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  4. Priests Never Lie

Priests Never Lie

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Soapbox
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  • V Vivi Chellappa

    An attractive young woman on a flight to Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

    L Offline
    L Offline
    Lost User
    wrote on last edited by
    #4

    Well, I'm gobsmacked. 20 upvotes? But (and please don't take offence) it's just not a good joke! Not least amongst its faults is the fact that hairdryers are not designed to be used on a woman, unless you are something out of the 1960's

    MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

    L 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • V Vivi Chellappa

      An attractive young woman on a flight to Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

      L Offline
      L Offline
      Lost User
      wrote on last edited by
      #5

      Vivic wrote:

      marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman which gets hot when 'plugged in', but which is, to date, unused

      FTFY :-)

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      • V Vivi Chellappa

        An attractive young woman on a flight to Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

        Mike HankeyM Offline
        Mike HankeyM Offline
        Mike Hankey
        wrote on last edited by
        #6

        Now that's funny

        VS2010/Atmel Studio 6.1 ToDo Manager Extension Relax...We're all crazy it's not a competition!

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        • L Lost User

          Well, I'm gobsmacked. 20 upvotes? But (and please don't take offence) it's just not a good joke! Not least amongst its faults is the fact that hairdryers are not designed to be used on a woman, unless you are something out of the 1960's

          MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

          L Offline
          L Offline
          Lost User
          wrote on last edited by
          #7

          When you find a joke on CP that is new and truly funny please let me know.

          Peter Wasser Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. Frank Zappa

          L 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • L Lost User

            When you find a joke on CP that is new and truly funny please let me know.

            Peter Wasser Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. Frank Zappa

            L Offline
            L Offline
            Lost User
            wrote on last edited by
            #8

            While tempted to respond with "don't hold your breath" I have, in fact, found several of @DeathByChocolate's one-liners both novel and amusing. :EDIT: - an example[^]

            MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

            J D 2 Replies Last reply
            0
            • L Lost User

              While tempted to respond with "don't hold your breath" I have, in fact, found several of @DeathByChocolate's one-liners both novel and amusing. :EDIT: - an example[^]

              MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

              J Offline
              J Offline
              Johnny J
              wrote on last edited by
              #9

              Your example isn't a one liner - it's a two liner... ;P

              Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
              Anonymous
              -----
              The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
              Winston Churchill, 1944
              -----
              I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
              Me, all the time

              L 1 Reply Last reply
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              • J Johnny J

                Your example isn't a one liner - it's a two liner... ;P

                Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
                Anonymous
                -----
                The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
                Winston Churchill, 1944
                -----
                I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
                Me, all the time

                L Offline
                L Offline
                Lost User
                wrote on last edited by
                #10

                I said she had some good jokes - not that she was any good at basic grammar/text formatting. ;)

                MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                D 1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • L Lost User

                  While tempted to respond with "don't hold your breath" I have, in fact, found several of @DeathByChocolate's one-liners both novel and amusing. :EDIT: - an example[^]

                  MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                  D Offline
                  D Offline
                  DeathByChocolate
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #11

                  Thank you! :-D :Ali takes a bow: PS _Maxxx_ I'll give you the tenner later OK ... ;)

                  "State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful" Chris C-B

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                  • L Lost User

                    I said she had some good jokes - not that she was any good at basic grammar/text formatting. ;)

                    MVVM # - I did it My Way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                    D Offline
                    D Offline
                    DeathByChocolate
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #12

                    _Maxxx_ wrote:

                    I said she had some good jokes - not that she was any good at basic grammar/text formatting

                    One minute you're up :-D ... and the next right back down again! :^) :laugh:

                    "State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful" Chris C-B

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                    • V Vivi Chellappa

                      An attractive young woman on a flight to Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

                      S Offline
                      S Offline
                      SkinnyGlass
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #13

                      Cracked me up real good! :laugh:

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