My Book
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Good start!
VS2010/Atmel Studio 6.1 ToDo Manager Extension The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. -Steven Wright
Thank you
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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Thank you. Any thoughts on style, or story line?
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
Kevin Marois wrote:
Any thoughts on style, or story line?
Story appears to be somewhat derivative; i.e. what will mark this out as being any different from similar stories? It is reasonably well written with a decent pace: needs more to draw the reader in; perhaps a longer sample; the first chapter would be best. If you're still reading the at the end of the first chapter...
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
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Kevin Marois wrote:
Any thoughts on style, or story line?
Story appears to be somewhat derivative; i.e. what will mark this out as being any different from similar stories? It is reasonably well written with a decent pace: needs more to draw the reader in; perhaps a longer sample; the first chapter would be best. If you're still reading the at the end of the first chapter...
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
I see your points. This is an excerpt from Ch 1, so there's a bit more to it. But the 'drawing out' comment is helpful. Thanks!
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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So last week I posted questions about writing a book. I started writing. I'm 8 pages into it, and I must say, I'm really enjoying it. At this point I'm trying to establish my writing style, but at the same time I'm developing the base story line. It's a murder mystery, here's a sample:
That is until the accident. F*****drunks always live. Someone else always dies. He’d seen it time and again as a patrolman, arriving at the scene of early morning accident. Twisted metal fused with torn bodies. Fireman prying apart what was left of a car in vain hopes of rescuing a victim already gone, while on the side of the road some drunk stumbled down the white line, still alive.
But it was always someone else. Tough luck. Too bad for them, right? He could always go home and forget all about it. You can’t take horror of the streets home with you or you wouldn’t last very long. You have to leave it there. At first he felt guilty about feeling this way. He wanted to do something. To fix it. But he was a rookie then, and rookie cops all think they’re Superman and can save the world. So he’d make the arrest and write the report and go home for the night and forget all about it. And on weekends they’d sail.
That is until he got the call. This time was different. This time it was his wife in the twisted
wreck. This time, it was his life that changed. No leaving this one at work.Margie had worked late that night. She had started at the firm 3 months earlier and had thrown herself into her work. Most nights she left at 6 and headed home, just down the 15 from Corona. They’d have dinner and watch a movie, or maybe go out. That night she had stayed late. She called him at 9:30 to say she was on the way. She never made it. A drunk had crossed the line and that was that. He’d got the call and driven to the scene, only to find what was left of her and her car covered in a yellow tarp. And his world collapsed.
So he had taken 3 months off, sitting in the dark in his house and searched for answers in bottles of Jack Daniels and Jameson and smoking cigarettes. 4 ½ years of a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman – gone. The house was dark and meaningless without her. So he drank and slept, and drank some more. No answers came. Maybe there were none. She was his world, and now she, and his world, was gone. Each time he tried to move on, to get back to some semblance of happiness, his thoughts of Margie came back, and he descended down a dark tunnel into the depths of despair. The darkness crowded him, smothered h
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I think you should use a consistent font color, the alternating black and blue is distracting to your readers. ;P (Edit: why is my ;P face showing up as "??" ?)
Reported the issue!
Keep Clam And Proofread -- √(-1) 23 ∑ π... And it was delicious.
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I think you should use a consistent font color, the alternating black and blue is distracting to your readers. ;P (Edit: why is my ;P face showing up as "??" ?)
That's how it appears pasted into CodeProject. I'm typing it in Word
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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So last week I posted questions about writing a book. I started writing. I'm 8 pages into it, and I must say, I'm really enjoying it. At this point I'm trying to establish my writing style, but at the same time I'm developing the base story line. It's a murder mystery, here's a sample:
That is until the accident. F*****drunks always live. Someone else always dies. He’d seen it time and again as a patrolman, arriving at the scene of early morning accident. Twisted metal fused with torn bodies. Fireman prying apart what was left of a car in vain hopes of rescuing a victim already gone, while on the side of the road some drunk stumbled down the white line, still alive.
But it was always someone else. Tough luck. Too bad for them, right? He could always go home and forget all about it. You can’t take horror of the streets home with you or you wouldn’t last very long. You have to leave it there. At first he felt guilty about feeling this way. He wanted to do something. To fix it. But he was a rookie then, and rookie cops all think they’re Superman and can save the world. So he’d make the arrest and write the report and go home for the night and forget all about it. And on weekends they’d sail.
That is until he got the call. This time was different. This time it was his wife in the twisted
wreck. This time, it was his life that changed. No leaving this one at work.Margie had worked late that night. She had started at the firm 3 months earlier and had thrown herself into her work. Most nights she left at 6 and headed home, just down the 15 from Corona. They’d have dinner and watch a movie, or maybe go out. That night she had stayed late. She called him at 9:30 to say she was on the way. She never made it. A drunk had crossed the line and that was that. He’d got the call and driven to the scene, only to find what was left of her and her car covered in a yellow tarp. And his world collapsed.
So he had taken 3 months off, sitting in the dark in his house and searched for answers in bottles of Jack Daniels and Jameson and smoking cigarettes. 4 ½ years of a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman – gone. The house was dark and meaningless without her. So he drank and slept, and drank some more. No answers came. Maybe there were none. She was his world, and now she, and his world, was gone. Each time he tried to move on, to get back to some semblance of happiness, his thoughts of Margie came back, and he descended down a dark tunnel into the depths of despair. The darkness crowded him, smothered h
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That's how it appears pasted into CodeProject. I'm typing it in Word
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
-
That's how it appears pasted into CodeProject. I'm typing it in Word
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
-
So last week I posted questions about writing a book. I started writing. I'm 8 pages into it, and I must say, I'm really enjoying it. At this point I'm trying to establish my writing style, but at the same time I'm developing the base story line. It's a murder mystery, here's a sample:
That is until the accident. F*****drunks always live. Someone else always dies. He’d seen it time and again as a patrolman, arriving at the scene of early morning accident. Twisted metal fused with torn bodies. Fireman prying apart what was left of a car in vain hopes of rescuing a victim already gone, while on the side of the road some drunk stumbled down the white line, still alive.
But it was always someone else. Tough luck. Too bad for them, right? He could always go home and forget all about it. You can’t take horror of the streets home with you or you wouldn’t last very long. You have to leave it there. At first he felt guilty about feeling this way. He wanted to do something. To fix it. But he was a rookie then, and rookie cops all think they’re Superman and can save the world. So he’d make the arrest and write the report and go home for the night and forget all about it. And on weekends they’d sail.
That is until he got the call. This time was different. This time it was his wife in the twisted
wreck. This time, it was his life that changed. No leaving this one at work.Margie had worked late that night. She had started at the firm 3 months earlier and had thrown herself into her work. Most nights she left at 6 and headed home, just down the 15 from Corona. They’d have dinner and watch a movie, or maybe go out. That night she had stayed late. She called him at 9:30 to say she was on the way. She never made it. A drunk had crossed the line and that was that. He’d got the call and driven to the scene, only to find what was left of her and her car covered in a yellow tarp. And his world collapsed.
So he had taken 3 months off, sitting in the dark in his house and searched for answers in bottles of Jack Daniels and Jameson and smoking cigarettes. 4 ½ years of a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman – gone. The house was dark and meaningless without her. So he drank and slept, and drank some more. No answers came. Maybe there were none. She was his world, and now she, and his world, was gone. Each time he tried to move on, to get back to some semblance of happiness, his thoughts of Margie came back, and he descended down a dark tunnel into the depths of despair. The darkness crowded him, smothered h
Well, you've got one thing over many would-be writers. You are actually writing. I'm a reader, and have only toyed with the idea of fiction writing. I tell you that so that you understand that I come from the consumer standpoint and not the standpoint of a fellow craftsman. I do know that most writing is rewriting, so please don't take anything I say as discouragement. I appreciate anyone who attempts this task. I think if the death of the man's wife is going to be critical to either the story or his character development and you might want to treat it differently. I personally discard authors who spend time leading up to an event and then slide through it too quickly and then explain on the other side the ramifications of the event. That's as bad as over-describing the event but on the other side. By the end of this set of paragraphs, I don't feel anything for the wife. I feel sorry for the man, sure, but that's just compassion not empathy. I'm sorry he had to go through that and I know I wouldn't want to...however it would be a better book if I felt something less callous toward the woman. If I had met her, in the book, and liked some aspect of her I'd probably feel some loss myself. Maybe that would be bad for a mystery, I don't know. If you wrote it up and didn't like it you could always discard it. But this might as well be a newspaper report rather than a pivotal moment in a man's life. To put it another way: "a drunk had crossed the line and that was that" is telling me that the man is trying to wrap his mind around the meaninglessness of the death and the rest of the paragraphs tell me that he is failing. However that's not really a book I want to read. The man is extremely centered around himself and that's not really the only way people react to such a death. You hold up no moments or qualities of the woman he lost so we can see that he's mourning not just his own loss but her loss. She lost her life. She lost all the moments she was going to have. She lost all that she is ever going to be, and has put finality on all she ever was. She will have no more children, no more parties, no more joy. He might well be mourning what she was robbed of as well as his own loss. If it feels like that is too raw then it might make even more sense to write it. Her last moments were horror filled, knowing that she could do nothing to stop the accident as it happened and knowing that she would never hold her husband again. Maybe she died quickly, and maybe she bled to death hoping
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Kevin Marois wrote:
I welcome your input.
Not enough curly braces? :-) It's okay. When you are done you can self-publish to Amazon which I just did. No idea if it'll do any good but worth a try. Good luck and keep at it. I would suggest some creative writing classes - they really help.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
mark merrens wrote:
I would suggest some creative writing classes
I would suggest the exact opposite. When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative* writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed. Then we binned the submission, and opened the next, hoping to find that it was by someone who had actually learned something about writing. * Delete "eative", insert "appy" ** Delete "style guide" insert "utter nonsence"
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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mark merrens wrote:
I would suggest some creative writing classes
I would suggest the exact opposite. When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative* writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed. Then we binned the submission, and opened the next, hoping to find that it was by someone who had actually learned something about writing. * Delete "eative", insert "appy" ** Delete "style guide" insert "utter nonsence"
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
Mark_Wallace wrote:
When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative* writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed.
That is the fault of the writer, not the course. No methodology should be slavishly adhered to (I include scrum and design patterns here :-)) but it can help a writer discover their voice and teach them to show, not tell. I agree that a story that is plainly based on a course/style guide is probably not worthy but we all have to start somewhere and learn: perhaps, instead of binning, you should have taken a few minutes to pen a response pointing out why you didn't take the story. Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn? Not everyone can write: sometimes people need to be told that.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
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Mark_Wallace wrote:
When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative* writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed.
That is the fault of the writer, not the course. No methodology should be slavishly adhered to (I include scrum and design patterns here :-)) but it can help a writer discover their voice and teach them to show, not tell. I agree that a story that is plainly based on a course/style guide is probably not worthy but we all have to start somewhere and learn: perhaps, instead of binning, you should have taken a few minutes to pen a response pointing out why you didn't take the story. Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn? Not everyone can write: sometimes people need to be told that.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
mark merrens wrote:
Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn?
Criticism of any kind is normally useless, because no-one believes that they have written something badly, even after you point out however many flaws -- and if you're foolish enough to say that something is "not bad" or "shows promise", that is immediately taken to mean "the best writing in the history of the world!" The only way to become a competent writer is by writing. All the time. Having ideas is pointless, if you can't transfer thoughts from your head to other people's heads through the printed medium, so you need to: -- Learn grammar, because that will help you to be understood. -- Ignore "advice", like style guides, opinions of other people who also want to write, Godawful writing web-sites, and half-arsed courses. -- Write. All the time, and about everything. When you look at something or see something happen, immediately start working out how to describe it in your head, And Put The Words Down On Paper*, so that you can read them back later, to see how inadequate the words are. You can throw it in the bin as soon as you've read it back, but keep writing! If you can't describe simple, everyday things in a way that your target readership can visualise them exactly how you see them, then there's no way you're competent to write anything grander, so you have to keep writing until you do become competent enough. 10,000,000 words ought to be a good start. * Electronic paper counts.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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mark merrens wrote:
Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn?
Criticism of any kind is normally useless, because no-one believes that they have written something badly, even after you point out however many flaws -- and if you're foolish enough to say that something is "not bad" or "shows promise", that is immediately taken to mean "the best writing in the history of the world!" The only way to become a competent writer is by writing. All the time. Having ideas is pointless, if you can't transfer thoughts from your head to other people's heads through the printed medium, so you need to: -- Learn grammar, because that will help you to be understood. -- Ignore "advice", like style guides, opinions of other people who also want to write, Godawful writing web-sites, and half-arsed courses. -- Write. All the time, and about everything. When you look at something or see something happen, immediately start working out how to describe it in your head, And Put The Words Down On Paper*, so that you can read them back later, to see how inadequate the words are. You can throw it in the bin as soon as you've read it back, but keep writing! If you can't describe simple, everyday things in a way that your target readership can visualise them exactly how you see them, then there's no way you're competent to write anything grander, so you have to keep writing until you do become competent enough. 10,000,000 words ought to be a good start. * Electronic paper counts.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
You make good points; nevertheless, you are still incorrect: a poor writer may take it the wrong way; a good writer will use it to his/her advantage. Perhaps "shows promise" is not a good way to go unless qualified, even in some small way. BTW; I have done, for my whole life, as you suggest; constantly writing and trashing. I have reams of rubbish and a few morsels of the good stuff. However, I still feel I gained from taking the courses. Of course they may not help everybody but to dismiss them out of hand is more than a little arrogant. One may write a million words and still say nothing.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
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You make good points; nevertheless, you are still incorrect: a poor writer may take it the wrong way; a good writer will use it to his/her advantage. Perhaps "shows promise" is not a good way to go unless qualified, even in some small way. BTW; I have done, for my whole life, as you suggest; constantly writing and trashing. I have reams of rubbish and a few morsels of the good stuff. However, I still feel I gained from taking the courses. Of course they may not help everybody but to dismiss them out of hand is more than a little arrogant. One may write a million words and still say nothing.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
mark merrens wrote:
One may write a million words and still say nothing.
Perhaps, but after having written a million words, you will at least be able to write "nothings" more competently -- and that's what to aim at: competence. Not "brilliance" or "creativity", but being able to write words that convey meaning, and being able to structure information to best effect. When you can do that, you can write anything. Other people's opinions on what makes good writing are completely irrelevant, unless your objective is to write precisely how they write (thereby losing any uniqueness that you may be able to offer), and courses, style guides, etc. are no more than other people's opinions, expressing absolute rules (which are not rules at all). I always advise people to get: -- The smallest grammar book they can find, because there are less than 200 actual rules of grammar, so a big book will be full of either waffle or opinionated discussion, study it, and only ever break those rules if it's really necessary (the number of people I've had to bash over the head for using "would'a ~~ would'a" for a subjunctive doesn't bear counting, and "people who don't understand what Passive Voice means" might as well be a mass noun). -- An equally small book on the rules of punctuation, and follow those rules (I'll send a few of the boys around to visit the next person who tells me that a comma represents a pause). But too many hopefuls expend all their energy on learning "rules" that are not rules, and then treat most of the actual rules with disdain and rigidly fixate on a few that others have opinions on. E.g: Q: What is the difference between "less" and "fewer"? A: There isn't one. Q: Can I end a sentence with a preposition? A: Unless you're writing in Latin, go ahead (most sentences accused of ending with a prep actually don't, anyway, because most words that we use as preps have other functions, and are therefore not preps all the time). Q: What's the best way to check for dangling modifiers? A: Don't bother. If they're part of reported speech, then they're just accurate reported speech; if not, does it read well? That's what you have to check for. Q: How do I avoid using passive voice? A: You don't. Avoiding passive voice means avoiding half the usage of at very least every transitive verb. You might as well cut a few fingers off. Etc. Etc. Etc. If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but y
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Kevin Marois wrote:
I welcome your input.
Not enough curly braces? :-) It's okay. When you are done you can self-publish to Amazon which I just did. No idea if it'll do any good but worth a try. Good luck and keep at it. I would suggest some creative writing classes - they really help.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
mark merrens wrote:
When you are done you can self-publish to Amazon which I just did.
Ah, so it was your books they had to remove! :rolleyes:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24491723[^]
Retailer Amazon has removed several abuse-themed e-books from its Kindle Store after a report highlighted titles depicting rape, incest and bestiality.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24519179[^]
WH Smith has taken its UK site completely offline until all abuse-themed e-books are removed from its product listings.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined." - Homer
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mark merrens wrote:
One may write a million words and still say nothing.
Perhaps, but after having written a million words, you will at least be able to write "nothings" more competently -- and that's what to aim at: competence. Not "brilliance" or "creativity", but being able to write words that convey meaning, and being able to structure information to best effect. When you can do that, you can write anything. Other people's opinions on what makes good writing are completely irrelevant, unless your objective is to write precisely how they write (thereby losing any uniqueness that you may be able to offer), and courses, style guides, etc. are no more than other people's opinions, expressing absolute rules (which are not rules at all). I always advise people to get: -- The smallest grammar book they can find, because there are less than 200 actual rules of grammar, so a big book will be full of either waffle or opinionated discussion, study it, and only ever break those rules if it's really necessary (the number of people I've had to bash over the head for using "would'a ~~ would'a" for a subjunctive doesn't bear counting, and "people who don't understand what Passive Voice means" might as well be a mass noun). -- An equally small book on the rules of punctuation, and follow those rules (I'll send a few of the boys around to visit the next person who tells me that a comma represents a pause). But too many hopefuls expend all their energy on learning "rules" that are not rules, and then treat most of the actual rules with disdain and rigidly fixate on a few that others have opinions on. E.g: Q: What is the difference between "less" and "fewer"? A: There isn't one. Q: Can I end a sentence with a preposition? A: Unless you're writing in Latin, go ahead (most sentences accused of ending with a prep actually don't, anyway, because most words that we use as preps have other functions, and are therefore not preps all the time). Q: What's the best way to check for dangling modifiers? A: Don't bother. If they're part of reported speech, then they're just accurate reported speech; if not, does it read well? That's what you have to check for. Q: How do I avoid using passive voice? A: You don't. Avoiding passive voice means avoiding half the usage of at very least every transitive verb. You might as well cut a few fingers off. Etc. Etc. Etc. If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but y
Mark_Wallace wrote:
If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but you couldn't be more wrong.
Trust me, I have often been more wrong. :)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me me, in pictures
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mark merrens wrote:
One may write a million words and still say nothing.
Perhaps, but after having written a million words, you will at least be able to write "nothings" more competently -- and that's what to aim at: competence. Not "brilliance" or "creativity", but being able to write words that convey meaning, and being able to structure information to best effect. When you can do that, you can write anything. Other people's opinions on what makes good writing are completely irrelevant, unless your objective is to write precisely how they write (thereby losing any uniqueness that you may be able to offer), and courses, style guides, etc. are no more than other people's opinions, expressing absolute rules (which are not rules at all). I always advise people to get: -- The smallest grammar book they can find, because there are less than 200 actual rules of grammar, so a big book will be full of either waffle or opinionated discussion, study it, and only ever break those rules if it's really necessary (the number of people I've had to bash over the head for using "would'a ~~ would'a" for a subjunctive doesn't bear counting, and "people who don't understand what Passive Voice means" might as well be a mass noun). -- An equally small book on the rules of punctuation, and follow those rules (I'll send a few of the boys around to visit the next person who tells me that a comma represents a pause). But too many hopefuls expend all their energy on learning "rules" that are not rules, and then treat most of the actual rules with disdain and rigidly fixate on a few that others have opinions on. E.g: Q: What is the difference between "less" and "fewer"? A: There isn't one. Q: Can I end a sentence with a preposition? A: Unless you're writing in Latin, go ahead (most sentences accused of ending with a prep actually don't, anyway, because most words that we use as preps have other functions, and are therefore not preps all the time). Q: What's the best way to check for dangling modifiers? A: Don't bother. If they're part of reported speech, then they're just accurate reported speech; if not, does it read well? That's what you have to check for. Q: How do I avoid using passive voice? A: You don't. Avoiding passive voice means avoiding half the usage of at very least every transitive verb. You might as well cut a few fingers off. Etc. Etc. Etc. If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but y
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to degradation. Stuart: It's a little wrong to say to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
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Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to degradation. Stuart: It's a little wrong to say to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
I think "wronger" is a much more satisfying word. I'll have a word with the Queen, and get her to put it in the dictionary.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
