For those of you dealing with dementia issues with parents...
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Charlie, I've been where you are. My mother was diagnosed with dementia. I spent the next eight months living with and caring for her. Moments spent laughing over shared memories and watching the Little League World Series were balanced by nights trying and failing to soothe her hallucinations. Incontinence and its indignities. Days when she slept for 20 hours straight and days when she didn't sleep at all. Explaining to 911 first responders for the third time in two weeks why they'd received hysterical calls from her house (they were very understanding and kind) when my mother forgot I was there and I had fallen asleep on a couch. It finally ended when she had a stroke and passed ten days later. The saving graces during this time were my mother's neighbors who were always there to help and my boss who let me work from my mother's home when I could. Please take care, and I hope for the best for your wife and yourself as you navigate this :rose:.
Software Zen:
delete this;Gary R. Wheeler wrote:
It finally ended when she had a stroke and passed ten days later.
Sorry to hear that man. Hope the good memories will shine on forever. :rose:
Jeremy Falcon
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
Sorry to hear, hang in there.
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
I've related bits and pieces of my story before on here, but suffice it to say my mom had to be moved into a nursing home due to the progression of her Alzheimer's, barely into her 70s. That was in February 2020. The move didn't go all that well, but what can you do? My dad's doctor told him either she had to be placed, or stress would get him first. 3 weeks later, everybody went full r*t**d with Covid and locked everything down. They did not allow any visitor for months. When they finally did reopen, my mom couldn't recognize anyone, wasn't aware she had children, and most of the time couldn't even recall her own name. I maintain the firm belief that *how* they handled Covid precipitated my mother's rapid decline. To say this disease sucks is an understatement. It's eating away at my dad.
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
No easy answer. Went through same with MIL and wife's aunt. Both wound up in nursing homes. Fortunately, the aunt's husband (predeceased her) did OK investing. He was B-17 gunner in WWII, badly wounded but managed to run his own business after the war. Prince of a man. Never knew he was in combat until helping with all the paperwork when we went to bring the aunt here. Like many, he didn't talk about it. He did amazing stone work. Like I said, no easy way unless you have a load of money. Hang in there, good sense of humor helps a (very) little. FWIIW, I am trying to make sure we don't do the same to our children.
>64 It’s weird being the same age as old people. Live every day like it is your last; one day, it will be.
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
Sorry to hear about your fight, but yes, you are not alone :( [google translated] My mother (90), (I'm 61), has been suffering from dementia for several years. Up until now, she has lived independently in our parents' house, given the circumstances, and has managed quite well. This is because of the care provided by professinal home care and also by us children and our partners. At the beginning of this year, she unfortunately suffered a heart attack and had to be admitted to hospital. After she had recovered from this heart attack, she went to a rehabilitation clinic. There they realized that it would be difficult for my mother to be able to live independently in her house again. Understandably, she resisted this massively and (at the age of 90) started doing some stupid things (ordering a taxi home, demonstratively lying on the floor, etc.) to get her to go home again. She was then moved to a ward for dementia patients. It breaks my heart, I have only visited her there twice since the beginning of this year... Why? I can't stand being there, it feels like I'm in a madhouse! My only consolation is that my mother doesn't really realise all of this and lives mostly in her own world. Hopefully not just an excuse to ease my conscience! I hope my mother can forgive me for this, she has always taken very selfless care of us children in very difficult times and I'm just letting her down :(( :(( :(( And yes, I would do everything I could to ensure that she can live at home again. But unfortunately she does not accept that this means that she will be cared for by nursing staff around the clock. She is so narrow-minded :mad:
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
Sorry, Watching my wife go thru this with her dad has sucked for the last year. He sometimes knows things and other times wants to divorce his wife (who has been gone for years), because she hasn't come to visit him. It absolutely sucks.
To err is human to really elephant it up you need a computer
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Gary R. Wheeler wrote:
It finally ended when she had a stroke and passed ten days later.
Sorry to hear that man. Hope the good memories will shine on forever. :rose:
Jeremy Falcon
Thanks Jeremy.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
We have been lucky in that both our mothers lived into their 90s and were mentally fine right to the end. Now approaching the same thresholds (I'm 80 next June) our main worry is whether this will affect either or both of us. Incidentally we have quite a few friends where one partner is a sufferer.
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
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We're all getting older here. I'm 65, my parents have passed, my MIL is 86 and is mentally gone. My FIL (88) is hanging in there, and thank God, he's starting to get some sleep - MIL broke her hip 3 weeks ago. We've had time to pull him back from the brink, but he's showing his age. Hopefully sleep will help him over time. This is pure hell, and I'm just the son in law. I'm just tossing this out here since we have some real veterans here, and maybe you are dealing with this as well. If so, hang in there. :doh: :(
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
appreciate the feedback, but I know there are people out there dealing with this in a lot worse conditions. Had more to do with "If so, hang in there." Today, the family completed moving her to assisted living. It was ugly, but after we got her there, the staff seems to be helping her settle down. We spent the morning getting her room set up. The hardest part is the name calling at grand daughters. I can take it, but it shocked a couple of them. We'll see how it goes.
Charlie Gilley “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759 Has never been more appropriate.
