Real Programmers
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Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
Having previously worked for a "Real Programmer" turned allegedly software manager who spent all his time churning out second-rate code, all I can say is give me some freakin' quiche :laugh: (and have you got any pasta salad?) -- Ian Darling
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Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
Paul Watson wrote: 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. And don't forget the Hot Pockets! Great post BTW.:) Brad Jennings "You're mom is nice. Mind if I go out with her?" - Jörgen Sigvardsson
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Having previously worked for a "Real Programmer" turned allegedly software manager who spent all his time churning out second-rate code, all I can say is give me some freakin' quiche :laugh: (and have you got any pasta salad?) -- Ian Darling
All I can say is Amen Ian! *hands you some pasta salad* I do hope that fellow CPians took the post for what it was; A spur on programmers who think highly of themselves and not a recitation of actual wisdom.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
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Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
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All I can say is Amen Ian! *hands you some pasta salad* I do hope that fellow CPians took the post for what it was; A spur on programmers who think highly of themselves and not a recitation of actual wisdom.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
Paul Watson wrote: A spur on programmers who think highly of themselves and not a recitation of actual wisdom. While I suspect that those on CP are more likely to view this as a joke (except maybe the bits on BASIC :-)), rather than as wisdom, unfortunately there are far too many "programmers" who probably aren't a million miles away from this "ideal". After all, if you're talking on CP, that's collaboration, and we all know what Real Programmers think about that :-) -- Ian Darling
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And you folks think I need medication? I only sort my M&Ms into Good and Bad... those evil little red and brown buggers deserve to be eaten... the rest I set free, back to smartie land... *mutter mutter*
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
lol
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, a sore thumb you will have."
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29. Real Programmers uses VB ::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox!;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox You don't have to duck from me. I like VB. It is the Others you have to watch out for. They feel threatened.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
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Vikram Punathambekar wrote: pI vThink aHungarian nNotation vIs iA aWonderful nThing cAnd pEveryone avShould vUse pIt aAll dThe nTime, adNo nMatter pWhat dThe nContext, adEven adWhen vSpeaking. That is fantastic!!! And they still ran faster and faster and faster, till they all just melted away, and there was nothing left but a great big pool of melted butter "I ask candidates to create an object model of a chicken." -Bruce Eckel
Peter Hancock wrote: That is fantastic!!! Thanks ! :) But I deserve only the credit for using it :-O , not for making it up. I mean, I found it somewhere else.
Vikram. ----------------------------- KI klike KDE kand kuse kit, kbut KI kmust kadmit, kstarting kall knames kwith K kis ksilly. KI khope kthey kwill kgive kup kthis kwhole kscheme ksoon kand kcome kup kwith kreal knames. pI vThink aHungarian nNotation vIs iA aWonderful nThing cAnd pEveryone avShould vUse pIt aAll dThe nTime, adNo nMatter pWhat dThe nContext, adEven adWhen vSpeaking. -
Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
How many Real Programmers do you have in your shop? And what's in the vending machine?
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..." -
29. Real Programmers uses VB ::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox!;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
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Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
Two observations. Paul Watson wrote: 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. This was obviously not written by a real engineer. They would have never made that obvious typo. IT's FEA not FSA. and 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 31. Real programmers remember the good old days when you could cook your lunch on the 4K memory expansion box. "For as long as I can remember, I have had memories. Colin Mochrie."
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Two observations. Paul Watson wrote: 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. This was obviously not written by a real engineer. They would have never made that obvious typo. IT's FEA not FSA. and 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 31. Real programmers remember the good old days when you could cook your lunch on the 4K memory expansion box. "For as long as I can remember, I have had memories. Colin Mochrie."
Michael A. Barnhart wrote: 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 32. Real programmers can read punched cards and paper tape. 33. Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders.
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..." -
Real programmers use whatever the hell they want - it's all machine code by the time it runs.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely Pimple faced and rather homely He wasn't much for socializin' The TV kept a mesmerizin' In one ear and out the other Picked up a trick from his older brother Got him a can of sniffin' sauce Pinned his mind up on a cross Lacquer head knows but one desire Lacquer head sets his skull on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade She was high on gin and gatorade On turpentine she lost her luck Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck He was a boy of soft demeanor And he loved his carburetor cleaner The vapor made a sweet aroma He sniffed himself into a coma Lacquer head feeds his one desire Lacquer head sets his brain on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop by Primus BW I just remembered why so many of us die alone, covered in pizza, with keyboard imprints on our foreheads. Paul Watson
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Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely Pimple faced and rather homely He wasn't much for socializin' The TV kept a mesmerizin' In one ear and out the other Picked up a trick from his older brother Got him a can of sniffin' sauce Pinned his mind up on a cross Lacquer head knows but one desire Lacquer head sets his skull on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade She was high on gin and gatorade On turpentine she lost her luck Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck He was a boy of soft demeanor And he loved his carburetor cleaner The vapor made a sweet aroma He sniffed himself into a coma Lacquer head feeds his one desire Lacquer head sets his brain on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop by Primus BW I just remembered why so many of us die alone, covered in pizza, with keyboard imprints on our foreheads. Paul Watson
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::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox You don't have to duck from me. I like VB. It is the Others you have to watch out for. They feel threatened.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
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Paul Watson wrote: I like VB I meant VB.NET ;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
Nick Seng wrote: I meant VB.NET Lol - now you're just trying to see if you can wind Paul up aren't you! :laugh:
$500 for a penny people, cheap at the price, just 500 big ones for a penny! Don't shove, there's enough pennies for everyone! - Daffy Duck, manning a wishing well
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Nick Seng wrote: I meant VB.NET Lol - now you're just trying to see if you can wind Paul up aren't you! :laugh:
$500 for a penny people, cheap at the price, just 500 big ones for a penny! Don't shove, there's enough pennies for everyone! - Daffy Duck, manning a wishing well
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Michael A. Barnhart wrote: 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 32. Real programmers can read punched cards and paper tape. 33. Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders.
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..."Roger Wright wrote: Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders Because it's harder to spin a cube??:confused: So Okay, I'm not a real programmer !;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
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And you folks think I need medication? I only sort my M&Ms into Good and Bad... those evil little red and brown buggers deserve to be eaten... the rest I set free, back to smartie land... *mutter mutter*
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
Paul Watson wrote: And you folks think I need medication? No. Unless this is you[^].
"Der Geist des Kriegers ist erwacht / Ich hab die Macht" StS
sighist | Agile Programming | doxygen -
Paul Watson wrote: And you folks think I need medication? No. Unless this is you[^].
"Der Geist des Kriegers ist erwacht / Ich hab die Macht" StS
sighist | Agile Programming | doxygenpeterchen wrote: Unless this is you[^]. Geez. And I thought I was bored...
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..."