Crazy Management Speak
-
I've a buddy who just got out of a meeting. He's scratching his head. Turns out the new boss looked at the company website and decided, based on appearance alone, that the technology was dated and should be replaced. The boss then decided that HTML was a problem and that the web pages should use a different technology. Fortunately, he was able to carefully let the boss know that HTML wasn't the problem. *sigh*
Is this out of the norm? :-D
It was broke, so I fixed it.
-
I've a buddy who just got out of a meeting. He's scratching his head. Turns out the new boss looked at the company website and decided, based on appearance alone, that the technology was dated and should be replaced. The boss then decided that HTML was a problem and that the web pages should use a different technology. Fortunately, he was able to carefully let the boss know that HTML wasn't the problem. *sigh*
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason? Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful? --Zachris Topelius Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies. -- Sarah Hoyt
-
Obligatory Dilbert reference[^]
This message is manufactured from fully recyclable noughts and ones. To recycle this message, please separate into two tidy piles, and take them to your nearest local recycling centre. Please note that in some areas noughts are always replaced with zeros by law, and many facilities cannot recycle zeroes - in this case, please bury them in your back garden and water frequently.
If you can't dazzle em with brains baffle em with bullshit.
VS2010/Atmel Studio 6.1 ToDo Manager Extension The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. -Steven Wright
-
I've a buddy who just got out of a meeting. He's scratching his head. Turns out the new boss looked at the company website and decided, based on appearance alone, that the technology was dated and should be replaced. The boss then decided that HTML was a problem and that the web pages should use a different technology. Fortunately, he was able to carefully let the boss know that HTML wasn't the problem. *sigh*
The thing to do is try to find the idiotic blog/message-board that gave him the idea, and use lots of terms from that page.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
-
Obligatory Dilbert reference[^]
This message is manufactured from fully recyclable noughts and ones. To recycle this message, please separate into two tidy piles, and take them to your nearest local recycling centre. Please note that in some areas noughts are always replaced with zeros by law, and many facilities cannot recycle zeroes - in this case, please bury them in your back garden and water frequently.
-
I've a buddy who just got out of a meeting. He's scratching his head. Turns out the new boss looked at the company website and decided, based on appearance alone, that the technology was dated and should be replaced. The boss then decided that HTML was a problem and that the web pages should use a different technology. Fortunately, he was able to carefully let the boss know that HTML wasn't the problem. *sigh*
My former Bitch Supervisor From Helltm had asked two of us to come up with recommendations for server hardware. I thought the whole exercise was a waste of time (it was), but my partner took it seriously and at the end even added my name to the recommendation even though I had not really contributed anything. We were both scratching our heads trying to make sense of her response. I felt the need to immortalize it by adding a cartoon that seemed to explain it, here[^]
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
-
I've a buddy who just got out of a meeting. He's scratching his head. Turns out the new boss looked at the company website and decided, based on appearance alone, that the technology was dated and should be replaced. The boss then decided that HTML was a problem and that the web pages should use a different technology. Fortunately, he was able to carefully let the boss know that HTML wasn't the problem. *sigh*
My personal all-time favorite is from a former boss (not a bad guy, really - he just wanted to be techie). He referred to ASCII as "asskey two", thinking the "II" was a Roman numeral implying 2. (when he did so I used to jab him back, suggesting we use "ebsi dick 99" [EBCDIC]) ... yeah, this was a few years back
-
My personal all-time favorite is from a former boss (not a bad guy, really - he just wanted to be techie). He referred to ASCII as "asskey two", thinking the "II" was a Roman numeral implying 2. (when he did so I used to jab him back, suggesting we use "ebsi dick 99" [EBCDIC]) ... yeah, this was a few years back
One of our IBM customers use to refer to "flippy-flop" disks.
-
My former Bitch Supervisor From Helltm had asked two of us to come up with recommendations for server hardware. I thought the whole exercise was a waste of time (it was), but my partner took it seriously and at the end even added my name to the recommendation even though I had not really contributed anything. We were both scratching our heads trying to make sense of her response. I felt the need to immortalize it by adding a cartoon that seemed to explain it, here[^]
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
Reminds me of someone who once told me, "Our users aren't asking us to improve our internal processes, fix bugs or improve our code. When they start asking for that, you can work on it."
-
One of our IBM customers use to refer to "flippy-flop" disks.
To be fair, 'flippies' were something we actually used for a time....
-
Reminds me of someone who once told me, "Our users aren't asking us to improve our internal processes, fix bugs or improve our code. When they start asking for that, you can work on it."
JackDingler wrote:
Reminds me of someone who once told me, "Our users aren't asking us to improve our internal processes, fix bugs or improve our code. When they start asking for that, you can work on it."
Oh you got that right. We had shipped our product with over 150 known bugs. When we were told about the new features to be added, I asked if we were going to fix any of the known issues. I was told, only if they get in the way of the new features. The CEO went off to a conference to tell about the new features. It seemed they met him at the door with a baseball bat. They made it clear that they didn't care how many features it had if it didn't work. We were told to stop development and launch a full force bug hunt. Management still tried to muck things up. They had us put together a list of all the known bugs so they could be presented to a non-technical committee who was to decide which bugs to fix and in what order. We were then told to do an analysis on the bugs in regards to impact and time to fix. I asked if we could fix the bug if it was found while doing the research. I was told, no, just make a note of it and you can fix it when you get approval.
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
-
JackDingler wrote:
Reminds me of someone who once told me, "Our users aren't asking us to improve our internal processes, fix bugs or improve our code. When they start asking for that, you can work on it."
Oh you got that right. We had shipped our product with over 150 known bugs. When we were told about the new features to be added, I asked if we were going to fix any of the known issues. I was told, only if they get in the way of the new features. The CEO went off to a conference to tell about the new features. It seemed they met him at the door with a baseball bat. They made it clear that they didn't care how many features it had if it didn't work. We were told to stop development and launch a full force bug hunt. Management still tried to muck things up. They had us put together a list of all the known bugs so they could be presented to a non-technical committee who was to decide which bugs to fix and in what order. We were then told to do an analysis on the bugs in regards to impact and time to fix. I asked if we could fix the bug if it was found while doing the research. I was told, no, just make a note of it and you can fix it when you get approval.
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
I've seen each of those issues, just not all at the same time. :) With the system I was working on, the users were telling me that they wanted the bugs fixed and workflow changed, but my manager didn't hear it, so it didn't happen.
-
To be fair, 'flippies' were something we actually used for a time....
Don't forget the "Twiggy" drives on the Apple Lisa. Floppy disks with I/O slots cut on opposite sides so they could have two read/write heads to improve throughput.
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
-
Don't forget the "Twiggy" drives on the Apple Lisa. Floppy disks with I/O slots cut on opposite sides so they could have two read/write heads to improve throughput.
Psychosis at 10 Film at 11 Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
I never saw those drives. But I never saw an Apple Lisa either, outside of magazines... I do remember coming across a floppy drive that had two heads on each side of the armature.
