I talked with customer service and everything went pretty smooth. Got my maps up to date without any issues. And their response time was fantastic. Though I did find it funny that this was part of the email sent to me: "It's been an amazing experience assisting you!" Am I the only one that immediately stops thinking of the person talking to me as a real person as soon as they say something like that?

                                Thou mewling ill-breeding pignut!

                                D Offline
                                D Offline
                                DarthDana
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #20

                                Too bad they didn't say, "It's been a pleasure servicing you." The ones I REALLY hate are the on-hold messages that say, "Your call is important to us." Then why didn't someone answer it?! That really torques me off! :mad:

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                                • C charlieg

                                  oh oh oh. thank you! I will have to try it! :)

                                  Charlie Gilley You're going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to beat you to death in your own house. "Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783 “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759

                                  D Offline
                                  D Offline
                                  DarthDana
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #21

                                  I tried that with a telemarketer once - didn't work...

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                                  • L Lost User

                                    At least they don't produce endless streams of irrelevance like politicians, (some) bosses and marketing drones do.

                                    At least artificial intelligence already is superior to natural stupidity

                                    D Offline
                                    D Offline
                                    DarthDana
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #22

                                    CDP1802 wrote:

                                    At least artificial intelligence already is superior to natural stupidity

                                    Yes, but in an even contest, natural stupidity wins every time.

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