Real Programmers
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29. Real Programmers uses VB ::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox!;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
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Long but some goodies. 1. Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. 2. Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. 3. Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 4. Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food. 5. Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them. 6. Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward. 7. Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. 9. Real programmers don't use COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. 10. Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. 11.. Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. 12. Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. 13. Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. 14. Real programmers know better than the users what they need. 15. Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. 16. Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. 17. Real programmers think better when playing adventure. 18. Real programmers don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN. 19. Real programmers don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line. 20. Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses
Two observations. Paul Watson wrote: 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. This was obviously not written by a real engineer. They would have never made that obvious typo. IT's FEA not FSA. and 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 31. Real programmers remember the good old days when you could cook your lunch on the 4K memory expansion box. "For as long as I can remember, I have had memories. Colin Mochrie."
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Two observations. Paul Watson wrote: 8. Real programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation. This was obviously not written by a real engineer. They would have never made that obvious typo. IT's FEA not FSA. and 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 31. Real programmers remember the good old days when you could cook your lunch on the 4K memory expansion box. "For as long as I can remember, I have had memories. Colin Mochrie."
Michael A. Barnhart wrote: 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 32. Real programmers can read punched cards and paper tape. 33. Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders.
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..." -
Real programmers use whatever the hell they want - it's all machine code by the time it runs.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely Pimple faced and rather homely He wasn't much for socializin' The TV kept a mesmerizin' In one ear and out the other Picked up a trick from his older brother Got him a can of sniffin' sauce Pinned his mind up on a cross Lacquer head knows but one desire Lacquer head sets his skull on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade She was high on gin and gatorade On turpentine she lost her luck Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck He was a boy of soft demeanor And he loved his carburetor cleaner The vapor made a sweet aroma He sniffed himself into a coma Lacquer head feeds his one desire Lacquer head sets his brain on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop by Primus BW I just remembered why so many of us die alone, covered in pizza, with keyboard imprints on our foreheads. Paul Watson
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Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely Pimple faced and rather homely He wasn't much for socializin' The TV kept a mesmerizin' In one ear and out the other Picked up a trick from his older brother Got him a can of sniffin' sauce Pinned his mind up on a cross Lacquer head knows but one desire Lacquer head sets his skull on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade She was high on gin and gatorade On turpentine she lost her luck Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck He was a boy of soft demeanor And he loved his carburetor cleaner The vapor made a sweet aroma He sniffed himself into a coma Lacquer head feeds his one desire Lacquer head sets his brain on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop by Primus BW I just remembered why so many of us die alone, covered in pizza, with keyboard imprints on our foreheads. Paul Watson
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::Ducks:: Hey, this is the soapbox You don't have to duck from me. I like VB. It is the Others you have to watch out for. They feel threatened.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
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Paul Watson wrote: I like VB I meant VB.NET ;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
Nick Seng wrote: I meant VB.NET Lol - now you're just trying to see if you can wind Paul up aren't you! :laugh:
$500 for a penny people, cheap at the price, just 500 big ones for a penny! Don't shove, there's enough pennies for everyone! - Daffy Duck, manning a wishing well
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Nick Seng wrote: I meant VB.NET Lol - now you're just trying to see if you can wind Paul up aren't you! :laugh:
$500 for a penny people, cheap at the price, just 500 big ones for a penny! Don't shove, there's enough pennies for everyone! - Daffy Duck, manning a wishing well
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Michael A. Barnhart wrote: 30. Real programers use paper tape and punch cards. 32. Real programmers can read punched cards and paper tape. 33. Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders.
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..."Roger Wright wrote: Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders Because it's harder to spin a cube??:confused: So Okay, I'm not a real programmer !;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
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And you folks think I need medication? I only sort my M&Ms into Good and Bad... those evil little red and brown buggers deserve to be eaten... the rest I set free, back to smartie land... *mutter mutter*
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaChris Losinger wrote: i hate needles so much i can't even imagine allowing one near The Little Programmer
Paul Watson wrote: And you folks think I need medication? No. Unless this is you[^].
"Der Geist des Kriegers ist erwacht / Ich hab die Macht" StS
sighist | Agile Programming | doxygen -
Paul Watson wrote: And you folks think I need medication? No. Unless this is you[^].
"Der Geist des Kriegers ist erwacht / Ich hab die Macht" StS
sighist | Agile Programming | doxygenpeterchen wrote: Unless this is you[^]. Geez. And I thought I was bored...
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..." -
Roger Wright wrote: Real programmers know why hard drives have cylinders Because it's harder to spin a cube??:confused: So Okay, I'm not a real programmer !;P Nick Seng (the programmer formerly known as Notorious SMC)
God, I pity me! - Phoncible P. Bone
Nick Seng wrote: Because it's harder to spin a cube?? No, but you're right - it is harder to spin a cube. Mass storage on magnetic media used to employ cylinders. When they moved to platters the name stuck. The oldest I remember was tape, though, so I don't see why the term 'reel' hasn't persisted.
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee..."